Finding Lyrical Beauty in…Mating?

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TracyI mean Dating…

It’s not me it’s them! ((((smile & giggle)))) o-k-a-y once it was me, maybe twice, three times tops! Dating after being attached for years is like learning to ride a bike again, except it’s a unicycle, with no seat, in the dark, on gravel, naked, in-front of lots of people…you know! Actually lets put the seat back on since we’re naked and make it a bright sunny day to imply hope. I am being sarcastic not cynical. I can honestly find humour in everything, especially my own life. The majority of the time I don’t really care but there is a part of me that still sits in the clouds daydreaming about what it would be like to be with someone who balances me in an older wiser sort of way! 😉

There are those friends or colleagues that ask each week for a ‘story’ or sorts but now it’s getting ridiculous. Even I am getting tired of my stories and I love story time! In all honesty they usually end in a thunk! I seem to be a magnet for young men. My girlfriends and I have giggled on more than one occasion saying“too young for what?” I suppose it depend on what you are looking for. Don’t get me wrong dating a younger man has its advantages. At least going in you know it’s not going to amount to anything so there is no expectations or heart ache! Younger men don’t fear the unknown as much as older wiser male energy, and rightfully so. Life experience hasn’t shown them the darker side of lust or love yet. They have their whole lives ahead of them to find what they are looking for. My advice, take your time and never settle for someone who won’t allow you to be you! It’s exciting really! Give them a couple broken hearts and they will tread a little lighter when it comes to opening themselves to the female energy.

Younger men have a lightness about them and yes they are ‘fun’ if that’s what you are looking for…‘fun.’ Being asked out by 6’6 tattooed hottie who looks 34 but ends up being (((((21))))) flatters the ego (if he was 34) but I got rid of that many moons ago. Yup 21…I know! I just got the shivers too! Age is NOT just a number in some cases! Maybe he could have a play-date with my 15 year old, shoot some hoops and have a juice box of Kool Aid and a Tuna Sammy on a Blanky on the front lawn. He made Truck-Boy seem old! Sigh…ahhhh, Truck-Boy 😉 Some of my friends are still envious of me being able to lock the door behind me and have space to myself, but in reality that doesn’t happen very often. The grass is NOT greener on the other side people! Don’t just water your grass fertilize it!

Being on your own comes with some social stigmas that we don’t put on ourselves but society silently places them upon us when we aren’t looking. Some days I feel like yelling “There is nothing MAJOR wrong with me!…really!” And other days I think…there must be something major wrong with me! I can be deep and ask a lot of questions because communication is important to me. I am passionate and jump in and I have been scared and jumped back out. <~~~~~ feelings can be scary! Navigating the mine fields of the dating world can be difficult when you factor in all the elements of being older. Kids, schedules, exes, baggage, insecurities all come into play at some point. If you’re not ready to take all these on, it seems like a massive effort has to be put in and if you’re both not willing to, you’re hooped! Move on and save yourself the heart ache.

I like a challenge but that definition has changed over the years. When you’re younger, the challenge is more on a physical level than intellectual or emotional. The thrill of the chase is lead by raging hormones. Flash forward ~ hormone levels still surge but have been mixed with wisdom and maturity, changing the definition somewhat. Attraction is more mutual and want to be challenged on a more intellectual level through communication and spirituality not just physically.

I think of dating like this…Imagine standing at the bottom of the Grouse Grind. You don’t want to start the climb knowing you’re going to bail half way because it’s just as much effort to get your sorry ass back down as it is to go to the top. You also don’t want to start the climb with someone who is clearly holding themselves back to your pace or you to theirs. It should be a journey embarked on together reaching the top at least in view of one another if not side by side. Relationships challenge us in different ways as we age. It takes effort and sometimes perseverance to get to where you want to be. You just can’t judge the other person for where they are in life. Timing is everything and you can’t force love.

I am looking for different qualities and have relaxed somewhat to what I need and want. I have more life experience to draw upon which isn’t always a good thing. Being comfortable on my own has become the new norm. I can visualize where I want to be, having passion, laughter and love swirling around me and my family but as time goes by I question whether or not it is an achievable reality. I am still working on finding my patience. Oh look there it is…oops dropped it!

Life has a way of showing us contrasts. We learn from each experience what we want and don’t want in our lives. We make choices that move us forward and learn from the ones that allow us to sit still for a time. I have found lyrical beauty in mating dating at times and learned a great deal about myself along the way. Ebb and flow.

Open your heart and stay true to who you are and you will Find Your Lyrical Beauty in Your Everyday Happenings… (((((smile))))

Now if I could just find the guy in the picture above…life would be a fairy-tale come true! 
Tracy signiture

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Round Hole Square Peg

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How long do we need to continue putting a square peg into a round hole before we throw it up in the air and try something different? We all learn as babies how this works. Triangle shape fits into a triangle hole. I don’t know one who got it right the first go. As adults we sat and watched encouraging the fumbling little fingers and intense concentration to keep trying, knowing they would eventually get it right. When they did, we celebrated their accomplishment just as enthusiastically if not more than they did.

Flash forward years and change your view just slightly and imagine these pegs as our belief systems, morals, values and opinions. We may not have the pegs in front of us physically but the idea is just the same. We have a way of thinking and our partner has their way of thinking. His may be the round peg and you may have the square hole. <~~~ that sounds just weird after writing it but I am going to leave it.

