De Oirish ~

‘Appy St Paddy’s Day everyone! Oi ‘ill try ter write me entire post the-day wi’ an Oirish accent. Top o’ the mornin’ to you! Oi love de Oirish accent more than any other! Bono, Colin Farrell, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers an’ Liam Neeson are jist a few Oirishmen oi fend sexy. De Oirish accent is sexy whether spoken from de lips av a paddy or doll.

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De other tin’ oi think av whaen oi tink av de Oirish is dance. Oi wanted ter share an Oirish dance witcha, Riverdance!  Dees birds are amazing at waaat they do.

Oirish performance dancin’ is traditionally referred ter as stepdance. Oirish stepdance popularized in 1994 by de warrld famous show Riverdance. Stepdance is known for its rapid scotch peg (leg) movements, body an’ arms bein’ kept largely stationary. ‘Av a nice day ~

Riverdance ~

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A Mothers Plea

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I write because I have to, it is a force within me I can not ignore. I write because it is therapeutic and I find solace that maybe just one other human being will relate to my words. Writing makes me feel not alone in this sometimes very large scary world in which we live.

I am strong and independent and positive beyond the norm, I can find the silver lining in almost any dark stormy cloud, but I am only human.

It’s easy to turn a negative into a positive when it comes to life in general. I have taught myself to rise above the negative and consciously choose happiness where I find a brighter side.

~Love, I have faith that I will find love one day and share moments in time with a man who  fills my hearts with peace.

~Health, I will get through anything this life sends my way. Jill Brzezinski-Conley showed me how grace and love along with support got her to a place of rest in the most beautiful heart warming way.

~Politics, I have faith in the human race to choose wisely, making this world a safer place to thrive for all humanity.

I have faith in all outside sources, but nothing can break the heart or debilitate a Mother like the worry for her child.

I write today from a Mothers heart which feels the pain of even the slightest unsettledness of her child. Being a Mother has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I knew from a very young age that one of my main purposes in life was to be a Mom. Another is to give love and acceptance to those who cross my path.

When your kids are young you focus on their safety and wellbeing. You are responsible for their survival. I was fortunate and I am grateful to have been at home with mine for over 10 years. It wasn’t a sacrifice, it was a choice. I chose to leave my career and do my best to raise two human beings who would make a difference in the world. The moment I heard their heart beat, I loved them more than everything else. My heart expanded more than I could have ever imagined. I was to be a Mom. That alone was a gift. They were mine to guide and protect with my life, along side their Dad.

Kids grow and unfold, becoming their own person. They stretch their wings in different ways, some soar and some crash to the ground. Sometimes we can relate, and there are times we don’t understand, but we try, we listen, we learn, and we give them love and support. It’s natural that they cause us grief from time to time. Just as we caused or still cause our parents many sleepless nights.

But when does your heart stop hurting when they start to walk down a path you know is not what you taught. When does your heart stop hurting when you try to guide them but they don’t want to listen. When does your heart have the courage and faith to let go so they can walk on their own. How does a Mom let go when she knows the world is big and scary and not everyone survives.

When do you close your eyes and trust they will be just fine…

My Plea to my kids…

Please remember I love you with every once of my being.

Please remember each night wherever you lay your head that I am thinking of you and hoping you are safe and warm with a belly full of food, and your beautiful creative mind is at peace.

Please remember that I am always here in a time of need and that no problem is too big for me to handle. You are never alone.

Please remember that when you think you can’t, I KNOW you can. I know you better than you know you and yes, yes you certainly can.

Please remember you are worthy of love from someone out of this world special, because you are amazing!

Please know that you are my favourite part of life, so do all you can to not take that away from me. This world would not be the same without you in it. This world can be cruel and unkind but it can also be the most beautiful amazing experience you have ever had.

Please know that even when you think you are too deep to see the sun from the place you have fallen, that it is there, waiting for you to raise your chin up and see the light in all it’s natural glory. The sun will shine upon your face just as the shadow will fall behind you.

Please know that together we can do anything your heart desires, because I believe in you, because I know you.

Please know that you ARE love. You are the source of love and the reason for my love.

Please know I will not let you go unprepared to face the world, I will always be here no matter where you walk, no matter when you fall. I will be there when you pick yourself up and I will help brush you off and we will walk again towards the sun.

Please know that my heart aches for you, I have been you, and seen the things you see, felt the pains your heart feels and have overcome them just as you will.

Please know that just as the sun sets, the moon rises, as the rain falls, the flowers grow…

Please know…

now go clean your room~

Mom xo

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Past Lives…

As my conscious mind relaxed, I felt myself gently stepping down a spiral staircase. A soft feminine voice in the background lead me slowly to the bottom. I thoughts drifted back in time where I felt most comfortable. I belonged there in my heart. Her calm soft voice coaxed me to look down at what I was wearing on my feet. I was to tell my story using every one of my senses.

I looked down and saw my worm leather laced boots peaking out from the yards of fabric that gently rubbed back and forth with each step I took. It was a long dusty walk up the dry dirt road. I was watching from just slightly above myself, like an out of body experience. It was me who took each step towards the little house on the hill. It felt like deja-vu. I was relying on all of my sense to tell the story I was seeing transpire before my eyes.

It was a peaceful afternoon with a warm gentle breeze floating scents of spring through the air. Birds chirped in the distance whist nesting in the most beautiful tree I had ever seen. The little house on the hill felt like home.

