Eat Eat Eat Pray Love…

Keep in mind when you read this post it’s my personal feelings about me, not you or anyone else! And yes I am being really hard on myself because I’m allowed, by next week I will be awesome once again! This is the splendour of being a women in your 40’s!

As I looked in the mirror my inner voice whispered “why are my feet always so sore?” Looking right at me was this women who had the nerve to shout back “If you lost a few pounds maybe they wouldn’t be!” Maybe she’s right? Maybe it’s not from overuse but abuse! My poor feet are taking on the task of holding up all of me!

I’ll get to the point, I have some unwanted flub. (my daughter word for fat, it’s much nicer sounding so I will use it here) Throughout my entire life I’ve been in great shape, with the exception of my thyroid going hypo after my first child, twelve years ago. So I understand what it is like to try to lose a few pounds and not be able to. It’s frustrating to say the least. I would run between 30-40 Kilometres a week and not lose an ounce. I was also one of those women in my 20-30 who could eat anything, I didn’t but I could. But this time my unwanted flub, is because I’m content with who I am and simply don’t care if I’ve put on a few pounds because there is no one around to see it, I mean really see it. It’s been 18 years since I’ve been solo and just had me to answer to. It’s liberating and with that comes a little indulgence and relaxation. A holiday of sorts. But every holiday must come to a close and that is where I am at this moment, the climax if you will, of my eat of Eat Pray Love. I will move forward to Pray, or meditation very soon!

I know there are many women who can relate to how I feel about my body right now. For me it goes in cycles or waves.

Lately its like I black out for a moment (I’m sure my eyes roll back in my head) from the time I have the Oreo cookie twisting open, to flashing forward to the last delicious sweet tasting morsel sliding down my feeding tube straight to my ass via my stomach. It ain’t pretty! I don’t even like Oreo cookies! Someone please say they can relate!

The only way my body looks appealing to me at the moment is if I have both arm straight above my head stretched out like I am hanging on the monkey bars or riding a really great roller coaster, in candle light! whooooo hooooo! What are the odds that when I meet a potential suitor, I am going to be standing with both arms raised way above my head? It’s not likely! I need to do something about this NOW, its crunch time! It’s time to either get fit or have flub.

My timing is not good, I came to this realization the day before our Tara Cronica photo shoot with the beautiful photographer Cathy Empey! I would have been in full on panic mode if Bonnie and Jacquie were ripped! lol (they’re not either *phew* :)) or if I didn’t completely 100% trust Cathy’s expertise! Cathy is amazing at capturing women pure and simple! She photographs women of all shapes and sizes so beautifully that it takes away any fear or insecurity you may have with your body. We spent 3 hours with Cathy and by the end of the shoot I felt empowered again! Every women has self doubt or inhibitions but we have to put those aside and really work on loving every inch of our skin.

The bottom line for me is that I feel better when I am in shape, because it is me to be in shape. I envy women who really embrace their full voluptuous figures. I’m not sure there is anything sexier! It all boils down to accepting our bodies no matter what stage of life we’re in and loving all of who we are. Working with what we were given, not just changing it.

I started running again which works for me, it felt like I hadn’t missed a beat. When I run it’s me time, a form of meditation which I need to feel whole. We need to do what feels right for us individually, it’s not about being a bathing suit model, it’s about loving yourself from the inside out and having acceptance for who we are. I am who I am and I love who I’ve become, remembering that, I can do anything. I did take a picture of me with my hands raised way up over my head that I planned on adding to this post but…ya no, there is no point to see where I was, but to only see where I am going.

Embrace the shape your in Ladies!

If you would like to have Cathy capture your inner beauty check out her website! Boudoir by Cathy Empey ~

"Exploring the never-ending desires that fuel all life, while finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings."


  • Rick

    When I began to read this article I Thought … hmmm , I’ll have to come back to your next post to get some intriguing deep stuff that as you know I enjoy the most. Then, as I got to the end of the very first paragraph your choice of words for what you were expressing had me completely en wrapped in what you were saying …. Go Figure !
    This says SO much more than fighting with a bit of weight, you speak of the fight of life within our souls and minds here ! Fight the good Fight.
    Your an amazing human being with a fantastic voice. Only you could share yourself in such an unbelievable way, your honesty is to be commended !
    You have a way with words, sharing and making a difference like No Other !
    Thank – You, I know I will Look at myself differently today …. and it has nothing to do with flub …. and I’m not a women but you spoke to me too !
    You are Incredible ! God Bless You & The Tara Gals !
    Have a Great Day !

