Never say Never!


NEVER say NEVER! It seems that every time I do the Universe has a funny way of making me re-visit that particular ‘Never’ in order to understand it more clearly, with the end result usually being a learning experience. I like to think of myself as a non-judgemental person and I believe I am for the most part. Sometimes we need to experience things to decide what we want or don’t want. It’s a way of finding out what is most important to us and what we are willing to compromise on.

I have met some pretty awesome male energy over the past couple of years, some who were honest as soon as it was humanly possible, and some who took a little more time to release their truth. We all have different comfort zone that allow us to share our feelings, hopes, dreams and desires. Timing is key, as we are all on different paths going different places at different speeds. We can’t always control what leads us down a path, so we float a bit in the unknown to see where it flows, not knowing if it will lead us anywhere at all, and sometimes much to our surprise it does. We are simply testing the water, fishing so to speak. We are then forced to either come clean or lie. Most conscious human being come clean, being true to self.

How do you approach dating? Do you do your own thing in hopes of meeting Mr Funny-Pants serendipitously? Do you mingle in coffee shops with girlfriends hoping to catch a glance from Mr Potentially Almost Perfect while he sips his latte? Do you agree to blind dates? There are so many ways to meet people if that is what you want to do. You just need to get out from behind your computer screen and walk out your door…or not!

I wrote about online Dating and Dating in general several times…Do Vancouver Men Really Suck ( I think not), 24 Hours of Online Dating…for Research (perhaps I didn’t give it the ol’college try…because I didn’t go to college), Would You, Should You, Could You, Internet Date? (I cracked myself up with this one), Dating Etiquette (including my very own dating tips…wait for it! lol), Do we have time to ‘Date’ anymore? (clearly I wasn’t ready to date yet!) so it’s obviously something I have an opinion on. I joined a free online dating site which is what spawned my post ‘24 Hours of Online Dating…for Research’, to see what all the talk was about, I panicked and delete my account because I was bombarded with strangers wanting to instant message me. I hated it! I would NEVER do that again. NEVER! Yup I said it loud and clear!

After dating a few guys over the last couple of years I understand more clearly that everyone has baggage including me and timing is key. We are all doing the best we can, trying to balance our busy lives. We are not always 100% available, which inspired my post In search of the Elusive Available Male and Patience (I found patience!). I finally have patience! I decided to join a more reputable dating site to take yet another peek into the world in which I didn’t quite understand. It was with the intent to find out more about what type of person goes that route and does it really work? The skeptic in me was front and centre but my curiosity fought and won. I took a step out of my comfort zone to find my answers. There was a lot of ‘winking’ and emails with introductions that sounded genuine, with the odd scammer thrown in for discomfort.

Reading the online safely tips put things in perspective but when you think about it, being safe should always be your number one concern when meeting someone new. Communicating online makes sense for those who are busy professionals, if it’s done carefully! Online you don’t have body language and eye contact which are huge when it comes to intuition, and trusting your instincts. However you are able to save time by ‘doing your research’ on someone you find initially attractive. Online you save yourself the surface conversation finding out where they live, what they do, kids/no kids, hobbies, lifestyle and what they personally express that they are looking for. It’s much harder than it looks to write about who you are, what you believe in and what you are looking for in a partner. I was seriously impressed with how great these guys communicated through their bios.

I was told by my online friend that you really have to rely on your spidy senses and instinct. He takes his time with meeting in person and gets a feel for who he is communicating with first. He has had success twice with online relationships. When I relaxed and put my trust in my own intuition which by the way said he’s a good guy I took control and started talking. I found there were a good number of guys not sure if this avenue was for them either but they were willing to give it a try. I admired them for putting themselves out there. We are all looking for the same thing really, we want someone to share in our hopes and dreams, to laugh out loud with and smile at from across the room. Life is meant to be shared, when you are ready!

