I Miss…

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The strength of a man standing at my side.
The unexpected kiss on my temple. I miss hands on my cheeks, when his lips touch mine. His gentle strength that guides me through the crowd.

I miss the feeling of being safe, tucked under his arm. I miss pausing to gaze at his hand holding the door. I miss the scent that stays in my sheets when he’s gone. I miss sleeping in the shirt he left behind.

I miss being pulled in tight when it wasn’t time. I miss hearing his heart beat in the still of the night. I miss being awakened by a touch so light. I miss the look that he gives me from across the room.

I miss when he moves my hair to the side, so his lips can leave a kiss goodbye. I miss the sound that he makes when I touch his side. I miss the warmth of his breath on a cold winter day, warming my neck, wanting to stay.

I miss feeling his skin come alive in the room. The energy we create only inches away. I miss feeling him lose complete control, as our bodies start to feel a flow. I miss dancing in a quiet room, candles, music, slight perfume.

I miss having a man care for my soul, holding my heart not wanting to go.

I miss…

~Tracy

 

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Forever Changing…

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IMG_0096_3_2When you let go of expectation in life, things change. Expectation breeds disappointment. Disappointment stops us from taking chances. Most of us have taken a chance with our hearts but not without fear that the crack we have already tried to mend over time will continue to grow. What must it feel to have a heart that has not felt the power of love. For if you have felt this love, you have experienced what our heart is truly for.

Expectation is rarely greeted with a smile. Disappointment is always felt with a frown. I don’t like the feeling of being expected to do something that I am not ready for. Putting yourself in the shoes of another allows you to understand how a simple expectation can change the path on which we walk.

I feel homesick now and then because what I once had is so far away. I have to reflect deep inside to muster up the feelings that used to sit near the surface of my being. A distant memory that is fading with time.

I have done a lot of soul searching over the years. I have learned to take time for myself to grow and evolve in matters of the heart. I have found peace amongst the chaos that would normally ruffle my feathers. There are many different shades of love if you open your heart to the possibilities.

Love is forever changing. Learning to love oneself is the most important love you can give.

So although life feels like it is forever changing and what was is no longer, we can still find a place that makes sense to us.

A place we feel warm and safe on our own.

T

The Artwork above is of the Beautiful Spirit Kathy Kromer. Although we have never met we connected through her artwork, her having the passion in doing it and I having the love for hearts. I came across her site and fell in love. We connected, she followed my writing and I envied her ability to create her art. After getting a sense of who I am and my love for hearts, she said this painting was meant for me and she sent it to me out of the blue. I am reminded each day to “Fall in Love with Life” and I smile every time I think of Kathy!

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Balance…

578291_447546718663463_1039709458_n625565_10151296502307032_1928783634_nBalance and Perspective are what I have been focusing on lately. Finding balance is important in all areas of your life, whether it’s work or play.  I am finally at the stage in my life where I am being put back in the mix. My kids are more independent and I am finding more time for me. I feel content these days and I think it is because I am finally learning how to balance my time better 😉

Perspective is equally important. When we take a step back and relax everything seems brighter. I am trying not to over-think things as much as I have in my past. Thinking can prepares us but it can also set up an expectation of what we have imagined instead of just reacting in the moment to what transpires. When we are in the moment we lead with our heart not our head.

I found this picture and as you all know I love messages. It is about balance and perspective to me. Whether it’s read from a male or female perspective it works. Wild and Safe balance one another! My nickname is Captain Careful which is my safe side, but that too needs balance! Isn’t life fun!

“I’ll keep you wild, you keep me safe”

That’s all I got today! Enjoy the moment everyone, I know I am!

Svaha!

Tracy signiture

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Expose Yourself

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625565_10151296502307032_1928783634_nBonnie exposed herself last week…don’t rush and click the link to see a naked picture of her, I mean emotionally.

Women tend to share their fears and insecurities with other women, which takes courage and confidence. You take the chance of being judged. Occasionally we meet a man with whom we feel this comfort and we have the best of both worlds. Men on the other hand don’t share quite as easily with their mates as the female energy does. Men are brought up to be manly which unfortunately in society eyes doesn’t always include the expression of emotions. I want a man who can chop wood AND express his thoughts, desires, love, dreams, fears and insecurities <—–to be clear that is not my whole list of what I want my man to be 😉 There is nothing more liberating than being with someone you can say anything to regardless of how intimate or wildly crazy it may seem. When we feel safe, we share. When we share we build trust. Without trust we have nothing.

True raw emotions I believe should be shared. I am guilty of being too much of an open book at times, so balance is important. I am working on keeping my inner feelings to myself a tad longer, just in case they are hormone based shooting out of left field without any prior notice what-so-ever. It’s a struggle let me tell you! I wouldn’t be in some of the predicaments I find myself in if I kept my trap shut a little longer! Live and learn.

However…Our truth is who we are, like it or leave it. When we cease to share who we are, we stand still. It’s super safe…but a bit boring! We miss out on intimacy and moments that will allow us to grow with or without a partner. When we take a chance, the reward can be simply delicious! This is where balance comes in. Keeping a little bit of yourself for a rainy day kinda logic by balancing our truth and living in the moment pure and raw. It doesn’t matter how honest you want to be, sometimes it’s best to keep that thought close to your heart, even for a nanosecond longer before diving face first for that muddy landslide of fun and adventure. <~~~ You have to admit that sounds wayyyyy better than being in the safety zone! So Captain Careful (that’s me) suggests wearing safety goggles before you dive? Excuse me while I go shower off the mud on my face!

When I was in my twenties I wasn’t able to communicate well (go figure!) out of fear of being judged or left for that matter, so I didn’t say much of anything. Sadly in the end the relationship ended because I didn’t communicate, so holding back my words gave me the same result. Fear and insecurities come from a place when we are learning about life and who we are. They sit stagnant within our DNA waiting for a opportunity to expose themselves if we let them. I have worked hard on learning how to communicate well but every now and then I fear being judged and left and I raise my walls and stop communicating to avoid the inevitable! When you search back to the root or beginning of a fear we are able to face those fears and move on from them. “Fear is the Thief of Dreams” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

We all have insecurities and fears as Bonnie mentioned hers being the importance of what people think of her. Valid insecurity, we all want to be liked as human beings. We strive to be accepted and loved. Life is meant to be shared and no one wants to be left alone in life to fend for themselves forever! forever…forever…forever…forever.

I am in the process of facing a few fears of my own. What I have learned in the process is this…I am a survivor, I am able to take care of myself and family all by myself…if need be! I know I don’t have to, if I would just learn to use my words and ask for help when I need it. I am strong, independent, self sufficient and I can do it alone but I am far from alone! I have a huge circle of male and female energy that if I reached out to, would be there with strength and a smile willing to help me.

Sooooo, judge me not unless you have walked in my shoes. Leave me if you choose. I will stand amongst my circle of true companions and live my life in the moment the best way I know how! Knowing I can survive on your own is empowering, admitting I don’t want to is my truth.

Svaha ~

Tracy signiture

 

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