About Tracy Westerholm

“Writing is the only thing that when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else.” ~ Gloria Steinem

A Mothers Plea

il_570xN.240058060

I write because I have to, it is a force within me I can not ignore. I write because it is therapeutic and I find solace that maybe just one other human being will relate to my words. Writing makes me feel not alone in this sometimes very large scary world in which we live.

I am strong and independent and positive beyond the norm, I can find the silver lining in almost any dark stormy cloud, but I am only human.

It’s easy to turn a negative into a positive when it comes to life in general. I have taught myself to rise above the negative and consciously choose happiness where I find a brighter side.

~Love, I have faith that I will find love one day and share moments in time with a man who  fills my hearts with peace.

~Health, I will get through anything this life sends my way. Jill Brzezinski-Conley showed me how grace and love along with support got her to a place of rest in the most beautiful heart warming way.

~Politics, I have faith in the human race to choose wisely, making this world a safer place to thrive for all humanity.

I have faith in all outside sources, but nothing can break the heart or debilitate a Mother like the worry for her child.

I write today from a Mothers heart which feels the pain of even the slightest unsettledness of her child. Being a Mother has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I knew from a very young age that one of my main purposes in life was to be a Mom. Another is to give love and acceptance to those who cross my path.

When your kids are young you focus on their safety and wellbeing. You are responsible for their survival. I was fortunate and I am grateful to have been at home with mine for over 10 years. It wasn’t a sacrifice, it was a choice. I chose to leave my career and do my best to raise two human beings who would make a difference in the world. The moment I heard their heart beat, I loved them more than everything else. My heart expanded more than I could have ever imagined. I was to be a Mom. That alone was a gift. They were mine to guide and protect with my life, along side their Dad.

Kids grow and unfold, becoming their own person. They stretch their wings in different ways, some soar and some crash to the ground. Sometimes we can relate, and there are times we don’t understand, but we try, we listen, we learn, and we give them love and support. It’s natural that they cause us grief from time to time. Just as we caused or still cause our parents many sleepless nights.

But when does your heart stop hurting when they start to walk down a path you know is not what you taught. When does your heart stop hurting when you try to guide them but they don’t want to listen. When does your heart have the courage and faith to let go so they can walk on their own. How does a Mom let go when she knows the world is big and scary and not everyone survives.

When do you close your eyes and trust they will be just fine…

My Plea to my kids…

Please remember I love you with every ounce of my being.

Please remember each night wherever you lay your head that I am thinking of you and hoping you are safe and warm with a belly full of food, and your beautiful creative mind is at peace.

Please remember that I am always here in a time of need and that no problem is too big for me to handle. You are never alone.

Please remember that when you think you can’t, I KNOW you can. I know you better than you know you and yes, yes you certainly can.

Please remember you are worthy of love from someone out of this world special, because you are amazing!

Please know that you are my favourite part of life, so do all you can to not take that away from me. This world would not be the same without you in it. This world can be cruel and unkind but it can also be the most beautiful amazing experience you have ever had.

Please know that even when you think you are too deep to see the sun from the place you have fallen, that it is there, waiting for you to raise your chin up and see the light in all it’s natural glory. The sun will shine upon your face just as the shadow will fall behind you.

Please know that together we can do anything your heart desires, because I believe in you, because I know you.

Please know that you ARE love. You are the source of love and the reason for my love.

Please know I will not let you go unprepared to face the world, I will always be here no matter where you walk, no matter when you fall. I will be there when you pick yourself up and I will help brush you off and we will walk again towards the sun.

Please know that my heart aches for you, I have been you, and seen the things you see, felt the pains your heart feels and have overcome them just as you will.

Please know that just as the sun sets, the moon rises, as the rain falls, the flowers grow…

Please know…

now go clean your room~

Mom xo

Share

Life is meant to be shared ~

“I just need to find someone to share it with” is what I keep hearing from those around me. I can relate as I’m sure many of you can. Life is meant to be shared. Sharing it with friends and family is incredibly fulfilling but finding a partner to share it with intimately seems to be a quest of many. Need is maybe not the right word. I’ve struggle with this word at times. In the past I’ve associated need with weakness. “I don’t need help, I am a self-sufficient strong independent woman who can do anything.” Hearing that back doesn’t sound the least bit weak although it’s said with the intention of not wanting to appear weak. (and I can be slightly stubborn at times) There is nothing weak about wanting to share and explore the beauty of life with an intimate partner. The trick is finding the right one.

As a woman it’s hard to balance independence and strength without losing your femininity. Women naturally want their man to take care of some of their needs. Some of us even have the burning desire to be save by a man. I need to be saved from myself I think. At times I think I am only attached to this world by a thread, I often find myself floating away to my world which seems in no way a reality.

I think until you allow yourself to be vulnerable in life you don’t really experience all life has to offer. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone or needing someone in your life as long as you’re not dependent on them. That’s when obligation and expectation step in and wreck everything in one clean swoop! When you lose your independence you give away your strength. Balance is so important in life, yin & yang.

Want is perhaps not as scary as need“I just want to find someone to share it with.” I think there are life experiences we need to have that strike a cord within us that make us move to another level. And then there are life experiences we want that enrich and allow us to grow as individuals. Feeling vulnerable is not an emotion everyone is comfortable with, I’m certainly not. When you’re ready to open yourself up and be vulnerable, real passion in life begins. Passion is something in my opinion that needs to be shared. When you have real passion for what you do you can’t help but inspire those around you.

I was in the company of my parents on the weekend and their chemistry after 60 years together is still in the room. They found someone to share it with and somehow manage to keep from floating away making their passionate love a reality. It is possible. I’m looking for that someone who will feed my soul, not my ego. Who will let me float away when I need to but will reel me in from time to time to balance my fairy tale with reality.

We all want to share a part of our life with someone. It doesn’t have to be all at once, it can start with bits and pieces until it feels right to share more. It’s not a race. It’s about timing and letting go to allow your life to just be.

We as human beings like to share. Elation, can’t help but be shared. Love yearns to be shared. Desire burns if not shared. Inspiration is wasted if not shared. Music is created to share. Lust comes undone when shared. Peace wants to be shared.

Life is meant to be shared…

 


Share

It’s Just a Number…Right?

