Vulnerability is the Heart of Meaningful Human Experiences!
Vulnerability creates strength, not weakness. It sounds so easy to navigate, such simple words, be vulnerable and you will find strength, easier said than done!
Brené Brown, a professor and vulnerability researcher at the University of Houston writes “vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences.” After twelve years studying vulnerability and shame, she has arrived at a surprising conclusion: what scares us is sometimes actually good for us, and if we can stomach sitting with it, vulnerability has the potential to transform itself into joy. Brene describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control. I am gripped so tight from holding on to control my knuckles are white from being in survival mode for so long! How about you? Lets loosen our grip together, shall we!
Being vulnerable can create a plethora of fears; being rejected, not heard or understood, not being relatable, being made fun of, none of which feel good!
I couldn’t sleep last night and laid in bed until 5 am trying to process random thoughts, until I heard my Dads voice say, he gets up at 5 am and has his time to write before my Mama Bear awakens out of her slumber. My Dad is a smart man letting her sleep and in turn gets some creative words on the page while she meanders in her own dreams. I have purposefully been up to watch Mother nature bless us with a spectacular sunrise, so I know it is one of the best parts of the day. If inner peace was a live photograph morphing into the reality of the day, it would be a sunrise. A reminder to enjoy each moment or colour as it swiftly fades away.
I decided to make good use of my time and opened up my computer and saw the topic Vulnerability in my drafts file. I had just read todays Note from the Universe, “Fear, Tracy, usually means you’re exactly where you need to be.” The timing was divine.
So here I sit contemplating my own vulnerability which automatically bubbles up fear and makes me feel anything but strong. I have always associated being vulnerable and showing your feelings as a sign of weakness, mix in not having a partner to share anything with for some time compounds those feelings. I am dipping my toe back into those waters which feels a bit unsettling. When we feel exposed, it’s like being naked in front of strangers, and I don’t know about you but my days of being naked in front of strangers are very much in the past. I don’t think I could see those days anymore with a high powered telescope! At this time in my life it’s more about exposing my soul, the most intimate part of being human. Exposing yourself whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally, all naturally come with a fear of being judged. No one likes judgmental people, and yet there are plenty out there roaming the streets and the internet.
I feel it is important to go step by step to fully understand where these feelings of vulnerability come from. I can’t be the only one who feels this way. If Fear is telling us we are exactly where we are meant to be, it would mean we need to do some inner work to find what we are fearful of. Fear is the Thief of Dreams ~ Ghandi, a post a wrote many moons ago if you want to take a peek. Facing those fears head on is the only way to get to the root of vulnerability and expose it to create strength. It is hard work, another sign it is the right place to be. Hard work and effort put in always pays off in the end.
Some fears seem legit when you say them out loud, but when you break them down, they are often in your future or someone else’s and because of connection you are there by default. Most fears haven’t happened yet. So, they need to be identified. Are they here because of the past, reoccurring? Are they really your fears? If they are not yours, you need to wrap them in a box, with a bow if necessary and give them back to the owner so they can face them, so they can experience, vulnerability, courage and be brave enough to face them head on. Be there to support but not take them on yourself. Disconnect with love.
Brene Brown says we emotionally “armour up” each morning when we face the day to avoid feeling shame, anxiety, uncertainty, and fear. The particular armour changes from person to person, but it usually revolves around one of three methods: striving for perfection, numbing out, or disrupting joyful moments by “dress rehearsing tragedy” and imagining all the ways that things could go wrong. Do any of these sound familiar? The urge to imagine the worst-case scenario in moments of joy (such as not being able to enjoy a hug with your child without worrying about something bad happening to them) is an amazingly common phenomenon, according to Brené Brown’s research. I personally admit to striving for perfection AND dress rehearsing tragedy! Why is it so hard for us to soften into joy? Brene Brown says “Because we’re trying to beat vulnerability to the punch.” But this has a negative impact, for without vulnerability, there is no love, no belonging, and no joy.
Maybe not being able to sleep has a purpose, I know I feel stronger already now that I have identified what my fears are, and what my role is in them. How are you feeling as you sift through your thoughts and fears? Share in the comments if you feel brave enough, what ever you are comfortable with.
My fears are that my efforts to help guide my adult kids will not be enough to keep them safe on their journeys in life. When I say that out loud, I hear, your can’t manage your life on your own, which is not at all how I feel, but going through the process one step at a time, I see what work I need to do. I need to let go, and have faith that the amazing humans I created have all the power in the universe to change, or create a future that will serve them well, help them find love and joy in each day, good or bad, whether I am at their side or an angel whispering in their ears, “You got this, now stand proud and go get what is yours!”
To those who have a loved one expose their fears or concerns with you, be mindful when they express themselves, listen and be attentive, don’t get distracted or drift off to your own world, allow them a safe place to be vulnerable and they will find the strength and push down the fear they have looming inside because you allowed them to connect with you emotionally. If you can’t find the right words, let them know you are glad they shared their feelings with you. It takes courage to speak from the heart! Just listen to hear, not fix.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy courage, empathy, and creativity.”
Thanks for following along, it’s been awhile since I sat and put some words to paper!
With Gratitude, Tracy
Tracy Westerholm
"Exploring the never-ending desires that fuel all life, while finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings."
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