I am old fashioned and do believe meeting in the flesh is best…but that doesn’t always work. After I took a step back and opened my mind to something new I realized that as long as I am honest and authentic I have nothing to lose in what I choose to do. There will be those who don’t play by the rules or bend what is the norm and those who have a less favourable agenda, but that’s their choice. I relaxed and started talking to a few guys whose profiles really impressed me. I came to the conclusion that although it’s not really for me, or perhaps my first choice, there were so many great men who really knew exactly how to express themselves, conveying beautifully what they want and who they are.

I suppose if you really want something/someone you will make the time for it/them.

My only advice to any dating whether it be online or in the flesh is be honest right from the very first glance or hello. There is nothing better than knowing exactly where you stand with someone. You are allowed to take your time to figure things out. If they are meant to be yours, they will be there when you do! Be true to self and everything else just happens as it should.

I will NEVER say NEVER again!

Share

Honestly?

“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?”

There are three answers to that question in my mind…YES!”, “It depends”, or “NO!” Okay, minus the ‘so help you god part’, a little extreme for most of us, and it’s not always necessary to be 100% honest, because lets face it sometimes the truth hurts. Depends was my answer, because I like the word and honestly I’m months away from wearing them full time if my life continues to be this much fun! Well maybe just on the trampoline…

~Honesty; the quality of being honest.

~Honest; free of deceit and untruthfulness, sincere, morally correct and virtuous. How honest are you? In order to be completely honest you also have to be comfortable with hearing the truth. Not everyone is comfortable hearing the truth, some like the sugar coating because it’s more easily digested. I personally prefer the truth as raw as it can be spoken.

~Trust; firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. I think before most of us feel comfortable with being completely honest we need trust. Not everyone has good intention, and so we also need to trust our own intuition as well. When you have trust with someone honesty comes naturally. There is nothing worse than finding out someone was not honest with you, you lose trust which is the foundation to any strong long lasting relationship. Having said that, everyone makes mistakes and as long as they right their wrong, in some cases we are able to regain a certain level of trust, which can lead us back down the road to honesty. We are human after all. Learning from our past mistakes is a valuable part of growth, it’s simply best to be honest.

Honesty is a quality I admire. It takes courage to be honest. Being honest doesn’t always give you the result you hope for but you empower the person you are honest with allowing them to react in a way that they feel comfortable. I love when someone can be completely honest with me about anything. You know where you stand with someone when they are honest with you, for me that is important. It allows me to be my authentic self more openly and easily.

I try to be 100% honest with most people in my life, if you ask me a question straight up I will be as honest as I can be…depending on the situation. (that’s why depends was my answer) I am an open book for the most part. I do have my secrets and skeletons like everyone and there are some doozies let me tell you but some things are simply none of your business to be completely honest 🙂

When you meet men or women who are honest right from the start it breaks down walls that otherwise could take years to remove. I love the honesty that has been in my life and I admire those who are courageous enough to speak the truth.

I have met some very honest people lately which inspired this post and I admire them for speaking the truth. You know who you are.

“The Truth Shall Set You Free”…so they say! Now go be freeeee!

Share

Past-Present-Future = Now!

When will we learn to let go of our past? Now is so much more important. Why is history so important to some of us? Does it keep us in our comfort zone? I think so. Years ago a relationship I thought I’d let go of kept seeping back into my life. Just as I would forget and move on it would reappear somehow. Was it the hopeless romantic in me wanting my fairy tale ending? Was it the Universe testing me? Unresolved romance? It can be hard to let go of what was then and concentrate on what is now. Does anyone else relate to this? We can sometimes live in what was. The key is not to get ‘stuck’ in our past especially if it wasn’t a healthy one! Fortunately mine was.

No matter how good you recall a relationship was you moved on or they did for a reason…right? Or was the timing just not quite right? Do we only remember the good? Is that so bad?

I’ve learned first hand that when you focus on the past you stay in the past preventing you from seeing what’s right in front of you. When you bring the past into the present is that living in the Now? Technically maybe and that’s fine if your past was good. If you bring negative energy into the now your just recreating more negative energy.

When you look back do you feel any regret? Do we like to revisit our past from time to time to ensure we have moved on without any regret or do we slip back into what was? I have small regret but nothing on a grand scale that makes me cringe thankfully. Maybe that’s why I like to float back in time.