430890_478347472200364_2021627236_n
I embraced yet another Valentine Birthday with every once of my being…sort of! I will admit right now that I have revised this post since it was originally written three years ago…okay 4. I’m laughing as I do. Don’t ask!  😉

The Big 40-ish…again. “lier” blurts my inner voice!

I have never lied about my age…I’m starting now, don’t judge. Funny with age you don’t feel the need to justify your decisions. I mean really, it is just a number so lets leave it at that! (giggle)

I am not defined by my age so the number doesn’t bother me. Then why not say it out-loud?” questions my deep inner voice. “Get lost, I have my reasons!” I snap back. I didn’t think it would come to this and I am aware of the slippery slope I cautiously approach. I will delete deny any comments if you feel the need to mention any numbers above lets say 42. (think of it as a birthday present to me) Just give me this one! I’ll come around soon I promise!

I like to reflect on my Birthday just as I do each New Year’s Day. I look back and see if the seeds I planted the year before have grown and I decide what I want to plant for the coming year. Milestone Birthdays (not that this is one *cough*) allow us to reflect and follow that reflection to where we are now. It doesn’t get much better than now!

I remember feeling different when my odometer rolled over from the last time I turned 40-ish. “Phft” adds my inner voice! The next day it seemed especially easy to say the word no. Along with the word no came no need to explain why. I felt relaxed with just being around me. I didn’t need outside stimulus to engage me. The voices in my head were engaging enough! “Stop talking I’m trying to write!!!!” 

When I turned 40-ish last time, I finally allowed myself to be comfortable in my own sensual glowing skin, more so than in my 20’s or 30’s! I am confident enough to drop my dress in a busy intersection at noon in the winter (bad lighting) if need be…you know for charity or something like that. (I haven’t…so far!) I did however wear a moustache for the day for Movember) I know, not quite the same but a step in the liberating direction!

‘This age’ for me is about being comfortable in mind and spirit, I think I have the body loving attitude down to a fine art. I have decided to keep a little more to myself. ( cough *bullshit*) I mean that in a positive way, I am not being cynical. Okay I am trying! I like you are a work in progress! Keep in mind I am an Aquarian…well see if I can last a week! I will set more goals that will take discipline and courage to achieve. I want to stretch the boundaries of my mind that will allow me to reach higher than I thought was possible in my younger years. Funny thing about aging, we become less fearful and more willing to take chances, especially with our hearts! Life is short, and then you die! Lets face it, risk can be exciting! To quote my friend Ryan “What could go wrong?” Live in the moment with no regret.

I have experienced many-many glorious years and look forward to many-many more! I have had a very blessed life so far filled with unforgettable memories of family and friends that will last my lifetime. I continue to learn more about who I am and what I am capable of through life experience. Some good, some not so good, I choose to focus on the good. I have come to the realization that I am a very resilient woman if nothing else! I have grown so much over the years and even in times that my heart aches I have finally mastered…or bachelor’d at least the ability to keep thinking positive thoughts in times that don’t feel very positive.

I feel a sense of calm wash over me as I age and it just feels gooooood! I know who I am and I am not afraid to express it to those who are standing close to me, or far away for that matter. I have become not only comfortable in my own skin but comfortable with who I am intellectually. What I want and don’t want seems so much clearer than ever before.

rose coloured glassesI have learned to have complete acceptance in my life. I walk the walk not just talk the talk. I welcome you into my life unconditionally for how ever long you choose to stay, a day a week a year or hours for that matter, it’s really up to you. I can only be who I am, true to myself, if you fit great, if not it was nice crossing paths and I wish you love on your journey. I have learned to surrender to this. All I ask is that you be as kind to my spirit as I will be to yours! Life is meant to be shared, lived, experienced and lessons are learned along the way.

I still look through my rose coloured glasses from the clouds but I enjoy that view and won’t give that up at any age. I am a dreamer, a romantic and will be until the day I leave this world.

Here’s to aging gracefully, being ((((((((((50-ish)))))))))) and proud of it!

 (((((((smile)))))))

 

Tracy signiture

Share

The Truth about Love…

33960_10151284118717032_804779761_n

I walked nervously into the room to meet him for the very first time. I had a feeling about who he may be. It was that feeling that had been missing for a very long time. I was dangerously close to giving up, that it may never cross my path again, but there he was sitting waiting for me. It felt surreal from the instant we spoke, sharing freely who we were and what lead us to this moment. I had finally stepped in without fear, without doubt, without hesitation, my mended heart was ready to love again. I felt it.

I looked into his eyes and felt a sense of calm, like coming home after a long time away. It felt right, just as everyone who has ever loved has felt, when it was.

We all have our feeling hurt, our hearts bruised or even broken into tiny little shards of glass never to be the same again. Maybe the broken pieces are not meant to be put back in place, for we are never the same after heart break. When we accept our cracks, it shows us that we can still love the imperfect, the once broken. Who we are doesn’t fade with cracks, we just need to find someone willing to fill them with love and understanding. That is pure raw unfiltered love.

So when your heart is shattered on the ground, gently kneel down and gather the pieces to keep them safe, collect your thoughts and summon up the courage to rebuild what you once knew.

When you cross paths with that person, maybe even your person, and you can feel an emotional storm brewing in the distance. Take a deep breath and allow the storm to blow through you. Allow the ominous clouds of emotion to form around you, you have no control of the wind that creates them, so let the storm begin…enveloping you in it.

Passionate Love is a force meant to be much more powerful than you have ever imagined. It’s love coming for you.

The only question is…are you brave enough to surrender to it?

Ed Sheeran says it beautifully…

Photograph
Ed Sheeran
Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home
Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier,
Remember that with every piece of you
Hm, and it’s the only thing we take with us when we die
Hm, we keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
And if you hurt me
That’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
You can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
And if you hurt me
Well, that’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
When I’m away, I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
“Wait for me to come home.”
Songwriters: Ed Sheeran / Johnny Mcdaid
Photograph lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Feedback

admin-ajax.php

Share

Truth Be Told ~

truth_be_told

625565_10151296502307032_1928783634_n

The truth can crack your heart forever, it can also set you free. A double edged sword for sure. It can surprise us like watching Bambi vs Godzilla for the first time! You can’t change what you don’t know. It can be refreshing and hard to hear all at the same time.

