How Do You Like Me So Far?

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Bonnie writesDon’t answer that.

For some reason it is painfully important what people think of me. Not only is it important to me but I worry about it. I don’t know why that is, but it is. It always has been. I’m approaching 50 years old and still I worry about what others think of me. When I was young and tried to imagine 50 year-old me, I saw this very confident, savvy, successful grown up person who looked a little like me only more mature and waaaay more sure of herself. Oh, and she had beautiful clothes and drove an immaculate shiny expensive car. I never stopped to imagine how she acquired all the nice clothes and the fancy car which could be the reason behind why they haven’t actually materialized. Boy, did I miss the target. I’m none of those things. Not even the grown up part.

Why do I care so much about what people think of me? I don’t know, but I’ve been giving it some thought lately and after going back, way back, into my rusty memory bank I realize, sadly, that I’ve always been this way. At least, I know for sure I was like this as far back as 5 years old. Maybe, just maybe, I had been a confident self assured 4 year-old, but if so, it was all over by 5.

At 5, in kindergarten, I recall being mortified after being called out for wearing the same dress twice in a row. I abruptly learned that wearing anything two days in a row was not the “normal” thing to do. And by not doing the normal thing I therefore stood out from the crowd. I did NOT want to stand out from the crowd. I preferred to blend in unnoticed so I could quietly observe from the side lines; make up my mind about people and events at my own pace, without anyone watching me. But mostly, I just wanted to be liked. I feel the same way today. Suddenly, I was being judged. At 5. And so it began. To this day I will not wear any item two days in a row, at least not out of the house anyway.

Such insecurity! Even as I write this, I’m typing my shitty first draft (every first draft of anything is shitty – it’s a universal law) on my computer using Word™, and I’m worried my computer doesn’t like me and thinks I’m an idiot. My spelling is routinely underlined with angry red squiggly lines that scream at me “You can’t be serious! Really? You still don’t know how to spell ‘way’? It’s a three letter word for crying out loud!” “I know!” I silently scream back, (don’t want anyone to hear me and think I’m crazy) “I purposely added the extra a’s for dramatic effect!” At which point my computer, lets out a disgusted “Pht! Amateur!”

I long for the freedom to really and truly not give a hoot about what others think of me. I’d probably go without makeup and groan really loudly at the gym. Stare all you want, I don’t care what you think! I’d spontaneously invite people over for dinner without working for hours beforehand cleaning, tidying, planning and prepping for a meal. It’s only a bloody meal! I might go bra-less while wearing that pretty white top with the very thin straps, oh the freedom! I’d sing out loud and well within ear shot of others. And I’d dance all over the dance floor, maybe even beyond, with or without a partner, swinging my arms above my head, wiggling and shaking all my bits to the music. Yes, even to the BeeGees, actually, especially to the BeeGees.

Then I’d write more. I’d write true stories straight from my life and I’d write imagined stories, then I’d blend them both for fun and let the sentences run on and on and on. Next I’d share without having to worry if people liked or disliked what I wrote, or worse yet, didn’t care enough to read any of it. I wouldn’t worry that I might not be educated enough, sophisticated enough, witty or worldly enough to write and therefore I’d be completely free to just do it. And I certainly wouldn’t freak out if someone looked over my shoulder while I wrote my shitty first draft. Who cares? Not me! I’m free!

Recently I very sagely advised someone, a decade or two younger than myself of course, that as you get older you let go of caring so much about what others think of you. Yes, me. I told them that. It’s true. Even scared-n-insecure ol’ me has managed to get better at it, although it is still an issue for me. Something I need to work on. I’m trying. In the mean time, please, whatever you do,  do not look over my shoulder if you catch me writing. Seriously. Don’t.

1bonnie-sign

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Speak the Truth…

I can’t help but admire a man who is willing to take a chance and share his truth. It’s refreshing. I love the male energy as you all know. I have had quite a variety of man-friends throughout my life and love each and every one of them because of how easily they are able to speak the truth to me. They simply are who they are. Our friendships are easy and uncomplicated.