I love my past and maybe that’s why I have a hard time letting it go at times. I think past, present and future are all good. I think we all like to revisit our past from time to time. It can be a healthy part of our life. I certainly wouldn’t want to be stuck in my past. Being able to balance our past with the present is ideal. Holding onto elements of where we came from helps keep us grounded. Looking back on where we were tells a lot about who we are.

Life is about learning. We need life experience to have growth and unfold as human beings. As long as we move forward in life I think it’s all good. Sometimes I think it’s beneficial to step back in time if for no other reason than as a reminder of how far we’ve come. Our past is what makes us who we are in our present. Any way you look at the past-present-future they = Now. And there is no better place on earth than right here, right now ~

Share

Red Flags…Why do we ignore them?

Red flags are a warning sign that something’s just not quite right. It’s more obvious than intuition. Intuition keeps us safe (if we listen to it), red flags warn us of a situation that is about to lead us astray. Intuition we feel, red flags we see…but not always! When we do get a glimpse of that little red unsuspecting piece of cloth waving ever so delicately, we tend to turn a blind eye and forget what it stands for. Lets face it, we don’t want to see red flags because they pop our bubble, sending us spinning back to reality! We see them when we don’t listen to our intuition. We are in complete denial at that point. We’ve all seen and ignored a few red flags in our existence, I know I have.

That ominous red flag waves right behind his head but we get mesmerized by his charming smile and seductive eyes, like a dog does when it sees a squirrel, or a child by something shiny! It takes all of a minute to forget about what it stands for. Why do we do this? I’m an intelligent woman but I too have ignored a few red flags in my time! I think sometimes we are enticed by the challenge or blinded by the possibilities. I see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt more often than not. Gullible? I’d like to think of myself as trusting, and honest. My motto “Be honest…and hope for the best”, so far it’s working for me. You can’t be faulted for speaking the truth, think of it as character building. Or that it just feels right! (not that I haven’t told a few outright blatant lies in my time, or done a few things I am not particularly proud of (Bonnie shhhhh), I am no angel (cough *wink) but I like to think I am evolving with each life experience!) See “Be honest and hope for the best” it’s liberating really!

When you don’t know someone’s history, you’re playing Russian Roulette when it comes to red flags. I think most women need to see a few red flags in order to pay-attention to them, seeing one just doesn’t seem cut it for most of us! I apparently need to see a few! 🙂

Another reason I think women ignore red flags is because we allow our ego to get in the way of common sense. Ego is a hard thing to keep in check, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. A flash of those pearly whites over the shoulder of another woman...red flag! But he’s sooooo handsome in his uniform! Chances are it’s NOT his sister! Texting you only while he’s at work…red flag! How come it’s not as obvious in the moment, but when you look back it’s so blatant. It sucks when you come to the realization that your first impression isn’t what you thought it was because you ignored the now obvious red flags.

What you have to keep in mind is, we are only in control of our own behaviour and actions, we learn from every situation we enter (hopefully), we should never judge the path that someone else is walking, the truth will set you free (most times lol), try to find humour in everyday happenings, and timing in life is crucial!

I happened upon a site called Heartless Bitches International that has a slew of red flags under their RANTS page if anyone’s interested!

Share

Understanding Women ~

Understanding women is similar to being a parent for the first time, what works for your first doesn’t necessarily work for the next. Your basically starting from scratch each time. Each one of us is completely different from the one before. Think of us like a juicy piece of ripe fruit, having the widest variety imaginable!

I was thinking about men trying to navigate around all the female complexities that start at a very young age. My son is only 11 and already the words “girls can be so weird” have rolled easily off his tongue. “Get used to it” appears in a bubble above my head as I smile in agreement. He’s lucky to have a sister who will hopefully help guide him, if he protects her, a fair trade-off when it comes to brothers and sisters I think.