I love the male energy as you all know. I have lots of male friends and love each and every one of them because they speak the truth. Men in general are uncomplicated creatures. Women on the other hand, can make the simplest thing the most elaborate undertaking. <~~~~ me included…apparently ((((smile)))

Complication seeps in when we over think things, in my opinion. If we can stay in the moment and follow our heart and live lean we have less to worry about which releases the complicated factors. Back to basics. When I just go where the wind blows me I don’t seem to have a care in the world and life just seems to happen. Somewhere along the line I lost my carefree self. I come back for visits now and then but never seemed to unpack my bag for long. Now I can’t even find the bag, maybe that’s the problem, there was no bag to find!

We have learned over time to add layers to our truth complicating it each time and so it’s sometimes difficult to peel them off and see what really lies deep beneath our coat of social acceptance and behaviours. I find the truth to be an incredibly attractive quality, even when the words are not what I hoped to hear. A person who can speak the truth is allowing things to just flow as they should, not worrying about time lines or selfish needs. When did I stop just going with the flow? When did I stop saying in a southern drawl “Well whyyyyy not!”

Words spoken from the heart are raw and untouched not influenced by the beliefs of society. They are unique to who releases them and those who embrace them. I have faced many truths in the last 5 year that have lead me to find out more about who I am. Just when I thought I figured out who I was becoming another truth is gently handed to me. Sometimes we meet kind souls who take chances in exposing the underlying realities of who we are, that we don’t see in the mirror. If we are ready to hear the words we can move a step closer to having a quiet mind. The questions cease, our inner dialogue starts to whisper and we find ourselves more open and willing to see what needs to change. We become free. There is nothing purer than simple freedom. Freedom within ourselves.

I was handed a gentle truth and for the most part I didn’t want to hear it, but I did. I looked within myself and accepted it as a gift. I processed it and agreed for the most part that I needed to hear it. I asked a question and was given an honest answer.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.”

Thank you for those who are brave enough to tell the truth.

Tracy signiture

Share

Finding Lyrical Beauty in…Mating?

online-dating-service-sleeping-beauty-600-10931
TracyI mean Dating…

It’s not me it’s them! ((((smile & giggle)))) o-k-a-y once it was me, maybe twice, three times tops! Dating after being attached for years is like learning to ride a bike again, except it’s a unicycle, with no seat, in the dark, on gravel, naked, in-front of lots of people…you know! Actually lets put the seat back on since we’re naked and make it a bright sunny day to imply hope. I am being sarcastic not cynical. I can honestly find humour in everything, especially my own life. The majority of the time I don’t really care but there is a part of me that still sits in the clouds daydreaming about what it would be like to be with someone who balances me in an older wiser sort of way! 😉

There are those friends or colleagues that ask each week for a ‘story’ or sorts but now it’s getting ridiculous. Even I am getting tired of my stories and I love story time! In all honesty they usually end in a thunk! I seem to be a magnet for young men. My girlfriends and I have giggled on more than one occasion saying“too young for what?” I suppose it depend on what you are looking for. Don’t get me wrong dating a younger man has its advantages. At least going in you know it’s not going to amount to anything so there is no expectations or heart ache! Younger men don’t fear the unknown as much as older wiser male energy, and rightfully so. Life experience hasn’t shown them the darker side of lust or love yet. They have their whole lives ahead of them to find what they are looking for. My advice, take your time and never settle for someone who won’t allow you to be you! It’s exciting really! Give them a couple broken hearts and they will tread a little lighter when it comes to opening themselves to the female energy.

Younger men have a lightness about them and yes they are ‘fun’ if that’s what you are looking for…‘fun.’ Being asked out by 6’6 tattooed hottie who looks 34 but ends up being (((((21))))) flatters the ego (if he was 34) but I got rid of that many moons ago. Yup 21…I know! I just got the shivers too! Age is NOT just a number in some cases! Maybe he could have a play-date with my 15 year old, shoot some hoops and have a juice box of Kool Aid and a Tuna Sammy on a Blanky on the front lawn. He made Truck-Boy seem old! Sigh…ahhhh, Truck-Boy 😉 Some of my friends are still envious of me being able to lock the door behind me and have space to myself, but in reality that doesn’t happen very often. The grass is NOT greener on the other side people! Don’t just water your grass fertilize it!

Being on your own comes with some social stigmas that we don’t put on ourselves but society silently places them upon us when we aren’t looking. Some days I feel like yelling “There is nothing MAJOR wrong with me!…really!” And other days I think…there must be something major wrong with me! I can be deep and ask a lot of questions because communication is important to me. I am passionate and jump in and I have been scared and jumped back out. <~~~~~ feelings can be scary! Navigating the mine fields of the dating world can be difficult when you factor in all the elements of being older. Kids, schedules, exes, baggage, insecurities all come into play at some point. If you’re not ready to take all these on, it seems like a massive effort has to be put in and if you’re both not willing to, you’re hooped! Move on and save yourself the heart ache.

I like a challenge but that definition has changed over the years. When you’re younger, the challenge is more on a physical level than intellectual or emotional. The thrill of the chase is lead by raging hormones. Flash forward ~ hormone levels still surge but have been mixed with wisdom and maturity, changing the definition somewhat. Attraction is more mutual and want to be challenged on a more intellectual level through communication and spirituality not just physically.

I think of dating like this…Imagine standing at the bottom of the Grouse Grind. You don’t want to start the climb knowing you’re going to bail half way because it’s just as much effort to get your sorry ass back down as it is to go to the top. You also don’t want to start the climb with someone who is clearly holding themselves back to your pace or you to theirs. It should be a journey embarked on together reaching the top at least in view of one another if not side by side. Relationships challenge us in different ways as we age. It takes effort and sometimes perseverance to get to where you want to be. You just can’t judge the other person for where they are in life. Timing is everything and you can’t force love.

I am looking for different qualities and have relaxed somewhat to what I need and want. I have more life experience to draw upon which isn’t always a good thing. Being comfortable on my own has become the new norm. I can visualize where I want to be, having passion, laughter and love swirling around me and my family but as time goes by I question whether or not it is an achievable reality. I am still working on finding my patience. Oh look there it is…oops dropped it!

Life has a way of showing us contrasts. We learn from each experience what we want and don’t want in our lives. We make choices that move us forward and learn from the ones that allow us to sit still for a time. I have found lyrical beauty in mating dating at times and learned a great deal about myself along the way. Ebb and flow.

