Do You Have A Filter?

I have a girlfriend who doesn’t have a filter and constantly gets chastised for it. She just says it how it is, and I guess some people just aren’t comfortable with her honesty. Do you ever wonder what a day with your friends would be like, if we all had to remove our filters? I know for certain I would be rolling with laughter all day long. The Movie The Invention of Lying is basically what it would be like if we did remove our filters. Ricky Gervais and Jennifer Garner are hilarious together! I laugh at just the thought of my thoughts becoming words at times!

I love when people have the courage to speak their minds. Not many people do anymore. I think my girlfriend is hysterically funny, she makes me laugh in a away that is always unexpected. The kind of laugh that makes you spit your drink out of your mouth or snot shoots out your nose. I have on several occasions almost pee’d my pants while in her company because of the stuff she says out loud! She also doesn’t have an inside voice so when I say out loud I mean out LOUD! That’s what cracks me up so much about what she says, its like no one ever told her as a child that sound travels! I think she actually has a filter she’s just misplaced it, or chooses not to use it around cerain people. I find humour in that.

It’s hard to deprogram leaned behaviour, which is sometimes a good thing but not always! Don’t you wish you could just be brutally honest with some people who catch you off guard! I’d like to just let it fly sometimes just to see what people would do. Think before you speak is becoming wayyyy to common and ordinary blah blah blah. We need those who don’t think before they blurt out the obvious. They are like adding colour to a black and white photographed society. That’s why their type is calledColourful. Don’t get me wrong, we need to know when to keep our pie holes mouths shut too. If we could express ourselves without causing too many waves or hurting feelings it would be a perfect balance. Nobody wants to cause a Tsunami everywhere they go but a nice healthy 20 footer every now and then to keep everyone on their toes would be fun!

Here is an example of perhaps going too far!

If we did have a day that required us to tell the truth would you stay home or bust out the door and enjoy your day? Would telling the truth inspire change? I dare ya to remove your filter and see what happens!

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  • Janet

    Ooooo so many things rushing through my head, but I’m unable to make it all seem witty. Funny is good….honesty…is good. Making funny and honest be non hurtful…precarious (depending on your friends). I think as long as you aren’t making fun of someone, and you are being honest, then great. Some people aren’t ready for honesty. I think it depends where you are in your life, and how confident you are in yourself. I have seen some good, honest, funny friendships/people, and think – wow, that’s a great skill!

    • Tracy Westerholm

      Oh Thank you Janet for adding your view on this, just PERFECT! So many variables in making honesty be a fun positive way to be! I couldn’t agree more! There is a reason we have invented the ‘little white lie’ and that is a good thing! Muah!

  • jacquie

    I know people who pride themselves on being brutally honest – with the emphasis on brutal : 0

    I have, on a few occasions, removed my filter and it’s gotten me into a whole lotta hot water! I’m at the point now where I watch everything I say, whether it’s in private or in public.
    I sometimes think I hold back too much, though, when my opinion is asked. That’s not good. If you have a strong opinion about a subject and others don’t necessarily agree, you shouldn’t be afraid to rock the boat.

  • Bonnie Johnson

    Being funny is great…but not at someone elses expense. Yes, it may seem funny to you but if you are commenting on and laughing “at” someone else it is really important to consider how it may hurt their feelings first, I think.
    Filters are developed over time as we “mature”. Filters in most cases are necessary as long as you are still being authentic to yourself. It can be a fine line but ultimately I think I’d rather keep my filters in place. Being honest is so important but that doesn’t mean everything you think needs to be said out loud. Just my humble opinion. 🙂

    • Tracy Westerholm

      Some filters develop over time as we ‘mature’, but some are also removed. How many of you have met up with a Grandparent or family member whose first words are “Oh you look heavier or tired dear” they don’t intentionally say it to hurt your feelings (some maybe do) but they are just making an observation in their minds. Although it doesn’t make you feel great, at least they are making an honest observation. I like the honesty better than the lie because then I know that when I do ask that specific person for advice they aren’t going to sugar coat it.

      Other times you know from life experience that no good could possibly come of you telling your kids soccer coach he’s an asshole. You manipulate the situation instead of confronting it with the truth. The truth hurts but I do think it’s beneficial to us at times. For example if we are made aware that we are a difficult person for our kids to confide in because we always over react we can learn from that and try to adjust something in our own lives to benefit all those involved.

      As I’ve aged I have become more confident in who I am so my filters are coming off. That could just be my personality or that maybe I am still not as mature as others! 🙂 Having said that saying something to hurt anyones feelings as in The Invention of Lying is never good except in a movie format.

      You have to admit we’ve all thought things that are not worthy of saying out loud, it’s learning to use your own judgment as to when and when not to say certain things aloud.

      Removing your filter doesn’t have to involve hurting anyones feelings. You should ask yourself, can a positive change be made by me saying this out loud, even if some feelings are hurt. I know it sounds brutal but I do think many of us are living untruthfully in many situations that warrant change but no one is willing to be honest so we just keep living a lie.
      Balance is key. I do know that if asked for my honest opinion, you will get nothing less than that! So don’t ask if you don’t want to hear it!

      • jacquie

        Tracy, that’s all well and good if you’re willing to accept the consequences, and we all know there will always be consequences!

        There was a girlfriend with our group many years ago who would often say exactly what was on her mind and didn’t seem to realize how it affected the rest of us. She was a wonderful person, but one by one we all drifted away from her. It was just not as much fun being in her company as we never knew when the next bomb would drop and who would be the target. Were her comments sometimes accurate? Perhaps. But unnecessary. I miss the good parts of our friendship but not enough to want to put up with the negativity.

        That’s just my take.

        • Tracy Westerholm

          Jacquie, yes I agree there are always consequences! You said your girlfriends comments were accurate, but the key is that they were not necessary for positive change perhaps. And that is exactly what I mean about judgment as to when and when not to say things. I don’t know the scenario but maybe if someone had mentioned to her that she was very negative she would have more friends.

          I do however think if someone asks for your honest opinion you need to give it. Perhaps starting with “Do you really want my honest opinion?” And you need to know when giving your honest opinion it’s only YOUR opinion, it doesn’t make it right or what’s best for the individual asking. You are only giving them your perspective on a situation.
          Nobody likes negative energy, even if it’s manipulated with humour! I hope your girlfriend has put two and two together and figured out the reason why her friendship pool keep decreasing.

          Nobody likes to make mistakes but in the end we learn lessons from them and from those lessons are how we become who we are. Peace Out!

          • jacquie

            I think asking for one’s honest opinion and someone blurting out an unsolicited negative comment are two separate issues, both deserving of a filter. You have to access your audience and the situation. Sometimes it’s totally OK to say to a girlfriend “well, that dress looks skanky, since you asked”. I’d probably laugh, and I bet you would, too. But tell me one of my kids looks skanky (not true, btw) and I’ll snap your scrawny neck!

            Peace and Love and Kisses!

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