We have learned to sugar coat the truth when it comes to certain topics because lets face it, sometimes the truth hurts. Nobody like to hurt the feelings of another so we mix in a little white lie here and there to lessen the blow. There is a time and a place for little white lies but when it really counts the truth is always best. The truth hurts most when our Ego rears it’s ugly head. If we can ignore our ego we don’t take things so personally. When we step back and view things from a distance without our Ego influencing feelings from our heart, we become more open and honest which leads to acceptance of ones truth. We all have ego’s but if we can keep them in check or ultimately get rid of them life would be much easier.

We have learned over time to add layers to our truth complicating it each time and so it’s sometimes difficult to peel them off and see what really lies deep beneath our coat of social acceptance. I find the truth to be an incredibly attractive quality in a man. It shows he has confidence in who he is and what he wants out of life, essentially giving up control. A man who can speak the truth is allowing things to just flow as they should, not worried about time-lines or selfish needs. He is thinking of the well being of others. Exposing our personal truth makes us vulnerable, especially to those who don’t know us very well, that’s where the confidence comes in. Speak the truth and allow others to decide what they want to do with it.

Words spoken from the heart are raw and untouched not yet influenced social behaviour. They are unique to who releases them. Sometimes the truth hurts, but at least we are given the opportunity to see the real person who speaks their truth which leads us to ours.

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Svaha Spirit Series: Ignite Your Light!

I spent the entire weekend watching young girls ignite their light. I get goose bumps every time I watch my daughters dance studio perform in front of a full auditorium. They have all come so far over the years. It gives me shivers to see such confidence. My daughter started out being the little girl who had to watch everyone else to make sure she was doing the right move. This year she didn’t just dance, she rocked it! Her confidence allowed her to feel the music and dance like no one was watching!

This is the song she listens to on our way to dance competitions. She told me she likes it because it inspires you to be yourself. She was brighter than the moon!

I am so proud of you and all your friends for being yourselves. You’re amazing just the way you are! xo


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Are You Comfortable Naked!

I want the truth. Are you comfortable with your naked body? More specifically, are you comfortable with your naked body with your partner in the room? I know every woman who is reading this has questions such as; “what kind of lighting are we talkin about here, is it day/night/candle…is he naked…or just me…do I have a tan…am I my ideal weight or do you mean RIGHT now?” STOP!

Okay specifically…”Are you comfortable being naked right now in daylight with the blinds open southern exposure at noon with your husband/boyfriend/lover (pick one!) standing or lying naked right beside you no covers no tan white skin completely natural having just ate lunch?” Okay minus the having just ate lunch, I’ll give ya that one. I know what you’re thinking, I’ve been buck naked in this scenario and that’s why I’m writing about it. You’ll never know for sure! (insert cheeky grin here) I’ll enjoy the speculation immensely…I don’t kiss and tell 🙂

For some women undressing in front of the one they love, is so horrific poking a sharp stick in their eye would be less painful! It’s some women’s worst fear to drop their dress, let alone the panties and bra that are under it, in bright light! Add the starring eyes of the one they desire, nightmare complete! I guarantee your partner is in awe at the spontaneity and confidence you ooze for doing it in the first place, not any bits you’re unhappy with.

If we make this man someone you only lust after, apparently the pain is less severe. Sweeeeet! Kidding! I find that strange, weird even that psychologically we are more comfortable stripping down with a man we don’t know. The man we love, adores us for who we are, not just our physical appearance. The man we lust is there for approximately 3 minutes…okay maybe 4…5 tops, before you see the back of his head exit stage right! lol

I know we don’t really care what the man we lust really thinks because we just want their body and mechanics for a simply pleasure! Shouldn’t we be more comfortable with the man we love because we know he will make sure we are simply pleasured! 🙂

I suppose our partners should feel good knowing we care what they think, but if they knew we held back because of our own insecurities, I’m sure they wouldn’t understand! Men desire women curves and flesh regardless of their size or shape. I don’t think there is a man out there who would turn down the woman they love if she was standing naked in front of him! It’s about love and trust.

