Deal Breakers – What Are Yours?

If you met someone new and were attracted to them physically, what would be a deal breaker for you? I had this conversation with a man who I find attractive…we’ll leave it at that! He was looking at my ears for an extended length of time, which I didn’t notice at first, but then he let the cat outย of the bag, big ears are a deal breaker for him! “Seriously” was all I could say, while laughing nervously wondering…”Do I have big ears?” I don’t, but you never know what someone else’s perception is of you.

I’ve learnt as a woman when a man says you have…lets say ‘small ears‘, just go with it. You don’t argue or debate it, you have small ears from that point on for the rest of your life! He also told me a moustache was another one of his deal breakers, phew is all I could think, thank god for tweezers and a 10X10 mirror! I am starting to think it’s very important in your 40’s to date men who wear glasses! You have no idea how tempting it was for me to wear a set of dumbo ears and a black stache when we met for coffee! The stache I can take care of but what if I did have big ears? Would he really not want to hang out with me?

So, having had this conversation, it made me wonder what my deal breakers might be? I say that like I’ve never even had a list! lol I called Bonnie and explained our conversation and said I couldn’t think of mine! She actually laughed out loud and said in a stupefied voice “YOU HAVE TONS!” I replied in denial “I do? I did? I’ve changed!” Hmmmm I guess I have a few but I really have changed over the years and I think some of my deal breakers are now negotiable. I am not looking for a man to have perfect babies with or someone who I will spend the next 50 years with…hang on that’s actually possible, the 50 years part! I am looking for someone who can be themselves around me, who is confident and has no expectations. I’ve learned to accept people for who they are, flaws and all! But I guess we all have things we just can’t get past. If I was really in love and I mean head over heels in love with someone, would I even see what might have been a deal breaker in my past?

I try not to look at what I don’t find attractive as much as what I do find attractive. Having said that, I also know that when someone does something that grates on you, it can be hard to ignore! ๐Ÿ™‚ But that works both ways and is where compromise works its way to the surface of any union. Physical appearance is something we can’t always change, so it wouldn’t bother me as much as behaviour in someone. Arrogance for example, is a turn off for me. Sense of humour is a huge turn on. Vulgarity; turn off, chivalry; turn on! Intellect I would take over dumb and handsome every time! Do you see what I mean, it doesn’t have to be a physical deal breaker. I like to focus on the positive, like a man’s hands, hard working hands that can take care of me…sexy. There is so much to love about men, I won’t list all the parts of the body I find attractive, I’ve written that post on my ‘other’ blog…Male Sexy Bits. The bottom line, every man is unique and has attractive qualities. That’s what you should focus on!

I think for me if a man is healthy, and lives by example I could overlook a few things, if he was willing in return. Cause we all know unless you’re willing to turn that magnifying mirror around, don’t go there! If a man takes care of himself and loves himself, and there is natural chemistry between the two of us, I don’t see how I couldn’t fall for him. I look at it like this…If I am going to put my time and love into another human being I want to know that they care about themselves as much as I do.

So I guess my only real deal breaker would be someone who doesn’t take care of themselves in mind, body and spirit. We all eventually pass on, so for me the time we spend here should be cherished, in the moment living life to the fullest, so our time here on earth is well spent! I keep fit for my heart and soul, I eat to live and laugh for mental health! Here’s to the next 50 years, I can hardly wait to meet you! ๐Ÿ™‚ (or maybe we already have!)

"Exploring the never-ending desires that fuel all life, while finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings."


  • jacquie

    We all have deal breakers of one kind or another so we shouldn’t be ashamed of them. It doesn’t mean we’re judgmental, just that we have standards.

    I would say dishonesty would be a deal breaker.

    Or being a drug abuser of any kind. Or having a violent streak. Yeah, I can think of a lot of deal breakers!

    ; )

    • Tracy Westerholm

      I think your right Jacquie, those to me are part of being a healthy whole person. Good people occasionally do bad things but as long as in general we are on a path similar to the person we love spending time with I think we are okay. Life is full of exploring and lessons isn’t it!