We all have different opinions, belief systems, morals and values. Some we are willing to compromise on and some are set in stone. We can either try to change the other to adopt ours or we can compromise and blend them together. Keep in mind that each human being has walked a unique path making them who they are because of where they came from and the life experience they had along the way. When we can dive deep to the root of who they are it is much easier to understand why they may have formed a different view on life than we have. Unlike the baby trying to fit that rigid peg into a hole we have learned over the years to compromise in our work relationships, friendships and love unions. We evolve and learn that what is best for the team is a blend of everyone involved. It is not as cut and dry as wood pegs.

Lets say within a relationship we are given 10 pegs, we can see how many we agree on by placing them into the right slot. Again celebrating the ones that fit so perfectly. But what happens when they don’t fit?

We can take weeks, months even years to figure out some of our pegs are not going to match no matter how hard we try. Some of us are slow learners, or are we? Maybe we just know what we want and were relentless in finding a way to make it work? Maybe we are not willing to compromise? Maybe we just need to find a heavier mallet to smash the square peg into the round hole and be done with it. The problem is the peg we smash into the wrong hole is going to be damaged. Now what? Should we be get out our sandpaper and start smoothing the edges of our pegs and try to keep going? <~~~ that is called compromise. Or do we give up and walk away from all the pegs we have damaged?

This is where communication steps in…Hallelujah to words but even better the actions that follow. In my humble opinion, if you are not willing to follow through with the actions behind the words, you should keep those words inside a little longer. The time will eventually present itself and be a moment to celebrate! Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Some of us can communicate better than others. If we try, over time we evolve into better communicators with practise. If you consider yourself a poor communicator with words, you can always fall back on your actions…you know what they say about actions, they speak louder then words. There really is no reason to fail at communication, it’s just whether or not you are doing it to listen, or to reply. Muting someones words just tells them they don’t matter. I have learned over the years that if you stay in the room, even the worst case scenario…agree to disagree, you fair better than walking away.

Communication is a choice. Here are a few prime examples, you tell me what appears to be the best form of getting your whole view across.

Text messaging is a form of somewhat broken communication, good if you are sending brief information required, but for anything more meaningful it is passing back and forth fragmented thoughts that can lapse over days. This is for those who want to think so long before they speak and even when they do it is so wide open for interpretation it most often goes in the wrong direction, leaving both parties more confused.

Email can have it’s advantages for those who want to get their thoughts down without being interrupted but isn’t injections from the other person necessary to have the flow go in the right direction, a natural ebb and flow of a conversation. You both help the other understand by clarifying something along the way as to not have the wrong impression.

Phone conversation are the second best in my opinion, hearing the persons voice can help direct you as to what they are feeling with simply the tone of their voice.

Standing in front of another human being is the only way to truly communicate. The only way you can have any real success in trying to get his round peg into your square hole. 🙂 You see their eyes, their body language and if both are open to expressing themselves honestly it is a communication celebration.

So life is not about being completely structured, fitting a square peg into a square hole and thinking that is the only option. Life is about how we deal with situations when the square peg and round hole present itself to us, how we communicate to solve the problem, whether in business or our personal lives.

~ Tracy

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Come Back Home ~

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10489785_10152160567902032_2869315922428771213_nI believe we all require time on our own when a relationship comes to an end, regardless of how long our chosen partner was a part of our life. Just like we need time on our own to grieve the loss of a loved one. We need to ‘come back home’ so to speak. I always took time to come back home in my younger years. Once, I literally came back home and slept on my parents living room floor to rebalance my life that was spiralling out of control because of what I thought was love. My intention was to be there for a couple of months, which turned into a year. We laugh about it now and say I came home for retraining. Without the love, support and guidance of my parents, I would not have come through that time in my life with the confidence they gave me by being there. I didn’t need to always have a man by my side. I wanted one, but the right one and that was the lesson I learned from them. That lesson has stayed with me today.

It took two years to even entertain the idea of adding a man back into my world when my marriage ended. Even though I was placed softly back into the world of dating, I fumbled and faltered more often than not. At times I felt like I was in a dream running in slow motion, trying to gain my footing but couldn’t no matter how hard I tried. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know what I wanted or who I had become so how could I possibly put out what I needed or wanted from another human being.

Life get much more complicated when you find yourself solo in the later parts of life. Responsibility of family and work makes it more difficult to make an attempt to walk with someone down a path, that now feels foreign and unfamiliar.

We all question whether we are worthy of love at some point in our lives. I know I have many times. If you take time to rebalance and sift through your inner thoughts, self doubts and fears, your dreams, desires and feelings will come alive again. We don’t all take time for ourselves which makes each union slightly off balance until we clear our mind, body and soul of what was left behind. If we don’t eliminate the fear of not being enough from our core, we can’t be enough for anyone, including ourselves.

Life is meant to be shared, we all matter in the world in which we live. We are all connected and need to treat one another with the love and respect we all deserve! Honesty and integrity are character traits we choose, just as we choose to smile each day and accept those who cross our path with open arms and a warm heart.

Time is always on our side, if you value the work you need to do within in. There is no rush when it comes to love. What matters most is that we learn to love ourselves before we try to love another.

We live, we learn, we love, we matter…every single one of us!

~Tracy

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Top 5 Regrets…Listen Up & Take Notes!

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IMG_0096_3_2There is no time for regret in life and although we all have a few, here is some insight to help lighten the load! I found this on LinkedIn and I felt the need to share because thats what I like to do.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed. 

