What To Do When Your Girlfriend Dumps You~

tracy-pic3Have you ever been dumped by your Girlfriend? I think it would be worse than being dumped by your boyfriend but that’s just me. I have never been dumped by a girlfriend, that I was aware of. Girlfriend tend to drift apart depending on what’s going on in our lives, but the real ones are always there no matter how much time has passed since you saw them last. I am so lucky to have girlfriends like that!

I am fortunate that my close girlfriends are very understanding and independent, we have known one another for a long time, so we just get each other. I don’t think I have ever done anything that would be classified as dump worthy, at least nothing that is morally wrong or value based. Every women who has blood flowing through their veins has “questionable moments”, it’s our hormones and personality quirks that cause us to be a difficult friend at times. I strive to be a better friend and the girlfriends I do have make me want to be a better person.

When I first started this post I said I had never been dumped by a girlfriend, but in the time it took to publish (couple of weeks) I found out I had been dumped by a long time friend. We only kept in touch through Facebook but I was happy we at least had that. Facebook allows you to continue friendships that would otherwise be lost because of distance or our busy lives. After wishing her husband, one of the greatest guys I know, Happy Birthday on Christmas Eve, and not getting to talk to her, I logged into Facebook to reconnected again…she deleted me as her friend! I was shocked, especially after just writing this post days before. I don’t know what I did, perhaps she was just “cleaning house” with everyone she doesn’t see on a regular basis, I too have been guilty of that. Regardless of the reason, it made me feel like I had lost a part of my past, an important one to me. When someone consciously deletes you from their life, no matter whether it’s a male or female, in person or online, it doesn’t feel good.  So there you have it, I have been dumped by a girlfriend, on Christmas Eve no less, someone I felt was a part of my circle. I still love her husband though, and will continue to call him on his birthday!

Here’s what I found online~ According to Irene S Levin, PhD, author of Best friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, the romanticized notion that best friends are forever is a myth. She says being ditched by a close girlfriend can be incredibly painful, especially when you had no idea you were going to be dumped. Here’s how Irene would navigate this difficult situation:

Put the breaks on your reaction, first off, step back and really think things through, because reacting out of anger or hurt could make the situation even worse. One of the most important things to consider is whether you actually want to salvage this friendship. “Use this as an opportunity for assessment. Are you just hurt because your once-friend dumped you or because it is truly a friendship that you valued?” says Levin.

If you want to save the friendship you’ll need to summon up the courage to talk and be the one to extend the olive branch. Until you do talk, you have no idea of what is really going on. Levin says that women often fall into the trap of assuming that they know what their friend is thinking, although that may be completely erroneous.

Be prepared to accept responsibility if you did do something wrong. “You may have disappointed your friend or betrayed her trust. Whatever the case, don’t be too stubborn to be the first to apologize or forgive. Admitting your own blame may open the door for her to assume her share of responsibility for the misunderstanding,” says Levin.
If however, your ex-friend is not interested in trying to fix what went wrong, you need to respect the boundaries they have set.  It may have less to do with you than with other things going on in her life.

So how can you get over the loss if the friendship is truly over, feeling heartbroken is a normal reaction.  Levin says that there are stages of grief that women characteristically go through after the loss of a friend: These include: shock and denial, loss, self-blame, embarrassment and shame, anger, and finally, acceptance and sometimes relief.

Grow from the experience, once the shock has worn off, look back and see what you got out of the friendship. There may be many great things that you learned from being her friend, or perhaps not.  Ending a friendship that isn’t working leaves you more time for more satisfying ones.

My girlfriends are one of the best parts of my life!

To my circle of girlfriends~ I love you !

Tracy signiture

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12 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Girlfriend Dumps You~

  1. I am experiencing this right now, with more than one girlfriend. It hurts, but as you say I have taken the time to step back. I realize they were friends, but not my best friends. Because, as you say best friends ‘get you.’ These girls I am afraid did not. I too cherish my long term friends, the ones that love me no matter what. I am sorry for your loss of friendship. It still stings.

    Thank you for coming into my life, and always making me smile.

    • You just made my day “girlfriend” and I thank you for that! It does sting but as you say I suppose it wasn’t the friendship I thought it was! But hey we should concentrate on those who want to be in our circle not those who don’t! You too make me smile 🙂 and that is what a girlfriend should feel like! Maybe just maybe it was a mistake…

      • what a great piece Tracy. The one thing I am always amazed at is the wonder of why words couldn’t be used for said dumping. It usually involves something so silly as being blocked or deleted from a circle….I guess that is part of life, to get passed the hurt of it so one can move on and enjoy the true friends in our lives.
        Funny, I have just come across my grad annual and re-read the full page you wrote. It made me smile. A few years, a bit of distance, but memories full of fun. Thanks Tracy. Hope the sting goes away soon.

