Life is meant to be shared ~

“I just need to find someone to share it with” is what I keep hearing from those around me. I can relate as I’m sure many of you can. Life is meant to be shared. Sharing it with friends and family is incredibly fulfilling but finding a partner to share it with intimately seems to be a quest of many. Need is maybe not the right word. I’ve struggle with this word at times. In the past I’ve associated need with weakness. “I don’t need help, I am a self-sufficient strong independent woman who can do anything.” Hearing that back doesn’t sound the least bit weak although it’s said with the intention of not wanting to appear weak. (and I can be slightly stubborn at times) There is nothing weak about wanting to share and explore the beauty of life with an intimate partner. The trick is finding the right one.

As a woman it’s hard to balance independence and strength without losing your femininity. Women naturally want their man to take care of some of their needs. Some of us even have the burning desire to be save by a man. I need to be saved from myself I think. At times I think I am only attached to this world by a thread, I often find myself floating away to my world which seems in no way a reality.

I think until you allow yourself to be vulnerable in life you don’t really experience all life has to offer. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone or needing someone in your life as long as you’re not dependent on them. That’s when obligation and expectation step in and wreck everything in one clean swoop! When you lose your independence you give away your strength. Balance is so important in life, yin & yang.

Want is perhaps not as scary as need“I just want to find someone to share it with.” I think there are life experiences we need to have that strike a cord within us that make us move to another level. And then there are life experiences we want that enrich and allow us to grow as individuals. Feeling vulnerable is not an emotion everyone is comfortable with, I’m certainly not. When you’re ready to open yourself up and be vulnerable, real passion in life begins. Passion is something in my opinion that needs to be shared. When you have real passion for what you do you can’t help but inspire those around you.

I was in the company of my parents on the weekend and their chemistry after 60 years together is still in the room. They found someone to share it with and somehow manage to keep from floating away making their passionate love a reality. It is possible. I’m looking for that someone who will feed my soul, not my ego. Who will let me float away when I need to but will reel me in from time to time to balance my fairy tale with reality.

We all want to share a part of our life with someone. It doesn’t have to be all at once, it can start with bits and pieces until it feels right to share more. It’s not a race. It’s about timing and letting go to allow your life to just be.

We as human beings like to share. Elation, can’t help but be shared. Love yearns to be shared. Desire burns if not shared. Inspiration is wasted if not shared. Music is created to share. Lust comes undone when shared. Peace wants to be shared.

Life is meant to be shared…

 


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Deeper Connections…

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Deeper connections are what I seek as I age gracefully. I feel a sense of calm in who I have become and hear my Mothers tone as I speak my truth. I never understood until recently how she managed to just be, with what seemed such little effort.

I don’t feel rushed, I don’t feel the pressure of societies time-line for a woman in her 50’s who stands on her own. I made a choice and with each choice we must walk without fear of what if…

The young who worry that if I don’t find someone soon while I still look good on the outside, makes me giggle. I want the one who has been weeded out from the masses who stands alone knowing what I know to be true. I don’t need a plethora of choices, I want only one who shines brighter than the rest in my eyes. One I find comfort in to just be, with. No fluff, no bells, no whistles, no fireworks, just basic stripped down raw love and understanding of one another.

I say this with a deep feeling of inner peace knowing that what I speak of will present itself when the time is right…or perhaps it already has. I have life experience that has been gracefully placed on my face and body which I still consider a gift each day. I have been very fortunate and am forever grateful for all I have…blessed if you will, with a life that has been exceptionally beautiful. I could die tomorrow with a ((((((smile))))) on my face knowing I have no regret. I don’t however feel my purpose here on Earth has yet been fulfilled.

Life experience, good, bad or ugly makes us who we are and allows us to grow a little bit wiser. These journeys help tell our story, a story worth hearing if you have the time or desire to listen. Life experiences are expressed in many ways, through a tone in voice, in action or attitude, in character and in will. We all have a story hidden away deep within our hearts. Human connections are the foundation we build these stories upon and release them to.

I am acceptant of those who crosses my path and whether or not they form a bond of love with me, I ultimately want each to be happy with or without me standing at their side.

When the young look into their future they see an aging face and body because they have yet to form the deeper connections that carry us into the more powerful meaning of life. They see beauty from the outside not knowing what they are capable of build along the way. It is a spiritual, intellectual connection that draws us in as we age. When you look ahead, see what matters, everything else fades.

I recently watched old home movies which brought a lot of feelings to the surface about time slipping by so quickly. It made me ask myself some very difficult questions. What I realized was the answers to those questions didn’t really matter because I am here, right now exactly where I am meant to be. The only thing that matter is now. What I choose to do right now in this moment.

I know a thing or two about being single when it doesn’t feel like the popular thing to be. When I was younger I always allowed myself the pleasure of being independent of a man. I waited painfully longer than what was socially acceptable to find the perfect partner to build a life together. What I remember most is that it just happened.

