Sharing a Message of Hope

Our site here at Tara Cronica was developed originally to inspire. Inspire in many different ways; through stories, through artwork, through pictures and music, in fact to share anything that may have moved us.  And so it baffles me a little that it’s taken me so long to include the story of my friend and the daughter of my very close friends.  Hayley McDougall.  Here is someone that inspires me every time I see her.  Seeing Hayley so happy makes this the perfect time to make the introductions.

The following article was recently featured in the Vernon Morning Star and reminded me again how truly inspiring Hayley is…and wise beyond her years.  (Thank you for posting it on Facebook Lorellei. I would have missed it.)

Sharing a message of hope

By Cara Brady – Vernon Morning Star

Published: December 28, 2010 7:00 PM

Mike Halliwell and Hayley McDougall celebrate their first Christmas with their daughter, Sloan, seven-months-old. McDougall, who has had a constant, severe headache for the past eight years, has had a small amount of relief from recent experimental surgery at the Mayo Clinic in Arizona.

Cara Brady/Morning Star

Who wouldn’t admire Hayley McDougall? She’s a beautiful, stylish young woman who loves her partner, Mike Halliwell, and their seven-month-old daughter, Sloan. She has a university degree, had a good management job, and has an artistic sensibility that touches everything she does.

She also has a devastating, unexplained headache that has never, ever gone away, despite several surgeries and other treatments since May 2002.

“I want to talk about it to give hope and strength to others in chronic pain. I know this kind of pain can stimulate a desire to accept defeat, and a desire to end the struggle,” said McDougall. “My message to anyone struggling with severe levels of constant pain would be: pain can be so all consuming and take over your body and soul. You may not be able to control what it does to your physical body; however, how it affects your soul is completely your choice.

“So please fight for your courage, fight to keep your charisma, keep your joy, keep your hope, and keep participating in your life. It is not the life you saw for yourself but you still have the ability to make it a beautiful life. Take it one day at a time, five minutes at a time, and surround yourself with positive, amazing people.”

McDougall, a 1999 Fulton grad, was active in sports, including soccer, basketball, volleyball, snowboarding and equestrian events and was never sick until she woke up one morning with piercing pain in her temples. Doctors called the unbearable headache by a commonplace name — new daily head pain. It is extremely rare and affects only about 100 people, mostly young women, in North America.

McDougall is taking part in studies at the Mayo Clinic in Arizona in an attempt to find a cure for herself and others. She has had an electrode implant since 2007 and a recent surgery moved the leads (wires) closer to her temples.

“I felt a difference as soon as I woke up from the operation. The pain went from nine out of 10 to 8 out of 10 of a pain scale of 10 being the worst. That is only one point difference but to me it is a lot. I can feel the stimulation more through my skull and they say it may improve in six months,” she said.

She is also still dealing with the after effects of a two-week coma in 2008 which left her with a lot of memory loss of the past five to seven years.

“So many people tell me stories to try to help me remember that I don’t know if something is what I am really remembering or if it is a story. I don’t remember the first surgery. But I know I have the electrode, it’s like a bumblebee trapped in my head. I don’t feel immediate pain relief but it is supposed to train the brain in the long term.”

McDougall has had some good news in the past years. She met Mike Halliwell, a friend from University of Victoria days, and they started dating and have been living together for two years.

“I had been told I would never be able to have a baby so I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was four-and-a-half months pregnant — big surprise,” she said.

Some of her doctors were hopeful that the hormone changes of pregnancy might help with her head pain but that did not happen. Halliwell, sales manager at Future Shop, noted that McDougall did sleep better and therefore had more energy to cope with the pain while she was pregnant.

“It’s hard to explain to people that there is pain that never goes away,” he said. “I see Hayley as an amazing person. She’s a wonderful mother. I know when it’s time to help out and when to make her laugh and when to give her a hug. Sloan has been so great for both of us.”

McDougall’s mother, Kathy Goldie, added, “Hayley makes an effort to always look good so people can’t tell how much pain she is in. Mike and I can look in her eyes and see it.”

Goldie credits the support of two local doctors — Dr. Bill Charlton and Dr. Alistair Duncan.

“Without them, we would be at a loss,” she said. “And my own work place, General Surgery Clinic, and the physicians there have been incredibly supportive with allowing me to travel with Hayley for medical treatment without losing wages.”

McDougall admits that it is an effort to keep looking good but that it is an important part of feeling the best she can for herself and her family.

“There is the emotional drain of constantly working hard to be present. It’s exhausting to get through a day and not just stay in bed and not try. Every minute of the day, I’m figuring out how to get through it. I still want to see the wonderful things the world has — Mike, Sloan, my family, “ she said. “Mike is great. He has the ability to take care of me without making me feel like I’m sick or being taken care of or being a burden. And Sloan’s smiles and giggles can get me through the day.”

While McDougall occasionally thinks about a time when she might be pain free and able to go back to work, she lives for finding the most joy in each day.

“People who have chronic pain should know that their pain is valid but you can make life better for yourself and those around you.”

She often thinks of her favourite quotation: “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: ‘I will try again tomorrow.’ (Mary Anne Radmacher.)

“Because I go to bed every night and assure myself that I will try again tomorrow.”