I saw him for the first time with grateful eyes. I watched from above, yet I felt what she was feeling. I was attached to the feelings they had between them from a slight distance. I yearned to be in her body in that moment walking toward him with the rush of anticipation I felt. I was overwhelmed with joy. I felt as though I was floating through a dream, fluid and beautiful.

He was working hard in the field just behind the house. I knew he had been mine in another time which made me smile. He must have sensed me walking toward him. He stopped what he was doing and watched me come closer. I felt a surge of love envelope my entire being when our eyes met. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he leaned on the tool he had been using. The way he looked at me felt like he hadn’t seen me in years but I knew it had only been hours. He stood starring until I smiled, and then he laughed. At that moment my soul radiated the love I felt for this man. Love I had never felt before. It was from a time long before I was a glint in my fathers eyes. A life time ago…a past life time ago.

There was white cotton fabric blowing gently in the breeze through the open windows. I walked through the door not taking my eyes off of him as I navigated seamlessly to the open window at the back of the house. I was so drawn to him. It was a powerful connection. He was still staring, waiting to see if I was going to approach him. The magnetic attraction pulled me toward him. I felt like a ghost walking toward a free spirit…

I was interrupted by her soft calm voice. I wanted to stay in that moment forever. I tried fighting it but had dream-like strength. When her voice entered my subconscious, he disappeared. I was calmly persuaded to step forward in time to the next significant moment. I was in the midst of childbirth, my son was being born without his father standing at my side. I felt pain and sadness mixed with joy and elation of having a child. I knew my story was not going to end the way I’d hoped.

Her empathetic voice whisked me to another moment in time…

My body felt numb. I longed for him to return. The thought of him walking up the same dry dirt road I had, it seemed just moments before, had become a mirage. Our son was playing in the shade of the big tree on the hill. He looked about 6 years old, the spitting image of his father. A reminder of who was missing each time our eyes met. He had yet to meet the man he heard stories of each and every day. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he too longed to look into his fathers eyes just once.

I heard a rumble in the distance making its way to our little house on the hill. A familiar sound that once brought letters of his undying love. Wrapped in hope I held my breath, pleading silently for his return. I glanced over at our son innocently watching my expression as the rumble gently passed us by in a cloud of dust.

to be continued…

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Past Lives…part two.

Past Lives…part one. (last weeks post)

Past Lives…part two.

I felt a tear slowly forge a path down my cheek as her hypnotic voice asked me to move forward in time once again. I didn’t want to move forward, I wasn’t ready to face my fear. I kept looking back, drawn to my past, to him. I grabbed onto a thought that would make my heart beat again. With every ounce of my subconscious strength I held onto the energy of the man who captured my heart. I felt alive again.

He walked toward me, glistening with sweat from working hard in the field. His walk commanded my attention, taking my breath away. In slow motion his strong hands reached out and cupped my jaw on both sides slowly bringing me close enough to feel his breath on my mouth. He stared deep into my soul, taking me to a place I had never been with any man before. Like a tornado he stirred every emotion in my body spinning me out of control with no conscious thought. He had such passion and want in his eyes. Nothing could break through the spiritual connection we were creating in that moment. I would remembered it for eternity.

I heard her soft guiding voice in the distance, muffled like I was hearing it through the wall. She kept repeating the same words over and over. I was lost in my story not wanting to come back up the spiral staircase to reality…she gently repeated “You need to move on, if you don’t you won’t find the answer you are looking for”.

I hesitantly moved forward in time and found myself standing in a familiar spot. I looked towards the tree up on the hill where our son was sitting quietly looking into the vibrant green canopy of leaves that were ready to burst with new life. It was spring again, my favourite season. The breeze was cool this time, fresh subtle fragrance filled the air. The birds were oddly quiet as if they knew what was about to come…

The distant rumble was clearer than any other time. I was waiting for it, anticipated it. I sensed the moment my eyes opened that morning that this was the day. I walked as if in a procession to greet the gentleman who had brought my letters of love in the past. He couldn’t hide his emotions. His eyes told me my heart was about to be shattered into a million pieces. He surely would not have wanted to be the one to deliver this letter, I was thankful it was he who did.

I stoically held my head high as he softly placed the letter in my hand. I closed my eyes to recalled his scent so he could stand next to me and give me his strength. His energy was not within the folded corners. My nose touched the unfamiliar penmanship. His scent, absent. There was nothing. As the tears rolled down my cheeks I opened the handwritten letter to face my biggest fear. I saw words such as brave, strength, respected, sincerely, hero and then I heard his voice faintly whisper the word s-o-r-r-y into my ear.

Our son stood behind me silently with tears flowing down his flush cheeks. We stood with arms wrapped tight around one another, not a word was said. We were all we had left. I felt the presence of his strength circle us as we sobbed silently. I was grateful in that moment to have him in my arms with the same blood pumping through his veins as his father. He would be my forever now.

 

 

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Take a Look Inside

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Every now and then I take a trip that offers me peace within. I climb gently inside, sit for a moment, and allow the silence to speak to me. It doesn’t take long to feel the calm wash over my soul. I know why I am here. I need to silence the chaos before it get momentum. It starts as an unsuspecting look in the mirror, without notice it turns into a whisper until is casts a shadow that follows me everywhere. I need to come back home, take refuge inside and let the music play. Do a little soul searching, ask a few questions of myself.

