As my conscious mind relaxed, I felt myself gently stepping down a spiral staircase. A soft feminine voice in the background lead me slowly to the bottom. I thoughts drifted back in time where I felt most comfortable. I belonged there in my heart. Her calm soft voice coaxed me to look down at what I was wearing on my feet. I was to tell my story using every one of my senses.
I looked down and saw my worm leather laced boots peaking out from the yards of fabric that gently rubbed back and forth with each step I took. It was a long dusty walk up the dry dirt road. I was watching from just slightly above myself, like an out of body experience. It was me who took each step towards the little house on the hill. It felt like deja-vu. I was relying on all of my sense to tell the story I was seeing transpire before my eyes.
It was a peaceful afternoon with a warm gentle breeze floating scents of spring through the air. Birds chirped in the distance whist nesting in the most beautiful tree I had ever seen. The little house on the hill felt like home.
I saw him for the first time with grateful eyes. I watched from above, yet I felt what she was feeling. I was attached to the feelings they had between them from a slight distance. I yearned to be in her body in that moment walking toward him with the rush of anticipation I felt. I was overwhelmed with joy. I felt as though I was floating through a dream, fluid and beautiful.
He was working hard in the field just behind the house. I knew he had been mine in another time which made me smile. He must have sensed me walking toward him. He stopped what he was doing and watched me come closer. I felt a surge of love envelope my entire being when our eyes met. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he leaned on the tool he had been using. The way he looked at me felt like he hadn’t seen me in years but I knew it had only been hours. He stood starring until I smiled, and then he laughed. At that moment my soul radiated the love I felt for this man. Love I had never felt before. It was from a time long before I was a glint in my fathers eyes. A life time ago…a past life time ago.
There was white cotton fabric blowing gently in the breeze through the open windows. I walked through the door not taking my eyes off of him as I navigated seamlessly to the open window at the back of the house. I was so drawn to him. It was a powerful connection. He was still staring, waiting to see if I was going to approach him. The magnetic attraction pulled me toward him. I felt like a ghost walking toward a free spirit…
I was interrupted by her soft calm voice. I wanted to stay in that moment forever. I tried fighting it but had dream-like strength. When her voice entered my subconscious, he disappeared. I was calmly persuaded to step forward in time to the next significant moment. I was in the midst of childbirth, my son was being born without his father standing at my side. I felt pain and sadness mixed with joy and elation of having a child. I knew my story was not going to end the way I’d hoped.
Her empathetic voice whisked me to another moment in time…
My body felt numb. I longed for him to return. The thought of him walking up the same dry dirt road I had, it seemed just moments before, had become a mirage. Our son was playing in the shade of the big tree on the hill. He looked about 6 years old, the spitting image of his father. A reminder of who was missing each time our eyes met. He had yet to meet the man he heard stories of each and every day. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he too longed to look into his fathers eyes just once.
I heard a rumble in the distance making its way to our little house on the hill. A familiar sound that once brought letters of his undying love. Wrapped in hope I held my breath, pleading silently for his return. I glanced over at our son innocently watching my expression as the rumble gently passed us by in a cloud of dust.