What I do know is that my heart won’t lie, it won’t lie even a little when it comes to that gnawing love that I seek. That feeling that someone has completely gotten below the surface of the sheets in a bed I don’t share often. They slip in and have no intention of leaving. Call me crazy but that is what I am looking for in this wonderful world of the ordinary. I want the man who sees below my surface and fits in to my ordinary, my calm, my love.

~ Tracy

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Jesse Jagger…

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From the moment I knew my first child was growing inside me, I felt blessed. A chapter began in my life that would be like no other. I loved being pregnant more than anything I have done in all my years on Earth! It’s simply a miracle feeling a child that you created with love, moving within you! Jesse Jagger you changed my life.

Jess was born large and by large I mean,10 pounds 3 ounces, 24 inches long and a cranium that measured 19 inches…;0 (c-section thank the stars above!) He was in the 99th percentile for everything! Jesse was nick-named ‘Baby Sumo’ by the nurses, having taken up residence next to triplets born on the same day. He wasn’t too interested in joining us on earth, being 11 days overdue. He took his sweet time gracing us with his presence. I think he was given a nudge by the angles above and promised the trip on the other-side would be as wild as the one within.

IMG_2276Jess, you are such a special part of my life, I adore every single bit of who you are as you navigate down your path in life. I will be forever grateful that I am able to walk next to you with an open heart (and mind) as you share what you learn along the way. You enlighten me with your wisdom, openness and willingness to experience life without fear. You scare the living daylights out of me somedays when I am a one dimensional Mom, but that’s to be expected. I get equally as thrilled when I think of you as a young man who has such a thirst for life unlike the norm…but then how could your Dad and I have ever created anything beige? You are my boy! My handsome, smart, caring, loving, calm, talented, intellectual boy that views life as a spirit who has been here before.

DSC_0311Flash me your charismatic smile that makes your eyes sparkle and I will give you the world and everything in it. Wrap your arms around me and I will make you whatever your heart desires. Mom’s just need love from their boys to make their world smile.

Jess, I love you more than any words could possibly express, it goes beyond the love I thought my heart had to give. My love for you is limitless. I will always be at your side if you need a ear to listen, a warm heart to hug, or a soul searching moment to share.

I love you forever, I love you always…

Happy Birthday Jesse Jagger, I smile at the life you have to create, knowing it is going to be a ride just watching! Continue to make it your own Jess, just be you! I look forward to each moment we have together, stretching boundaries, and learning along the way! You calm my heart and soothe my soul just thinking about you!

Mom (((((smile)))))

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Picture 134

…you are so loved! 

 

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Life is a Journey ~

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She was born pure at heart, mind, body and soul. She would walk a path that was to teach her lessons she so deeply needed to learn. Lessons she signed up for long before birth. She had an agreement with the Angels who were to guide her along the way. She would call upon them in times of need and trust they were at her side. She stepped into this world with her own agreement with souls who were also on a journey, crossing her path from time to time. Their adventures together would last a lifetime. Each soul that stood before her was a lesson waiting in the wings.

Guided by her Angels, she began her journey with a clear conscience that would remind her where she was safe to travel, that one day would lead her back home.

As she evolved into a strong independent young woman her life started to blossom. She spread her wings and took flight. She was not meant to always understand the path in which she traveled but to have faith it would lead her to where she was meant to be, in time. Her journey would teach her the importance of living a life true to self. A life free of ego, filled with acceptance.

“To Thine Own Self Be True” ~ Shakespeare

There was a greater plan for this free spirit that would take her decades to recognize. Her heart was filled with love, it was her purpose to share this gift with those she intuitively knew needed to feel it. She was truly born a love child.

Not always aware of the presence of her guidance she fearlessly walked where many did not. There were signs along the way that gave her an unknown source of comfort. A comfort that radiated from within her. A comfort she was soon to understand from where it came.

She is a woman with a strong sense of self. A woman who blazes trails of her own. A woman who fights for her rights. She is a woman that believes in the power of words, and the actions that follow. She gives hope to the underdog. She is a woman who is able to settle her fear, if for just a moment to allow the voices she knows to be true, lift her spirit.

She strives to make it to the end with her dignity and self respect intact. To lay on her bed of death knowing she made a difference in the lives of others. To have felt love, gave love unconditionally to those who stood before her. She is a woman who holds her values close, her morals high while reaching for the stars from out of this world into the next.

She finds herself surrounded by peace, love, faith and understanding.

She finds herself back home.

~ Tracy

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Feelings ~ Thoughts ~ Words

59f8ee19a6a8353ccc9fb29af06a6b5c“Thoughts become things…choose the good ones” ~Notes from the Universe

10407872_10152072469157032_6170729355099373110_nThis is a quote I am aware of every single day. There are few moments in time that it does not stay at the forefront of my over active mind. It settles the way I process my day to day life. I need this thought like the desert needs the rain.

No one can be expected to always choose the good ones, but we do our best. There is nothing wrong with wallowing in thoughts of uncertainty or insecurity if you are aware you are there, just don’t hang around too long. We sometimes don’t appreciate the good without the bad, the up without the down, love without being alonelife without loss.

Balance makes us appreciate what we have and have not. Through each life experience we learn more about who we are and how we can use what we learn to move forward on our path, whatever path that may be, to where ever it may lead.

