Who Chooses Who?

Did you chose or chase your partner? Do you think that the woman ultimately decides if a relationship is going to go any further? Men generally pursue women but not always. Some women know exactly what they want and go for it. Just like cats if you run away the game is on. Sometimes it’s just about the chase. Playing hard to get can intrigues the opposite sex but everyone has their limit to how much time or energy they will put into a chase. I’ve always thought getting someone was the easy part, it’s keeping them that challenges who we are.

Do men stay in a relationship when they know it’s not a ‘meet my mother’ kind of union just for the sex? Do women string men along while they wait for ‘Mr Pretty Damn Close to Perfect’ to walk through their door? I believe both sexes are guilty of misleading the other from time to time. Honest is always the best policy!

When you introduce someone to your friends and family you validate the relationship. You deem them worthy of joining your circle. There is nothing wrong with waiting to introduce your new guy or gal to your friends and family just to be sure. Keeping your status to yourself is probably a not a bad idea until you really know who you’re dating. We all know it takes awhile for some peoples ‘true colors to show.

It becomes pretty obvious when a relationship isn’t going further than a surface text-a-tion-ship which I’ve posted about before. It’s getting harder to differentiate the sincere from those who are just playing a game. Nobody keeps their word anymore. More often than not men and women just say what they think the opposite sex wants to hear. Stringing someone along has become second nature. Selfish behavior is rampant in the world of relationships…“what have you done for me lately” is a common attitude. Words have become diluted, faded and no longer said with meaning. Romance is becoming extinct. I do believe there’s a lots of great people out there you just have to be patient. It’s hard to find someone who hasn’t had their spirit broken when it comes to love, trust and honesty.

What women use to attract the male energy is the key to what they get. If they are simply using their sex appeal, they get a man who wants them for just that…sex. The signal or message sent out is read correctly and then women wonder why it didn’t amount to anything but a friend with benefits which is something I’ve yet to grasp. Act like a booty call and be happy with being his booty call. Pretty basic. Not that there is anything wrong with being a booty call as long as you have no expectation of ‘it’ becoming anything but a booty call. You just need to be honest with yourself about what you want.

Women sometimes allow their ego to get in the way and cloud their judgment taking the easy route by using what works, sexual manipulation. It doesn’t get you very far in the end. Being in touch with your sexuality is a great part of being human but balance is important if you want a relationship to develop into something other than a once a week romp in the hay! Chemistry is one thing but shouldn’t be confused with sexual energy which usually just leads to empty sex. For men sex is physical, for women it’s more emotional…most of the time. Not that there is anything wrong with empty sex if that’s what both parties involved are okay with. That’s where honesty is crucial.

Being able to identify when he’s just not that into you is easy if you ignore what he says and watch what he does, actions speak louder than words. Pretty simple if you actually listen to your instincts.

So when you are ready to choose or chase make sure you know exactly what you want and then take it slow. One thing I do know for sure is that if someone treats you like an option, don’t make them your priority their not worth it.

Regardless of who chooses who if the right person enters into your circle and the timing is right, you will be meeting the family…be careful what you wish for.


"Exploring the never-ending desires that fuel all life, while finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings."


  • jacquie

    It’s complicated, isn’t it? Navigating the minefield of love is such an apt description.
    Continue to be loving, grateful and open and all with fall into place…eventually. Somebody posted recently that every day is a gift (oh, it was a TED talk I saw on FB) and so we have to enjoy each moment no matter how crazy life can get. Keep showing us your positive outlook, Tracy! Love you, Beautiful!

  • Bonnie Johnson

    Well she wrote it so she must be living it…right…right? 😉

    I’m with Jacquie, it’s complicated and can be a bit of a mine field out there, but stay the course and be true to you and it all falls into place. Every day really is a gift and we all have a choice to make…to be happy…or not. I never worry too much about you Trace because you choose happy 99.9% of the time. And that has always inspired me.

    It can only work when you both choose each other. It can’t be one or the other…ever. xoxo

    • Tracy Westerholm

      Loving and grateful I will always be no matter what. Life sometime feels like it’s been torn into little pieces and thrown up in the air to be scattered everywhere. It takes awhile to put the pieces back where they belong or in a new place. love you! xo

      Muahahahahah…maybe…maybe not? 🙂 You know me well enough to know when I am stirring or stewing. There is always, alway an element of truth in my writing that I won’t deny.
      I choose happy…but to appreciate happy you need to peak into that 00.1% every now and then…right?

      I think you nailed it when you said “it can only work when you both choose each other” some things you just know. You are so loved! xo

  • Rachael

    I prefer to be ‘in’ a relationship, not looking. I’m useless at looking, in fact, I was the opposite, ‘getting someone’ was never easy for me. This is likely due to the walls I had built to protect myself.

    For me it’s easier to maintain something rather get someone interested. I should qualify that by saying, someone whom I wish would be interested in me….. people like that roll around rarely.

    In the past if I did like someone I would most likely be so awkward that connecting would be the last thing that happened as I would make myself appear quite desperate and they would swiftly run away. That was very nicely written above Tracy, regarding options and priorities….I have fallen down that path before.

    I’ve had a lot to learn. I suffered and struggled and grew strong alone as a result. I eventually felt powerful in my ability to drive my own boat. I wrote and created and bled openly over it and I grew, and it was on that level where I finally met and connected with my soulmate. It was just a matter of me finding myself first and finally knowing what I want, and then letting him find me. 🙂

    • Tracy Westerholm

      I too prefer to be ‘in’ a relationship but it also feels good to have no obligation to anyone but yourself sometimes. I embrace those times when they come around. I have always loved my independence and have never been into the friend with benefits arrangement so in that regard, a relationship works better for me.

      I understand what you’re saying about putting up the walls, after being single for a certain length of time I think it’s hard NOT to put up those walls. I think that is normal when you experience a few not so great tries at dating. I feel them creep up every now and then and consciously tell myself to keep them down.
      Although you think you looked desperate I am sure you didn’t it was just not the right guy that’s all. Live and learn…right? 🙂 They allowed you to open the door when your true soul mate was ready to connect with you.
      I think your right in that you first need to find yourself and know what you want before you can attract who you are meant to be with.

      Thank you so much for your insightful words! Love hearing from another female energy who has it goin on! 🙂

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