Open your heart and stay true to who you are and you will Find Your Lyrical Beauty in Your Everyday Happenings… (((((smile))))

Now if I could just find the guy in the picture above…life would be a fairy-tale come true! 
Tracy signiture

Share

Stand Strong…

humanity-quotes-7

Life can be complicated, love can be messy and nothing worth having is ever easy. I have worked hard for everything I have in my life and it was all worth the fight, mentally, physically and most of all emotionally. There was not one moment I would have given up to take the easy way out. I was close at times when my heart felt bruised, my mind felt defeated and my body wanted to collapse to the floor, but that is not who I am. I was brought up to lead by example with strength, integrity and a moral compass intact. That does not mean I have not made mistakes, I have, we all have. Fix them as best you can and move forward.

The world challenges who we are at time. The easy way out is to blindly join the masses and follow. The question is who are you following? What do YOU want the world to be? What do YOU believe will make OUR world a better place? What can YOU offer OUR world to reflect that? What is your purpose or contribution to bring peace and love back to the planet? Pick THAT and fight for it! It’s time to form connections with other compassionate hearts, educated minds and stand strong together, march side by side united, don’t follow, LEAD!

Fear is the Thief of Dreams ~ Gandhi 

We don’t always get what we want, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make change. Perhaps it was given to us to challenge us to take a stand and fight harder.

Regardless of where you are in life the path you choose to travel will teach you something about yourself and how you fit into humanity. Don’t ever underestimate humanity, and the power of one, we are all one, but collectively we have a heart that beats the same and a voice that is up to us how loud it becomes. Don’t allow anyone to silence your voice. Don’t be seduced into taking the easy path, it’s not what it seems. There is no easy path to greatness or change.

Now is not a time to take the path of least resistance and sit back hoping it will all work out. We need to continue helping those who need it, if we do the world will be a better place. We can not be separated by hate and fear. Our planet is a gift that we have to protect, and human beings are a part of this beautiful gift.

We have all had times in our lives where we felt out of sync or balance with our family, friends and loved ones, but with love and support, understanding and guidance we help and stand strong when they can’t. Positive vibes can be felt by all of us.

Stand strong for those who can’t.

This film will make you think.

admin-ajax.php

Share

Butterflies Are Free to Fly

Image 1

Everything starts with a thought. I love the quote “Thoughts become things, choose the good ones.” ~ Notes from the Universe. It’s not always easy to choose the good ones, even I have my moments of wallowing in displeasure from time to time. When you do allow yourself to take a peek at the not-so-good ones, dabble briefly, it’s a slippery slope that will lead you to the bottom of the hill if you aren’t careful. Taking a brief look however allows us a natural comparison of good and not-so-good, which can make the fork in the road that much clearer.

Our subconscious hopefully steps in allowing us to make the next choice.
~Shall we evolve and grow as a human being or shall we go back to the drawing board and try again? Not everyone is a quick study. Some simply like the comfort of a path more traveled, others go to great lengths seeking the unfamiliar one.

Transformation doesn’t generally happen unless we go through a mental metamorphic state. We can’t change physically until mentally we are on board with the new path. Emotionally we can’t make this change until we do the work, as hard as it may feel. So you may as well just get into it. Buckle down and get busy! Represent who you are with all you’ve got! Visualize where you imagine yourself to be!

Sometimes we don’t see that we need a change until it becomes crystal clear we can no longer cocoon down the path we have been on far too long. The journey awaiting our acquaintance may as well start now. Pack light, you’re not going to need anything materialistic on this journey. Dig deep and start within.

When we do go through a change or evolution of sorts, it lightens us. As we blaze our own trail we become light in mind, body and spirit. Keep walking even if it feel like you are taking baby steps, the leaps and bounds will come when it’s time.

If you’re going through a physical change, the load to lighten is visual. Be kind to yourself. If you are going through a mental change, only you will see those changes at the start. In time those around you will notice a light coming from within.

There is nothing quite as delicate and beautiful as a butterfly floating in the summer breeze. It too had to go through metamorphosis before it took flight. We all have the power to be that butterfly if we are willing to work at shedding the cocoon we all become comfortable in over time.

So whether you are trying to shed a physical comfort, become lighter within your thoughts, or cast a light on your spiritual side, everything is possible if you imagine yourself floating effortlessly through your day.

“You’re a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye…” 

Tracy signiture

Share

What if God is Testing YOU?

pixiz-31-07-2016-21-37-22I wrote this 6 years ago. I am reposting it because there has been change in the world since this was originally written and the Gay Pride Parade is today in Vancouver and I am a huge supporter of the LGBT community.

When I was on Facebook the other night I read a status update that a girlfriend from high school wrote that really bothered me. Sylvia was defriended after knowing someone for over 30 years, all because she chooses an ‘alternate lifestyle‘ and they choose God. This would be a good time to add, I am a proud supporter of Gay Pride, not because I am gay but because I believe human beings shouldn’t be judged because of their sexual orientation! I have never read the Bible, but I remember saying my prayers as a child. I prefer to take bits and pieces from all different religions, rather than follow just one. I can only give my opinion of what feels right inside my heart. I believe we are all part of a Universal Source of Energy and I try to live by The Golden Rule Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.’ The Golden Rule is not exclusive to Christianity, many religions teach their version of the Golden Rule, it’s such a basic and simple rule to live by.

I love women, but have never fallen in love with a woman in that way so I have no life experience to call upon when it comes to being gay. (well there was this one time in College…kidding, I never went to College lol) I have lots of gay friends whom I love and support for having the courage to live their lives truthfully and authentically. Imagine having to live with a secret your entire life because you fear being judged and isolated from your family and friends. If either of my children told me they were gay it would make absolutely no difference to me, I would love and support them either way!

My vision of being in a female relationship goes something like this…kids would always be clean and well fed, the house would be spotless, laundry would be done, folded and put away perfectly, there would always be wonderful aromas swirling about the house from fresh baked goods, candle light would glow from each room, wine would be chilled just right, oh and flowers, lots and lots of flowers! I could go on and on but I think you get my point! Female energy is so incredibly amazing! Who wouldn’t want that! Personally, I am physically and sexually attracted to male energy. (after that vision I am asking…why? lol) Please don’t judge me all my lesbian friends! 🙂

What if God was testing you, you who believed in the Christian God, who is against lesbian/homosexual relationships? What if he was testing you to see if you would be a follower or leader and take a stand by challenging his words in the Bible. What if God was testing you to see if you could think for yourself? When you think about how long ago the Bible was written, doesn’t it make sense there should be a few things that change with the times? Back in the time of Adam and Eve it made sense that a man and women would naturally be drawn to each other, to procreate, we needed the human race to flourish. Have we not flourished? There are other ways for human beings to have families and offer their love to one another. I think the Bible could use a little tweaking in this case, or needs to be viewed as more of a guideline, not so black and white.