Transition takes time. I continue to go through a transitional state in mind, body and spirit. I am starting to understand how to deal with the unknown more and take with me the thoughts and people that keep me grounded.

Music sends me away from time to time and reminds me that I am not the only one. I believe lyrics are written and shared not to expose the intimate thoughts of another but to allow those who listen the feeling of being connected to something so grand and universal it speak with a common chord. “Music is what feelings sound like” another favourite quote of mine!

I crave stories of love that allow me to escape into a world I hope and dream to be mine one day. Some days that dream feels like a mirage. We all dip into the thoughts we may not be deserving but we know in our heart that is not true. Everyone deserves to be loved by another.

~A flower without water…wilting.

~Petals fall to the ground.

~Words unspoken.

~Thoughts let go.

~A drop of water…continue to grow.

~tracy

No matter what emotion washes over you, embrace it, immerse every ounce of your being into how it makes you feel. If it’s sadness…feel it, excitment…let it explode from the centre of where it came! If your heart ache then allow the ache to penetrate your soul! Once you walk within the emotion that holds you, it lessens its grip, you become more acquainted and you let go. YOU let go.

“That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt” John Green 

Feel it and let go…

Some feelings fade, others grow with time. Some we keep tucked away in the deepest part of our hearts, others we set free with the slightest breeze. We gather strength after we allow them to take us to unknown places. The journey back again happens with time.

“Thoughts become things…choose the good ones”

Tracy 

 

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2014 The Year of Being Content!

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IMG_6568Relaaaaaax…what could go wrong? We spend so much time thinking and not doing, holding back, not taking chances. We fear the unknown, we hide our eyes, we no longer seek the truth, we wait and worry.

Music takes me to that far away place my soul calls home. As I savour a glass of red and write that ember that hides deep within my existence starts to grow. I must admit life feels rather good at the moment. I am open. I am free. I seek the truth and drift into the clouds.

It’s healthy to escape the chaos…necessary even. Music is the instrument that helps me get there. I can feel myself letting go of all the trivial things that build up throughout the day as I sit surrounded by a melody. I have a warm glow radiating from a place that has felt dormant lately, a place I can usually escape to in a moment of silence. Silence, a place becoming extinct within us. A place we don’t visit often enough. Finding that silence is like going home.

The evening starts to unravel as my thoughts dance with my imagination. The sound escorts my worries away. In this moment I let go. I am able to quiet the noise and hear the beauty in my solitude. Free of everything that keeps me grounded, It’s time to sit amidst the clouds and contemplate my existence once again.

I think we all need to sit and remember that our time here is limited, before we know it we will be moving on. Times up, take chances, do what you love, make a difference, change a life, share, give, love. Just be, no judgment, no worry, no restrictions, no boundaries, float through the day with whomever crosses your path.

Be open to the sound of silence.

I have relaxed a great deal over the years but lately I feel different. I feel content to share the room, or not. I don’t feel as though I should be doing anything other than what I am, right now in this moment. I have surrendered to the Universe with not a worry in the world.

This magical ride we call life is ours to create. We choose who we share it with. We choose where we explore. We choose.

Entice all your senses as your journey begins in a New Year where endless possibilities are waiting to be uncovered.

Listen, See, Feel, Touch, Taste, Trust and most of all Love with your entire Heart ~

Happy New Year!

Tracy signiture

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Forever Changing…

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IMG_0096_3_2When you let go of expectation in life, things change. Expectation breeds disappointment. Disappointment stops us from taking chances. Most of us have taken a chance with our hearts but not without fear that the crack we have already tried to mend over time will continue to grow. What must it feel to have a heart that has not felt the power of love. For if you have felt this love, you have experienced what our heart is truly for.

Expectation is rarely greeted with a smile. Disappointment is always felt with a frown. I don’t like the feeling of being expected to do something that I am not ready for. Putting yourself in the shoes of another allows you to understand how a simple expectation can change the path on which we walk.

I feel homesick now and then because what I once had is so far away. I have to reflect deep inside to muster up the feelings that used to sit near the surface of my being. A distant memory that is fading with time.

I have done a lot of soul searching over the years. I have learned to take time for myself to grow and evolve in matters of the heart. I have found peace amongst the chaos that would normally ruffle my feathers. There are many different shades of love if you open your heart to the possibilities.

Love is forever changing. Learning to love oneself is the most important love you can give.

So although life feels like it is forever changing and what was is no longer, we can still find a place that makes sense to us.

A place we feel warm and safe on our own.

T

The Artwork above is of the Beautiful Spirit Kathy Kromer. Although we have never met we connected through her artwork, her having the passion in doing it and I having the love for hearts. I came across her site and fell in love. We connected, she followed my writing and I envied her ability to create her art. After getting a sense of who I am and my love for hearts, she said this painting was meant for me and she sent it to me out of the blue. I am reminded each day to “Fall in Love with Life” and I smile every time I think of Kathy!