So I was thinking of advice I might give, to him or men in general, it goes something like this:
Give it your best, don’t try to understand how our minds work, don’t lose any sleep over us and hope for the best. Oh and good luck! 🙂

There will be times when women ask for your opinion, you will assume they want your honest one (first mistake) and in the blink of an eye you find yourself trying to back peddle in slow motion, your words have fallen into the abyss of wrong answers and you get ‘the look’. Just know that when women ask for your honest opinion, it’s usually a trick. It’s perfectly legal to respond “leave that with me and I’ll get back to you”, don’t succumb to pressure. Use your best judgment, each time is unique, or play it safe and sugar coat everything when the question starts with”Tell me honestly”…

Valentine’s Day is always a tricky day to man-oeuvre as male energy. Lets try a multiple choice. (if it were only that simple)

Do you buy us chocolates just after we stated we feel puffy/bloated?

A) No, buy a fun house mirror, the one that makes us look really tall.

B) Ask if we would like you to run us a cold bath, to help take the swelling down. (technically this would work…honesty isn’t always the answer)

C) Buy the damn chocolates, decedent cherry bombs from Euphoria Chocolates are amazing!

I once verbalized “I don’t need flowers”and then regretted it for years after. Even if we say we don’t need flowers, we still love to get them, flowers are romance which is foreplay for women! F-o-r-e-p-l-a-y!

Women try sending telepathic messages to men assuming they can be read, they can’t! Example: He goes out with the guys, you slip into that new sexy getup he didn’t even know you had and wait for him ready to rock his world when he comes in. He stay out late oblivious to the scenario playing out in your head, you can’t believe he is giving up this hot rocking bod for a bunch of beer swilling smelly guys, you get impatient, put on the flannels, wash off your face, totally and utterly miffed that he missed a great night of sex! Ladies, if your man even had an inkling of what was waiting in a sexy little number for him back home, I guarantee his night would be cut short! (right C) You just have to remember we have the inner dialog we just forget sometimes to let you in on it!

I have to admit some men are just naturally in-tune with women. I think it’s because they either have a house full of female energy, they were a woman in a previous life or just good old experience! I guess you guys could think of us as a challenge and rise to it. I love men and everything that makes them who they are and we as women can only hope they feel the same. Just remember guys that each one of us is unique and different from the one you previously encountered with our own idiosyncrasies that can change at any given moment. That’s the fun of us!

Variety is the spice of life!

Share

Let’s Be Honest…

tracy-pic3We all like to think we have honesty with our partner, friends, family and co workers, but do we? Are we being honest with ourselves?

You have to wonder don’t you. A vow is taken at a wedding, but still the divorce rate is approaching 80%. Spouses are trusted, yet affairs are almost common behaviour. Friends who were once trusted with deep dark secrets eventually blab to someone and show their true colours. Why are relationships failing? Everything seems to be disposable including relationships and I think it all comes down to honesty. I think people are afraid to be really honest with one another. They’re afraid to say how they really feel. If they do they take the chance of being judged and alienated for simply speaking the truth. How well do you really know your partner? Do you know and accept the good with the bad? Do you really know their passions and desires? If we are completely honest in our relationships, trust should be there. But lets face it, sometimes the truth hurts.


Trust; – noun: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, ect, of a person or thing; confidence.

Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people” I love this quote by Spencer Johnson.

How much confidence do you have in your spouse? Will they stand by you ‘til death do you part?’ I heard on the radio one morning about this study that was done when women in a marriage get ill. I’m not just talkin the flu or a virus here, I mean really sick. When women get an illness like M.S or Cancer 21% of men leave their wives. (That still leaves 79% that will stick it out, which is positive.) But if the rolls are reversed only 3% of women leave. The reasons given were that men don’t see themselves as the ‘caregiver‘ in a relationship. Men simply don’t multi task like women do, which would be necessary while taking on what would be required if their spouse was ill. This makes me wonder, if couples felt they could be more honest within their relationship, could these drastic measures turn into compromising ones? Could there be hope of working it out together simply because of raw honesty?