We all become disconnected from time to time. Whether it be in love, our chosen careers, with our growing kids or just life itself. We need to heed the warning signs and allow our heart to speak gently to our minds that wander away taking us just slightly off course. Away from the centre of who we know we are deep within.

We arrive here sometimes by mistake, at the hand of a stranger or out of defeat. We become disconnected from what matters, from those who matter.

There should be no boundaries, limits or restrictions in this safe place, only memories that warm our hearts, feelings that bare our soul. Our past, present and future should float harmoniously together.

After spending time in the company of those we consider part of our tribe, we connect fearlessly and welcome each others truth. I recently reconnected with a girlfriend who lives her life in the moment. She, like me is a free spirit who wears her heart on her sleeve, she is honest, open, giving freely the love she has deep inside to those in her circle.

Having an open heart, living authentically does not come without questions that lay gently beneath the surface of who we are. Even those who dance to the beat of their own drum can at times lose the rhythm to their song. Reconnecting with our own truth brings us back to solid ground. Finding inner peace strengthens us and reminds us that we are not alone. Life is meant to be shared and explored with those we welcome to take a look inside.

We are all beautiful creatures that should explore this journey in life with passion and love. We are connected to one another and should at every opportunity share the love we have.

The dialog within stops as I cue the music. A symphony once again plays in the background as I find myself floating back to this miracle we call life. A slow steady inhale fills my chest with a fresh fragrant energy. The voices that live within are silenced by the tranquil beauty that surrounds me once again as I surrender to the moment.

You never know what is just around the corner unless you silence your mind, open your eyes and feel with your heart.

Trust that you are where you are meant to be.

~ Tracy

 

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Remembrance Day

REMEMBRANCE DAY TOPIX

~ Remembrance Day Poem ~

Grandpa pinned a pretty poppy

On his big black coat today,

He always stands up straighter

When he wears that coat that way,

He was humming to his friends again so soft that no one hears,

But I think he knows I’m listening

And he lets me see his tears

He was talking to his friends today

I heard him when he prayed

Now were going to see them

At my Grandpa’s big parade.

I sit high on Daddy’s shoulders

And try to catch my Grandpa’s eye

But he’s looking at the Maple Leaf

And he salutes as he walks by.

I ask if I can meet his friends

So he takes me for a walk;

We kneel beside a list of names

All written on a rock.

He tells me they were left behind

In cold and distant rain

He can only talk to them in prayer

They can’t come home again.

We had to pay the price, he says

To bring war to an end;

I think Freedom’s pretty costly

If you have to pay with friends.

‘Why did you do all that for me,

I wasn’t born yet ?’

He held me close and whispered

‘I don’t want you to forget.’

‘I did it for my Mom and Dad,’

Then his eyes began to water

‘I did it for your Dad, and you

And for your son and daughter.’

So I’ll always pin my poppy on,

Take my grand kids on parade;

Kneel underneath the Maple

Leaf,

To thank the friends my Grandpa

Made.

~ anonymous  

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On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, Canadians are asked to pause and remember the thousands of men and women who sacrificed their lives fighting for freedom and democracy during the First World War, the Second World War, the Korean War, the Afghanistan conflict and during peacekeeping missions. I am grateful for all those who have fought and those who continue to put their lives at risk each day so we feel a little more safe in the world. Each year we pause to watch the planes fly over to pay respects to all of those who have fought for our freedom, and each year it brings tears to my eyes. Today will be no different…

Thank you from the deepest part of my heart!
Tracy signiture

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Movember ~ Making a Difference in Mens Health ~ Repost ;{

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We love the strength of our male energy. They protect us instinctively without even thinking about it. They stand tall when looked upon to hold us together. They dissipate our fears, and lessen our pain by just being present.

Even the strongest of men can have their fate challenged, leaving those they love wishing for even just one moment longer to be held in their arms.

Movember, changing the face of mens health with a ribbon on their upper lip, worn with pride, uniting men in all corners of the globe.

These men share a camaraderie, their list of commonalities are long, but what matters most is their health! Male energy bound together to show their support for those who have, are, and will, fight a battle they all set out to win. Sadly not all do, but by bringing awareness to this crucially important cause we can get through this together.

We have all been touched by the loss of great men, whether it be within our family, our circle of friends, or a co-worker. We have all known someone who has lost their fight and joined the world of Angels. The world must be in need of Angels…

~ Last year the world lost an amazing man by the name of Brock Hilliard. I am grateful to have called him my friend. He is missed each day by all those who crossed his path and felt his love.

~ My friend Rick Rae (Rickr) passed last week and left the world with one less positive difference makers. Rick supported and left his voice on Tara Cronica for many years! He inspired me on more than one occasion to keep going! And still does. I miss the simple : ) Rick left so often reminding me that I was thought of. I miss being called ‘kid’.

~ Ken Yamamoto, a supportive father, a loving husband and friend, lost his fight just days ago. He will be missed by a community who he shared time and space with watching great kids play hockey, lacrosse and music!

~ Wray Douglas, I have so many fond memories when I think of Wray. Thank you for always keeping us safe on set while you lived your dream. I am grateful for the selfless gift you gave without pause. My love and thoughts are with your family.

Just a few of the great men who made a difference in the lives of those they loved, may you all rest in peace.