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“Jealous Of The Angels”

66821_234091456740446_1156119800_nI posted this last year but felt the need to re share it with you as a reminder that Monday is NOT a holiday but a day to remember those who came before us, and those who give themselves today so that you and I have the freedom we sometimes take for granted.

We don’t have to allow the commercial aspect of marketing to rush us into the next holiday on the ‘list’ so quickly! Remembering those who gave their lives for our freedom should be savored. Remembering those who lost their lives regardless of the battle they fought should be remembered in our hearts forever.

Loss affects every one of us. Death will greet us all, eventually. Risking your life for the lives of others is the ultimate sacrifice. Material loss means nothing to those who survived a battle…of any kind. Loss puts life into perspective. We need to continue being the change we want to see in our world and appreciate the gift that those who came before us gave. Battles are fought but not always won, leaving a legacy behind to be remembered.

The Heroes who fought to give us our freedom are being whisked away too quickly so we can drown in the madness of gross obsession for stuff none of us need. Stuff! Where has all the meaning gone? Wants and needs have become one of the same. They are NOT the same. What we need is to get back to the basics before we can’t see through all the distractions swirling around us, calling us like a deep seeded addiction calls an addict. Consumerism…we have all taken a hit of that drug. STOP the madness!

I don’t think we take enough time to appreciate what’s truly important in life. Health, freedom, spirit, love, friendship, unity and peace. The essence behind what is lovely in life is being over powered by marketing, money and greed. We can’t allow the human spirit to be set aside for such meaningless garbage!

We are reminded often lately how precious life is. The love that is present in our hearts for those who gave their lives selflessly can’t be forgotten. Lest We Forget is a phrase to caution us against forgetting those who died in war.

We can’t take any of our possessions with us when we leave this world, but I do believe when one is awarded with a ‘medal of honour’ it transcends with whom it belongs in spirit. Honour in your own way those who left you behind. Give those you loved their very own medal of honour to take with them when they go.

Human spirit rises in tragedy. We naturally reach out to those who experience a loss, it’s human nature. Compassion is alive and well. We are surrounded by Heroes in memory and in life as are we surrounded by Angels. I like to believe our Heroes get first dibs on the Angels waiting…and our Angels are past fallen Heroes giving themselves once again.

“Jealous of the Angels”…by Jen Bostic

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Top 5 Regrets…Listen Up & Take Notes!

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IMG_0096_3_2There is no time for regret in life and although we all have a few, here is some insight to help lighten the load! I found this on LinkedIn and I felt the need to share because thats what I like to do.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed. 

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Svaha ~

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On The Road to Reality…

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IMG_0066From where I have come is a question I ask myself often. Why am I here? What is my purpose, if not to live a life wrapped in true romantic love. It has taken me years to come to the realization that the path in which I have followed, is perhaps not going to lead me to where I dream of being…

Reality is like the devil in my world. Born Aquarius, I naturally look to the future. I live in a different world. I am a daydreamer, a night-dreamer and as far back as I can remember, I willingly escaped to the life my imagination created carefully in my head. I danced until dawn. I laughed until I cried. I kissed like it was goodbye. I loved with my heart and soul. I believed in true love and fairy tale romance. I lived it, inhaled it with every breath I took. My quest was simple…to capture ‘that’ feeling one gives you when you connect deeply through the windows of your soul. That look that makes you smile from a place so intimate your cheeks blush and skin heats from within.

I live in the clouds and spin my dream into interludes trying to capture a moment in time that makes my heart beat faster. The language of love. My imagination fulfills my romantic desires but I yearn for more than just those whimsical thoughts that floated by, way up high.

I have packed my bag lightly with a few belongings, mostly memories gone by, a leather bound notebook, a pencil to scribble my thoughts, a piece of jewelry I cherish and an old photograph that will remind me who I am. As I look around my space comes alive. My past flashes before my eyes like old movies playing on the projector in my mind.

I put my hand on the door in front of me feeling the energy that radiates behind it. This particular door will open when it’s ready. Until then I will stand close and feel its warmth pass through me. Like a child waiting to open a gift, the anticipation is overwhelming. For now, I will float among familiar ones that take me back to sift through the meanings that they brought forth to help create who I have become. Each one was placed in my path for a reason, a life lesson. You never know where a door will lead if you fear the unknown.

I sit on my cloud and contemplate what was and what will be. Each life experience or door I was courageous enough to venture through took part in making me who I am today as I pack my bag ready to come down from where I have called home since I was a child. It’s time.

I bow my head as I approach a new beginning with tears in my eyes of memories I hope never get lost in the shuffle of life. I savor each moment as I slowly reach forward and place my hand on the ornate worn knob. The moments I want to bring with me are safely placed at my side if I feel homesick, a familiar feeling as a child. There will always be a silver thread holding me to what I am not meant to let go.

The energy from behind the door waiting for me glows with a light so warm it almost feels like home. It distracts me from this moment like a future waiting to unfold.

So you see, I do know from where I’ve come. I need not know why I am here. My purpose is to be. True love is all around me. I will arrive when it is time. It is only now where I want to be in mind, body and spirit. I need not a daydream or fantasy in my life to feel full, reality can be as exciting as the world inside my mind.