      • karen mckusic ames

        I really get alot out of ur writing.ur sight is like a little gift from God 4 me.I have been married most my life,have little experience w men.I’ve been alone 14 months no dating.recently fell deeply 4 a man in another country.these r questions I need 2 remember 2 ask myself.Thank u 4 opening my eyes 2 ask myself these questions.Blessings K

  • Jane

    Great post, I agree with Jacquie everyone should have standards and never settle for any thing less than what they believe in.

    Love doesn’t make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

  • Bonnie Johnson

    You totally should have worn jumbo ears and a moustache the next time you saw him! Ha! You crack me up!

    Your standards are right where they should be and you have (generally) good taste and good judgement of character when it comes to men. Don’t doubt the intuition you have always had. On the other hand beware of your rose coloured (horny rimmed) glasses that you sometimes wear. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    The key is to be up front right from the beginning. Authentically Tracy. Take it or leave it.
    Also, I think, after being new to the dating game after a long time you need to explore what your deal breakers are again. You are right, they are different from when we were dating back in our twenties…but so are we. (thankfully)

    Keep sifting until you find him. I know he’ll be awesome.

    • Tracy Westerholm

      (generally) good taste lmao!!!! Fu-kneeeee!

      I am NOT taking off my rose coloured glasses no matter what anyone says! lol

      I am certainly enjoying the ride that life has to offer, and that is all that matters in this moment right now! ๐Ÿ™‚ xo

  • Francesco

    There are times when I think I’m a lame & fractured version of imperfection on the verge of becoming a deal breaker… Your posting has harvested some of my guilt awareness that I have to pick up & fix… small tweaks add up. I suppose as a guy I may have some deal breaking facets, but that depends on who the you is. My old deal breakers are now curious areas of discovery and a story shared over a glass of wine with a friend… because you can bet that someone is dealing with worse. I’m not sure if I’ve really responded to your topic, but you did trigger some thought. I thank you. LY.

  • Janet

    Deal breakers…for all, and any relationship. I had this discussion with a friend once who was trying to ‘find the one’. There are things that we can accept with one another, but not necessarily like. And then there are those ‘things’, whatever they are, that are ‘deal breakers’. I’m out, nadda, not for me…etc.

    Funny thing is…this same friend and I…no longer friends…deal breakers I tell ya. They are good, it’s the limit of what you won’t accept from someone else who is part of your life.

    Great post Tracy! And that would’ve been funny, the ears and the stash!

  • Richard

    Language has literally (haha) become the food that fuels me.

    So what was is it about this word that I couldn’t get down?

    After much reflection it I arrived at this place. My mind, my heart, my spirit are open to deal makers. I needed to spin the word positively to get it. Even then I want to change the word deal. I dream not of a deal but a truth. A truth that needs no negotiation.

    Discounting evil people all are welcome with their gifts and talents.

    That special “One” if she exists will splash onto the blank canvas that is my new life and fill the page. There will be an acceptance of what is, was, always will be…

    Thanks ladies for sharing your table.


    • Tracy Westerholm

      Rick ,
      Language is also what fuels my world but I am also fuelled by the actions of that language. Meaning you can talk all day long about what might be your ‘truth’ or what you desire but if you’re not willing to physically explore such words or concepts in the moment because of a preconceived notion of what you want for your ‘truth’…all is lost in those words. Sometimes an action can surprise you! Actions speak louder than words in many cases!

      In every ‘truth’ there is negotiation or compromise which is just another way of saying “lets make a deal”. Sometimes we can’t which puts the breaks on or breaks the deal therefore a deal breaker is born.

      Define evil people? What constitutes an evil person?
      That special one does exist if you are ready for them is my belief. I think for me it’s not whether or not I am ready as much as knowing what I want, which is why exploration is important. Answers come from exploration.

      From my own experience I have learned to just accept and trust that what is right in front of me is there for a reason and I will follow it through to find out what the reason may be, learning and moving on, or exploring a little further, until I reach a point that I can no longer move or unfold any further with that person.
      I don’t create circumstances that go against myself!
      Your words and comment is very much appreciated, love hearing the male point of view!

  • Mark Barry

    there is good and bad in everyone….no one is perfect….people arent deals they are precious and in progress….. i can build brazilian rosewood guitars with tonal signature voicing like hundreds of angels singing in heaven…..but I am RS

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