Swingers ~ Let’s Get This Party Started ~

TracyI’ve written a few posts that some of you might not think have suitable content, but I have an open mind and find most topics interesting, inspiring and worthy of a conversation. I would love to see how “attack of the Redneck Mommy” would address this topic, she’s authentic, hilarious and completely UNPLUGGED!  Her voice is unedited and she embraces it!  Pure confidence to let it roll as she does.  I completely admire her honesty.  It’s pretty basic for me, if someone is doing it, I am curious as to why.  If you are uncomfortable with the topic of Sex or Swingers, now would be the time to “blog off”.  But for those of you with a gaping wide open mind and the same curiosity that killed the cat this is for you!  A little taboo education of what is going on in a suburb or resort near you.  ( insert Cheshire cat grin here :))

We the Tara Team recently gave our collaborative opinion on Polyamorous Relationships, could we ever imagine ourselves in one?  I had never heard of them before we posted about it.  I know, I can’t believe it, how did that one slip by my radar!  Great snag Bonnie!  Now I have been educated on what they are, have formed my own opinion, and can confidently join in a conversation about Polyamory.  I find all human behavior interesting, especially those of a taboo nature.

If your questioning why I would write about Swingers and I know some of you are I follow a list of what makes a good blog topic:  Write something; useful, unique, newsworthy, first, that makes the reader smarter, controversial, insightful, that taps into a fear people have, that helps people achieve, that elicits a response, that gives a sense of belonging, passionately, inspirational, that solves a problem, that gets a laugh, opinionated, about something cool, saves people money or time, that tells a story and that interprets or translates news for people. Not that I have to justify my topic choice or anything, Wednesday and Friday are my days to write about whatever floats my boat!

R(small)-01While researching Polyamory I found that most people confuse Swingers with Polyamorous relationships.  There is a difference. The primary emphasis of Poly is loving relationships with more than one other partner.  The primary emphasis of Swingers is casual, non emotional sex.  In reality, there is a large overlap between the two.  Swingers find most Poly conversations to focused on relationships.  Poly’s find the conversations of Swingers too forward, too aggressive and more sexually explicit oriented for comfort.  Also it seems many poly’s are seeking bisexual relationships and Swingers are more heterosexual couples looking for other heterosexual couples. I was told by the same girlfriend who gave me explicit details of the  Brazilian Wax that the area or suburb in which I live is a large “swinging” community.  (not sure how she knew that tee hee, I’m kidding, I love her for her lack of filter, honesty, curiosity and she gives good post ideas !)


Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.  I have to go on record and say I disagree, I am not sure swinging is in anyway similar to lets say book clubs, wine tasting or cooking for couples.  (I’m just sayin)  The phenomenon of swinging may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades, which happened after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible by the safer sex practices during the same period.  Swinging has also been called wife swapping in the past, but this term has been criticized as ‘androcentric’ (taking a male-oriented point of view) and inaccurately describing the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part.

Swinging activities may include (but are not limited to):

  • Soft swinging: having sexual intercourse with a partner while two or more other people perform sex acts in the immediate vicinity.
  • Soft swap: having oral sex with someone other than one’s partner. Often a type of swinging that new couples choose before eventually trying full swap, although many couples stay “soft swap” for personal or safety related reasons.
  • Full swap: having penetrative sex with someone other than one’s partner. Although this is the commonly understood definition of swinging, it is not necessarily the most common type.
  • Group sex: An all-inclusive term for activities involving multiple partners in the same vicinity.

Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sexual activity with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual.  These acts can occur in the same room (called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging does occur. On these occasions, swingers will often refer to sex as play and sex partners as playmates.  I won’t be asking if anyone can come out to play anymore. (yikes)  Occasionally, one party of a couple will not be interested in joining the swinging lifestyle.  This party is typically referred to as the “hold-out” while the other party is referred to as the “desirous party”.

Here is a little History~

Swinging dates back as far as the 16th century when a formal arrangement was signed whereby conjugal relations would be shared between the men and their spouses.  In the 17th century temporary spouse-trading was commonly advocated and practised among occultist, particularly alchemists in Europe. While contemporary swingers look to earlier practices, such as ancient Roman acceptance of orgies and alternative sexual practices, swinging in the 20th century began differently.