Svaha ~

Tracy signiture

 

 

 

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Finding Lyrical Beauty in…Life

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IMG_0066Okay seriously? Really? Can we just move forward and be done with all the lessons in life for just a little while! I need a breather here! I am pretty sure my Karmic debt was paid in full at the age of 27! I think I’ve been mistaken for someone else who looks or acts like me from an alternate reality. Ummm HELLO I don’t live in reality, I live on my cloud where no one can reach me!

Just when I think there is a possibility of my life becoming somewhat normal, it changes! I adjust to my job and it changes. I think I have my house sold and it changes. My love life…ya, no, not gonna go there 😉 I will plead the fifth on that one forever! Throw in taxes and year ends and kids and a dog who literally jumps the fence, eats the fence or digs to China daily! Stress, ya a full plate of stress sprinkled with stress and add a dollop of stress! I’m feeling worn out and barely hanging on by a thread, and I wake up with Eczema on both eye lids! COME ON!!! I work in cosmetics for cry-in-out-loud and can’t look 100!!

I am all for learning lessons in life but I’d really like it better if they would come one at a time with a little space in between!

^ above is what I wrote pre-Wednesday May 7th.

May 7th @ 8:30 am…

The morning was beautiful. The sun was shinning and both my kids got up on time for school and we were out the door before we needed to be. <—- that rarely happens! I dropped my gorgeous daughter off to school and watched her little butt walk up the side of the school as she chatted with her girlfriend. She was smiling and happy! My son sat in the back of my jeep also smiling and happy. We chatted on our way to his school. He is such a handsome young man, his eyes melt me every time he grins at me. I dropped him off on time and put my donations in the clothing bin finally, I never seem to have that extra moment to do so.

I proceeded to drive back home going the long way while I listened to Emimen sing Cinderella Man…I had never actually listened to the words of this particular Eminem song before.

(Excerpt I heard as I drove to the stop sign)

Cinderella Man ~ Eminem…

“Yeah,
You know, technically, I’m not even really supposed to be here right now,
So fuck it, might as well make the most of it.

(Amen!)
Yeah, haha
(Amen!)
Feels good,
(Amen!)
Whooo,
(Amen!)
Guess I’m lucky,
(Amen!)
Some of us don’t get a second chance.
(Amen!)
But I ain’t blowing this one.
(Amen!)
Naw man, haha
(Amen!)
Shit I feel like I can do anything now”

The last thought that entered my mind before coming to a stop was this…

~ As I smiled to myself…”Everything always works out, I should be grateful to be here too, I am healthy, I have a precious family, a great circle of friends. I am really very lucky.”

I needed to hear those words.

And then…

I looked left and it was clear to turn right. I pulled out into my lane and just as I started to accelerate, a car was driving right at me in my lane. He had pulled out into my lane to pass a lawn mowing tractor and was committed to passing at full speed. I saw the young mans face as he swerved between my front end and the tractors front end. He barely made the pass without hitting me head on. It was all a blur and felt like it happened in slow motion. I drove a few meters forward feeling numb as I saw my girlfriend running toward me. She witnessed the whole thing looking at me with wide eyes as she realized it was me.

“you know, technically, I’m not even really supposed to be here right now, So fuck it, might as well make the most of it”

I kissed my peace sign fingers and gave thanks to both my angels for watching over me.

I am grateful for all the lessons life is trying to teach me. I am grateful to be here to have lessons to learn.

Perspective!

“Life’s blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed by the fire of enthusiasm.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

Tracy signiture

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Appreciate What You Have ~

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IMG_4459My glass is always half full! I consciously look for the lesson in unfavourable circumstances and can usually pop my head above the swirling chaotic clouds to see the sun-shining bright in the distance. If I do get swayed to the dark side I don’t stay long. I allow a few streams of tears to flow and move forward. My girlfriend/therapist Tannia and I have a one day limit to wallow in any unpleasantness and then we “suck it up buttercup” laugh like hyenas in heat and take a step forward. I am grateful for so many things in my life

Starting today…

~ Appreciate what you have ~ Focusing on what you have instead of what you don’t will immediately bless you with gratitude.

~ Focus on what matters ~ Health matters. Your body is a gift, we are all miracles of life.

~ Decide what your purpose in life is and go for it ~ What makes you most happy? If you are not doing it, ask yourself why? If you have fears, face them! Step out of your comfort zone and see how exhilarating it can be. “Fear is the Thief of Dreams” ~ Gandhi.

~ Take on challenges that scare you ~ Nothing we experience in life is a waste of time. We live and learn with each life experience growing and unfolding along the way. Change is good, healthy even, if you step back and view it from a positive perspective. When a door opens step through it and see where it takes you!

~ Find balance ~ If you work too much, learn to play. Take time for yourself and give your time to things that make your heart race, and cork pop!

~ Love your body enough to take care of it ~ You’re beautiful! Embrace the skin your in! You can scar it, stretch it, burn it, mark it, tan it, and peel it, you are always in it, so you might as well take care of it and learn to love it! If you don’t love it, why should anyone else.