We all know how hard it can be to be COMPLETELY honest with anyone without hurting feelings somewhere along the line. But if you want real trust you have to start somewhere. I know this because I’ve been there. There is a huge payoff for honesty and that is friendship. Because of honesty in my relationship I have a best friend whom I trust more than ever. Scott is my best friend because of honesty. I will admit at times it was hard, but if you get rid of your ego and really put yourself out there, you get past the hard part and are left with trust.

When the truth is told it gives you the freedom to make decisions based on what’s best for you. It’s unselfish to speak the truth to those you love, whether the news is good or bad, the truth shall can set you free! The same goes with your girlfriends, although it is difficult to speak the truth to them at time, it is easier in the end if you do.

I think that as long as you have honesty, pure intention, you have trust.

Tracy signiture

Share

In One Word…

tracy-pic3If you could describe each family members in one word what would it be? I decided to play this word game while on a short road trip with my family to see what we would come up. I asked each person to choose one word to describe the others.  Instantly without even a pause my 8 year old daughter piped up and said, “I got one”.  I told her she needed to think about it a little bit longer lol ! Looking back I wished I had asked to hear the word she chose without hesitation. As we drove I could tell each one of us was contemplating which word described the others. Here is how it all turned out~

My son was said to be athletic by his sister, intelligent by me and spontaneous by his dad. My sons beautiful big brown eyes lit up as he smiled when each of us said what we personally thought of him, athletic, spontaneous and intelligent. FANTASTIC !

My daughter was described as being unique by her brother, caring by her dad and compassionate by me which made her shine. Her face looked like it was her birthday for the rest of the car ride knowing she was described as unique, caring and compassionate.

Scott was described by my son as being helpful, he was fun as far as my daughter was concerned and the word that I chose was honest. What a great feeling to be thought of as helpful, fun and honest!

And last but not least I was said to be inspiring by my son, amazing by my daughter and loving by Scott. Now if that doesn’t make you feel warm and fuzzy inside AND put a smile on your face that shines right through from your heart I don’t know what will!

As we drove the rest of the way you could tell we had all bonded a little bit more from a simple word game. You really should try it, it changed our attitudes for the rest of the day!!

Tracy signiture

Share

If you were to be remembered for one thing, what would you like it to be?

Bonnie Johnson's PostBonnie who?~

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia, quoted in Words from the Wise: Over 6,000 of the Smartest Things Ever Said

When I pass on some time after my 102nd birthday, I’m pretty sure there will be some family members who may still remember me…probably.  Does it really matter though?  I mean, once you are gone so is your ego and that is the part of you that so wants to be remembered.  Eventually the memories fade and you will be forgotten, unless you are a major character in  world history, in which case it will just take a little longer for the memories to fade.

But while I am still around and before every memory of me has evaporated, my ego and I would love to be remembered for being kind.  I will admit right here, right now, that I have probably not always  been completely kind in every situation.  If any of you out there recall any of those memories, please forget them right now.  They must be old memories anyway.  Let’m go!  I want to live up to the quote at the top of this page from this point on.  Being known and remembered for your kindness towards others sounds like a perfect goal and one I’m aiming for.

Post Insert JacquieJacquie~

I’ve thought about this quite a lot and all I can come up with is that I hope my family and friends remember me as being a generous person.  Generous with my time,  money and material possessions.  Generous with my compliments and generous with my laughter.  It’s my way of showing people that I care about them, that I trust them and that I like them.  I’m not stingy, except maybe when you try to go for my potato chips.  I’m a pretty good tipper, too.  Maybe just being remembered as being nice is okay, too.  Nice is never a rousing endorsement, it’s usually a milquetoast adjective, but in this case I’m fine with it.

I’d find it much easier to write about what I hope I’m NOT remembered for.  Then I could be a bit funnier and dazzle with the shock and awe of the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned.   Truthfully, I’m not concerned about being remembered after I’m gone because I just don’t think I’m that important in the grand scheme of things.   I trust people will remember me for the right reasons and if they don’t then there’s nothing I can do about it.  I’m working on creating the best life I can live now, and I trust the rest will fall into place.

When my friends look at my photos on facebook (assuming it’s still around in 60 years) I hope they’ll be leaving comments like  “This old broad sure liked to have fun!”.