So although I admit I love watching the progression of a great Mo, it’s deeper than that for me this year. There is no comical twist, just a blessing that there are individuals who step up to create change in the world…for that I am grateful.

So gentlemen, grow your Mo and wear it with pride and honour knowing you have taken a stand to make a difference!

Made_in_Movember_Icon_1Tracy ~

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My Mo…for the Day! Repost ;{

Movember…I am a woman of my word. A couple of weeks ago I somehow got bamboozled into wearing a moustache for the day. Today’s the day! My friend Drew will be making a donation to Movember and so should you! Great cause!

I will add pictures later today as part of the ‘deal’ to show how I spent my day. ((((((smile))))) I hope you got a giggle out of this Drew…I know you’re all wondering how it is at all possible that this woman is single!!! It boggles my mind as well!

On my way out…

Hanging with the Little Black dog…

Getting a trim…@ Mekal Salon & Spa

Tim Hortons Drive through…

Movember isn’t Movember without a Handsome Fire Fighter;)

…and another one just to be sure 😉

Thanks for participating Everyone!

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Movember ~ Repost ;{

Ladies are you wondering why there is an overwhelming number of itchy faced 70’s porn-star moustache adorning men around lately? No there is not a 70’s porn feature film in town, and it’s not the play-offs, it’s much more exciting and important than that! *wink*

Movember is in full swing! Men all over the world are growing facial hair to help bring awareness for mens health! The prostate (from Greek prostrates, literally “one who stands before”, “protector”, “guardian”) is a gland of the male reproductive system. Its purpose or function is extremely important in helping prolong the lifespan of sperm and giving better protection to the genetic material DNA!

Did you know that prostate cancer is the number 1 male cancer? Did you know that a man is 35% more likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than a woman is to be diagnosed with breast cancer? The good news is prostate cancer is over 90% curable if detected and treated in the early stages.

Here is the link if you would like to find out more about Movember. A friend of mine Steve (pic to the left) has a Movember site you can visit to make a donation! It’s a no brainer to support those who are making a difference in other peoples lives!

I personally LOVE facial hair, any facial hair on a man is just plain sexy! Their moustache is their ribbon, and in just 30 days of wearing it they raise not only awareness through conversation, but in 2010 they raised $22 million dollars, an itch worth having!

Thanks to all my handsome male friends who allowed me to post their pics for a good cause! Now go and get your prostate checked boys, it could save your life!

Oh and just one more thing…prevention 😉 you didn’t really think I was finished. The BBC News website says masturbation (<—– go on click on the link…I know you want to, guaranteed a gut laugh out loud if you read the entire article) or more specifically ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer. To quote BBC, ” Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.” There I said it…now go do the right thing!

MOVEMBER NEWS FACTS:

Movember began in 2003 in Melbourne, Australia. The guys behind it joked about 80s fashion and decided it was time to bring back the moustache.  In order to justify their “Mo” (Aussie slang for moustache), they used their new looks to raise some awareness and money for prostate cancer research… never dreaming their efforts would lead to a global movement for men’s health.To date, more than 1,000,000 Mo Bros and Mo Sistas have joined together to raise over $175 million to change the face of men’s health.

FYI…if I use keywords such as porn, masturbate and ejaculate we usually get a few more hits than normal! Sorry if I offended anyone but it’s for a GREAT cause, our handsome male energies life expectancy! 

Thanks again guys for allowing me to post your pics, you are all making a difference!

Making progress…

Prostate Cancer Canada
Awareness & Education
Global Action Plan

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Movember & Sons ~ Changing the Face of Mens Health! Repost ;{


Movember is here and if you don’t have at least a 5 o’clock shadow you better get on it! On your mark, get set, grow! Get ready Ladies, we are going to start seeing a plethora of handsome moustache adorning men walking the streets! What can I say I love a good porn moustache especially when it’s worn for such a great cause.

I LOVE Movember because it shows that our men care about being here. This year Movember has added another very important element to their campaign against Prostate Cancer, Mental Health!

I somehow got bamboozled into wearing a moustache for a day through a Facebook comment…Drew ~ “Do you wear the ‘stash’ in public, lol” Me ~ “I could if you send in a written request.” Drew ~ ” I Drew formally request that One, Tracy Westerholm wear a Cheesy Moustache while out in public…” We agreed on 1 day for a $100.00 donation to Movember via my friend Steve McLay. I would have done it for 20 bucks! I am to take pictures throughout the day in public places so stay tuned because of course I will be sharing them at a later date. If YOU want to buck up and put in a suggestion of where I have to take a pic, I will for a donation!

Get involved and Register or Donate!

“Over the past two years, Movember has paid homage to the Modern Gentleman and Country Gentleman, exploring his appreciation and penchant for luxury items, etiquette, craftsmanship, pride and honour.

In 2012, we are getting down to the raw hard truths of the past two years and taking a look, quite simply, at what it means to be a better man. 2012 is the year of Movember & Sons.

Knowledge shared from one generation to the next and wisdom passed down by one’s dad or father figure, plays a meaningful role in shaping who we become. This learning continues throughout life, but also reaches a point at which the exchange is reversed and insight is passed back up the chain.

The collective knowledge of generations gives us great power to avoid mistakes of the past, plan thoughtfully for the future and to become the best version of one’s self.