Aging is hard on our bodies but our minds hopefully out weigh any insecurities we might have allowed to attach to our physique over the years! We know better than to be so critical, it’s a slippery slope! And if we put this kind of pressure on ourselves aren’t we putting it on our partner as well? We are our own worst enemy in this scenario ladies! Men see us as we should, from the inside out! For me, aging is about accepting who I am right now…and now…and now regardless of my size, shape or wrinkle count. If someone can’t love me for who I am, then the hell with them!

Embrace who you are ladies, naked in bright light! Natural beauty is the sexiest, ask any man! We’ve touched on The Naked Truth once before here on Tara Cronica…Tag Team Sunday: The Naked Truth, still feel the same ladies?

Okay I gotta fly, I am getting a spray tan today by a complete stranger, naked of course, just in case I find myself lying naked in daylight with the blinds open southern exposure at noon with my ______ lying right beside me naked, no covers, completely natural, if you don’t count the tan! Baby steps ladies…baby steps! Now go get nekid and rock your mans world…cause he wants to rock yours too!

 

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Let’s Be Honest…

tracy-pic3We all like to think we have honesty with our partner, friends, family and co workers, but do we? Are we being honest with ourselves?

You have to wonder don’t you. A vow is taken at a wedding, but still the divorce rate is approaching 80%. Spouses are trusted, yet affairs are almost common behaviour. Friends who were once trusted with deep dark secrets eventually blab to someone and show their true colours. Why are relationships failing? Everything seems to be disposable including relationships and I think it all comes down to honesty. I think people are afraid to be really honest with one another. They’re afraid to say how they really feel. If they do they take the chance of being judged and alienated for simply speaking the truth. How well do you really know your partner? Do you know and accept the good with the bad? Do you really know their passions and desires? If we are completely honest in our relationships, trust should be there. But lets face it, sometimes the truth hurts.


Trust; – noun: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, ect, of a person or thing; confidence.

Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people” I love this quote by Spencer Johnson.

How much confidence do you have in your spouse? Will they stand by you ‘til death do you part?’ I heard on the radio one morning about this study that was done when women in a marriage get ill. I’m not just talkin the flu or a virus here, I mean really sick. When women get an illness like M.S or Cancer 21% of men leave their wives. (That still leaves 79% that will stick it out, which is positive.) But if the rolls are reversed only 3% of women leave. The reasons given were that men don’t see themselves as the ‘caregiver‘ in a relationship. Men simply don’t multi task like women do, which would be necessary while taking on what would be required if their spouse was ill. This makes me wonder, if couples felt they could be more honest within their relationship, could these drastic measures turn into compromising ones? Could there be hope of working it out together simply because of raw honesty?

We all know how hard it can be to be COMPLETELY honest with anyone without hurting feelings somewhere along the line. But if you want real trust you have to start somewhere. I know this because I’ve been there. There is a huge payoff for honesty and that is friendship. Because of honesty in my relationship I have a best friend whom I trust more than ever. Scott is my best friend because of honesty. I will admit at times it was hard, but if you get rid of your ego and really put yourself out there, you get past the hard part and are left with trust.

When the truth is told it gives you the freedom to make decisions based on what’s best for you. It’s unselfish to speak the truth to those you love, whether the news is good or bad, the truth shall can set you free! The same goes with your girlfriends, although it is difficult to speak the truth to them at time, it is easier in the end if you do.

I think that as long as you have honesty, pure intention, you have trust.

Tracy signiture

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Are You Getting ‘Enough?’