I would love it if,  when I pass on, my kids and grandkids want to ransack my art studio and perhaps even fight over a few pieces.  That would be so validating to me as an artist!  ; )

TracyTracy will be remembered for ~

I want to be remembered for living life as a good example (most of the time) for my kids~ Let me explain.  If I keep fit and show my children that it is part of my regular routine to run and take care of the body, hopefully they will as well.  If I show by example that eating  healthy is a part of my lifestyle they will too.  If I work hard and show them it pays off then they will naturally work hard as well.  They will see by example how I treat those around me.  “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

I am not saying that I am always a good example!  After all, I am human and to err is human.  I have done things in my life that should perhaps not be followed, but I also teach not to judge so there is a realistic balance in our lives.

I wish to be remembered for is how I approach my relationships.  I hope that living by example in my relationships will show my kids that just because everyone else isn’t doing it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  I want to show them that having the courage to be honest in a relationship will lead you to where you are meant to be.

Being a minority is okay and can be a healthy challenge.

I want to show my kids by example that no matter what life sends your way it is a lesson worth learning that can be turned into a positive experience by letting go of stereotyping, expectations and obligations.  There is always an exception to every rule!

What do you want to be remembered for ?

Share

Beyond Marriage…part one

Before anything else I really want to say “Happy Birthday” to ‘a really good friend of mine’.   He is spontaneous, charismatic and a seeker of knowledge.  He has all the qualities of a true warrior; discipline, strength of mind and body, ability, courage and loyalty, to name a few.   He is limitless and forever pushing the boundaries of what life has to offer.  He is able to read people intuitively.  He is not a man who will fall prey to women who think they can get what they want with a simple batting of their eyelashes or sexual manipulation. He is far too intelligent for that.  A free spirit with wings that keep developing so he can soar above humanity and change the world by living as an example.  He has true greatness inside that he lets out in small doses for those open to it.  Scott is the most incredible man I know.  He is an evolved human being who has always been my Best Friend through pretty much everything.  Our Friendship is unbreakable!!  Happy Birthday Scott !  You’re  amazing, to say the least! xoIt's my Birthday !!

Now here is an excerpt from a novel I am working on called…

Beyond Marriage...part one  by Tracy Westerholm

The feeling of being out of control and not knowing.  The feeling you get when you first meet someone is so powerful.  When you first catch that sparkle in their eye.  They reach inside your soul and touch you with theirs.  Your entire body changes and you feel every cell come alive.  It’s as if they have complete control over you.  You get jittery and feel cold.

Sometimes we just get a glimpse into the window of their soul and walk away afraid of looking back.  Afraid of what?  You can’t deny these incredible feelings.  It’s an energy that is felt by both.  Your heart flutters, your knees go weak.  You’re nervous beyond belief.  Just being near that persons chemistry drives you to a place we all want to go.  Passionate love!  It’s meant to be out of control!  You can’t control it, that is what is so incredible about it.  Passion

To lose control and let it happen is so difficult for us.  If we did,  I think more of us would be happier, passionate souls in this very planned life we all live.  We need to break free of what is expected of us and get rid of the obligations we put on ourselves and have others put upon us.  We need to do what makes us more in tune  with our natural instincts.

We all want it more than anything else but are afraid of letting go of traditions that have been passed down from generations before us.  We are not living the life we are meant to unless we have the courage to adjust and move forward with what comes from deep inside each one of us.  We need to ask ourselves “What do I want?”  ” Am I being true to myself?”  These are questions I have had at some point in my life.  I’m sure you have too.

If we are really true to ourselves and honest about what we want and need, life would be more fulfilling  and much simpler.  We need to slow down and have eye contact with other souls who are open to that unique connection.  Our lives are so busy and full that we don’t see anymore.  We can’t connect with others if the connection has been lost in the process.  To experience this for yourself try to be open to others and really look into their eyes.  The powerful connections you will feel will bring you into the moment and make you realize there is more out there if you simply open your eyes to it.

to be continued…

Tracy

Share