This Movember, we will encourage all men to seek and share knowledge and wisdom with loved ones, to learn their family health history and predispositions and to understand the risks they face. These simple actions can have a significant impact of the quality and longevity of your journey through this life.

Last year, Movember had its most successful year to date with over 850,000 Mo Bros and Mo Sistas across the globe raising a phenomenal $CAD 125.7 million for prostate cancer. The hairy movement will continue to grow in 2012, as 21 countries across five continents unite to have an everlasting impact on the face of men’s health. Knowledge is power; the time to learn and grow is now. Prepare yourself my son.”

How one moustache has changed the face of Mens Health!


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Deeper Connections…

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Deeper connections are what I seek as I age gracefully. I feel a sense of calm in who I have become and hear my Mothers tone as I speak my truth. I never understood until recently how she managed to just be, with what seemed such little effort.

I don’t feel rushed, I don’t feel the pressure of societies time-line for a woman in her 50’s who stands on her own. I made a choice and with each choice we must walk without fear of what if…

The young who worry that if I don’t find someone soon while I still look good on the outside, makes me giggle. I want the one who has been weeded out from the masses who stands alone knowing what I know to be true. I don’t need a plethora of choices, I want only one who shines brighter than the rest in my eyes. One I find comfort in to just be, with. No fluff, no bells, no whistles, no fireworks, just basic stripped down raw love and understanding of one another.

I say this with a deep feeling of inner peace knowing that what I speak of will present itself when the time is right…or perhaps it already has. I have life experience that has been gracefully placed on my face and body which I still consider a gift each day. I have been very fortunate and am forever grateful for all I have…blessed if you will, with a life that has been exceptionally beautiful. I could die tomorrow with a ((((((smile))))) on my face knowing I have no regret. I don’t however feel my purpose here on Earth has yet been fulfilled.

Life experience, good, bad or ugly makes us who we are and allows us to grow a little bit wiser. These journeys help tell our story, a story worth hearing if you have the time or desire to listen. Life experiences are expressed in many ways, through a tone in voice, in action or attitude, in character and in will. We all have a story hidden away deep within our hearts. Human connections are the foundation we build these stories upon and release them to.

I am acceptant of those who crosses my path and whether or not they form a bond of love with me, I ultimately want each to be happy with or without me standing at their side.

When the young look into their future they see an aging face and body because they have yet to form the deeper connections that carry us into the more powerful meaning of life. They see beauty from the outside not knowing what they are capable of build along the way. It is a spiritual, intellectual connection that draws us in as we age. When you look ahead, see what matters, everything else fades.

I recently watched old home movies which brought a lot of feelings to the surface about time slipping by so quickly. It made me ask myself some very difficult questions. What I realized was the answers to those questions didn’t really matter because I am here, right now exactly where I am meant to be. The only thing that matter is now. What I choose to do right now in this moment.

I know a thing or two about being single when it doesn’t feel like the popular thing to be. When I was younger I always allowed myself the pleasure of being independent of a man. I waited painfully longer than what was socially acceptable to find the perfect partner to build a life together. What I remember most is that it just happened.

What I do know is that my heart won’t lie, it won’t lie even a little when it comes to that gnawing love that I seek. That feeling that someone has completely gotten below the surface of the sheets in a bed I don’t share often. They slip in and have no intention of leaving. Call me crazy but that is what I am looking for in this wonderful world of the ordinary. I want the man who sees below my surface and fits in to my ordinary, my calm, my love.

~ Tracy

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Jesse Jagger…

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From the moment I knew my first child was growing inside me, I felt blessed. A chapter began in my life that would be like no other. I loved being pregnant more than anything I have done in all my years on Earth! It’s simply a miracle feeling a child that you created with love, moving within you! Jesse Jagger you changed my life.

Jess was born large and by large I mean,10 pounds 3 ounces, 24 inches long and a cranium that measured 19 inches…;0 (c-section thank the stars above!) He was in the 99th percentile for everything! Jesse was nick-named ‘Baby Sumo’ by the nurses, having taken up residence next to triplets born on the same day. He wasn’t too interested in joining us on earth, being 11 days overdue. He took his sweet time gracing us with his presence. I think he was given a nudge by the angles above and promised the trip on the other-side would be as wild as the one within.

IMG_2276Jess, you are such a special part of my life, I adore every single bit of who you are as you navigate down your path in life. I will be forever grateful that I am able to walk next to you with an open heart (and mind) as you share what you learn along the way. You enlighten me with your wisdom, openness and willingness to experience life without fear. You scare the living daylights out of me somedays when I am a one dimensional Mom, but that’s to be expected. I get equally as thrilled when I think of you as a young man who has such a thirst for life unlike the norm…but then how could your Dad and I have ever created anything beige? You are my boy! My handsome, smart, caring, loving, calm, talented, intellectual boy that views life as a spirit who has been here before.

DSC_0311Flash me your charismatic smile that makes your eyes sparkle and I will give you the world and everything in it. Wrap your arms around me and I will make you whatever your heart desires. Mom’s just need love from their boys to make their world smile.

Jess, I love you more than any words could possibly express, it goes beyond the love I thought my heart had to give. My love for you is limitless. I will always be at your side if you need a ear to listen, a warm heart to hug, or a soul searching moment to share.

I love you forever, I love you always…

Happy Birthday Jesse Jagger, I smile at the life you have to create, knowing it is going to be a ride just watching! Continue to make it your own Jess, just be you! I look forward to each moment we have together, stretching boundaries, and learning along the way! You calm my heart and soothe my soul just thinking about you!

