Life is meant to be shared ~

“I just need to find someone to share it with” is what I keep hearing from those around me. I can relate as I’m sure many of you can. Life is meant to be shared. Sharing it with friends and family is incredibly fulfilling but finding a partner to share it with intimately seems to be a quest of many. Need is maybe not the right word. I’ve struggle with this word at times. In the past I’ve associated need with weakness. “I don’t need help, I am a self-sufficient strong independent woman who can do anything.” Hearing that back doesn’t sound the least bit weak although it’s said with the intention of not wanting to appear weak. (and I can be slightly stubborn at times) There is nothing weak about wanting to share and explore the beauty of life with an intimate partner. The trick is finding the right one.

As a woman it’s hard to balance independence and strength without losing your femininity. Women naturally want their man to take care of some of their needs. Some of us even have the burning desire to be save by a man. I need to be saved from myself I think. At times I think I am only attached to this world by a thread, I often find myself floating away to my world which seems in no way a reality.

I think until you allow yourself to be vulnerable in life you don’t really experience all life has to offer. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone or needing someone in your life as long as you’re not dependent on them. That’s when obligation and expectation step in and wreck everything in one clean swoop! When you lose your independence you give away your strength. Balance is so important in life, yin & yang.

Want is perhaps not as scary as need“I just want to find someone to share it with.” I think there are life experiences we need to have that strike a cord within us that make us move to another level. And then there are life experiences we want that enrich and allow us to grow as individuals. Feeling vulnerable is not an emotion everyone is comfortable with, I’m certainly not. When you’re ready to open yourself up and be vulnerable, real passion in life begins. Passion is something in my opinion that needs to be shared. When you have real passion for what you do you can’t help but inspire those around you.

I was in the company of my parents on the weekend and their chemistry after 60 years together is still in the room. They found someone to share it with and somehow manage to keep from floating away making their passionate love a reality. It is possible. I’m looking for that someone who will feed my soul, not my ego. Who will let me float away when I need to but will reel me in from time to time to balance my fairy tale with reality.

We all want to share a part of our life with someone. It doesn’t have to be all at once, it can start with bits and pieces until it feels right to share more. It’s not a race. It’s about timing and letting go to allow your life to just be.

We as human beings like to share. Elation, can’t help but be shared. Love yearns to be shared. Desire burns if not shared. Inspiration is wasted if not shared. Music is created to share. Lust comes undone when shared. Peace wants to be shared.

Life is meant to be shared…

 


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Taking Down Our Walls ~

Before I get into my post I’d like to thank Lawrence for adding his voice to Tara Cronica as a Guest blogger on Monday. Lawrence wrote, How Will Your Smile Inspire, which was about his experience of putting himself back out in the world of being single after being in what I call the ‘cocoon of marriage.’ I love your honest approach to writing Lawrence! Thank you!

Which brings me to my post…

Walls, we all have them. I know I do, I visualize mine as pink! Pink says there is a woman behind there that is strong yet vulnerable, who wants to feel safe and protected. Walls can do that, so can alarms systems and dogs…okay, so can human beings if you’re willing to take the chance. I was recently reminded of the walls I have built so beautifully around myself. I was told that it was time for me to let them down, once and for all! Anyone who reads Tara Cronica or All Thing Sexy and Silver would wonder what walls?

I’ve lost out on more than one relationship in my past because of my walls and not having the ability to express myself. I was not comfortable with feeling vulnerable, but who is? I think deep down we all know we have walls up but when someone points it out to you it’s like putting a spot light on the big pink elephant in the room. It takes over your mind until you acknowledge it and decide you are going to do something about it. Walls go deep beneath the soil to your personal foundation, and below that to the fears that erected the walls in the first place. Only then, when you can identify what the root of the problem is, can your walls be taken down, brick by brick.

Fear is the Thief of Dreams ~Gandhi.

When we experience hurt or pain we justify our walls allowing them to rise higher than before. We use our pain as a scape goat to not face our truth, our fear. When we don’t face our fears we remain behind our walls morphing them into a shield that we learn to carry with us, blocking us from life experience. When we let go of our fears we open ourselves surrendering to what life truly has to offer.