TIf you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with. Really?  Why not just leave the one your with, to be with the one you love.  Whether or not you know who that person is, doesn’t it make sense to move forward and at least see if that person exists?  Are you getting ‘enough’ out of life if your not living truthfully.

I have been joking lately on Facebook how I have a “I like married men” magnet hidden somewhere on my person that I can’t find to remove, I am going to drag myself across the demagnetizer at the local electronic store to see if I can deactivate it.  I attract married men and I am starting to wonder if there is a reason I am unaware of.   Is it because I am putting out a  ‘I’m single’ pheromone.  Or is it that I am sending out a energy that I don’t want to be committed…yet.  I admit married men are great to flirt with because it feels safe, it can’t go any further than the flirt.  So maybe it is me and not them.

Here is what I came up with in my search on the Internet.  Recently single women have an energy,  zest for life and confidence to go after their dreams, married men admire what you have and they want a hit of your high energy.

Energetically you feel like you are on shaky ground and so you may be insecure even though a huge good transition is just around the corner in your life.

The combination of the vulnerability and your future potential success and strength is what these married guys are attracted to.  They are not happy in their own lives and so they want to have a fantasy experience with someone who does not have all the complications and responsibilities they are saddled with.  While this is selfish thinking and some of these men may just be players there are some who really are just unhappy and not able or willing to make the changes they need to in their lives.  It takes a huge amount of courage to make lasting change.  They then look for ways to alleviate their anger, frustration and boredom and ladies you come along with your great energy and personal power and they want to just be in that energy even if it is only for a little while.

So what is wrong with the single guys then?  That is a great question!  While you have really strong personal power and great energy that they would love, the simple answer is that the single guys are intimidated.  They see that you have a plan and goals and focus on the future and they just don’t know how to handle this kind of woman.  Now this is not to say that all single guys are like that but you will find as you really raise your own energy signature the more difficult it is for men to relate to you. You may find less men to choose from but the the quality is better and THAT is what counts! Well that sounds promising doesn’t it !

Remember that who you attract into your life is more about what you are doing right than what you are doing wrong in many cases.  We draw certain people into our lives at various times because we have different lessons to learn. I have to agree with some of this but do also think there is more to it and each situation obviously has it’s own set of circumstances.

I think as we age we start to question who we are and if we are getting everything we can out of life.  We start to grow and unfold, feelings of being independent start to creep in, and with that comes a whole slew of new discoveries within ourselves.  We have been with the same some what predictable person for so long that we can’t help but look around for someone new to be intrigued by.  I don’t judge, never have, never will, but I do question both sides of this connection that could potentially be made.  What am I putting out there, and what are you looking to fill?  Are we getting enough?  Enough love, friendship, freedom, spontaneity, affection, SEX, variety, compliments, stimulating conversation, enough fulfillment in everything we do, that will bring us true happiness.  I think if we are being fulfilled within ourselves we will find true happiness.

So perhaps there is more to this than I thought.  I will continue down my path in life with no judgement and look for the lessons along the way. Tracy signiture

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Procrastination!

Tracy

Never do today what you can put off for tomorrow. Better yet, never put off ’til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether!

While I was surfing the web looking at the reasons we all procrastinate from time to time I found this very funny video that nailed it for me~

Apparently I am not the only one who does this.  Phew!  I love the feeling of getting ‘my stuff done’ each day but there are some days, like today for instance, that it’s just not going to happen.

My list today is sitting right in front of me, glowing in fact, calling to me to look at it, but I am not going to, it can’t make me!!
I do procrastinate from time to time and I often wonder why?  Is there a Scientific answer?  Maybe it’s just the position of the Moon?  Here is what I found~

Contrary to popular belief, procrastinators generally aren’t perfectionists; (well that can’t be right?) instead, they’re more likely to delay tasks they’re not confident about, says researcher Piers Steel, Ph.D. (Ph.D Shmee h deee) Steel is an assistant professor in the human resources and organizational dynamics department of Canada’s University of Calgary. “Essentially, procrastinators have less confidence in themselves, less expectancy that they can actually complete a task,”  Steel says in a University of Calgary news release. 

