Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?


My husband just left for a very long business trip to Russia.  Neither of us is happy about this trip.  I’m unhappy because I will miss him and he’s unhappy because he will miss me and well, he’s going to go work his butt off in Russia…in October.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

That’s what I get quoted every time I try to complain about my husband travelling out of town again.  My heart is HUGELY fond already; I really don’t need the fondness to grow any larger thank you.  What I need is to have my man within my reach more often.

We moved to another town two years ago, well, actually I moved.  He still commutes.  The plan was that he would take a big step back from running his company.  He would try a gradual retirement.  He would only visit the business in our old town “occasionally”.  Trouble is, the economy changed and with it our plans to make a clean get away.  And so it is that my husband still lives in the town I moved away from.  He’s there during the work week and then lives with me in “my” town on the weekends.

Bare with me as I whine on just a little more.

To make matters worse, around this time our son left home leaving me an “empty nester”.  He moved away at 18 to go to school 3,100 miles away.  It’s not like I can jump in the car and go see him when I want to.  He’s 21 now and I can count the times I’ve seen him since he left home on one hand.  His absence makes my heart feel heavy and sad.  Fonder shmonder!

So, no, absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder.  It makes me a little cranky at times, it makes me feel a little sorry for myself occasionally and then it makes me stop, get over myself and carry on with the every day stuff.

The other thing it does has been a bit of a surprise.  It makes me appreciate more.  Certainly I appreciate my husband more when he is home and my son when I get to see him.  (They both have to use the Jaws of Life to peel my arms from around their necks in the first few moments of reuniting)  But now I also cherish the time I spend with all my favourite people.  I’m surrounded by wonderful friends who never allow me to feel lonely.  My couple friends don’t exclude me because I’m solo.  I’m very fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life.

Plus there are some real perks to living alone.  I get out of a lot of cooking.  Toast for dinner? Sure, why not!  The remote control is mine, all mine.  I can watch Greys Anatomy if I want to.  I can stretch out on the whole couch and sleep sprawled out in the middle of the bed.  I can leave the bathroom door wide open.  All the time.  I can stay up as late as I want or go to sleep as early as I want.  I could even eat that toast in bed if I wanted to.  (Not advisable)

And then there’s the reunion with my husband after the long absences.  Oh ya!  Nuff said!

Stay tuned for my follow up post “When The H*ll Do I Get Some Time To Myself” which I’m sure to write in the “he’s finally retired!” future.  😉

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17 Comments

  • Anna Ceraldi Zin
    October 1, 2010 at 7:10 p

    Bonnie, your post made me laugh. I can so relate to you!! My husband also travels often for work. In fact in the summer, he was never home for more than 4 days and spent two weeks in Washington DC.
    Unfortunately, unlike you I don’t have many friends here in Toronto, especially after two years of being away and the ones I do have are all to busy to get together. That seems to be life for many people in Toronto so I spend much time alone. I too love to eat whatever I want for dinner, set the living room coffee table up as a spa complete with pedicure tools and face masks.
    But what came through very clearly in your post is how much you love your husband and that is such a wonderful thing. Cherish it. Lonely days and all. We are lucky to love so much that we miss so much.
    Thinking of you. Anna

  • Tracy Westerholm
    October 1, 2010 at 9:35 p

    First of all your Sally Safety title is under review to be taken away! Have you not heard of internet safety? lol Captain Careful is now going to worry! (not really) I originally wrote something else but then it would be ‘putting it out there’ so I deleted it. phewff!

    I love love love love that you and your man are so close and it makes me smile from the centre of my heart! 🙂 ahhhh. He is so incredible, just ask Jo! He had to be to get YOU! 🙂 I can’t wait to meet my ‘John’ hopefully soon so I can have some ‘Nuff said’ lol

    I have some funny things to say but it goes completely against my Captain Careful training!

    You have so many wonderful people around you that watch out for you and include you because you are such a wonderful person and they love your warm heart and calm spirit!

    Do you like your M9! Glad they were on sale for buy on get one free! I love mine! wink 😉 (thats a gun not a…) tee hee.

    I agree with Anna enjoy the lonely days too, they make you appreciate the good ones and be grateful you get the good ones too! I know you are!!
    I look forward to the days I get to miss someone as much as you miss your man, but for now I am enjoying the time with my kids and my friends who include me and it’s all just a wonderful thing!
    You’re so loved! xo

  • Lozz
    October 1, 2010 at 10:12 p

    Well your local social planners will have help fill your schedule with activities to help the time go faster until he is home again. Especially weekends as that is the time you’ll tend to miss him more. So starting tomorrow we have a canoe trip planned to Shuswap to see the salmon coming up and then a party in the evening and then…….

  • Francesco
    October 1, 2010 at 3:37 p

    I’ve been on both sides. Here’s a few simple things to try that I have done. 1. Keep a daily journal to cut/paste & tape things and prepare to share it upon his return (from a few words of love, to poetry, doodles, flyers & receipts) …tell/create a story of the time that was missed; this can be shared over wine..etc. 2. Do something for or to yourself during that time. So you can share and surprise your significant other… A few simple things done well are best. 3. Write and mail him a letter(s).. believe me he will treasure it. Ciao for now and Smiles as always.

  • jacquie
    October 13, 2010 at 2:35 p

    This is one of your BEST POSTS EVER! So honest. So you. Every coin has a flip side, as you described. Thank goodness you’re in the habit of turning that coin over every time you feel sad. It’s a gift.

    Beautiful, heartfelt post.

  • Lawrence
    October 15, 2010 at 11:45 p

    I agree with Jacquie, Bonnie. This one is the best. Very touching and inspiring. My mother opened up the other day about her relationship with my father. He is her everything. You just don’t hear couples talk about how much their husbands/wive mean to them. I mean as sincere as you were above. It’s not that you can’t live without him, but that you don’t want to. I hope you and your husband can complain about too much soon.

    I also can’t imagine being that far away from my girls. Reading messages like this, really makes you want to go grab the ones close to you, so you can appreciate this time you have with them because before we know it or for some unforseen circumstance, that time is taken away from us.

    Thanks for sharing this Bonnie. Beautiful!

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