Mom (((((smile)))))

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Picture 134

…you are so loved! 

 

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Do you ever feel you are so far away from Home, yet you are sitting on the edge of your own bed? You reflect of what once was and what now is. Connecting all the physical dots is easy, if you sit peacefully, the memories wash over you. Go deeper and allow your feelings to float to the surface. The comfort you once had, the knowing where you were, will all bring you back Home.

Life can be so busy, taking us far away from Home, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Life is unpredictable and can change in an instant, making us yearn for that feeling of being Home.

As a child I had that deep tummy home sick feeling that would wash over me like a wave when I tried to sleep over night at a friends house. I always ended up calling my Mom to come bring me Home. Maybe it was her calm voice that I missed so much. She always made everything feel better no matter what I was going through. Still to this day, her voice calms me and brings me back Home. The moment I say hello, she instinctively hears me and makes it right.

This feeling wouldn’t go away until I surrendered to it. Laying in my own bed knowing I was safe and loved put me at peace.

It is a struggle at times being a parent trying to offer the same sense of peace to your kids. You wonder if they even notice what you do daily to make them feel as you did growing up, the feeling of being safe and warm at Home. No matter what troubles your kids go through, give them a Home they know they can be at peace in.

What I have learned over the years is that Home comes from within. It is a combination of what you once had and where you are in this moment. It is in the sound of a familiar voice, in a smile on a face, in the touch of a hand you know so well, in an embrace from long ago. Home is the love we hold in our hearts for those we know so well and those we have yet to welcome in…our Home.

Home is in the Heart.

Home is love…

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Bare Your Soul ~

I lay in the warmth of a cloud, a peaceful breeze whisper to my skin as I drift in and out of consciousness. The rumble of a train fades into the distance as I shift to find you. The dawn chorus begins outside my window. Your arms wrap around my chest pulling me closer. I missed you. I miss you.

You have been hidden deep inside my thoughts waiting for this moment to begin. Your presence removes all the burdens of my flaws as I lay waiting to hear your words, to feel your touch and smell your skin.

Like the sun casting it’s early morning rays upon the day, your words clothe me with a peaceful radiant glow. You undress me with the warmth of your soul. You cloak me with the love in your heart and set me free to explore a world in which there are only beginnings.

I join you in the silence of the night, to feel your kiss forever.

Stripping with words, I putting myself on the page.

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Butterflies Are Free to Fly

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Everything starts with a thought. I love the quote “Thoughts become things, choose the good ones.” ~ Notes from the Universe. It’s not always easy to choose the good ones, even I have my moments of wallowing in displeasure from time to time. When you do allow yourself to take a peek at the not-so-good ones, dabble briefly, it’s a slippery slope that will lead you to the bottom of the hill if you aren’t careful. Taking a brief look however allows us a natural comparison of good and not-so-good, which can make the fork in the road that much clearer.

Our subconscious hopefully steps in allowing us to make the next choice.
~Shall we evolve and grow as a human being or shall we go back to the drawing board and try again? Not everyone is a quick study. Some simply like the comfort of a path more traveled, others go to great lengths seeking the unfamiliar one.

Transformation doesn’t generally happen unless we go through a mental metamorphic state. We can’t change physically until mentally we are on board with the new path. Emotionally we can’t make this change until we do the work, as hard as it may feel. So you may as well just get into it. Buckle down and get busy! Represent who you are with all you’ve got! Visualize where you imagine yourself to be!

Sometimes we don’t see that we need a change until it becomes crystal clear we can no longer cocoon down the path we have been on far too long. The journey awaiting our acquaintance may as well start now. Pack light, you’re not going to need anything materialistic on this journey. Dig deep and start within.

When we do go through a change or evolution of sorts, it lightens us. As we blaze our own trail we become light in mind, body and spirit. Keep walking even if it feel like you are taking baby steps, the leaps and bounds will come when it’s time.

If you’re going through a physical change, the load to lighten is visual. Be kind to yourself. If you are going through a mental change, only you will see those changes at the start. In time those around you will notice a light coming from within.

There is nothing quite as delicate and beautiful as a butterfly floating in the summer breeze. It too had to go through metamorphosis before it took flight. We all have the power to be that butterfly if we are willing to work at shedding the cocoon we all become comfortable in over time.

So whether you are trying to shed a physical comfort, become lighter within your thoughts, or cast a light on your spiritual side, everything is possible if you imagine yourself floating effortlessly through your day.

“You’re a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye…” 

Tracy signiture

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My Word…

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Your word is a reflection of who you are. We all need to stop making promises we can’t keep. Where have the days gone when our word meant something? Even the traditional handshake has taken a turn to weakness. ‘Lets shake on it’is no more. A solid handshake insinuates strength, just as a weak one leaves you slightly disappointed. When you reach out and grasp the palm of another, you are engaging in a silent formal agreement, an extension of your word.

As a child, the word of an adult was the gospel. Pinky Swear mimics our handshake, sealing the deal of a child. As a grown up you never wanted to let down the innocent mind and hopeful child looking deeply at you. Why as adults do we feel it acceptable to speak without actions.