“Perfectionism is not the culprit,” he continues. “In fact, perfectionists procrastinate less, but they worry about it more.”  Procrastination has been around ever since civilization began and “does not appear to be disappearing anytime soon,” writes Steel.

So he boiled procrastination down to a mathematical formula. (Just to confuse me personally!  On Tuesday procrastinators were given $1.00 if they did not procrastinate until noon on Wednesday, by the second Friday of the third week how many times did they procrastinate …Mathematical Trickery!)

The formula predicts procrastination based on a person’s expectation of finishing a task, the task’s importance, the person’s desire to complete the task, and how soon the task needs to be done. The formula suggests people are less likely to procrastinate if the task has to be done ASAP and they feel confident they are up to the task.  It suggests people are more likely to procrastinate if the task is less urgent, less appealing, or daunting to the person facing the task. (Yep that’s me, if it’s not captivating, or I don’t feel passionate about it, or there’s not a handsome guy to flirt with, I will go back and forth with my Monkey mind about whether it’s important enough to get done right away.)

Other factors may also be involved, Steel notes.

For example, he points out that rebellious people may tend to procrastinate tasks given by authority figures; and depressed people may procrastinate due to low energy. (Can’t it just be that we are feeling lazy today?)

More research is needed on procrastination, and the sooner, the better, Steel concludes. (His Professor asked him to conclude but he was feeling a little low energy so I will get an update soon, soon meaning sometime in the future, probably next month or next year, it really depends, I am super busy right now 🙂 )

Procrastination = Avoidance of Success. Next time you procrastinate, ask yourself why you’re avoiding success…

Tracy signiture

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Peer Pressure

peer pressureSchools Back and with that comes Peer Pressure!  When I think about the youth of the world I can’t help but think of those two words.

I was at a local track meet before summer and was inspired watching the athletes compete.  The look on their faces when they approached the finish line was what I enjoyed the most.  Such determination in each one of them.  All their hard work and discipline paid off.

During the track meet a group of 50-60 kids from the local high school walked across the field like they owned it while events were taking place. They headed for center field like it was their arena they were denied.  As they passed by all the parents, we heard them saying how excited they were to have come to watch a fight.  The mob quickly circled around a couple of guys who were about to be center stage when the principal and another teacher quickly diffused the situation.  Kudos’ to both of them for taking charge of such an enormous group of kids.  Unfortunately sometimes there is not always an adult near by to stop this kind of potential life changing mistake.  Young guys get all fired up and can’t control their hormones, they get lost in the moment, and because of peer pressure they lose complete control.

Some kids just haven’t got the confidence to make choices that will prevent the pressure from getting the better of them.  This lack of confidence can lead them into a compromising situation that they are not equipped to deal with, which could potentially change their life.

I think peer pressure is the underlying reason for most altercations between young guys or boys.  I believe fighting should be for one purpose and one purpose only, self defense.  My Dad trained for years in Kyokushin Karate (full contact karate), Scott achieved his Black belt through discipline and hard work and Bonnie and I trained in kickboxing together for several years, so I have a long history of being around controlled sparring.  Confidence is a very empowering feeling.  At some point in your life you may need to fight, it’s important to know how to protect yourself, but fighting today is not what it used to be.  The fight you participate in today may be the end of your life two weeks later because of retaliation.

Why has it become acceptable to stand by and watch?  If no one watched, the behavior would simply not happen.  My Dad gave me advice as a teen that always stayed with me, even today.  “If you are ever somewhere you don’t want to be, or someone makes you feel uncomfortable, leave!” It’s basically another way to use your voice. Walking away makes a statement too.