My walls get a fresh coat of paint when feeling surface in a relationship. Feeling vulnerable is the first sign that you care for someone. Allowing yourself to feel vulnerable is a step forward. Embracing it for all it is and what it stirs inside you is a huge jump in the right direction! Not everyone has good intention so it can be hard. Vulnerablity lurks behind us like a shadow…waiting to jump out and scare us back behind our fortress! It feels so safe inside our walls I often wonder why anyone would even dream of taking them down. There is a pay-off when you do, it’s called Intimacy. I am a strong believer that you grow when you step out of your comfort zone. Take chances, live with no regret, feel all emotion, experience love and loss! Life is Meant to be Shared not hidden from behind walls.

We are all a work in progress in this marvellous thing we call life. It can feel hard to navigate at times on our own. That is why we need to share ourselves with others. I have learned a great deal about myself through those who I’ve connected with over the years. Never underestimate the power of a connection, no matter how small it may seem in the moment. We enter each others lives for a purpose, teaching and learning from one another.

I know the walls that have protected and sheltered me from my fears deep inside are just a facade. I have become aware of them and in doing so I can comfortably let them down. I choose to be open, no wall between me and life experience. I still want a symbolic wall in my life, that of a man who will wrap his strength around me when I need to feel protected, and give me a gentle nudge when I get too comfortable…he will be the only wall I take refuge in.


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Authentically Yours,

Our second anniversary slipped past us quietly on the 31st of January.  That was the date our very first post on Tara Cronica went up. January 31st 2009.

No mention; no reflection.  I think it may be due to the fact that we three are all women in our late 40’s and our memories are not that great we are not tied to date watching because we are too busy living in the now and enjoying ourselves so much.  Yep, that must be it. And so it was that our second anniversary came and went without any of us realizing it.

The reason I mention it now is because I have been pondering all the ways this little blog of ours has made an impact on our lives.  Nothing huge, trust me, no big cash windfalls or Oprah invites, but subtle changes have happened for all three of us.  We have learned much about each other and even more about ourselves. And it’s all good.  Even when it didn’t always feel good right away, it was.  It was, because it was growth.

When we started Tara Cronica, we all agreed that the most important thing to all of us was to be authentic.  We each wanted to use our true voice and tell our stories honestly and fearlessly. We wanted to connect with people and create a comfortable “girlfriends chatting over coffee” kind of feel.  No phony vibe, just pure truth.  The word authentic came up time and again in the early days of creating our site.  Our three heads all went up and down in unison; yes, very important that we always remain authentic.

Guess what? It’s not as easy as it sounds.  In order to be truly authentic you have to be extremely courageous.  You have to have the courage to be imperfect. You have to let go of who you thought you should be in order to be who you really are.  How do you do that when you are continually learning and re-learning who you really are?

And more than anything else, you have to embrace being vulnerable.  We live in a culture, after all, where belonging and fitting in and being accepted are critically important.  But if you are going to be truly authentic you just can’t worry about fitting in and being accepted all the time.

Personally, I feel excruciatingly vulnerable when I write. I’m terrified of being poorly judged and I desperately want everyone to enjoy what I have to say.  I don’t want to be ridiculed or mocked and I certainly don’t want to offend anyone by my views.  On the other hand, I’ve discovered that words refuse to flow through me unless I write them from my heart.

For me, the biggest thing I’ve learned over the last two years (besides we should never do our own photos for the site) is that being vulnerable is not so bad.  What’s interesting is the more I embrace it the less of a hold it has on me.  There was a time when I would have been horrified to share bad photos of myself for the world to see, but then I threw a bunch into a post and enjoyed a good laugh at myself.

Through our blogging we seem to be discovering our true selves more and more and shedding our layers of fear.  We are more and more comfortable in, and not bothered by, our imperfection.  Compassion has allowed us to stay open minded while we listen to each others stories without judgment (or the need to correct spelling and grammar).  I believe we have learned to revel in our differences rather than to push against them.

Happy belated Anniversary girls! I look forward to many more.  Stay true! Cheers!

xoxo

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