I understand that things change, people make choices that can spin a promise right off its foundation. We often set out with good intention but along the way we get side tracked with that something shiny, that takes us in a direction we didn’t see coming. Our word slips through the cracks of the foundation we so easily let crumble. A foundation that took years to build. We need to think about our words before we release them to the Universe and initiate the hope said within them.

Vows are not what they used to be. I am not sure if it is a generational thing or whether some people take them to heart more than others. Kept promises are becoming a thing of the past. Our word is written in pencil so easily erased on the pages we try to write. We lack focus. We have much to distract us.

If we all take a moment to think about the words we release to those who have hope and faith in us, maybe we can change the way a promise is kept. Maybe then our handshakes will have more strength and our words more meaning.

When promises continually get broken we start to believe we are not worthy of that promise. Those who do give their word with full intention of following through lose faith in those who so easily and thoughtlessly release promises without the thought or meaning behind them.

For our words to have strength they need to start from within. We need to know who we are and what we want to allow them to take on the meaning and strength they were meant to have. We need to be honest, know our truth, and be unafraid to express it. Promises will then come in time when they are ready to be released.

I give you my word that what I write and what I say to you are words I can shake on. I mean what I say and say what I mean, do you?

Tracy signiture

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Round Hole Square Peg

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How long do we need to continue putting a square peg into a round hole before we throw it up in the air and try something different? We all learn as babies how this works. Triangle shape fits into a triangle hole. I don’t know one who got it right the first go. As adults we sat and watched encouraging the fumbling little fingers and intense concentration to keep trying, knowing they would eventually get it right. When they did, we celebrated their accomplishment just as enthusiastically if not more than they did.

Flash forward years and change your view just slightly and imagine these pegs as our belief systems, morals, values and opinions. We may not have the pegs in front of us physically but the idea is just the same. We have a way of thinking and our partner has their way of thinking. His may be the round peg and you may have the square hole. <~~~ that sounds just weird after writing it but I am going to leave it.

We all have different opinions, belief systems, morals and values. Some we are willing to compromise on and some are set in stone. We can either try to change the other to adopt ours or we can compromise and blend them together. Keep in mind that each human being has walked a unique path making them who they are because of where they came from and the life experience they had along the way. When we can dive deep to the root of who they are it is much easier to understand why they may have formed a different view on life than we have. Unlike the baby trying to fit that rigid peg into a hole we have learned over the years to compromise in our work relationships, friendships and love unions. We evolve and learn that what is best for the team is a blend of everyone involved. It is not as cut and dry as wood pegs.

Lets say within a relationship we are given 10 pegs, we can see how many we agree on by placing them into the right slot. Again celebrating the ones that fit so perfectly. But what happens when they don’t fit?

We can take weeks, months even years to figure out some of our pegs are not going to match no matter how hard we try. Some of us are slow learners, or are we? Maybe we just know what we want and were relentless in finding a way to make it work? Maybe we are not willing to compromise? Maybe we just need to find a heavier mallet to smash the square peg into the round hole and be done with it. The problem is the peg we smash into the wrong hole is going to be damaged. Now what? Should we be get out our sandpaper and start smoothing the edges of our pegs and try to keep going? <~~~ that is called compromise. Or do we give up and walk away from all the pegs we have damaged?

This is where communication steps in…Hallelujah to words but even better the actions that follow. In my humble opinion, if you are not willing to follow through with the actions behind the words, you should keep those words inside a little longer. The time will eventually present itself and be a moment to celebrate! Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Some of us can communicate better than others. If we try, over time we evolve into better communicators with practise. If you consider yourself a poor communicator with words, you can always fall back on your actions…you know what they say about actions, they speak louder then words. There really is no reason to fail at communication, it’s just whether or not you are doing it to listen, or to reply. Muting someones words just tells them they don’t matter. I have learned over the years that if you stay in the room, even the worst case scenario…agree to disagree, you fair better than walking away.

Communication is a choice. Here are a few prime examples, you tell me what appears to be the best form of getting your whole view across.

Text messaging is a form of somewhat broken communication, good if you are sending brief information required, but for anything more meaningful it is passing back and forth fragmented thoughts that can lapse over days. This is for those who want to think so long before they speak and even when they do it is so wide open for interpretation it most often goes in the wrong direction, leaving both parties more confused.

Email can have it’s advantages for those who want to get their thoughts down without being interrupted but isn’t injections from the other person necessary to have the flow go in the right direction, a natural ebb and flow of a conversation. You both help the other understand by clarifying something along the way as to not have the wrong impression.

Phone conversation are the second best in my opinion, hearing the persons voice can help direct you as to what they are feeling with simply the tone of their voice.

Standing in front of another human being is the only way to truly communicate. The only way you can have any real success in trying to get his round peg into your square hole. :) You see their eyes, their body language and if both are open to expressing themselves honestly it is a communication celebration.

So life is not about being completely structured, fitting a square peg into a square hole and thinking that is the only option. Life is about how we deal with situations when the square peg and round hole present itself to us, how we communicate to solve the problem, whether in business or our personal lives.

~ Tracy

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Challenge Me…

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What makes certain men feel the need to challenge the words or actions of the woman they find attractive? It would be so much easier to just go with the flow and agree, let them have their way! If men would simply give us what we want, life would be so much simpler for them…wouldn’t it? I am pretty sure there is a label for that.