What if what I say has a sliver of truth to it? I suppose you won’t know until you’re at the pearly gates. I believe I will never be judge for being who I am as long as my intent is pure. Why can’t we all just CoeXisT?

Here is the note that provoked this post:

“Sylvia, I am not continuing to have you as a friend on facebook for the following reasons…. While I am commanded to love you/others I am not compelled to condone or accept the lifestyle choices that are being so seductively and many times blatantly forced on our society and are in clear defiance of God’s word. This message is not something new to you but you have not heard it from me personally. There have been some specific message postings on the common wall by yourself and your friends that speak to your opposition of the “biblical definition of marriage” based on your lifestyle choice. I do not believe in the argument you present and this is not open for rebuttal or debate. God loves his creation and His word is crystal clear that He is opposed to homosexual/lesbian relationships/lifestyles. My head is not in the sand but my head is in God’s word. I will continue to pray that God will reveal himself in your life again and that you will see His word for what it is. – B.”

Sylvia stand tall and proud of who you are and continue loving others as you do yourself, by doing just that you will create the change that is needed. I have no specific words for ‘B’ my post is meant for all the B’s in the world! I can’t imagine feeling as though I have the right to judge another human being.

Imagine for a moment limiting yourself from meeting someone who would enrich your existence while you’re here on Earth, all because of a religious belief. This is simply my opinion, it is not meant to offend anyone or criticize the Bible or anyone’s religious beliefs, it’s just my thoughts and my way of saying life is too short “why can’t we all just get along!”

*Silvia, please watch this video, it’s very empowering and makes sense*

Abraham – who is Non-Physical Source Energy as translated by Esther Hicks – responds to a question from a lesbian activist who wants to affect social change in a meaningful “downstream” way.

Abraham: The Law of Attraction and Gay Rights – Esther & Jerry Hicks



Share

My Word…

images

Your word is a reflection of who you are. We all need to stop making promises we can’t keep. Where have the days gone when our word meant something? Even the traditional handshake has taken a turn to weakness. ‘Lets shake on it’is no more. A solid handshake insinuates strength, just as a weak one leaves you slightly disappointed. When you reach out and grasp the palm of another, you are engaging in a silent formal agreement, an extension of your word.

As a child, the word of an adult was the gospel. Pinky Swear mimics our handshake, sealing the deal of a child. As a grown up you never wanted to let down the innocent mind and hopeful child looking deeply at you. Why as adults do we feel it acceptable to speak without actions.

I understand that things change, people make choices that can spin a promise right off its foundation. We often set out with good intention but along the way we get side tracked with that something shiny, that takes us in a direction we didn’t see coming. Our word slips through the cracks of the foundation we so easily let crumble. A foundation that took years to build. We need to think about our words before we release them to the Universe and initiate the hope said within them.

Vows are not what they used to be. I am not sure if it is a generational thing or whether some people take them to heart more than others. Kept promises are becoming a thing of the past. Our word is written in pencil so easily erased on the pages we try to write. We lack focus. We have much to distract us.

If we all take a moment to think about the words we release to those who have hope and faith in us, maybe we can change the way a promise is kept. Maybe then our handshakes will have more strength and our words more meaning.

When promises continually get broken we start to believe we are not worthy of that promise. Those who do give their word with full intention of following through lose faith in those who so easily and thoughtlessly release promises without the thought or meaning behind them.

For our words to have strength they need to start from within. We need to know who we are and what we want to allow them to take on the meaning and strength they were meant to have. We need to be honest, know our truth, and be unafraid to express it. Promises will then come in time when they are ready to be released.

I give you my word that what I write and what I say to you are words I can shake on. I mean what I say and say what I mean, do you?

Tracy signiture

Share

Take a Look Inside

12246937_10153154421837371_7264162423191685873_n

Every now and then I take a trip that offers me peace within. I climb gently inside, sit for a moment, and allow the silence to speak to me. It doesn’t take long to feel the calm wash over my soul. I know why I am here. I need to silence the chaos before it get momentum. It starts as an unsuspecting look in the mirror, without notice it turns into a whisper until is casts a shadow that follows me everywhere. I need to come back home, take refuge inside and let the music play. Do a little soul searching, ask a few questions of myself.

We all become disconnected from time to time. Whether it be in love, our chosen careers, with our growing kids or just life itself. We need to heed the warning signs and allow our heart to speak gently to our minds that wander away taking us just slightly off course. Away from the centre of who we know we are deep within.

We arrive here sometimes by mistake, at the hand of a stranger or out of defeat. We become disconnected from what matters, from those who matter.

There should be no boundaries, limits or restrictions in this safe place, only memories that warm our hearts, feelings that bare our soul. Our past, present and future should float harmoniously together.

After spending time in the company of those we consider part of our tribe, we connect fearlessly and welcome each others truth. I recently reconnected with a girlfriend who lives her life in the moment. She, like me is a free spirit who wears her heart on her sleeve, she is honest, open, giving freely the love she has deep inside to those in her circle.

Having an open heart, living authentically does not come without questions that lay gently beneath the surface of who we are. Even those who dance to the beat of their own drum can at times lose the rhythm to their song. Reconnecting with our own truth brings us back to solid ground. Finding inner peace strengthens us and reminds us that we are not alone. Life is meant to be shared and explored with those we welcome to take a look inside.

We are all beautiful creatures that should explore this journey in life with passion and love. We are connected to one another and should at every opportunity share the love we have.

The dialog within stops as I cue the music. A symphony once again plays in the background as I find myself floating back to this miracle we call life. A slow steady inhale fills my chest with a fresh fragrant energy. The voices that live within are silenced by the tranquil beauty that surrounds me once again as I surrender to the moment.

You never know what is just around the corner unless you silence your mind, open your eyes and feel with your heart.

Trust that you are where you are meant to be.