~ Treat others the way you want to be treated ~ Be conscious of your attitude and your actions. Karma has a way of finding those who don’t play fair. Always remember ‘this too will pass’ good or bad. Life is a circle and what goes around comes around…eventually!

~ Set a good example ~ If you want to empower others in your life, you need to start living the most empowered version of yourself first. You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. Dream BIG! Believe in what you want so much that it has no choice but to become your reality. And don’t ever compare yourself to anyone else, stay focused on your own journey and leave footprints behind.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world!” ~ Mahatma Gandhi 

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Life is Beautiful!

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625565_10151296502307032_1928783634_nI start my day with a Postcard from Gusto and it always seems to relate to how I am feeling at the time! Even when I go through moments of feeling stressed out I still think Life is Beautiful. The postcard below reminded me that when things are out of my control I need to Breath, Relax and Trust!

Enjoy your Sunday Everyone!

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I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For…

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IMG_4498First I must ask…“Did I recently lose something?” Wasn’t my virginity, that was lost longggggg ago. My kids are still here so we’re good there. <—- kinda weird I mentioned virginity and kids right after the other but what the hell, they don’t read my blog. I haven’t technically ‘lost’ something so I must now determine what exactly it is that I am looking for? That’s the million dollar question! “What am I looking for?” If I could just figure that out I’d at least know where to look…right? I can hear Bonnie right now inside my head, gently whispering“Stop looking and let ‘it’ find you” and “If you could figure out what you wanted, you would get it!” True dat! Since I was a child I’ve had a difficult time choosing between two things. Making choices and not wonder about whether or not you made the right one is the hard part for me. Second guessing yourself takes you out of the moment! I am learning to follow the path my instincts lead me down with an open mind and heart. This doesn’t always work out but at least I am moving and not standing still. You know that feeling you get when you see something and you HAVE to have it? Those are life experiences jumping up and down trying to get your attention! Grab on with both hands and don’t let go! What could go wrong?

I have finally come to realize that I am not looking for something I have lost, what is behind me is not lost but let go of, there is a difference. I am looking for something different now, something that takes time and experience to be redefined by my life, age, circumstances and there is a lot more to it now than there was before. For instance, I gave up a career when I had kids, I did not lose it, it was a choice I made. I’ve let go of things in my life by choice and it’s trusting those choices that is important to be able to move forward in life. I gained life experience and lessons along the way by following my heart. I can’t compare what I had then with what I have now, I am different, life is different. I have been given a chance to start fresh in all areas of my life, a GIFT when looked at in the right perspective!

I don’t want anything permanent in my life anymore unless I get that feeling I mentioned, of having to have something that overpowers you with passion!

I would rather be naked standing with nothing than dressed in a beige life. Balance and Perspective!

I think everyone should take time on their own when they are at the redefining stage of their life. You have to allow yourself to let go before you can move forward and focus on the beginning of what is yet to come.

What I am looking for is becoming clearer with each life experience. When I find me…I will be ready for ‘it’! Some days I am deflated by reality which brings me crashing down from the cloud I call home, and other days I am floating effortlessly from a place so high it brings a smile to my face just writing these words to describe it. Balance and Perspective!

So here I sit once again open and honest with my life, sharing who I am with you because I know somewhere, someone can relate and I want you to know that you are not alone!

“Do Not Feel Lonely the Entire Universe is Inside You” ~ Rumi

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Painting Our Canvas in Life!

lifeisacanvas-piccsydotcom Photo on 13-01-30 at 2.43 PMLife can be unpredictable and change completely from one moment to the next. We never really know how long we have. We don’t know for sure what happens next. There are no guarantees in life as to where our path will lead us or who will walk beside us on our journey. I do believe we meet individuals along the way that guide us and teach us not only about life but about ourselves. Every now and then we meet someone who changes us in a powerful way. They remind us to live in the moment and trust.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway 

Would you enter into a relationship knowing that it had a pending time limit attached to it? I would. Life is about the essence of time we have with someone regardless of the clock ticking in the distance. If you knew your partner only had a certain amount of time left on this planet, wouldn’t you live each day different? Time passes by so quickly and we all get side tracked in life and forget to ‘live’. We hold onto things that really don’t matter. We don’t always make the most of our life experiences.

You are the only one who can paint the picture you wish your life to be. Be BOLD, making every stroke count whether you choose broad or delicate ones! You decide which colours of the rainbow to add to your canvas. Dip your brush fearlessly and see your picture come alive! Your brush is an extension of you, the paint is a mix of life experience and those we meet along the way. It’s up to you to create the picture that is as unique as you are.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”  ~Oscar Wilde

Have you ever experienced moments in time where you had to pause and capture an overwhelming visual imagine in your memory, knowing it was seconds away from passing? Moments like this only happen when you let go and allow yourself to see and feel what life has to offer. Moments forever in our minds, memories we keep forever!

Every now and then we get a little reminder of how magical life really is. The beauty is all around us if we have the courage to open our eyes and let our life wash over us. Only then can your picture be painted in it’s truest form.

