I Need to Change…Madonna.

I Need to Change…We All Need to Change…

Madonna is famous for change…  She continues to grow as a artist and person which is what I admire about her most.  Never Fear Change!

Here is a video which explores the ‘Change’ Madonna has gone through over the years.  She is such a strong, confident woman who is very comfortable with who she is and who she is becoming…

Your  ‘doings’ may change but your ‘intention’ should remain solid and pure…Svaha!
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Which Stereotype would you NOT want people to include you in?

Which stereotype would you NOT want to be included in?

Take your pick there are many!  Here are a few examples, dumb blonde, gold digger and one of my favorites cougar!

Tracy’s take~

Tracy Throughout my late teens and twenties I bent over backwards so girls would not judge or stereotype  me before they knew me all in the name of stereotyping.  I would make myself look silly with humour to make them smile at me instead of leer at me.  It got tiring and I eventually just called it quits.  I just figured if you don’t want to take the time to get to know me then that’s unfortunate because we could be friends.  I HATE when people stereotype  or judge for that matter!

With that being said at this point in my life ‘single mom looking for a man to take care of me’ would be one of the worst for me.  No other stereotype would bother me as much as this one.  Call me a ‘Cougar’ and I would not only agree, say “whyy not” and smile while looking you up and down sexually, call me a dumb blonde and I would manipulate you to get what I want, but think I need a man to take care of me…sheesh!!   Men are in my life by CHOICE not need!  I am a very independent and self sufficient woman who loves time alone.  I don’t need a man in my life to take care of me but I do look forward to having  men in my life to spend time and enjoying the moment for what it is.  So if I am single for the back 50 I’m good.  How about you Bonnie which stereotype don’t you want to be included in?

Bonnie’s two cents~

Bonnie's PostDon’t include me in any! I mean I can’t actually think of a stereotype I’d like to be slotted as.  I’m pretty sure I’ve fit a few of them in my life so far though.  Dumb blonde? I’ve had my moments.  Cougar?  Oh ya.  Gold digger?  I think you have to go out with really wealthy men for that, so I don’t think so.  White people can’t dance?  Hey, I think I look pretty good out there.

The bottom line is stereotyping  is just a lazy way of labeling someone.  So many people are quick to do this because they feel they need to assign you a category so they know where they fit in.  “She’s a gold digger.  I’m better than that.”   Tsk!

A stereotype is just a simplified and standardized conception.  Period.  It is not necessarily the truth.

Ok, so I’m probably getting too philosophical about this but it’s something I’ve thought a lot about recently thanks to Jacquie.  She was concerned I was stereotyping when I recently used the word “native” in one of my posts.  I disagreed and dug my heels in but I thought about what she said and I could see her point of view.  Stereotyping is not a good thing…although…I’ve never known an African American male to cry fowl over the “well endowed” stereotype.  I’m just sayin’!

Jacquie’s thoughts~

Jacquie JanzenYee

I’ve been aware of the negative impact stereotyping can have for a very long time.  When I was dating my now-husband, Gavin, his mother was not a happy camper (do Chinese people ever like to camp?).   His Asian mother, who is an absolutely fabulous person, really wanted him to get rid of me, the White Ghost, aka Lo fan.  Crikey!  I was just being sweet l’il ol’ me but my blondness was working against me for the first time!  You see, she believed Caucasian women didn’t know how to take care of the house properly, didn’t do the cooking, didn’t take care of the children but sent them to nannies instead, cheated and got divorced.   No matter how ‘nice’ she thought I was, I would never be good wife material.

Well,  in some ways she was right.  I don’t cook very much now that the kids are older, I’d rather paint or do something fun than spend everyday scrubbing, I do like having guy friends and I won’t fib and say that the big ‘D’ has never crossed my mind as a viable alternative on really bad days, though it’s been a while since I felt that way.  I was being…stereotyped… but this time it was working against me!   It’s been many years and I know she loves me now and sees me as an individual and not just as a white girl, but it did take time.

Stereotypes are labels thrust on individuals or groups to make them easier to understand.  Like Bonnie said, they make figuring out your own place in the world simpler, so they’re self-serving, really.  I know I’m not a stereotypical mom with 3 kids and a dog even though that’s basically what I am on paper.  What else?  Well, like most of the women I know, I wear a lot of different hats depending on the day of the week or the mood I’m in.  Sometimes I’m ‘Ditzy Artist’.  ‘Dumb Blonde’ has served me well over the years when I’ve needed to pull her out.

I don’t mind acting out a stereotype every now and then when I’m in charge of the play.  What I don’t care for are stereotypes that are forced on me.  I don’t like going out with my girlfriends for some music and drinks and being called a cougar.  I find it derogatory, frankly.  Being stereotyped takes away your power and is belittling.  Now, if you want to call yourself a dumb blonde or a cougar then that’s different.  You’re taking back your power.  It’s all about the context in which these terms are used.


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‘Friends with Benefits’

Tracy

When I first started writing this post I had a humorous view but when I weighed my options of making a point that I feel is very important and finding humour in almost anything, my humorous view almost flew out the window and the real me came forward.  I think I can do both, find humour and make a point.   Let’s see.  We have all heard the term ‘friends with benefits’.  It’s basically having hopefully great sex with no strings attached.  In my day, I remember that being called a one night stand or a booty call.  There was a reason for feeling bad after having one but I can’t remember why now…the age thing and memory starts to fade when you hit 40!  But with teens now it doesn’t  just happen one night or time, it lasts as long as they want it to.  But who ends it, why and when?  That’s where the emotions come in and I think where things go awry.

Am I right?  Correct me if I am wrong girls or guys out there.  My girlfriends son told her it is quite normal for teens to have ‘friends with benefits’ and they don’t get looked down upon.  Sign me up I guess if both parties are consenting and are having safe sex it’s their decision to make.  Would I want a friend with benefits?  Would you?  We all have the opportunity, it’s whether we take it or not.  I am struggling with this right now and don’t know if it’s my conditioning or a generation gap.  Part of me say’s well “Whyy nott” but the other part of me says “it’s not good for the soul”.  To not know where you stand with someone is hard enough when there is no sex involved.  Emotions and chemistry is what give sex such passion.  The moral side of me says ‘Live by example’ and the fun side not so moral side says ‘live with no regrets’. Stay with me here I am working through this as I write.

What I think bothers me about this the most is that it is happening younger and younger and some teens are not mature enough to make this decision on their own. They are afraid of being judged by their own peer groups.  It’s much like bullying in the way that when boys are rough with one another, it is possible that one of them doesn’t really want to participate but is forced to out of pressure of not wanting to appear weak.

Friends with Benefits sounds to me like a decision that is made without the thought process that should take place when deciding to give a sacred part of yourself to someone who doesn’t really care if it’s you or not.  I am a confident strong woman but I didn’t get this way from making poor moral decisions in my life.  (Bonnie stay out of it ! ha)  I think it is up to us as parents to do everything we can to make sure our sons understand the self-esteem issues young woman get when their self worth is questioned.  It’s also our responsibility to make sure our daughters have confidence and respect for themselves, as well as from the opposite sex.  I am not sure I could have a friend with benefits unless of course  Gabriel Aubry walked through my bedroom door, then I would be naked in an embarrassing nanosecond.  Humour is important in life and helps lighten certain topics of conversations, but morals and values are the basis of your character.   Teach your kids first as a parent.  Live your life as a soul enriching your existence.  Live by example.  Try to make good decisions and learn by questionable ones.  And always remember it’s about assessing blame. (joking)  So I think I like my friends just the way they are!

Tracy

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