Taking Down Our Walls ~

Before I get into my post I’d like to thank Lawrence for adding his voice to Tara Cronica as a Guest blogger on Monday. Lawrence wrote, How Will Your Smile Inspire, which was about his experience of putting himself back out in the world of being single after being in what I call the ‘cocoon of marriage.’ I love your honest approach to writing Lawrence! Thank you!

Which brings me to my post…

Walls, we all have them. I know I do, I visualize mine as pink! Pink says there is a woman behind there that is strong yet vulnerable, who wants to feel safe and protected. Walls can do that, so can alarms systems and dogs…okay, so can human beings if you’re willing to take the chance. I was recently reminded of the walls I have built so beautifully around myself. I was told that it was time for me to let them down, once and for all! Anyone who reads Tara Cronica or All Thing Sexy and Silver would wonder what walls?

I’ve lost out on more than one relationship in my past because of my walls and not having the ability to express myself. I was not comfortable with feeling vulnerable, but who is? I think deep down we all know we have walls up but when someone points it out to you it’s like putting a spot light on the big pink elephant in the room. It takes over your mind until you acknowledge it and decide you are going to do something about it. Walls go deep beneath the soil to your personal foundation, and below that to the fears that erected the walls in the first place. Only then, when you can identify what the root of the problem is, can your walls be taken down, brick by brick.

Fear is the Thief of Dreams ~Gandhi.

When we experience hurt or pain we justify our walls allowing them to rise higher than before. We use our pain as a scape goat to not face our truth, our fear. When we don’t face our fears we remain behind our walls morphing them into a shield that we learn to carry with us, blocking us from life experience. When we let go of our fears we open ourselves surrendering to what life truly has to offer.

My walls get a fresh coat of paint when feeling surface in a relationship. Feeling vulnerable is the first sign that you care for someone. Allowing yourself to feel vulnerable is a step forward. Embracing it for all it is and what it stirs inside you is a huge jump in the right direction! Not everyone has good intention so it can be hard. Vulnerablity lurks behind us like a shadow…waiting to jump out and scare us back behind our fortress! It feels so safe inside our walls I often wonder why anyone would even dream of taking them down. There is a pay-off when you do, it’s called Intimacy. I am a strong believer that you grow when you step out of your comfort zone. Take chances, live with no regret, feel all emotion, experience love and loss! Life is Meant to be Shared not hidden from behind walls.

We are all a work in progress in this marvellous thing we call life. It can feel hard to navigate at times on our own. That is why we need to share ourselves with others. I have learned a great deal about myself through those who I’ve connected with over the years. Never underestimate the power of a connection, no matter how small it may seem in the moment. We enter each others lives for a purpose, teaching and learning from one another.

I know the walls that have protected and sheltered me from my fears deep inside are just a facade. I have become aware of them and in doing so I can comfortably let them down. I choose to be open, no wall between me and life experience. I still want a symbolic wall in my life, that of a man who will wrap his strength around me when I need to feel protected, and give me a gentle nudge when I get too comfortable…he will be the only wall I take refuge in.


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Flirty…Serious…Flirty…Serious ~ Balance ~


If you know me well you know how carefree, flirty and friendly I am naturally. I don’t have to try hard at that part of my personality because I believe it’s just who I am. I have a deep serious side lurking in the darkness waiting to tackle the flirty chic who continues to have way too much fun! TACKLE ME FOR GOD SAKES! I have always found it hard to balance my flirty nature with my serious side. Does anyone else relate? Someone? Anyone?

I struggle at times to find the balance between being serious and flirty, being wayyyy to comfortable with my sexuality doesn’t help. I dislike women who manipulate men with their sexuality, I don’t believe I do. I will however admit I use it, but for no specific reason or outcome just because I love the flirty sparing of words with male energy. It can however get me into a pickle if someone doesn’t know me! I joke about having Elastic Boundaries…s-t-r-e-t-c-h!  What’s a line for if not to cross?…which is fine but not when that side of my personality is predominately focused on. I am working on finding that balance right now…it’s a struggle let me tell you!

I’ve recently been told I have walls I need to take down…ya I know me? Walls? I do! I keep them up to protect my heart. It’s easier to joke and flirt than it is to fail or be rejected. I’ve taken some time lately to make some changes in my life and I am working towards being my true authentic self once again.

What I am seeking has not matched the vibration that I have been emulating. I have finally recognized a pattern that keeps appearing in front of me. A lesson if you will that I keep repeating and not quite getting!

“If you are being swept into some current that is not comfortable, or not in harmony with your desire, you must remember that couldn’t happen if you weren’t offering a vibration that matched it in some way. If you’re vibrating differently from that, you’re not having that experience”~ Abraham

“Offer a vibration that matches your desire rather than offering a vibration that keeps matching what-is.”~ Abraham

So I guess to sum what I am really trying to put out in the Universe is that deep down I know what I want in life and how I want to be viewed and for a brief time I’ve swerved off course. I was still authentic and viewed correctly but it was not a balanced collection of who I am deep down. I allowed myself to put out a vibration that was what I wanted in the moment but not in the big picture. Now it really depends on whether or not I’m looking at the big picture or the moment right here and now. Both are good! I am learning to balance each moment connecting the dots that will eventually lead me right into the centre of the big picture!

Sometimes you must walk down a path to determine what you don’t want, to identify what you do want. Life works in mysterious ways, showing us clues along the way if we are aware enough to pay attention to them!

Maybe I can just be happy with being a serious flirt…for now! Problem solved…movin on! *wink!

 

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