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Svaha ~

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Expose Yourself

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625565_10151296502307032_1928783634_nBonnie exposed herself last week…don’t rush and click the link to see a naked picture of her, I mean emotionally.

Women tend to share their fears and insecurities with other women, which takes courage and confidence. You take the chance of being judged. Occasionally we meet a man with whom we feel this comfort and we have the best of both worlds. Men on the other hand don’t share quite as easily with their mates as the female energy does. Men are brought up to be manly which unfortunately in society eyes doesn’t always include the expression of emotions. I want a man who can chop wood AND express his thoughts, desires, love, dreams, fears and insecurities <—–to be clear that is not my whole list of what I want my man to be 😉 There is nothing more liberating than being with someone you can say anything to regardless of how intimate or wildly crazy it may seem. When we feel safe, we share. When we share we build trust. Without trust we have nothing.

True raw emotions I believe should be shared. I am guilty of being too much of an open book at times, so balance is important. I am working on keeping my inner feelings to myself a tad longer, just in case they are hormone based shooting out of left field without any prior notice what-so-ever. It’s a struggle let me tell you! I wouldn’t be in some of the predicaments I find myself in if I kept my trap shut a little longer! Live and learn.

However…Our truth is who we are, like it or leave it. When we cease to share who we are, we stand still. It’s super safe…but a bit boring! We miss out on intimacy and moments that will allow us to grow with or without a partner. When we take a chance, the reward can be simply delicious! This is where balance comes in. Keeping a little bit of yourself for a rainy day kinda logic by balancing our truth and living in the moment pure and raw. It doesn’t matter how honest you want to be, sometimes it’s best to keep that thought close to your heart, even for a nanosecond longer before diving face first for that muddy landslide of fun and adventure. <~~~ You have to admit that sounds wayyyyy better than being in the safety zone! So Captain Careful (that’s me) suggests wearing safety goggles before you dive? Excuse me while I go shower off the mud on my face!

When I was in my twenties I wasn’t able to communicate well (go figure!) out of fear of being judged or left for that matter, so I didn’t say much of anything. Sadly in the end the relationship ended because I didn’t communicate, so holding back my words gave me the same result. Fear and insecurities come from a place when we are learning about life and who we are. They sit stagnant within our DNA waiting for a opportunity to expose themselves if we let them. I have worked hard on learning how to communicate well but every now and then I fear being judged and left and I raise my walls and stop communicating to avoid the inevitable! When you search back to the root or beginning of a fear we are able to face those fears and move on from them. “Fear is the Thief of Dreams” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

We all have insecurities and fears as Bonnie mentioned hers being the importance of what people think of her. Valid insecurity, we all want to be liked as human beings. We strive to be accepted and loved. Life is meant to be shared and no one wants to be left alone in life to fend for themselves forever! forever…forever…forever…forever.

I am in the process of facing a few fears of my own. What I have learned in the process is this…I am a survivor, I am able to take care of myself and family all by myself…if need be! I know I don’t have to, if I would just learn to use my words and ask for help when I need it. I am strong, independent, self sufficient and I can do it alone but I am far from alone! I have a huge circle of male and female energy that if I reached out to, would be there with strength and a smile willing to help me.

Sooooo, judge me not unless you have walked in my shoes. Leave me if you choose. I will stand amongst my circle of true companions and live my life in the moment the best way I know how! Knowing I can survive on your own is empowering, admitting I don’t want to is my truth.

Svaha ~

Tracy signiture

 

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Independently Together…


“In any relationship that’s important to you, between you and anyone else, there’s nothing quite like feeling truly connected. It’s awesome, isn’t it? Well in order for that feeling to manifest, it’s so incredibly important to allow for and embrace the distinctions that define each of you separately. The tendency is to do the opposite, to try to get on the same page about everything … but that’s not what your connection is about.”

It is a powerful feeling when you have that  connected with a friend, lover, parent or any other relationship we cultivate in life. When we don’t feel this connection the union feels fragmented, not whole. Connections need to be nurtured and time needs to be spent allowing the strength off the connection to grow. When we meet someone and form a bond of sorts whether it be a friendship or partnership along with that comes struggles, growth and learning, lots of learning about them and ourselves! It’s hard when we get married not to lose a part of our independence but I have always thought it was important to feel as though I was walking along side of my partner not attached as one. I wanted to keep my independence. The time I found this most difficult was after I had kids. I lost myself for a few years which lead to a feeling of disconnect, from myself and my partner.

I feel very strongly now in my life about holding on tight to who I am independently. I want to maintain that when I do decided to connect and bond with a man in my future. All I need to know is that he is exploring life along side of me, it’s okay if it’s slower or faster, zigging or zagging along the way. I want ‘him’ to be captivated by different things and show me what I wouldn’t have seen if I had been walking alone. When I need a hand or some encouraging words I wont need to look very far. (he doesn’t have to always be in the same room) We should both be able to be who we are independently while we are together. Independently together…

I love how my Postcards from Gusto reminds me of these wonderful things in life!

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In Search of the Elusive Available Male…and Patience!


Patience has never been one of my strong suits, I’m working on it. When I decide I am ready for something I usually jump in with both feet. My mistake in the past has been assuming that when I am ready everyone else should be as well. Life has a way of teaching us things we need to learn. Sometimes it can be a slow process and other times it’s a no-brainer. I am amidst the slow process route right now, add no patience and it is like going back to snail-mail after having high speed Internet. I would just like to know I am heading in the right direction, having said that if I change my perspective and have a little patience, the direction I am heading has to be the right one! Right?