What ever you are doing, stop and look around you. Touch the person beside you or smile at the woman across the room. Connect with another human being! Take the chance that your heart will be touched like never before, even if it doesn’t last forever it will still stay with you as long as you choose to nurture the thought and energy that goes along with it.

“Thoughts become things, choose the good ones” ~ Notes from the Universe.

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Finding Lyrical Beauty in Bikes…

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TracyRiding a motorcycle is freedom on wheels! I love the sense of freedom, in life, in love and in speech. I strive to find lyrical beauty in my everyday life, this weekend I did just that! I attended the Motorcycle Show and found more than one bike I would love to straddle, twist the throttle and take for a spin! I went with Triumph on the top of my list, a Thruxton to be more specific and came home with 4 others that I had never even thought of before. (I’m not counting Triumph out but there wasn’t a black one on site…I like black bikes) Life is like that sometimes. We have an idea of what we want and where we are going and in a single moment without notice, everything changes, just like that. The trick is to keep your mind and heart open to the possibilities that await.

If money were no object I would have a much larger list of cycles including the one in the picture above 😉 It makes me gooey inside. Soooo, here is my top picks in no specific order ~ (not including an old Norton or Knucklehead or dirt bike)

Moto Guzzi Griso 8V SE

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Moto Guzzi V7 Racer

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 BMW K1300S

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Ariel 1938 Square Four

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Triumph Thruxton

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…and a ______, and a ______ and a _____. The list just keeps growing 😉 Happy trails everyone!

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Live in the Clouds with Me!

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Photo on 2011-07-27 at 19.27 #2Whenever my kids are home from school for a break, whether it be summer, spring or winter, I always feel a connection to my past. I remember the same breaks as a little girl and it brings me back to a time when life seemed so basic and simple. I have so many fond memories of my childhood. I remember spending days lying in the grass looking up to the cloud filled sky, drifting off. It was a form of meditation searching for images in the cloud formations. Galloping horses would appear and be swept away moments later by the wind creating yet another image. Life is like that sometimes, changing with the wind, showing us there is always something new when the wind blows.

Star gazing was the same for me as a little girl. I would sleep outside on the back deck and stare into the night sky wondering what was out there for me to explore. I would wish upon a star and get a jolt of excitement when one would shoot across the sky in the blink of an eye! I liked to believe it was the Universe sending me a message.

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I am an Aquarian and I have been told I live in the clouds by more than one person, it is true. I don’t know if it’s a way of connection to my childhood or my imagination that gets set free when I get lost in the clouds, but I like the feeling I get when I stare into the sky, let go and just be.

We don’t take time anymore unless its a holiday to just sit and look at what nature has for us to enjoy. Unless there is nothing else to do we don’t stop and see the beauty that surrounds us each day. We are blessed with so much, our only fault is not finding the time to see and appreciate it. This year take time to see what nature creates in the simplicity of a cloud. You may want to move there with me.

This is one reason I live in the clouds…come join me 😉

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Embrace Change ~

“Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.” Dalai Lama

I am not talking about the change of life. I am not there yet but I sense I will sail right through it with flying colours when it does come for me. I greet most change with “I’ve been expecting you.” Change is good, but not all change is welcomed right away. Comfort can sometimes lull us into a false sense of security. I admit I’ve become comfortable at times in my life and it seems that is when change has thrown me off balance, clubbed me right over the head knocking me to the ground! Nothing I can’t handle. I simply need time to process things, get a better understanding of where I am and what I need to do in order to move forward. I take a little time to collect my thoughts, stand back up, brush myself off, get my bearing and off I go. I am a trooper willing to do work and represent who I am to the core.

Every now and then I feel like I am on an island by myself with nothing but the cloths on my back. When I feel like this I try to figure out what lesson I am meant to learn on my own. Sometimes the most valuable ones in life are learned while standing solo. These are the times in life we need to do things on our own, just to be reminded that we can.

Different elements in our life adjust and shift into place, it’s a natural ebb and flow of what must be. Life is about balance, without it we tend to wobble here and there. If we don’t have balance we can’t find our flow. We need change sometimes in order to allow us to evolve and unfold instigating a move in the right direction. We need to step up and face the music so to speak. I have to admit at times I’ve want to turn the music OFF…and then a reallllly good song comes on distracting me and I’m right back to singing along. Look something shiny! Ebb and flow!

Music has helped me through lots of change in my life because it empowers and lifts my spirit just when I need it. Running is essential for me to feel balance and girlfriends, well they just simply rock my world in a way a man wouldn’t begin to know how. Women naturally nurture and support each other when change steps out unannounced. We can all relate to each other to some degree. We have either been there, done that, bought the T-shirt or we know someone who has. I also love my amazing man-friends who are able to put things into a different perspective for me. Male energy has a way of seeing through the clutter of emotions, getting right down to the nitty gritty of what’s going on. It’s important to have a wide variety of friends both male and female energy, it helps give a more well rounded view of life as we walk through it.