    • Tracy Westerholm

      Thank you Rick! There always has to be a little Tara Twist of Inspiration in my posts, or at least I hope there is a message someone can relate to. I struggle within myself at times but after processing certain insecurities I usually come out on top in the end, some taking longer than others. Your kind words are always appreciated! T 🙂

  • alison farough

    Sometimes I think it’s more like an expectation for some of us especially you! Not trying to sound arrogant here( just honest) that we’ve been known our whole lives as the good looking girls and as we get older we’re not kittens anymore and learning what beauty really means but let’s face it deep down we always have that reputation to live up to. There have been good and bad advantages to growing through life as a good looking girl but now I find I’m constantly trying to maintain and keep up with the reputation.
    Just my thought:)

    • Tracy Westerholm

      You have a very valid point Alison, I constantly have to say “you’re NOT 25 anymore!” In the same thought I wouldn’t go back to being 25 again for all it’s worth! It is only I, who put pressure on myself, no one else would even notice, which is something I have worked on for years. As I age these waves of being unsatisfied with my physique have lessened and THAT is what I find very liberating and love about being in your 40’s, don’t you think? I am really only unsatisfied when I know deep down I have NOT put in the effort I myself expect, of myself, if that makes sense. When my discipline is less than what I am used to or my eating is what I know is not good for me, I feel it not only physically but subconsciously as well. I need to always know I am trying my hardest without putting the balance with my family and personal life out! I ran again yesterday and after only eating a bagel in the morning it was NOT fun in the heat of the early evening, but I will take it! lol 🙂

  • Me

    Don’t be so hard on yourself my dear girl. What counts most is what is on the inside. You will always be beautiful to us. But it sounds good that you are running again. Makes me feel guilty back to the tread mill.

  • jacquie

    Thanks for your honesty, Tracy! Lots of food for thought there…

    I found Alison’s comment spot on, too. Sometimes too much of our self-worth is tied up with our reputations and expectations and we need to let go of that – but it’s not easy. Instead of just enjoying exercise for ourselves we do it to live up to expectations and maintain our image and that zaps all the fun we could be getting out of it. I know many women like this. We have to start doing things and taking care of ourselves for ourselves! We’ve become lost along the way somehow and started living unconsciously! That’s how the oreo winds up down the hatch in a nanosecond. That’s how the hour I allotted to walking up to the store to pick up milk is wasted watching The View. And life goes on unless we wake up. That’s where the Pray part of Eat Pray Love comes in!

    See you there, beautiful!

  • Anna Ceraldi Zin

    I can so relate to your thoughts and feelings expressed here Tracy!! To me, you have always been and always will be one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. You radiate beauty and that is ageless.

    I think there’s a ‘shift’ that starts to occur sometime around 40 where the person we see in the mirror no longer matches up with the one we have in our ‘stuck at 35’ mind’s eye.

    I’ve watched things soften, expand, even fall in some cases and it ain’t been pretty!! It’s hard to be honest with ourselves and others about how these changes affect us as we don’t want to appear vain but on some days, the impact is profound and on other days, I don’t give a f*&$!! I think I speak for many of us during the fab 40s.

    I think if we pause and ask ourselves what it is we’ve really lost and what it is we’ve actually gained by being on the planet for 40-something years, we’ll come to the realization that what makes us beautiful is the richness of our spirit – hopefully full and succulent with amazing life experiences. At least this is what I think on those days that I don’t give a f&^$. On those other days, I mourn the loss of my perky ass.

    • Tracy Westerholm

      Thank you Bella!
      I feel the same about you! I agree about the shift that takes place sometime around 40 and yes it is hard sometimes to deal with our aging bodies when in our minds we are still seeing ourselves from years past. It takes time to get used to I suppose like most change usually does.
      I ‘m a work in progress for sure like many women in their midlife celebration! I absolutely love how you said “what makes us beautiful is the richness of our spirit” that is beautiful and so true. Thanks for making me smile so bright today! xoxo

  • Janet

    There’s nothing better than being at a point where you can love who you are, and know that being a good person is just as important, regardless of your size. I just wish for me that it hadn’t taken until I was 40 to really get it. I try to think of ways to teach/reinforce with my young daughter that exact point. To be confident about who she is, love who she is for how she is inside and out. Has the damage been done to her for what she may have overheard me say about my body (I hope not). I think I’ve kept it pretty internalized. I’ve always been conscious about comparisons. I remember when I was a 15, and in the locker room after gym class, and the girls were complaining about how fat they were. Average weight was 115, I at the time was 125…so…I thought…if they’re fat…what makes that me? I was quite embarassed and prayed I didn’t get asked. I did admit my weight..they were shocked…apparently I carry it well. As women, why do we need to compare ourselves to someone else?

    Also, I am trying to not only think about what I’m eating….but why! You know…boredom….unhappiness…stress. I have realized that when bored I eat…well…when I’m lonely/unhappy too {giggle}. Being aware, and not beating up ourselves those ‘uninhibited moments’, letting go of our images, and loving who we are – it truly is a balance. Here’s wishing you all balance.

    • Tracy Westerholm

      Great point Janet, something all Mother’s of daughters should think twice about before being so critical of ourselves. What they see they repeat and we want our beautiful daughters to be confident no matter what their size or shape.
      I have always been very athletic and had a jock frame, not a model frame so I was always 125 or more when my average friend was 100lbs. I was very conscious of it. Muscle weighs more than fat but when your younger it’s the number on the scale that usually is the hardest to overcome, still now I HATE scales! I try to go by how my cloths feel and ditch the scale on a regular basis. It should not be a meter to decide your mood for the day!!
      You make another good point in trying to figure out why we eat if not for survival. We should think Eat to Live not Live to Eat, if it were that simple!
      I ran again today and it was just that much easier once again, so I am back on track with taking some much needed ‘me’ time!
      Thanks Janet, love hearing your view!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.