We have all sat on the fence teetering as we look over completely distracted at the bright green grass just slightly out of reach. We are not completely ready to take a leap to it so we sit and admire it for a while. We get lost in wondering what would happen if we ventured over to it. That greener grass is a vibrant temptation pulling us toward it. Until we are ready to plant both feet in that iridescently green fresh smelling sweetness we should summon some willpower and discipline and have some patience! Touching that beautiful temptation too soon will leave a footprint with repercussions that will follow if you’re not ready!

If you’re unhappy take time for yourself! If you are not ready, willing and able to share your time with someone of the opposite sex intimately you should be honest with yourself and them. There is nothing wrong with not being ready! Clear your head, purge your past, centre yourself, find balance and then take that step forward…it WILL be worth the wait! You can’t rush feelings, trust them!

Most human beings have baggage of some kind, whether it’s emotional or physical. Baggage is simply life experiences we carry with us, sometimes into our next relationship. We all deal with our experiences on our own timeline, purging some and hanging onto others. When we are ready to let go and free ourselves of the complicated web we have weaved in our past, we do. No one can rush this, not even us. Time heals and when we are ready to move forward we do…again patience.

Although things don’t always go as planned or as quickly as we sometimes want or imagine, we need to step back, take a breath and relax. The sooner we recognize and accept that we have no control of others we learn patience. Take things slow, enjoy the moment, give those you find worthy time and appreciate what you have, not what you don’t have. Everything works out the way it should. We all get to different places in life at our own speed, trying to change the path of another human being only distracts you from your own.

Svaha!

 

 

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Is Marriage Changing?

I am certainly no marriage expert but I do have parents who met when they were 12 so I had two great role models growing up. Does that make my odds better at having a successful marriage? Define successful? I personally think the constitution of marriage needs to bend slightly with the times. (ie same sex marriages) Everyones idea of marriage is quite different.

I don’t think anyone should ever compare their marriage to another. It should really be about what you define marriage to be; romantic, arranged, conventional, convenient, contractual, legal or a verbal commitment. We are all unique and have our own ideas of what marriage should be. For some, marriage doesn’t even have to include love. I personally wouldn’t marry for anything but. If you had nothing except the cloths on your back, would you still be smiling knowing you had him walking along side you on a path to the unknown?

I think if you are even going to consider tying the knot make it loose to start. Tying the knot sounds so restrictive. In my opinion you should be able to walk independent of the other, side by side, not smothering one another. Let each other breathe, allow room for each of you to unfolding and grow, every now and then distance yourselves to miss one another.

Lawmakers in Mexico City are proposing a new marriage licence that would allow couples to split after a two-year trial rather than go through a lengthier divorce process. No more ’till death to us part’, quite frankly the odds are against you when you take this leap of faith to begin with. A life sentence? Yup that’s right the same man for the r-e-s-t of your life. (insert w-o-m-a-n if it makes you feel better) If you’re not madly passionately lustfully in love, I say don’t do it!

A brief two year commitment would be a way of testing out married life. If however you decide before the two years are up, you have to file and go through regular divorce proceedings. Isn’t that what living together is? Marriage is not for everyone, people change which simply can’t be predicted.

Do you really need a piece of paper to be in a committed union? It’s just a piece of paper… if it’s just a piece of paper why not do it? Again it’s what you’re okay with, not what everyone ‘thinks’ is acceptable.

Lots of women compare their marriage with their friends, which to me is a big mistake. It is just another way of keeping up with the Joneses. Comparing your marriage with anyone else is a recipe for disappointment. It’s almost as bad as comparing your sex life. Expectations should be thrown out the window with obligations put on us from past relationships, generations and social behaviours.

Marriage and relationships are about compromise and redefining what it means to you as you grow and unfold. Marriage doesn’t always last forever but if you enter into it loving passionately with an open heart it will be a life experience that can last forever.

 

 

 

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Take Chances!

When was the last time you took a chance? Chance; the possibility of something happening. Not gamble; play games of chance for money. Not Risk; a situation involving exposure to danger. I mean a chance in business, friendship or with the opposite sex, that if taken could change everything. We take chances with choices every single day. Sometimes you need to make a choice however before you take a chance.

We take chances on relationships every time we meet someone new. We take a chance that they are who they say they are. Some men/women don’t yet know who they are. They can be a work in progress that lasts a lifetime. To find someone authentic is a breath of fresh air. Knowing who you truly are is a feat not everyone is able to reach. How can anyone be expected to be taken at face value if they don’t know what their value is?

Who are you? A valid question that in time can be answered in depth. That’s where the chance is taken. It’s hard to get to know someone who doesn’t quite know who they are yet themselves. On the other hand it’s easy to get to know someone who does.

When you first meet someone you should throw your expectations right out the window and let them just be who they are. And when they show you who they are believe them! If you think even once…if they would just change____stop and walk away! They are not who you are looking for if you need to change them EVER!

Choices stand directly in front of us, waiting for us to take the chance. Chances come with a feeling of exhilaration. Taking a chance if honesty is present is worth every single moment.

