Hope and the Power of Connection in Addiction.

Navigating addiction alone is almost impossible and certainly not recommended. It doesn’t matter which side of addiction you are on, we all need support to navigate this brutal, at times debilitating disease.

I have been navigating the path of addiction with a loved one and only in the past year have I felt I have a circle of peers who truly understand the emotions that are attached to it, with the exception of my parents. I don’t think you can really understand what it feels like to walk the path of addiction until you have someone close to you in active addiction or on the bumpy side of recovery.

When I dropped my loved one off at treatment I was hit by an emotional tidal wave. My loved one was finally safe and in a place where professionals could help navigate the path forward. I broke down into a puddle on the floor when they said the program was also about each family members well being. They recognized the trauma that the family goes through. They had a holistic approach where the family was also treated with an intensive weekend course called The Discovery Family Program followed by 6 months of therapy in a group setting with peers who also had/have loved ones in treatment. I have never experienced anything like this.

The first day was an emotional roller coaster filled with tears. At times it was hard to articulate what you were trying to express due to the overwhelming feeling of love and support while you shared what you had been through. It was our road to recovery. We all had different unique situations but they all came together with a thread of similarity and a joint force of wanting to better understand what our loved ones were/are dealing with. It was beyond powerful.

The group helped the families navigate the path ahead with the main focus on self care. We learned the in’s and out’s of addiction to better understand what our loved one was going through. We all had the opportunity to share our stories, which was extremely cathartic. There was not a sliver of judgement, nor was there anyone who didn’t have empathy in truck loads! We were all at different stages with our loved ones which was clearly identified with how everyone presented. There were those who were strong and solid and others who were a hot mess. It literally just depended on how long you had been navigating the path of addiction and how much therapy you had to understand it. There was an instant bond with complete strangers! I had personally never experienced this feeling before.

We learned about setting boundaries and heard what worked for others as they navigated the path with their loved one. There was a plethora of lived experience throughout the weekend that extended into the weekly group meeting.

This journey of addiction is life long and the best results are through learning and growth within yourself. That is true for both the family supporting, and the loved one in addiction. You learn to take care of yourself so you are better equipped to help your loved one when needed.

I didn’t understand addiction when we first identified there was a problem, even though it was in my family dynamic growing up. Addiction become very different when it is a loved one close to you and you see first hand their struggles to stay on track. We soon came to realize the urgency of what the end result could be if it wasn’t taken seriously. I only wanted my loved one to survive the disease and get the help needed to come out of it alive and I felt for that to happen my loved one needed me. The harsh reality is that too many don’t survive addiction.

I learned that I enabled my loved one, in my eyes out of love. I found out I was co-dependant, which came as a huge shock being such an independent self-sufficient woman. I believed my loved one wouldn’t survive addiction if I wasn’t there advocating for what needed to be done. I took care of everything, from providing positive reenforcement, healthy meals, booking appointments, monitoring bank accounts, seeking treatment options and driving to where they needed to be. I even quit my job to be there for support when returning from treatment to make sure they were loved and supported. My loved ones life was more important than my own.

My boundaries were weak and all over the place trying to keep my loved one safe. I wanted my loved one to be clean more than they desired a different result from another round of treatment, that is how hard addiction is for the user. I soon came to realize that I was unable to change the course of their path, unless they wanted to. I had to learn to let go and have faith that my loved one would prevail.

If you have a loved one who is struggling with addiction, get the help you will need to be able to navigate the long road ahead. I have my moments of utter fear and panic and wake up in a cold sweat at times but I have also learned to take care of myself and find joy in each day with my focus on the wins, even if they are barely big enough for the eye to see.

I have learned to stay in the moment as each moment can change in either direction at the drop of a hat. I appreciate each moment with my family and try to focus on the positives. I struggle at times to understand addiction, having never experienced it personally but have deep empathy for anyone struggling. I am always here to help when I am called upon as I know how my experience can positively impact another person trying their best to make sense of this awful disease.

I am thankful for my family and close friends who listen when I need them to without judgment and rely on my group support that will be a forever thing for me in order to be understood deeply.

Let go and have faith that your loved one knows you are there if needed and allow them to navigate the ups and downs that they experience each day. It is then that they will understand what they need to do if they want to make a change.

There is always hope as long as they are taking breaths!

Here are some resources and links if you want to get support or need more information.

https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/substance-use/get-help-with-substance-use.html

https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/mental-illness-and-addiction-index/addiction

https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/overdose/what-you-need-to-know/recovery-services-treatment-support

~ Mother of a Beautiful Soul