I think as parents we need to take some responsibility in the actions of our kids.  We need to know where are kids are and who they spend time with.  They need to know that they matter and that they can talk to us about absolutely anything.  Communication is key in keeping our kids safe and out of harms way.  Sometimes we let our kids down when they really need us.  We are there for them throughout elementary school but just drop them at the doors of high school and assume they don’t need us anymore, when in fact they need us even more.  We need to be there for our kids especially when they are trying to find their place in life.

If you would like more information on how to deal with peer pressure visit the link below.

Dealing with Peer PressureTracy

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Dance Like No Ones Watching!

dance-like-no-ones-watchingYou’ve heard the saying “Dance like no ones watching”, but what if they were?  An entire auditorium full of them.  Would you still be able to dance with no inhibitions?

I spent the day with my daughter at her 7th  Dance Recital where she ‘Tapped’ her little heart out to ’Itty Bitty Pretty One’ and ‘Hip Hopped’ to ’Lets get ready to Rumble’.  When I was her age there would have been no way I could have come out on stage, never mind remember an entire dance performance with out looking like a deer in the headlights.

tap-children

All the dancers and instructors put their heart and soul into their routines.  One young girl began her performance, then stopped not remembering her next step.  She looked for reassurance from the side line where her instructor stood.  No one could see the instructor but she must be an incredibly encouraging person.  I say this because the young girl all of 9 or 10 years old paused and then continued her dance several times.  Her teacher kept her going.  I wish we could have seen her encouraging gestures from behind the curtain.  I tried as every single person in the audience did to send her my personal power to keep going.  I kept repeating  in my head “please keep going, don’t give up, you can do it!”  And then it happened, one of the Judges started to clap in a rhythm to keep her going and instantly the entire auditorium came together and joined in.  The look on this little girls face brought tears to my eyes.  At that moment she taught us all to NEVER give up.  She had our support and that is what got her through her routine.  It was incredible for all the little girls and boys to see that no matter what, no one was going to laugh at her, they were all right behind her the whole way.  There was talent in every category,  Ballet, Jazz, Lyrical dance, Hip Hop, Tap and Musical Theatre.  At one point during a beautiful performance in Lyrical dance all I could think was that  little girls truly are made of sugar and spice and everything nice.  It was whimsical!  I spent the entire day watching dance with my little dancer and I couldn’t have been more proud.

Ballet

These girls and boys  have confidence that will last them a life time.  I asked my daughter if she was nervous before she went out on stage and she replied “right before you go out you do have butterflies in your tummy but they get kicked out as soon as you start to dance”.  There is nothing more satisfying than to watch your little girl smile and dance like no ones watching, when in fact they are.  They were truly enjoying every moment.  The hand made costumes alone were worth going to see.  I smile every time I think of any part of the day, every moment was magical.hip hop

Work like you don’t need the money.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like no one’s watching.
Sing like no one’s listening.
Live like there’s no tomorrow.
Fear like a stone.

Tracy

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Men…Like’em, love’em or lose’em!

Taylor Kitsch has the sparkle

It’s no secret that I LOVE men!  But I also like ’em.  Men are pretty basic and raw.  They are not nearly as complex as their female counterpart.  I mean that in a complimentary way!  With women being so independent and self sufficient we hardly even need them anymore.  I think men are feeling this vibe from women and are not too sure what their role is with women anymore.  Men aren’t really required anymore or are they?

I, for one, wouldn’t want to live without men in my life because I find them incredibly interesting in how there brain works so differently than ours.  I have always had male friends in my circle and love the dynamic they bring to the friendship.  I love man-friends!  I think I must have been a man in a past life because I’m comfortable around them and have always related to men.  They just seem to make sense to me.