I love taking chances, hate making choices! I usually just go with my instinct. If it feels right do it. Having said that it doesn’t always work out in my favour but at least I try. I’ve tried dipping my toe in life one foot at a time, being cautious and careful. Now I am jumping in with both feet making a splash to see where the water ends up. I am certainly not afraid of getting wet! I think when you trust your instinct, chances are easier to take. The choice is made for you. Everything just happens as it should. Perhaps not always as you thought but as it should have never-the-less. Live and learn.

If you’re trying to make a choice that you think you need to make but it just doesn’t seem clear…leave it for a while. A chance will sometimes appear out of the blue that you can’t turn your back on which will make the choice easy. This is one thing I know for sure!

Here are a few quotes I wanted to share with you about choice and chance…
The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved…William Jennings Bryan.
Leap and the net will appear…Zen saying
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take…Wayne Gretzky.
You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do…Henry Ford.
In the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took…Frasier Crane.
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place…Zora Neale Hurston.
Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learned here…Marianne Williamson.
Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it…Buddha.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world…Mahatma Gandhi.
Life is ever changing. You never really know your path until you are walking it, still then it’s not always your choice that changes its direction, most important is that you just keep going…Tracy Westerholm.

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It’s Your Choice…if you can make it.

I was talking to a male friend of mine the other night about a number of different topics and something he said stayed with me. “Failure for me is not an option”. He doesn’t see anything ending in failure. He doesn’t allow himself to even go there visually. What a great attitude to have. There is no point in starting anything if you already see yourself failing at it. A positive attitude and hard work ethic is the key to success in life as far as I am concerned.

What ever you set out in life to do there will always be someone who is better. Not being the best doesn’t mean you failed. Just doing it is a part of succeeding. If you want to be the best you have to put in more than everyone else. Athletes are the perfect example of those who naturally visualize being the best. Competitive by nature they are born with the drive to win. We can all learn from those who are the best at what they do. It takes a lot of hard work and perseverance to achieve that title. If at first you do not succeed…try try again!

If what you are doing makes you unhappy each day at some point don’t you ask yourself why you’re doing it? Doesn’t it makes sense to create change instead of just going through the motions! It’s not always easy but nothing really worth while ever is. Sometimes baby steps are all we need to push us in the right direction.

There are also those who don’t need or strive to be the best. They enjoy their life regardless of what they do or where they fit in. It’s not always easy to reach for your goals or dreams. Sometimes life, responsibilities and obligations get in between our dreams and reality. As long as you wake up each day loving life, giving back and being a positive influence you are inspiring those around you. Have you ever met someone who makes you want to be a better person, that’s what I’m talking about. We all have our role in life and as long as whatever you do you do your personal best we all benefit in a positive way. I’ve tried to teach both my kids that it’s not what you do that matters as much as how well you do it. “If you can’t be good, be good at it” has come out of my mouth on more than one occasion. Attitude, hard work, enthusiasm and passion can change everything. And don’t forget to smile, they’re contagious! 🙂

We make choices every single day. Some we need to think about in great depth and some feel right as soon as the thought crosses our mind. In the end a choice is made in order to move forward. Choices are part of life. We can choose to work towards a goal or dreams or we can let our life unfold in front of us making choices along the way. Sometimes it is not us who makes the choice that changes our direction in life.

Life is ever changing, you never really know your path until you are walking it, and still then it’s not always your choice that changes its direction, most important is to just keep going! Tracy ~

Some of us know exactly what we want to do at an early age. A goal is set and steps are made to achieve it. Others take their time and change their path several times before they find what they are seeking. Believe me I know how hard choices can be. Since I was a very little girl I remember the struggle I had with choice. If I was given more than one I had such a difficult time deciding. Thankfully as we age we become much better at making choices. Life experience, wisdom and knowing who you are seems to help. I find too many thing in life interesting and worth exploring to be pressured to pick just one. I am working on it. 🙂 If I could just decide what I wanted…I’m certain I would get it! Oh and eenie meenie minie mo rarely works! lol

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Past-Present-Future = Now!

When will we learn to let go of our past? Now is so much more important. Why is history so important to some of us? Does it keep us in our comfort zone? I think so. Years ago a relationship I thought I’d let go of kept seeping back into my life. Just as I would forget and move on it would reappear somehow. Was it the hopeless romantic in me wanting my fairy tale ending? Was it the Universe testing me? Unresolved romance? It can be hard to let go of what was then and concentrate on what is now. Does anyone else relate to this? We can sometimes live in what was. The key is not to get ‘stuck’ in our past especially if it wasn’t a healthy one! Fortunately mine was.

No matter how good you recall a relationship was you moved on or they did for a reason…right? Or was the timing just not quite right? Do we only remember the good? Is that so bad?

I’ve learned first hand that when you focus on the past you stay in the past preventing you from seeing what’s right in front of you. When you bring the past into the present is that living in the Now? Technically maybe and that’s fine if your past was good. If you bring negative energy into the now your just recreating more negative energy.

When you look back do you feel any regret? Do we like to revisit our past from time to time to ensure we have moved on without any regret or do we slip back into what was? I have small regret but nothing on a grand scale that makes me cringe thankfully. Maybe that’s why I like to float back in time.

I love my past and maybe that’s why I have a hard time letting it go at times. I think past, present and future are all good. I think we all like to revisit our past from time to time. It can be a healthy part of our life. I certainly wouldn’t want to be stuck in my past. Being able to balance our past with the present is ideal. Holding onto elements of where we came from helps keep us grounded. Looking back on where we were tells a lot about who we are.

