I’ve been wondering lately, not for any specific reason, why more women are  entertaining the thought of having  a fling or affair of the heart.  I have a wide circle of friends and this topic eventually comes around the room at some point. (No, it‘s not YOUR wife who has mentioned it!)  Women are sharing their stories more openly to one another of opportunities presented to them to cheat on their significant other.

Is it that we are being more truthful with one another or has this always been there but we haven’t dared talk about it so openly?  Is it becoming more acceptable because we are desensitized by what we see on a regular basis in the real world?  Or maybe it’s just an age thing?  As we get older are we starting to think about how much time we have left to really enjoy our bodies.

Are we aware of the younger generation and how relaxed they are about their sexuality?  Does this make us envy their carefree attitude?  Has sex become something of a extracurricular activity that doesn’t mean what it used to.  Sharing yourself with someone used to be a big deal, but again maybe it’s just an age thing.  Some couples waited until marriage to share themselves with their spouse, they were called Virgins.  (insert cheeky grin here) I think some still do?  I know women who have married their first sexual partner.  And some who weren’t even close. Which makes me wonder if it’s realistic today to marry your first sexual partner.  Does that alone peak your curiosity about other men or women?  How could it NOT.  I will file that topic for another post.

Today there is ‘friends with benefits and less pressure to be in a monogamous relationship.  What’s happening to us ?  Are we starting to think it is unrealistic to be with the same person for the rest of our lives?  Ya think? (that’s just my opinion)

Marriages end in divorce more than ever before.  Sometimes because of that fling or affair of the heart.  It’s not normal to have sexual chemistry with someone for 20 years.  Or is it?  I have yet to meet a couple who does.  Leave a comment if you still have sexual chemistry with your spouse and how you keep it.  But be HONEST!

What I have gathered in my research is that women cheat for many reasons and each situation is unique but the main reason  is because of how the ‘other’ man makes them feel.  It’s not generally for money or status.  It’s pretty basic, ‘he makes me feel like I used to.  It’s the little things our partner does for us that make us feel good when we first meet.  That is perhaps what we are missing that leads us down the path of self gratification.  The initial sexual chemistry fades but a deeper love becomes present in most long term relationship that is more satisfying than a meaningless sexual encounter.  (for most)

So men …if you can make your woman feel like she used to then perhaps her thoughts of cheating will stay just that…a thought.  And women,  if we treated our men as we do the ones we just met, perhaps we would hold onto that chemistry we are all searching for.  Or not…lol  Comments are always welcome! Tracy

"Exploring the never-ending desires that fuel all life, while finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings."


  • Bonnie Johnson

    I think everyone’s perspective is tainted by their own circumstances.

    The circumstances you speak of here don’t match where I am personally, but I still understand the point of view. It may not have been 20 years yet (only 12), but the chemistry still lives in my relationship. I am older and wiser and I went in to this one knowing “me” better than I did when I was in my twenties and early thirties. That is so important in any long term relationship. Know yourself well first.

    What hit a chord with me was your statement that the “other man” makes women feel like they used to. I understand that and I also believe it works both ways too. That’s where it is important to make the effort to always let your partner know how special they are to you and what I have learned is that when you do…it is mirrored back to you. You reap the same affection that you put out there. The ol’ give and take.

    Just take a moment and look at your partner from across the room and remember all of the things that made your heart flutter at your first few encounters. C’mon…give it a try. I’ll bet you can feel a slight flutter under all of the “Ya, but he never picks up his dirty underwear” talk and with practice it may get stronger and stronger.

    And if not, well let them go so they can find someone who’s heart will flutter in their presence. But do it before the “cheating” starts…cause that’s just never good for anyone in the long run.

  • tracy

    I love your comment Bonnie, I know you still look at John with that sparkle in your eye and it is magical even to those around you ! Knowing yourself is very important, I agree. When you have Chemistry with someone you should embrace it (under the right circumstances) and yes if your in a long term relationship remember how this person made you feel when you first met. And if it’s new Chemistry enjoy it for what it is “in the moment” because you never know how long it will last.

  • Rick

    Tracy, I would swear when I read you that you reach down into your very heart and soul with everything you write ! the serious stuff…. and the not so serious enlightening stuff…… You should be commended first and foremost for your honesty and your talented commitment to it when you write !I agree with your point of view on this very difficult subject. I’ve read this article and Bonnie’s take on it several times. Being a bit of an analyst I have a book in my head I could write on my perspective on this, but to be honest it would take me forever to type it out. I beleive that the chemistry that is there in the (Honeymoon Stage ) for lack of better terminology is so powerful that it can barely be resisted to say the least ! I also beleive that once it begins to fade away in a long term relationship that it is almost impossible to rekindle the fire that was once there. ( Not to say it’s impossible…… but extremely difficult ! ) Hence the fact…… Don’t Let It Go Out ! Couples need to practice and be aware of this from the start, as to not let it happen……. but most of us don’t. It’s unfortunate that this is ( like most things ) only seen from hindsight.
    I suppose if both parties in the relationship did what you stated in doing and saying the things that make each other feel special and attractive we would all be o.k. But that’s not the reality in most relationships. We tend to take all those wonderful things including the chemistry for granted……. and when we expect it the least it’s gone. When that happens I beleive as well, we move on.
    As wonderful as the marital bliss can be……. it’s definitely not everything. There are many other tender loving relationships in our lives that are just as, or more important……. I Guess……
    In reality I need to do what is stated several times and be happy with me so I can be more special to those around me ( I don’t mean that in a selfish way ! ) I really like both your and Bonnie’s take on this. It causes me to think differently …. and thats always good.
    I only speak for myself here and from my own experience.
    I wish I had more time, and could type faster…lol…..

    Thanks Ladies !

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