Thankfully there are men out there who beg to differ. These intellectuals won’t allow any woman to manipulate their minds, regardless of how well she has learned to bat those lashes. It goes against every cell in their body to let anything slide for the sake of an easy ride. These men feel the need to peel away our layers, exposing our intimate thoughts, leaving us standing naked feeling vulnerable. They want to know what we have deep inside.

When I was much younger I was always attracted to the energy in the crowd who paid little attention to me, a youthful challenge. It was the chase that was the exciting part back then. As I’ve aged and become wiser, a challenge still stimulates my senses but it’s definitely no longer about the chase. It’s about playing for keeps! Whether or not I am challenged intellectually is what keeps me wanting more. Stimulate my mind and my heart will follow.

Every now and then we meet our match. These male energies make us think about what comes gushing out of our mouths. They question who we are, how our brain works and why we believe in certain things. They are not afraid to ask the question and expect an answer. These men make us grow and unfold, evolving within our own existence! They’re not your regular Saturday Night Special! They stand alone and are willing to put it on the table if asked. They have no fear. These men are the risk takers, the seekers of something special. They are willing to go the distance. They want more from us than we are usually willing to give. They are the ones who ruffle our feathers from time to time and make us re-evaluate what we stand for. They know how to encourage us to reach higher.

A man who can make you re-evaluate your doings or simply your words, is a man who isn’t afraid to stand by your side when life gets messy. We all need to be challenged in our lives to reach beyond what we have found comfort in.

Challenge me…

Tracy ~

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Life is a Journey ~

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She was born pure at heart, mind, body and soul. She would walk a path that was to teach her lessons she so deeply needed to learn. Lessons she signed up for long before birth. She had an agreement with the Angels who were to guide her along the way. She would call upon them in times of need and trust they were at her side. She stepped into this world with her own agreement with souls who were also on a journey, crossing her path from time to time. Their adventures together would last a lifetime. Each soul that stood before her was a lesson waiting in the wings.

Guided by her Angels, she began her journey with a clear conscience that would remind her where she was safe to travel, that one day would lead her back home.

As she evolved into a strong independent young woman her life started to blossom. She spread her wings and took flight. She was not meant to always understand the path in which she traveled but to have faith it would lead her to where she was meant to be, in time. Her journey would teach her the importance of living a life true to self. A life free of ego, filled with acceptance.

“To Thine Own Self Be True” ~ Shakespeare

There was a greater plan for this free spirit that would take her decades to recognize. Her heart was filled with love, it was her purpose to share this gift with those she intuitively knew needed to feel it. She was truly born a love child.

Not always aware of the presence of her guidance she fearlessly walked where many did not. There were signs along the way that gave her an unknown source of comfort. A comfort that radiated from within her. A comfort she was soon to understand from where it came.

She is a woman with a strong sense of self. A woman who blazes trails of her own. A woman who fights for her rights. She is a woman that believes in the power of words, and the actions that follow. She gives hope to the underdog. She is a woman who is able to settle her fear, if for just a moment to allow the voices she knows to be true, lift her spirit.

She strives to make it to the end with her dignity and self respect intact. To lay on her bed of death knowing she made a difference in the lives of others. To have felt love, gave love unconditionally to those who stood before her. She is a woman who holds her values close, her morals high while reaching for the stars from out of this world into the next.

She finds herself surrounded by peace, love, faith and understanding.

She finds herself back home.

~ Tracy

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Dating an Independent Woman

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A Man I spent some time with brought this over and read it to me. He said it helped him to understand me a little better…he is no longer around but not because of this. :)

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. *Cough Bonnie* They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll be hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her in that way. Sadly yes ;(

5. Expect her to be stubborn, <~~~ whatever! to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn’t get it. <~~~ I don’t fight…I debate if we are being picky! Don’t always give in to her, <~~~ say what? but do let her win sometimes. Ummm let her? (Insert squinty face here)

6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Nothing wrong with needing to breathe! Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself. Uh huh!

7. Expect her to pull away from you, especially when she realizes how much she likes you. She’ll come back to you but she’ll need time to think her feelings through.

8. She’ll question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for her. She’ll always want to know if they are real or if she’s making things up in her head.

9. Expect her to be headstrong. She’ll tell you, “I’ve got this,” more than you’ll want to hear. But she’ll get used to your offers to help. And in time she’ll know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything. Independent…what can I say!

10. She’ll be guarded, and she won’t be keen on letting you in. She’s waiting to see if you’re patient, she’s waiting to see if you’re worth it. She’s hoping that you’re worth it. YUP!

11. Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But every time she gives you a little, it’ll feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps. Ugh

12. She’ll come across as strong, maybe too strong for you at first. But don’t be intimidated, this is her outer shell. And when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.

13. Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her. And then you’ll see the untamed, raw, and always beautiful open version of her that she’ll let you fully discover.

14. She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities, and hide many of her weaknesses. And when she shows you them, she’ll feel naked. Clothe her with your words. Clothe her with your words…melt…puddle ~

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced. Sigh!

16. She’ll be scared – scared to be hurt, scared to love, and be loved. Scared that you’ll eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won’t know who she was before. Hard swallow. 

17. Being alone is her default, it’s her comfort zone. But expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit and in a way that isn’t loud but still powerful; it’ll be like a little bit of heaven. And it won’t matter if you love her for a while or for a lifetime; her love will change both you and her forever. Double sigh…

by Kovie Biakolo

Tracy~

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