I know I am loved by many and supported in everything I take on in life. It’s nice to know that when you feel like you’re walking on uneven ground there is someone who senses you need a hand. I am grateful for everyone who has given me their support that has ultimately helped me continue down my path in life with a huge smile on my face. (((((smile)))))

Embrace change everyone! I am here if you need a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, a giggle, a hug or simply a smile. We are meant to lift one another in life to another level of understanding, embracing the change along the way!

Just keep in mind when change comes knocking at your door, you don’t need to answer it until your ready. If it sneaks up on you, just know that you’re not expected to know what to do right away, but eventually it will all become very clear!

Embrace Change…

“It is not the strongest of the species
that survives, nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.”
~ Charles Darwin

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The Evolution of the Butterfly ~

Hope. It allows us to stay connected to our dreams. Without dreams we have nothing. Life as we all know can get crazy which sometimes makes me question why we’re here, what’s our purpose? We are tiny little specs all moving about doing what we think is important. Are you just plodding along with the masses, going with the flow or do you question your existence? In the big picture when you look at what we are, compared to the vast Universe, does it ever make you wonder if the little things you do are making a difference?

For years I have had in-depth intellectual conversations with my Dad which always leave me intrigued and questioning pretty much everything in life. That is just who he is, a knowledge seeker, a man who wonders and questions everything. I love that he and I can sit for hours and just talk about writing, love, politics, religion, UFO’s, health, kids, art…the list is endless. I recently met another amazing man who challenges and stimulates my intellect in the very same way my Dad does. He has inspired me as a writer helping me find my flow. My ‘read-list’ is growing, there simply isn’t enough time in the day to indulge myself with everything we talk about…but I’m trying! I am grateful to have met you Kevin!

Here is an example of something he shared that really fit into how I have been feeling lately! Take a look and tell me what you think!

If you would like more information about this video with Dr Bruce Lipton renowned cellular biologist here is a great link. I don’t know about you but I want to be an Imaginal Cell!

We have the ability no matter how small we feel to make change in the world, we are all a cell in humanity!

We are all part of the evolution to where our planet is heading!

Spontaneous Evolution: Our Positive Future And A Way To Get There From Here –

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Taking Down Our Walls ~

Before I get into my post I’d like to thank Lawrence for adding his voice to Tara Cronica as a Guest blogger on Monday. Lawrence wrote, How Will Your Smile Inspire, which was about his experience of putting himself back out in the world of being single after being in what I call the ‘cocoon of marriage.’ I love your honest approach to writing Lawrence! Thank you!

Which brings me to my post…

Walls, we all have them. I know I do, I visualize mine as pink! Pink says there is a woman behind there that is strong yet vulnerable, who wants to feel safe and protected. Walls can do that, so can alarms systems and dogs…okay, so can human beings if you’re willing to take the chance. I was recently reminded of the walls I have built so beautifully around myself. I was told that it was time for me to let them down, once and for all! Anyone who reads Tara Cronica or All Thing Sexy and Silver would wonder what walls?

I’ve lost out on more than one relationship in my past because of my walls and not having the ability to express myself. I was not comfortable with feeling vulnerable, but who is? I think deep down we all know we have walls up but when someone points it out to you it’s like putting a spot light on the big pink elephant in the room. It takes over your mind until you acknowledge it and decide you are going to do something about it. Walls go deep beneath the soil to your personal foundation, and below that to the fears that erected the walls in the first place. Only then, when you can identify what the root of the problem is, can your walls be taken down, brick by brick.

Fear is the Thief of Dreams ~Gandhi.

When we experience hurt or pain we justify our walls allowing them to rise higher than before. We use our pain as a scape goat to not face our truth, our fear. When we don’t face our fears we remain behind our walls morphing them into a shield that we learn to carry with us, blocking us from life experience. When we let go of our fears we open ourselves surrendering to what life truly has to offer.

My walls get a fresh coat of paint when feeling surface in a relationship. Feeling vulnerable is the first sign that you care for someone. Allowing yourself to feel vulnerable is a step forward. Embracing it for all it is and what it stirs inside you is a huge jump in the right direction! Not everyone has good intention so it can be hard. Vulnerablity lurks behind us like a shadow…waiting to jump out and scare us back behind our fortress! It feels so safe inside our walls I often wonder why anyone would even dream of taking them down. There is a pay-off when you do, it’s called Intimacy. I am a strong believer that you grow when you step out of your comfort zone. Take chances, live with no regret, feel all emotion, experience love and loss! Life is Meant to be Shared not hidden from behind walls.

We are all a work in progress in this marvellous thing we call life. It can feel hard to navigate at times on our own. That is why we need to share ourselves with others. I have learned a great deal about myself through those who I’ve connected with over the years. Never underestimate the power of a connection, no matter how small it may seem in the moment. We enter each others lives for a purpose, teaching and learning from one another.

I know the walls that have protected and sheltered me from my fears deep inside are just a facade. I have become aware of them and in doing so I can comfortably let them down. I choose to be open, no wall between me and life experience. I still want a symbolic wall in my life, that of a man who will wrap his strength around me when I need to feel protected, and give me a gentle nudge when I get too comfortable…he will be the only wall I take refuge in.


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