~ Tracy

 

Share

De Oirish ~

‘Appy St Paddy’s Day everyone! Oi ‘ill try ter write me entire post the-day wi’ an Oirish accent. Top o’ the mornin’ to you! Oi love de Oirish accent more than any other! Bono, Colin Farrell, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers an’ Liam Neeson are jist a few Oirishmen oi fend sexy. De Oirish accent is sexy whether spoken from de lips av a paddy or doll.

Unknown

De other tin’ oi think av whaen oi tink av de Oirish is dance. Oi wanted ter share an Oirish dance witcha, Riverdance!  Dees birds are amazing at waaat they do.

Oirish performance dancin’ is traditionally referred ter as stepdance. Oirish stepdance popularized in 1994 by de warrld famous show Riverdance. Stepdance is known for its rapid scotch peg (leg) movements, body an’ arms bein’ kept largely stationary. ‘Av a nice day ~

Riverdance ~

Share

Past Lives…

As my conscious mind relaxed, I felt myself gently stepping down a spiral staircase. A soft feminine voice in the background lead me slowly to the bottom. I thoughts drifted back in time where I felt most comfortable. I belonged there in my heart. Her calm soft voice coaxed me to look down at what I was wearing on my feet. I was to tell my story using every one of my senses.

I looked down and saw my worm leather laced boots peaking out from the yards of fabric that gently rubbed back and forth with each step I took. It was a long dusty walk up the dry dirt road. I was watching from just slightly above myself, like an out of body experience. It was me who took each step towards the little house on the hill. It felt like deja-vu. I was relying on all of my sense to tell the story I was seeing transpire before my eyes.

It was a peaceful afternoon with a warm gentle breeze floating scents of spring through the air. Birds chirped in the distance whist nesting in the most beautiful tree I had ever seen. The little house on the hill felt like home.

I saw him for the first time with grateful eyes. I watched from above, yet I felt what she was feeling. I was attached to the feelings they had between them from a slight distance. I yearned to be in her body in that moment walking toward him with the rush of anticipation I felt. I was overwhelmed with joy. I felt as though I was floating through a dream, fluid and beautiful.

He was working hard in the field just behind the house. I knew he had been mine in another time which made me smile. He must have sensed me walking toward him. He stopped what he was doing and watched me come closer. I felt a surge of love envelope my entire being when our eyes met. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he leaned on the tool he had been using. The way he looked at me felt like he hadn’t seen me in years but I knew it had only been hours. He stood starring until I smiled, and then he laughed. At that moment my soul radiated the love I felt for this man. Love I had never felt before. It was from a time long before I was a glint in my fathers eyes. A life time ago…a past life time ago.

There was white cotton fabric blowing gently in the breeze through the open windows. I walked through the door not taking my eyes off of him as I navigated seamlessly to the open window at the back of the house. I was so drawn to him. It was a powerful connection. He was still staring, waiting to see if I was going to approach him. The magnetic attraction pulled me toward him. I felt like a ghost walking toward a free spirit…

I was interrupted by her soft calm voice. I wanted to stay in that moment forever. I tried fighting it but had dream-like strength. When her voice entered my subconscious, he disappeared. I was calmly persuaded to step forward in time to the next significant moment. I was in the midst of childbirth, my son was being born without his father standing at my side. I felt pain and sadness mixed with joy and elation of having a child. I knew my story was not going to end the way I’d hoped.

Her empathetic voice whisked me to another moment in time…

My body felt numb. I longed for him to return. The thought of him walking up the same dry dirt road I had, it seemed just moments before, had become a mirage. Our son was playing in the shade of the big tree on the hill. He looked about 6 years old, the spitting image of his father. A reminder of who was missing each time our eyes met. He had yet to meet the man he heard stories of each and every day. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he too longed to look into his fathers eyes just once.

I heard a rumble in the distance making its way to our little house on the hill. A familiar sound that once brought letters of his undying love. Wrapped in hope I held my breath, pleading silently for his return. I glanced over at our son innocently watching my expression as the rumble gently passed us by in a cloud of dust.

to be continued…

Share

Past Lives…part two.

Past Lives…part one. (last weeks post)

Past Lives…part two.

I felt a tear slowly forge a path down my cheek as her hypnotic voice asked me to move forward in time once again. I didn’t want to move forward, I wasn’t ready to face my fear. I kept looking back, drawn to my past, to him. I grabbed onto a thought that would make my heart beat again. With every ounce of my subconscious strength I held onto the energy of the man who captured my heart. I felt alive again.

He walked toward me, glistening with sweat from working hard in the field. His walk commanded my attention, taking my breath away. In slow motion his strong hands reached out and cupped my jaw on both sides slowly bringing me close enough to feel his breath on my mouth. He stared deep into my soul, taking me to a place I had never been with any man before. Like a tornado he stirred every emotion in my body spinning me out of control with no conscious thought. He had such passion and want in his eyes. Nothing could break through the spiritual connection we were creating in that moment. I would remembered it for eternity.

I heard her soft guiding voice in the distance, muffled like I was hearing it through the wall. She kept repeating the same words over and over. I was lost in my story not wanting to come back up the spiral staircase to reality…she gently repeated “You need to move on, if you don’t you won’t find the answer you are looking for”.

I hesitantly moved forward in time and found myself standing in a familiar spot. I looked towards the tree up on the hill where our son was sitting quietly looking into the vibrant green canopy of leaves that were ready to burst with new life. It was spring again, my favourite season. The breeze was cool this time, fresh subtle fragrance filled the air. The birds were oddly quiet as if they knew what was about to come…

The distant rumble was clearer than any other time. I was waiting for it, anticipated it. I sensed the moment my eyes opened that morning that this was the day. I walked as if in a procession to greet the gentleman who had brought my letters of love in the past. He couldn’t hide his emotions. His eyes told me my heart was about to be shattered into a million pieces. He surely would not have wanted to be the one to deliver this letter, I was thankful it was he who did.

I stoically held my head high as he softly placed the letter in my hand. I closed my eyes to recalled his scent so he could stand next to me and give me his strength. His energy was not within the folded corners. My nose touched the unfamiliar penmanship. His scent, absent. There was nothing. As the tears rolled down my cheeks I opened the handwritten letter to face my biggest fear. I saw words such as brave, strength, respected, sincerely, hero and then I heard his voice faintly whisper the word s-o-r-r-y into my ear.