According to Terry Gould’s Book The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers , swinging began among United States Army Air Force pilots and their wives during World War II. The mortality rate of pilots was high. Gould reports that a close bond arose between pilots, with the implication that husbands would care for all the wives as their own, emotionally and sexually, if the husbands were away or lost (thus bearing some similarity to levirate marriage, in which a woman is required to marry her deceased husband’s brother).  Though the beginnings are not agreed upon, it is assumed swinging began among American military communities in the 1950s. By the time the Korean War ended, swinging had spread from the military to the suburbs. The media dubbed the phenomenon wife-swapping.

Nightline ABC News with Martin Bashir ~ Reporting John Berman~

I will leave you with that to contemplate, form your own opinion, book your flight to Los Cabos or perhaps enlightened a little with what others are doing around you that you may not have been aware of.  And although it doesn’t fit in to the  lifestyle I am searching for, being a hopeless romantic, I never judge.  Freedom of speech is something I am grateful for !

Peace out !

Tracy signiture

"Exploring the never-ending desires that fuel all life, while finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings."


  • Rick

    Tracy….. Never Cease to amaze me ! Wow , I never knew there was actual history to how and where ” Swinging ” started. Learning something new everyday is a good thing…. I suppose…. I found this article to be interesting and fun. It’s nice to know what and why other people think the way they do. Even when it’s not your ( cup of tea ) so to speak.
    But, I feel like there must have been a time in everyones life when they experienced ( just sex… ) after experiencing ( just sex… ) you now are educated enough to know that there is a HUGE difference between ( just sex… ) and making love to someone you are in love with ! From this guy’s point of view…. nothing compares to being intimate with someone you love, admire,and adore, someone who knows where all your buttons are…. ( good buttons that is… ) someone who loves , admires, and adores you back. Intimacy in my mind is made for two… three’s a crowd ! to be open and honest to a fault at times is between the two…. alone…. together.
    Sex will always be out there…. but , to make love… it takes two hearts molding together as one.
    So…. have fun ” Swinger’s ” I’ll hang tight…. waiting for love !

    • Tracy

      Well thanks Rick! To learn something new each day is great! I actually took out a line where I added my opinion about casual, non emotional sex. I said that was the part that bothered me about it, not having the emotional connection, but then thought about it and came to the same conclusion, we have all been there. And yes there is a reason it just doesn’t work out with that person and for me it was because of the lack of emotional connection. I think most people have had “in the heat of the moment” kind of sex, which serves it’s purpose but I agree with you that there is nothing better than the connection between two people that lasts and is deep. smile 🙂 T

  • JOHN

    I have always been amused by Dragon Flies as they swoop to and fro connected to each other by some sort of genital locking mechanism.
    To watch my wife with another man in the same position and to later sit together over a glass of wine discussing family Christmas plans or the home phone bill……… I just can’t get my head around that.

  • Tracy

    Your wife is a VERY lucky lady! Your a Romantic soul and that gives me hope that there is a man out there that will not want to share me with anyone !!! In the meantime I will flirt til my hearts content!

  • Sassy

    Well, catch up with the times, lady!! You seem to be justifying everything you say as though you are so conscious of the impression you may make. Just dive into the waters and swing. What the hell does hoping there is a man out there that will not want to share you with anyone means? FREE LOVE babe!!! It’s called FREE LOVE!!!

  • Tracy Westerholm

    🙂 haha. Thanks for calling me a Lady Sassy ! When I started writing for Tara Cronica my Dad gave me advice (being a writer himself http://caterwauls.ca/) “totally put yourself out there 100% name and all and let people know who you are, or use a pseudonym”. I chose to put myself out there name and all. I am proud of who I am, most of the time lol! If I were interested in the “Swinging lifestyle” I would be swinging and I am not. To be clear I don’t care at all what people think of me, haven’t since high school. I used to care of the impression I make but haven’t for years because I am comfortable in my own skin, that comes with age I think and having confidence. If you don’t like me I am sure you have a reason and if you don’t then you need to take the time to get to know me so I can at least give you one ! lol I thought I was up to date with what is going on in the world, except for fashion and shoes! Wanting a man who just wants me means “monogamous” just to be clear. I love your passion about FREE LOVE, it makes me smile and I LOVE most of all that you called me BABE !! That really made me like you even more!! I never say never but here I think I can. FREE LOVE BABE ! I’ll flirt with you though !!

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