Life is about learning. We need life experience to have growth and unfold as human beings. As long as we move forward in life I think it’s all good. Sometimes I think it’s beneficial to step back in time if for no other reason than as a reminder of how far we’ve come. Our past is what makes us who we are in our present. Any way you look at the past-present-future they = Now. And there is no better place on earth than right here, right now ~

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Love & Relationships ~

Relationships show us that every human being is wired differently! Sometimes REALLY differently. I’ve been blessed with relationships in my past; some have taught me what I wanted and others have taught me what I don’t…the basic point of having one in my opinion. Every now and then you get one that changes the way you breathe! It makes ever breath soar. It creates a mood inside each cell of your body that screams “I’M ALIVE”! It makes you want to be a better you having them by your side. Those relationships usually only come around once in our lives, if were lucky we get another one that appears out of the blue that makes our world a better place.

I’ve learned that honesty from the start is the only way to enter into a relationship. My grandmother’s advice was “start out the way you mean to end”. Honesty sometimes comes with a price. Not everyone wants honesty or can handle the truth as Jack Nicholson said to Tom Cruise in the movie ‘A Few Good Men’! Not everyone knows how to process the truth. There is so much dishonesty and adultery in relationships these days that it’s hard to decipher who is telling the truth. I trust until proven otherwise but that too occasionally give your heart a sting that’s hard to forget. We only really know what’s going on in our minds.

I’ve been stung more than once.  It’s not something anyone gets used to…it hurts. We all know the feeling when someone ends a relationship with us. It doesn’t matter if we have been with a partner for 10 years or 6 months it’s still painful. A pang in our heart is like no other feeling. A mild electric sensation gently washes over our entire body, knowing that what we had is ending right before us. Sometimes it’s about communication and things work out. Sometimes there is nothing we can say or do; it is out of our control.

We all think about what it would be like to have someone we love deeply by our side forever. I am not sure I believe in forever anymore. I desperately want to. Sad but true. I want a forever man who won’t give up or walk away because of fear or any other reason. But even me the hopeless romantic that I am has doubt some days about love, as we all do.

When we first meet everything is fresh and alive. Words are spoken from the heart. We feel exhilarated by the thought of the other person being in our presence. We can’t wait to see or hear from them. Anticipation of our next meeting grows. We fall in like which is the base of every important relationship. We wittingly get caught up in the bliss. The fall from like to love is reflected in the eyes of new lovers. There truly is no greater experience than strong, passionate, intimate love for another.

Love is meant to challenge our mind, body and soul. We have to want love more than anything else to make it last. Love is a journey like no other. True love has no boundaries.

Love knows no fear.

 

 

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Intimacy ~

Each month we take turns creating a new header with a word of choice. I chose Intimacy this month so today I will write about just that!

I met a man recently who has challenged me in more ways than one. I couldn’t help but be drawn to him because of the way he intrigued me with his intellect. Yes…he is handsome! Having said that, it was NOT what initially attracted me to him at all! Our conversations were filled with sarcastic banter that grabbed me by the hand and wouldn’t let go no matter how hard I tried to pull away! Oh how I love the energy of sarcastic banter! It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end!

In one of our great debates we took on the topic of intimacy, seeking intimacy! What would you describe intimacy to be? I always related the word intimacy to that moment shared between two during sex? Intimate sex…who doesn’t want that! I have to admit I was taken back that this man was interested in talking about intimacy, let alone seeking it himself! I love the male perspective on everything!

Yes you can have intimate sex but until you have experienced true intimacy with your partner it’s simply empty sex, the kind that leaves you feeling satisfied sexually but unsatisfied emotionally even though you had an O!

True intimacy is when two can share moments, even hours together just holding hands and touching one another without the complication of sex. You learn what really matters to each other when you share intimacy. No one has patience anymore, it’s a virtue that’s lost. It seems that everyone just wants to jump right in to bed and hope for the best and unfortunately it usually end awkwardly and prematurely (no pun intended) because no one has the desire to take it slow to find the intimate side of their partner.

Intimacy naturally appears when your ready to explore the possibilities of love in a relationship. Couples often don’t take the time that’s needed in order to experience true intimacy. Our lives are full with no room for quiet moments, that if taken would change the way we think. Intimacy can be scary. Just the thought of opening your heart and feeling vulnerable is not worth the risk for most.

Would you fall in love if you knew that it would end with a broken heart? Silly question? I don’t think so. If you answered yes then I believe you have experienced true intimate love and know it’s worth the risk. If you answered no, perhaps you have yet to feel intimate love in it’s purest form, which can include pain, but still worth the risk of a broken heart! Intimate love is possible, it’s out there, waiting for us to take a chance and open our hearts to explore the possibilities!

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Eyes Wide Shut ~

Have you ever noticed when somethings on your mind its all you seem to focus on? If you’re thinking about buying a motorcycle for example, they appear every where you look. If you’re trying to make babies, you see nothing but cute little people everywhere! Ya I know, two very different examples, but hey…different is good! Is it the Law of Attraction or are we just opening our eyes and becoming aware?

Have you ever thought about someone and at that moment the phone rings and its them? Or you run into someone you haven’t seen in years just as you were thinking about them? These sort of things have been happening to me since I can remember.