Our son stood behind me silently with tears flowing down his flush cheeks. We stood with arms wrapped tight around one another, not a word was said. We were all we had left. I felt the presence of his strength circle us as we sobbed silently. I was grateful in that moment to have him in my arms with the same blood pumping through his veins as his father. He would be my forever now.

 

 

Share

Remembrance Day

REMEMBRANCE DAY TOPIX

~ Remembrance Day Poem ~

Grandpa pinned a pretty poppy

On his big black coat today,

He always stands up straighter

When he wears that coat that way,

He was humming to his friends again so soft that no one hears,

But I think he knows I’m listening

And he lets me see his tears

He was talking to his friends today

I heard him when he prayed

Now were going to see them

At my Grandpa’s big parade.

I sit high on Daddy’s shoulders

And try to catch my Grandpa’s eye

But he’s looking at the Maple Leaf

And he salutes as he walks by.

I ask if I can meet his friends

So he takes me for a walk;

We kneel beside a list of names

All written on a rock.

He tells me they were left behind

In cold and distant rain

He can only talk to them in prayer

They can’t come home again.

We had to pay the price, he says

To bring war to an end;

I think Freedom’s pretty costly

If you have to pay with friends.

‘Why did you do all that for me,

I wasn’t born yet ?’

He held me close and whispered

‘I don’t want you to forget.’

‘I did it for my Mom and Dad,’

Then his eyes began to water

‘I did it for your Dad, and you

And for your son and daughter.’

So I’ll always pin my poppy on,

Take my grand kids on parade;

Kneel underneath the Maple

Leaf,

To thank the friends my Grandpa

Made.

~ anonymous  

 poppy

On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, Canadians are asked to pause and remember the thousands of men and women who sacrificed their lives fighting for freedom and democracy during the First World War, the Second World War, the Korean War, the Afghanistan conflict and during peacekeeping missions. I am grateful for all those who have fought and those who continue to put their lives at risk each day so we feel a little more safe in the world. Each year we pause to watch the planes fly over to pay respects to all of those who have fought for our freedom, and each year it brings tears to my eyes. Today will be no different…

Thank you from the deepest part of my heart!
Tracy signiture

Share

Movember ~ Making a Difference in Mens Health ~ Repost ;{

Made_in_Movember_Icon_2

We love the strength of our male energy. They protect us instinctively without even thinking about it. They stand tall when looked upon to hold us together. They dissipate our fears, and lessen our pain by just being present.

Even the strongest of men can have their fate challenged, leaving those they love wishing for even just one moment longer to be held in their arms.

Movember, changing the face of mens health with a ribbon on their upper lip, worn with pride, uniting men in all corners of the globe.

These men share a camaraderie, their list of commonalities are long, but what matters most is their health! Male energy bound together to show their support for those who have, are, and will, fight a battle they all set out to win. Sadly not all do, but by bringing awareness to this crucially important cause we can get through this together.

We have all been touched by the loss of great men, whether it be within our family, our circle of friends, or a co-worker. We have all known someone who has lost their fight and joined the world of Angels. The world must be in need of Angels…

~ Last year the world lost an amazing man by the name of Brock Hilliard. I am grateful to have called him my friend. He is missed each day by all those who crossed his path and felt his love.

~ My friend Rick Rae (Rickr) passed last week and left the world with one less positive difference makers. Rick supported and left his voice on Tara Cronica for many years! He inspired me on more than one occasion to keep going! And still does. I miss the simple : ) Rick left so often reminding me that I was thought of. I miss being called ‘kid’.

~ Ken Yamamoto, a supportive father, a loving husband and friend, lost his fight just days ago. He will be missed by a community who he shared time and space with watching great kids play hockey, lacrosse and music!

~ Wray Douglas, I have so many fond memories when I think of Wray. Thank you for always keeping us safe on set while you lived your dream. I am grateful for the selfless gift you gave without pause. My love and thoughts are with your family.

Just a few of the great men who made a difference in the lives of those they loved, may you all rest in peace.

So although I admit I love watching the progression of a great Mo, it’s deeper than that for me this year. There is no comical twist, just a blessing that there are individuals who step up to create change in the world…for that I am grateful.

So gentlemen, grow your Mo and wear it with pride and honour knowing you have taken a stand to make a difference!

Made_in_Movember_Icon_1Tracy ~

Share

My Mo…for the Day! Repost ;{

Movember…I am a woman of my word. A couple of weeks ago I somehow got bamboozled into wearing a moustache for the day. Today’s the day! My friend Drew will be making a donation to Movember and so should you! Great cause!

I will add pictures later today as part of the ‘deal’ to show how I spent my day. ((((((smile))))) I hope you got a giggle out of this Drew…I know you’re all wondering how it is at all possible that this woman is single!!! It boggles my mind as well!

On my way out…

Hanging with the Little Black dog…

Getting a trim…@ Mekal Salon & Spa

Tim Hortons Drive through…

Movember isn’t Movember without a Handsome Fire Fighter;)

…and another one just to be sure 😉

Thanks for participating Everyone!

Share

Movember ~ Repost ;{

Ladies are you wondering why there is an overwhelming number of itchy faced 70’s porn-star moustache adorning men around lately? No there is not a 70’s porn feature film in town, and it’s not the play-offs, it’s much more exciting and important than that! *wink*

Movember is in full swing! Men all over the world are growing facial hair to help bring awareness for mens health! The prostate (from Greek prostrates, literally “one who stands before”, “protector”, “guardian”) is a gland of the male reproductive system. Its purpose or function is extremely important in helping prolong the lifespan of sperm and giving better protection to the genetic material DNA!

Did you know that prostate cancer is the number 1 male cancer? Did you know that a man is 35% more likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than a woman is to be diagnosed with breast cancer? The good news is prostate cancer is over 90% curable if detected and treated in the early stages.

Here is the link if you would like to find out more about Movember. A friend of mine Steve (pic to the left) has a Movember site you can visit to make a donation! It’s a no brainer to support those who are making a difference in other peoples lives!

I personally LOVE facial hair, any facial hair on a man is just plain sexy! Their moustache is their ribbon, and in just 30 days of wearing it they raise not only awareness through conversation, but in 2010 they raised $22 million dollars, an itch worth having!

Thanks to all my handsome male friends who allowed me to post their pics for a good cause! Now go and get your prostate checked boys, it could save your life!