  2. T-
    I’ve been dumped as well. I was a little mad at first but now I am over it. I realized how much we had changed and didn’t have much in common anymore.
    I am thankful that you continue to be in my life. We don’t chat or hangout enough but i am your true friend who loves you and will always be here!
    xoxo

  3. Don’t relationships sometimes just die off? I had a very good friend for 22years, who didn’t tell me she was pregnant. I got invited to her baby shower 1 month before she was due. Boy was I shocked (and pissed). Our relationship pretty much ended as it was. This was a very clear cut decision (I can be a bit wishy-washy, feel good, love everybody kinda gal) but this was a betrayal, and very hurtful. We have had some contact recently after I was able to express my hurt with her.

    I am in the process of trying to decide about another longtime friend (20+years). I feel like she is very different than she was in highschool (or perhaps she is the same, and that’s the problem – you have to grow up sometime). I’ve noticed some characteristics in her that I don’t like. I don’t know what to do. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who was self-centered, rude, selfish, so why am I now? Because we have been for a long time? My other friend (who knows her and has already dismissed her, tells me to dump her), but I can’t. For the exact reason you post above. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But seriously, I don’t enjoy most of my time with her. I feel like we are in different places in life. My interests aren’t hers, and hers, mine. I’d like to ease out…but is that just as bad? How do you explain to someone (who your kids call Auntie), that you don’t like who they are? Suggestions?

    • I think friendships change for lots of different reasons, moving away, we grow and change, different interests. I think we should just not take these changes so personally. I love the friendships that shift and change but when you do see one another again it was like it was yesterday! Those friends understand that we all have our own families as well as new friends who are also a part of our lives. I think if you’re willing to tell a friend that you don’t like who they are you should be prepared for the same response back, perhaps they feel the same and the friendship will grow after the honesty. We should be able to be honest with our friends as we are with our partners! If you think the friendship is worth saving then you should at least try, if not then move on but I don’t think there is any reason to hurt anyones feelings in the process. Good luck !

  4. I was dumped by someone who had been my best friend for many years in our 20’s and mid 30’s. We shared the same birthday (although she always loved to point out that she was a year younger). By the time I reached 40, we were still good friends but she was going through some emotional issues. A few years later, she dropped me like a lead balloon. The last conversation we had was when I told her that we had sold our house and bought a new one. She was an especially jealous person and her husband intimated to me that it had to do with us moving. (Despite the fact that they had a beautiful house here and a summer home in the O.K.!) It took numerous calls and messages before I realized she was not going to respond. I’m over it now but it took awhile to let go of a 25 year friendship. Thank goodness I have so many other great friends (Jacquie!).

  5. LOL! Thanks Bonnie and Tracy. Although they aren’t anything to be jealous about after the last 2 weeks of eating and coughing (therefore not exercising)! Gotta get back to it.

  6. This topic struck to the core with me. I have had a few friendships tested throughout the years, and I have found the biggest tests are moving or finding a new love.
    Nothing tests a friendship like moving to a different city or town…which friends actually make the effort to simply stay in touch, never mind visit?…yes, it does go both ways, and I will make the effort a couple of times until it’s not reciprocated.
    Another potential deal breaker can be finding love. It seems some women are more possessive than others and expect the same amount of commitment or more than I would give a partner. All relationships are work but I don’t think girlfriend relationships should be expected to be as much work as a committed partner relationship.
    I have been both cut off and left to fade in the rain, but generally the friends who break up with me eventually make it back around. The relationship might be changed, but I guess it’s always the change necessary to have the relationship grow.
    It’s the ones who seem to just let me fade away that I find the most frustrating and hard to figure out. The ones who don’t return the calls, or make the effort any longer…it always seems such a shame because I’ve always really liked them and their families and enjoyed our times together. The reality of an old friend just not being that ‘into you’ anymore is always a little hard to take, but oh well…people just get busy with their children, and their immediate circle of friends I guess.
    I will never stop being grateful for the girlfriends I have, new and old…they are my family.

    Here’s to the chicks!..as a best man friend toasted to the bridesmaids once.

  7. I am sorry to hear about you losing a friend. I know what it feels like I lost a friend recently too. I think sometimes a lot of it is jealousy which is unfortunate. You wished your friend’s husband a happy birthday and then she dropped you? Sounds like jealousy to me.

    My friend dumped me when I moved away. We were best of friends when my life was lousy but as soon as things were going well for me, she didn’t like it. Sad but her loss.

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