Every thought is made up of energy so it makes perfect sense really. I think we all get caught up in our daily routines and we tune out in general. We are unaware, closed down, running on auto pilot. We have become comfortably numb. WAKE UP! When was the last time you stood underneath a Cherry Tree in full bloom and just admired the buds about to explode. We can’t just keep walking by or tuning out the world that surrounds us.

I think our conscious mind gets lost when we keep ignoring the simple treasures that present themselves to us. We are full of fragmented thoughts bubbling over while we try to make sense of our busy day.

Meditation opens up the mind and clears those thoughts, allowing the mind to be free of clutter. When our conscious mind get full we are blinded and stop seeing the beauty that is swirling around us. The obvious becomes transparent. We have our Eyes Wide Shut.

Meditation doesn’t have to be the traditional sitting with legs crossed. It can be riding your motorcycle, reading, running, yoga, painting or simply listening to music. I know it’s hard for some people to just sit and do nothing but the more you do, you will see how much more clarity your life will have. You will feel the calm envelope you and appreciate the silence! Its like spring cleaning of the mind, organizing thoughts, dreams or wishes. And when you focus on what’s important in your life, you will reap the benefits of awakening your mind.

Becoming aware is a way of tuning back in. When we focus on our surroundings they become alive. When we trust and listen to the thoughts that appear out of nowhere, and react to them, we strengthen our intuitive ability. When we open our eyes and mind to the truth, its like a gift from the Universe. If we can consciously awaken to the life that surrounds us, and truly be in the moment, we may be surprised at what is right there in front of us! Open your eyes if just for a moment…and see!

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Would He Catch a Grenade for Ya?

Would your man catch a grenade for ya…throw his hand on a blade for ya…jump in front of a train for ya…take a bullet straight through his brain for ya…do anything for ya? These lyrics remind us how powerful love can be. Most people don’t experience this kind of passion in their love, and as shown in Bruno’s video it’s not always reciprocated. Imagine for a moment how incredible it would feel if you knew without a doubt, your man would give his life for you!

Have you ever felt this kind of love for someone? Your blessed if you have. Once you’ve had love this powerful it’s hard to settle for anything less. My Dad would do every verse Bruno writes about for my Mom! It makes me smile just thinking about how powerful their love is. I am sure that after 60 odd years together on some days he may feel like catching the grenade and setting it down quietly behind her…:) (lol) or pushing her in front of the train, but if it really came down to it, he would die for her, and that’s gotta feel good.

The Power of Love!

It’s no secret that I’m a romantic, being born on Valentine’s Day was no coincidence! I would bathe in love if it were possible! You have to admit the feeling of being in love changes the way you view everything. Love conquers all. Without Lovethere is nothing. When you feel love for someone this strong, you would do anything for them! It’s a selfless act, being in love.

Not everyone experiences love to such a degree, and no one likes to be rejected when it comes to love, but if you don’t take chances and risk it all, you will never know if it was love. If you do follow your heart, it will lead you to where you are meant to be which can change your life forever!

What’s the most romantic thing a man or woman has done for you, or said to you?

I had a man confess “he would have climbed Everest for me!” Now that’s romantic…sigh 🙂

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Other Peoples Relationships; Can You Relate?

I guess I better start this with “my relationship with my husband is better than ever” just in case some of you jump to conclusions and then don’t continue reading.

I don’t know if it is something that happens to more women our age or maybe it’s always been happening and I had just been too busy with my own failing relationships before to notice it, but right now I know a lot of women my age who are unhappy in their relationships with their husband/partner.

This makes me sad.  I want everyone to be happy.  Especially when I’m happy.  When I’m miserable I’m ok with everyone else being miserable too, in fact I prefer it that way.  Kidding…kind of.

I always hope I’m saying the right thing when a friend confides her marriage/relationship woes to me. The advice I go back to again and again is pretty basic.  Everyone deserves to be happy.  Find a way to be happy.  With ‘em or without ‘em just be happy.  I don’t like to see people waste years and years being unhappy.  Strive for the happy!

That advice may be a little too basic for some.  More.com recently listed 10 books on relationships.  Sometimes you need to read about other people’s relationships before coming face to face with your own. Good idea, I say!

Ever wonder what the future holds for your marriage? Journalist Maggie Scarf interviews numerous couples between the ages of 50 and 75 in this well researched study.

The troubles of 5 couples are brought to life by Abraham in this close look at couples therapy, making this an important book on the institute of modern marriage.

How does one handle the shell shock of divorce? For Morrison, the answer was to keep moving. You’ll sympathize with her honest musings on learning how to fall out of love, a demanding career, and caring for her young son.

Commitment-phobe Gilbert waxes on about domesticity with Brazilian beau, Felipe, while simultaneously researching the history of marriage and divorce.

After spending a year cooking with Julia, Powell takes an apprenticeship with a butcher shop. Tales of her adult sex life are interwoven with detailed reports of her time spent with the chopping block.

He said, she said; most books that follow this format can weigh on one’s patience. But in the case of Carbone and Decker’s tale of fertility clinics, miscarriages, and near-divorce spats, hearing both sides of the story humanizes their anger.

Braestrup, an ordained minister, clues us into the secrets she’s learned from years of counseling couples. Here, she shows us the true meaning of love, and in some cases, how to find it.

In throes of midlife, Gideon humorously wonders, “is this all there is?” A quick, enjoyable read for women dealing with children, dogs, and yes, husbands.