Oh and just one more thing…prevention 😉 you didn’t really think I was finished. The BBC News website says masturbation (<—– go on click on the link…I know you want to, guaranteed a gut laugh out loud if you read the entire article) or more specifically ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer. To quote BBC, ” Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.” There I said it…now go do the right thing!

MOVEMBER NEWS FACTS:

Movember began in 2003 in Melbourne, Australia. The guys behind it joked about 80s fashion and decided it was time to bring back the moustache.  In order to justify their “Mo” (Aussie slang for moustache), they used their new looks to raise some awareness and money for prostate cancer research… never dreaming their efforts would lead to a global movement for men’s health.To date, more than 1,000,000 Mo Bros and Mo Sistas have joined together to raise over $175 million to change the face of men’s health.

FYI…if I use keywords such as porn, masturbate and ejaculate we usually get a few more hits than normal! Sorry if I offended anyone but it’s for a GREAT cause, our handsome male energies life expectancy! 

Thanks again guys for allowing me to post your pics, you are all making a difference!

Making progress…

Prostate Cancer Canada
Awareness & Education
Global Action Plan

Share

Movember & Sons ~ Changing the Face of Mens Health! Repost ;{


Movember is here and if you don’t have at least a 5 o’clock shadow you better get on it! On your mark, get set, grow! Get ready Ladies, we are going to start seeing a plethora of handsome moustache adorning men walking the streets! What can I say I love a good porn moustache especially when it’s worn for such a great cause.

I LOVE Movember because it shows that our men care about being here. This year Movember has added another very important element to their campaign against Prostate Cancer, Mental Health!

I somehow got bamboozled into wearing a moustache for a day through a Facebook comment…Drew ~ “Do you wear the ‘stash’ in public, lol” Me ~ “I could if you send in a written request.” Drew ~ ” I Drew formally request that One, Tracy Westerholm wear a Cheesy Moustache while out in public…” We agreed on 1 day for a $100.00 donation to Movember via my friend Steve McLay. I would have done it for 20 bucks! I am to take pictures throughout the day in public places so stay tuned because of course I will be sharing them at a later date. If YOU want to buck up and put in a suggestion of where I have to take a pic, I will for a donation!

Get involved and Register or Donate!

“Over the past two years, Movember has paid homage to the Modern Gentleman and Country Gentleman, exploring his appreciation and penchant for luxury items, etiquette, craftsmanship, pride and honour.

In 2012, we are getting down to the raw hard truths of the past two years and taking a look, quite simply, at what it means to be a better man. 2012 is the year of Movember & Sons.

Knowledge shared from one generation to the next and wisdom passed down by one’s dad or father figure, plays a meaningful role in shaping who we become. This learning continues throughout life, but also reaches a point at which the exchange is reversed and insight is passed back up the chain.

The collective knowledge of generations gives us great power to avoid mistakes of the past, plan thoughtfully for the future and to become the best version of one’s self.

This Movember, we will encourage all men to seek and share knowledge and wisdom with loved ones, to learn their family health history and predispositions and to understand the risks they face. These simple actions can have a significant impact of the quality and longevity of your journey through this life.

Last year, Movember had its most successful year to date with over 850,000 Mo Bros and Mo Sistas across the globe raising a phenomenal $CAD 125.7 million for prostate cancer. The hairy movement will continue to grow in 2012, as 21 countries across five continents unite to have an everlasting impact on the face of men’s health. Knowledge is power; the time to learn and grow is now. Prepare yourself my son.”

How one moustache has changed the face of Mens Health!


Share

Deeper Connections…

audreyhepburn

Deeper connections are what I seek as I age gracefully. I feel a sense of calm in who I have become and hear my Mothers tone as I speak my truth. I never understood until recently how she managed to just be, with what seemed such little effort.

I don’t feel rushed, I don’t feel the pressure of societies time-line for a woman in her 50’s who stands on her own. I made a choice and with each choice we must walk without fear of what if…

The young who worry that if I don’t find someone soon while I still look good on the outside, makes me giggle. I want the one who has been weeded out from the masses who stands alone knowing what I know to be true. I don’t need a plethora of choices, I want only one who shines brighter than the rest in my eyes. One I find comfort in to just be, with. No fluff, no bells, no whistles, no fireworks, just basic stripped down raw love and understanding of one another.

I say this with a deep feeling of inner peace knowing that what I speak of will present itself when the time is right…or perhaps it already has. I have life experience that has been gracefully placed on my face and body which I still consider a gift each day. I have been very fortunate and am forever grateful for all I have…blessed if you will, with a life that has been exceptionally beautiful. I could die tomorrow with a ((((((smile))))) on my face knowing I have no regret. I don’t however feel my purpose here on Earth has yet been fulfilled.

Life experience, good, bad or ugly makes us who we are and allows us to grow a little bit wiser. These journeys help tell our story, a story worth hearing if you have the time or desire to listen. Life experiences are expressed in many ways, through a tone in voice, in action or attitude, in character and in will. We all have a story hidden away deep within our hearts. Human connections are the foundation we build these stories upon and release them to.

I am acceptant of those who crosses my path and whether or not they form a bond of love with me, I ultimately want each to be happy with or without me standing at their side.

When the young look into their future they see an aging face and body because they have yet to form the deeper connections that carry us into the more powerful meaning of life. They see beauty from the outside not knowing what they are capable of build along the way. It is a spiritual, intellectual connection that draws us in as we age. When you look ahead, see what matters, everything else fades.

I recently watched old home movies which brought a lot of feelings to the surface about time slipping by so quickly. It made me ask myself some very difficult questions. What I realized was the answers to those questions didn’t really matter because I am here, right now exactly where I am meant to be. The only thing that matter is now. What I choose to do right now in this moment.

I know a thing or two about being single when it doesn’t feel like the popular thing to be. When I was younger I always allowed myself the pleasure of being independent of a man. I waited painfully longer than what was socially acceptable to find the perfect partner to build a life together. What I remember most is that it just happened.

What I do know is that my heart won’t lie, it won’t lie even a little when it comes to that gnawing love that I seek. That feeling that someone has completely gotten below the surface of the sheets in a bed I don’t share often. They slip in and have no intention of leaving. Call me crazy but that is what I am looking for in this wonderful world of the ordinary. I want the man who sees below my surface and fits in to my ordinary, my calm, my love.

~ Tracy

Share