Women on occasion make things more complicated than need be.   I have learned over the years that men are really who they are when you have absolutely no expectations of them.  It  is then that you see them for who they truly are.

hunters

They are wired to hunt, protect and continue the human race.  Think about that for a moment; the raw male energy hunting, protecting you and then making mad passionate love to you!!  How can that not be required anymore?  If you understand that and don’t try to change or manipulate them to benefit you and only you, then your time spent with them will be real.Protect us

I love men who have the confidence to be themselves without trying to impress.  It doesn’t really matter what a man does as long as he does it passionately.  Men love women and want to please them but I think we sometimes make that more difficult than necessary.  I think there is a great deal we can learn from the male energy and I for one am loving the journey.  I love ’em for their  honesty and hard work, I like ’em for their sense of humour and entertainment value and I’d lose ’em if they just gave me everything I wanted without the challenge.

Eye contact with the right man is the ultimate turn on when a connection is made.  I am not talking the stare stare like a bear kind, or the creepy wet your lips and lick your chops kind.  I am talking about the kind when a guy gets that unique sparkle in his eyes when he catches yours.  It doesn’t happen very often but when it does it’s magic.

I would keep men on earth for just that alone.  When we get that connection with a man it can last for months, even years, in our fantasy bank.  It is all about how a man makes you feel inside that really gets women intrigued.  Men aren’t going to change, and we shouldn’t want them to!   We should embrace who they are and either like ’em, love ’em or lose ’em.  Any thoughts on this Girls or Guys?

Tracy

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‘Friends with Benefits’

Tracy

When I first started writing this post I had a humorous view but when I weighed my options of making a point that I feel is very important and finding humour in almost anything, my humorous view almost flew out the window and the real me came forward.  I think I can do both, find humour and make a point.   Let’s see.  We have all heard the term ‘friends with benefits’.  It’s basically having hopefully great sex with no strings attached.  In my day, I remember that being called a one night stand or a booty call.  There was a reason for feeling bad after having one but I can’t remember why now…the age thing and memory starts to fade when you hit 40!  But with teens now it doesn’t  just happen one night or time, it lasts as long as they want it to.  But who ends it, why and when?  That’s where the emotions come in and I think where things go awry.

Am I right?  Correct me if I am wrong girls or guys out there.  My girlfriends son told her it is quite normal for teens to have ‘friends with benefits’ and they don’t get looked down upon.  Sign me up I guess if both parties are consenting and are having safe sex it’s their decision to make.  Would I want a friend with benefits?  Would you?  We all have the opportunity, it’s whether we take it or not.  I am struggling with this right now and don’t know if it’s my conditioning or a generation gap.  Part of me say’s well “Whyy nott” but the other part of me says “it’s not good for the soul”.  To not know where you stand with someone is hard enough when there is no sex involved.  Emotions and chemistry is what give sex such passion.  The moral side of me says ‘Live by example’ and the fun side not so moral side says ‘live with no regrets’. Stay with me here I am working through this as I write.

What I think bothers me about this the most is that it is happening younger and younger and some teens are not mature enough to make this decision on their own. They are afraid of being judged by their own peer groups.  It’s much like bullying in the way that when boys are rough with one another, it is possible that one of them doesn’t really want to participate but is forced to out of pressure of not wanting to appear weak.

Friends with Benefits sounds to me like a decision that is made without the thought process that should take place when deciding to give a sacred part of yourself to someone who doesn’t really care if it’s you or not.  I am a confident strong woman but I didn’t get this way from making poor moral decisions in my life.  (Bonnie stay out of it ! ha)  I think it is up to us as parents to do everything we can to make sure our sons understand the self-esteem issues young woman get when their self worth is questioned.  It’s also our responsibility to make sure our daughters have confidence and respect for themselves, as well as from the opposite sex.  I am not sure I could have a friend with benefits unless of course  Gabriel Aubry walked through my bedroom door, then I would be naked in an embarrassing nanosecond.  Humour is important in life and helps lighten certain topics of conversations, but morals and values are the basis of your character.   Teach your kids first as a parent.  Live your life as a soul enriching your existence.  Live by example.  Try to make good decisions and learn by questionable ones.  And always remember it’s about assessing blame. (joking)  So I think I like my friends just the way they are!

Tracy

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