Before she felt bad about her neck, Ephron was feeling the pangs of a cheating husband. A thinly veiled version of her own marriage’s demise, Ephron’s biggest quip (and perhaps her funniest) is that at 7 months pregnant, she can’t date.

After struggling with infertility for years, Cohen finds herself unexpectedly pregnant at 44. With a daughter and fiance in tow, Cohen questions her ability to bring a baby into the world.

Disclaimer: I have not yet read any of the above so I will default to my usual…just find your happiness.  Whatever it takes, be happy.  That means you too Sandra Bullock!

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Kissing XXX

Tracy I believe in long, slow, deep, wet kisses that last three days” quote, Kevin Costner’s character from the movie ‘Bull Durham’.  A classic line.  You know what they say, those who are talking about it aren’t doing it!  But are those who are doing it, doing it well?
Kissing…just let your mind wander for a moment and think about the Best Kiss that has ever been planted on your lips and what made it just that!  I know mine, you know who you are!  🙂
A kiss can take on many different forms and reflect a variety of different emotions.  The kiss dates back to the beginning of human history and remains a huge part of relations between men and women, one of the tell tale signs if someone is a great lover.  A kiss can be the measuring stick to determine if there is a second date in some cases.  It tells you if you are both feeling the chemistry that is in the air between your lips.  There is nothing better than a great first kiss, the anticipation that leads us to it is electric and if it’s what we hoped for, shivers and butterflies!  Okay, there is only one thing better than a great first kiss and that is a kiss that feels just as great years later!  Bliss…kiss bliss.

KissingMost women put a lot of stock in a man’s kissing ability.  Some women will even claim that a first touch of the lips is a solid indicator of how the relationship will pan out.  Apparently men find it hard to discuss kissing with women, because they believe they are already a good smoocher.  Kissing is personal, so when one women thinks a man isn’t a great lip locker, it means nothing, it’s merely an opinion.  With the right person it can evoke many different moods that range from playful and loving to sensual and erotic.

If you are a women’s Best Kiss you will be remembered forever and a measuring stick for life.  Nothing else will be quite the same as that one set of lips you loved to lock with, until you meet their match.  Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to meet your ‘Prince’ but that’s the fun part! kissing

The kiss is the single most underestimated intimate display of affection.  I think the kiss is the key that unlocks the door of your relationship that leads you to an entirely different level.  If you can rock her world with a hot passionate kiss, the relationship from that moment on is open to explore.

There was a study done on kissing and it was found that women based their decision of whether or not to sleep with a man purely on their kissing abilities.  No Gin or Tequila needed here guys, just your luscious kissable lips!!  The perfect recipe for a great kiss ~I don’t think there is one.   Kissing is a personal expression of emotions that happens when it can no longer be held back.  Next time you give a kiss, make it one that will be remembered!  Now go lock lips like you mean it!!

Tracy signiture

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He’s Just Not That Into You!!!!

TracyWhile at the school talent show last week I noticed something that I couldn’t stop thinking about. This usually means a post is in the air.  It seemed to me that most of the girls who performed did it to songs that were directed towards boys in such a way that they were pining for them.  They had broken hearts and longed for their attention. Each song was somehow related to wanting our male counterpart to be into us. Maybe it is programming after all!  Conditioning at it’s best. How could we not continue down this path when we started on it at such an early age.

I watched the movie ‘He’s just not that into you’ and I had mixed feelings about it. I liked the fact that Jennifer Aniston’s character ‘Beth’ finally realized that Ben Affleck (Neil) didn’t need to marry her to be like a husband, but there were also parts that bothered me. Why are we afraid to admit that he is just not that into us. We have all consoled our friends with reasons why he hasn’t called or why our relationship ended when it may be as simple as there was no connection. Is that so hard to hear? Why do we feel we need to assess blame to justify the end of intimacy between two people.  Maybe it’s just the intimate part of the relationship that has run it’s course.

My question is “If he is just not that into you, why do you really care?” What’s wrong with just being honest so both people can move on without awkwardness. I think we care because he said no to us first. Our feelings get hurt because we take it personally that someone didn’t like us. Chances are we were going to say no eventually, but he just beat us to the punch.

Why not just be honest. If your not feeling it, say so. You could high five each other and move on and remain friends. Honestly you don’t want to date someone who isn’t really feeling the connection, do you?  That is just asking for a break-up down the road which gets messier as time goes by. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you think you have a connection with someone and it’s not reciprocated. I’ve been dumped on occasion, but there were very few I was bothered by, however, there was one I obsessed over for whatever reason. When looking back he was just a nightmare so I chalked it up to be my Karma for all the guys I just wasn’t that into and perhaps didn’t deal with honestly. Lesson learned!

I think women romanticize too much about men (I know I do being a hopeless romantic) I know for myself if it’s the man who is a challenge that drives me crazy, that intrigues me more. If we got rid of our ego’s it would be much easier. That’s why it’s so hard to remain friends…ego! No one really wants to hear the words, “I like you, just not that much.”

We need to stop sugar coating what men say to us and start hearing the truth behind their words. If a man says “I’m really gonna miss you” while in the throws of passionate love making, he’s NOT going on a holiday! Or you hear “hey buddy” or “dude” when he calls, chances are your not heading towards marriage. Maybe we make it difficult for men to be honest because we have that dreamy look in our eyes when they try to say what they feel. Just keep in mind it’s not really all that bad if someone isn’t really that into you. Put it in perspective!  There is always another bus coming as my Nana used to say !

Tracy

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