The Pied Piper of CNN – Piers Morgan

Disclaimer and Warning:

The following post may or may not shatter any previous conceptions you may or may not have held that I am a nice, kind, gentle, at times even spiritual person. The following post will dispel all notions of those adjectives from your mind when you think of me after reading what follows. Be warned before going any further in your reading that I am about to take the leap down, down, down, into the darkness of full rant and name calling.

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At precisely 9 pm every evening I turn into someone else.  My face contorts; my voice becomes gravel-ly and my language down right raunchy.  Yes, I’m watching Piers Morgan Tonight on CNN…again.  Why? Why do I do it to myself night in and night out? Am I addicted to some perverse adrenaline rush when my dislike for the man boils my blood every time I watch him on TV? I don’t know, but in case you are feeling sorry for my husband at this point, don’t bother.  He is exactly the same on this one. He too can’t seem to pull himself away. I’d like to suggest it’s because of the guests Morgan miraculously gets to appear with him, but I’m not sure about that.  I almost sat through an entire interview he once did with Hulk Hogan’s ex wife, so that can’t be it.

I know I’m not the only one who dislikes Piers Morgan, there is also James Wolcott who wrote a few scathing paragraphs about him for Vanity Fair.  I pumped my fist and yelled “YES!” so loud I’m sure you could have heard me across the “pond”.  (Where I often fantasize that Moron Morgan will soon return to.)

Finally someone voiced what I had been thinking all along. “How did we get stuck with Piers Morgan? Who is he, why is he here, is he returnable?”  Bravo Mr. Wolcott, bravo.  (I’m standing and applauding at this point.)

The man irks me like no other.  He actually raises my blood pressure.  What’s up with that? How can I get so worked up over a mere “canned ham”? (Wolcott’s words, but I love the description so I’m using it too)

Maybe it’s because I’m astonished that so many celebrities agree to be interviewed by this arrogant blow hard and then, after he has rudely interrupted them through the entire interview, they thank him and say what a pleasure it’s been.  Really?  What’s he got on you? C’mon, have you been phone tapped? Nah, he would never do anything as low as that…just because he worked as editor of the tabloid Daily Mirror…and just because he bought shares in a company just before that papers financial column pitched it… and just because he was canned from that gig for using fake photos of Iraqi soldiers being tortured by British soldiers…he wouldn’t do anything like that.

No, I think it’s more likely that he has just puffed himself up so much and social media-ed his “brand” down everyone’s throats so far that his guests have started to actually believe in his pompous self-centred importance. He has a sort of magical pied piper effect on them.  They don’t seem to notice that he is only concerned with his own point of view and that after he has talked over them he does this thing with his face where he actually lifts his nose in the air and looks down it at them. That always gets the colourful language flying in our household.  Oh relax; there are usually no minors within earshot!

“Hello, my name is Bonnie Johnson, and I’m addicted to watching a pretentious Englishman on a silly American network when I know it’s not good for me personally or good for society in general.”

I need help.  Sigh.