Is Marriage Changing?

I am certainly no marriage expert but I do have parents who met when they were 12 so I had two great role models growing up. Does that make my odds better at having a successful marriage? Define successful? I personally think the constitution of marriage needs to bend slightly with the times. (ie same sex marriages) Everyones idea of marriage is quite different.

I don’t think anyone should ever compare their marriage to another. It should really be about what you define marriage to be; romantic, arranged, conventional, convenient, contractual, legal or a verbal commitment. We are all unique and have our own ideas of what marriage should be. For some, marriage doesn’t even have to include love. I personally wouldn’t marry for anything but. If you had nothing except the cloths on your back, would you still be smiling knowing you had him walking along side you on a path to the unknown?

I think if you are even going to consider tying the knot make it loose to start. Tying the knot sounds so restrictive. In my opinion you should be able to walk independent of the other, side by side, not smothering one another. Let each other breathe, allow room for each of you to unfolding and grow, every now and then distance yourselves to miss one another.

Lawmakers in Mexico City are proposing a new marriage licence that would allow couples to split after a two-year trial rather than go through a lengthier divorce process. No more ’till death to us part’, quite frankly the odds are against you when you take this leap of faith to begin with. A life sentence? Yup that’s right the same man for the r-e-s-t of your life. (insert w-o-m-a-n if it makes you feel better) If you’re not madly passionately lustfully in love, I say don’t do it!

A brief two year commitment would be a way of testing out married life. If however you decide before the two years are up, you have to file and go through regular divorce proceedings. Isn’t that what living together is? Marriage is not for everyone, people change which simply can’t be predicted.

Do you really need a piece of paper to be in a committed union? It’s just a piece of paper… if it’s just a piece of paper why not do it? Again it’s what you’re okay with, not what everyone ‘thinks’ is acceptable.

Lots of women compare their marriage with their friends, which to me is a big mistake. It is just another way of keeping up with the Joneses. Comparing your marriage with anyone else is a recipe for disappointment. It’s almost as bad as comparing your sex life. Expectations should be thrown out the window with obligations put on us from past relationships, generations and social behaviours.

Marriage and relationships are about compromise and redefining what it means to you as you grow and unfold. Marriage doesn’t always last forever but if you enter into it loving passionately with an open heart it will be a life experience that can last forever.

 

 

 

Share

15 thoughts on “Is Marriage Changing?

  1. “If you had nothing except the cloths on your back, would you still be smiling knowing you had him walking along side you on a path to the unknown?” Yes

    Good post Tracy

  2. I guess it really boils down to what your definition of commitment is. Kim Kardashian, as only one example, has no idea what the word means. What was the point of that marriage? You have to know what you’re committing yourself to; financial stability? Raising a family? Sex with only one other person? These may be the old norms. Maybe your ‘rules’ are different, but if you agree upon them and make a commitment then it should be just that…a commitment, whether you’re married or not.

    I actually like the idea of a two year escape clause if it is used sensibly. I can see LOTS of issues that could come up, though. What if children are involved? One wants out and the other wants to stay married? Could still get messy.

    • I couldn’t agree more Jake, piece of paper or not if you commit verbally it should be as good.

      Basically treat your partner as you want them to treat you 🙂

      There is a clause I believe in the 2 year licence that is about children.

      I just want to be loved and have great life experiences with whom ever holds my heart, paper or no paper. 🙂

  3. It’s all about your own personal take on marriage I guess. There are religious people who believe that marriage is about committing to their partners in a church with as God as their witness and they take their vows very seriously. Nothing wrong with that…unless one or the other or both are miserable. Then I say move on and find your happiness. I doubt any God would want their disciples miserable. Just my humble opinion.
    I’ve had a bit of experience when it comes to marriage. I’ve been in bad ones and finally a great one. What I know for sure is that happiness is goal number one, regardless of whether a union between two people has been approved by church or state. I also know from experience that getting out of a marriage can be costly, financially and emotionally. So it’s wise to keep that in mind before rushing to the alter or JP.
    I also should admit that when I was really really sure about my choice to marry the last time, I couldn’t wait to share my husbands last name; to let the world know that we were linked together for life. That may sound old fashioned but it was important to me. When you know, you know. Always listen to that little inner voice by the way. It’s NEVER let me down. It just took me awhile to trust it.

  4. Marriage: Love, touch, intimacy, kindness, honesty, communication, passion, solidarity, understanding, commitment and permission to play lacrosse whenever…

  5. I can’t imagine going down this road again but I am sure over time, that feeling will change.

    Thanks for sharing that bit of your background, Bonnie. It’s comforting knowing others who have gone through separation and found happiness again.

    I agree Tracy. With love, paper or not, as long as two people are happy that’s all that matters.

    • I completely understand Lawrence! Over time that feeling will change, once you have been on your own again for a while and start to miss being in an intimate relationship.

      You may also just steer clear of any commitment out of fear of going back down this road again, which I believe it totally normal. (harder for a hopeless romantic) That just means you’re not quite there yet.

      So enjoy just flirting your pants off (not literally) with women you find attractive. Eventually you will get tired of the surface flirt and seek out someone who has substance, one who ‘see’s you’ for who you truly are.

      Time and trust will lead you to a place that feels right. You won’t want walls around your heart anymore.

      You will meet couples like Bonnie and John and hear their story and they will give you hope that it is possible to find someone who is trusting, loving and willing to take a chance on love again.

      I have let go of any expectation I ever had about love in the past, which was the ultimate fairytale ending, yes it was hard being a romantic. I have no control over what another human beings feelings are for me, only mine for them. I’ve learned to take things slow, there is no more jumping in with both feet.

      Every now and then you meet someone who enhances who you are, they don’t want to change you or manipulate you, they just want you to be you. When you meet that person, you may have something!

      Every now and then I think it is much easier to just keep everything at a surface level to avoid another hairline crack in my heart but if you don’t take chances in life you will end it with regret of what could have been. That has to be worse than feelings that truly make us feel alive…

      xoxo

  6. Thanks Tracy. Very well said.

    The flirting thing at this point, is still quite awkward.

    The walls are definitely up. Something I never thought would ever happen.

    “I’ve learned to take things slow, there is no more jumping in with both feet.” That has never been an easy one for me. Perhaps I was influenced by Frank Sinatra too much.

    “I fall in love to easily. I fall in love too fast. I fall in love too terribly wrong for love to ever last.”

    Hopeless is right. lol

    xo

    • Flirting can be as simple as a smile 🙂 😉 🙂 see!

      I know, walls and a hopeless romantic just don’t go together! I am with you on that one!

      Not jumping is with both feet is not easy! Maybe it’s not that I won’t jump in because I have, but once I’m in I am more cautious and protective with my heart, which forces you to take it slower.

      Trust maybe is the key ingredient, do you trust the person you want to jump in with? When you do it happens naturally. xo

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.