Free Willy or Hide The Weenie?

John and I along with some friends recently went to see the movie “Wanderlust”.  It was cute, predictable and gave us a few giggles here and there.  The cute part was Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd together — cute couple right?  The predictable part was that it was a rom-com and ended just the way we expected hoped it would.  And the giggles?  Well, it was a comedy after all.  What I didn’t predict was all the nudity…male nudity.  Full frontal male nudity.

The last time I can remember being delighted surprised by the sudden appearance in a film of the-whole-goods was in Eastern Promises ala Viggo Mortensen.  Viggo’s naked sauna fight performance made the typical here-we-go-again male fight scene suddenly far more interesting to me. But that’s me.

Ole one eye is starting to appear in mainstream Hollywood movies more and more frequently. The male anatomy is finally starting to peek out past that strategically placed sheet, the fig leaf is falling away and you know what?  The world didn’t end!

Can you imagine being shocked anymore at the sight of a woman’s breasts or bare butt in movies (or even on television) anymore? No biggy right?  You see it all the time.  To get a glimpse of the twig and berries in a regular movie is really rare and that explains my sudden fascination – with penises on film – not penises in general (that happened years ago). It’s very interesting to me.  In fact it’s still so taboo that even as I write this post, I’m most comfortable referring to male anatomy using stupid pet names (twig and berries – there’s worse – bologna pony, Jack hammer, love muscle, don’t worry I’ll stop now…but I could go on…).  The point is there have been years and years of imbalance when it comes to the baring of anatomy on mainstream film.  I don’t like imbalance in anything.

James Wolcott of Vanity Fair wrote an article called The Hung and The Restless on this very subject.  Wolcott gave me the impression that one of the main reasons there is far less male nudity in films is due to the fear male actors hold in the possibility of disappointing us.  There is far more “mystique” in the hidden penis.  I can see his point. (No pun intended)  Plus there is the problem of a nervous penis possibly shrinking from the camera when the clapboard slams shut and the direct screams “Action!”  I’m thinking back to all those onscreen men I’ve had crushes on over the years.  Would my infatuation deflate if his penis didn’t live up to his bravado? I’m not sure.  I’d like to think not, but…maybe.

I’m not offended by seeing a naked body, male or female, but I also don’t think nudity is very often that necessary on television or in movies.  Quite often it comes across as more of a distraction to the story or worse, steals our opportunity to use our own imaginations (which can often be much, much better than the real deal).

On the other hand, I think if we are going to accept nudity on screen then we should accept all types of nudity; female, male, fit, unfit, tiny, large, the whole spectrum.  If he gets to enjoy a booby shot then she gets to enjoy a shot of Mr. Happy.  I’m just sayin’ Fair and square. Equality. Balance.  Ohm…


The Pied Piper of CNN – Piers Morgan

Disclaimer and Warning:

The following post may or may not shatter any previous conceptions you may or may not have held that I am a nice, kind, gentle, at times even spiritual person. The following post will dispel all notions of those adjectives from your mind when you think of me after reading what follows. Be warned before going any further in your reading that I am about to take the leap down, down, down, into the darkness of full rant and name calling.


At precisely 9 pm every evening I turn into someone else.  My face contorts; my voice becomes gravel-ly and my language down right raunchy.  Yes, I’m watching Piers Morgan Tonight on CNN…again.  Why? Why do I do it to myself night in and night out? Am I addicted to some perverse adrenaline rush when my dislike for the man boils my blood every time I watch him on TV? I don’t know, but in case you are feeling sorry for my husband at this point, don’t bother.  He is exactly the same on this one. He too can’t seem to pull himself away. I’d like to suggest it’s because of the guests Morgan miraculously gets to appear with him, but I’m not sure about that.  I almost sat through an entire interview he once did with Hulk Hogan’s ex wife, so that can’t be it.

I know I’m not the only one who dislikes Piers Morgan, there is also James Wolcott who wrote a few scathing paragraphs about him for Vanity Fair.  I pumped my fist and yelled “YES!” so loud I’m sure you could have heard me across the “pond”.  (Where I often fantasize that Moron Morgan will soon return to.)

Finally someone voiced what I had been thinking all along. “How did we get stuck with Piers Morgan? Who is he, why is he here, is he returnable?”  Bravo Mr. Wolcott, bravo.  (I’m standing and applauding at this point.)

VF's caption reads: UNCLE SHAM Piers Morgan, host of CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight. (giggle)

The man irks me like no other.  He actually raises my blood pressure.  What’s up with that? How can I get so worked up over a mere “canned ham”? (Wolcott’s words, but I love the description so I’m using it too)

Maybe it’s because I’m astonished that so many celebrities agree to be interviewed by this arrogant blow hard and then, after he has rudely interrupted them through the entire interview, they thank him and say what a pleasure it’s been.  Really?  What’s he got on you? C’mon, have you been phone tapped? Nah, he would never do anything as low as that…just because he worked as editor of the tabloid Daily Mirror…and just because he bought shares in a company just before that papers financial column pitched it… and just because he was canned from that gig for using fake photos of Iraqi soldiers being tortured by British soldiers…he wouldn’t do anything like that.

No, I think it’s more likely that he has just puffed himself up so much and social media-ed his “brand” down everyone’s throats so far that his guests have started to actually believe in his pompous self-centred importance. He has a sort of magical pied piper effect on them.  They don’t seem to notice that he is only concerned with his own point of view and that after he has talked over them he does this thing with his face where he actually lifts his nose in the air and looks down it at them. That always gets the colourful language flying in our household.  Oh relax; there are usually no minors within earshot!

“Hello, my name is Bonnie Johnson, and I’m addicted to watching a pretentious Englishman on a silly American network when I know it’s not good for me personally or good for society in general.”

I need help.  Sigh.