On The Road to Reality…

door romantic

IMG_0066From where I have come is a question I ask myself often. Why am I here? What is my purpose, if not to live a life wrapped in true romantic love. It has taken me years to come to the realization that the path in which I have followed, is perhaps not going to lead me to where I dream of being…

Reality is like the devil in my world. Born Aquarius, I naturally look to the future. I live in a different world. I am a daydreamer, a night-dreamer and as far back as I can remember, I willingly escaped to the life my imagination created carefully in my head. I danced until dawn. I laughed until I cried. I kissed like it was goodbye. I loved with my heart and soul. I believed in true love and fairy tale romance. I lived it, inhaled it with every breath I took. My quest was simple…to capture ‘that’ feeling one gives you when you connect deeply through the windows of your soul. That look that makes you smile from a place so intimate your cheeks blush and skin heats from within.

I live in the clouds and spin my dream into interludes trying to capture a moment in time that makes my heart beat faster. The language of love. My imagination fulfills my romantic desires but I yearn for more than just those whimsical thoughts that floated by, way up high.

I have packed my bag lightly with a few belongings, mostly memories gone by, a leather bound notebook, a pencil to scribble my thoughts, a piece of jewelry I cherish and an old photograph that will remind me who I am. As I look around my space comes alive. My past flashes before my eyes like old movies playing on the projector in my mind.

I put my hand on the door in front of me feeling the energy that radiates behind it. This particular door will open when it’s ready. Until then I will stand close and feel its warmth pass through me. Like a child waiting to open a gift, the anticipation is overwhelming. For now, I will float among familiar ones that take me back to sift through the meanings that they brought forth to help create who I have become. Each one was placed in my path for a reason, a life lesson. You never know where a door will lead if you fear the unknown.

I sit on my cloud and contemplate what was and what will be. Each life experience or door I was courageous enough to venture through took part in making me who I am today as I pack my bag ready to come down from where I have called home since I was a child. It’s time.

I bow my head as I approach a new beginning with tears in my eyes of memories I hope never get lost in the shuffle of life. I savor each moment as I slowly reach forward and place my hand on the ornate worn knob. The moments I want to bring with me are safely placed at my side if I feel homesick, a familiar feeling as a child. There will always be a silver thread holding me to what I am not meant to let go.

The energy from behind the door waiting for me glows with a light so warm it almost feels like home. It distracts me from this moment like a future waiting to unfold.

So you see, I do know from where I’ve come. I need not know why I am here. My purpose is to be. True love is all around me. I will arrive when it is time. It is only now where I want to be in mind, body and spirit. I need not a daydream or fantasy in my life to feel full, reality can be as exciting as the world inside my mind.

Svaha ~

Tracy signiture

 

 

 

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Love and the Chance of Rejection

The Universe works in mysterious ways. We live and learn. Sometimes the lesson is obvious and sometimes it isn’t. I don’t know if it’s years of auditioning that gave me the tools to not take rejection too personally, but I’m glad I don’t. (most of the time) I am human though!

Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow especially when it has to do with the opposite sex. Unlike applying for a job it isn’t as simple as you didn’t have enough experience or you can’t speak another language, it’s personal. Rejection sometimes forces us to look in the mirror and reevaluate who we are. It can deflate us for a while but also gives us time to change and grow. When we are ready, willing and able we try again. Distraction is sometime just what the doctor ordered, however it can also deviate us from the lesson we need to learn.

We have all heard the line “It’s not YOU it’s ME” and as much as I’d like to believe it isn’t ME, sometimes it is. Every now and then someone points out the not so obvious to us and we learn a few things about who we are. We can either grow and expand in that moment or we can close our eyes and believe it’s not us, it’s them! My only advice, dig deep or you’re going again! If you find yourself in the same or similar situation again and again, chances are you’re just not getting it. Dig Deeper! Nobody is perfect! We are all far from it…which is a good thing!

When we do finally relax and let go of all our baggage and issues and accept ourselves for who we are flaws and all, we have a much better chance of finding real love. When real true love comes our way, no one can stop it. There is no rejection. There is passion, want and need all mixed up in an intoxicating concoction waiting for both male and female energies to allow them to mix!

When two people meet and open their hearts to love it’s a beautiful thing. Love and taking a chance of rejection is all part of finding the right person.

I came across this on Facebook and I had to share it. Isaac definitely lifted my spirits in regard to love after watching it! Although I am not a fan of public proposals this was creative and unique! How could she possibly say no to him! I loved her reaction!

P.S ~ It’s my daughter Jordan’s Birthday today, she turns 11! She is the most beautiful little girl human on this planet! (her friends are pretty darn cute too) She is an old soul that teaches me about life each and everyday we share together. One thing I hope I have taught her is to always take a chance on love in-spite of rejection.

Take Chances in life Jo! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL! Sweet Kiss

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True Love

After my husband and I watched the movie “The Notebook” we cried like babies decided that we wanted (spoiler alert! – look away if you haven’t seen the movie)… to die together like they did.  To pass away peacefully together when the time comes (when we are both ancient…which means my poor husband, who is 13 years older than me, will be really ancientcause I plan to live to 102 at least). We will snuggle up together, close our eyes and take the giant leap out of this physical dimension together.  Yep, that’s the plan.  And after finding this true story I believe it really is possible.

An Iowa couple who was married for 72 years died one hour apart last week in the hospital as they held hands.  Family said the story of Gordon, 94, and Norma Yeager, 90, is a real-life love story.  And so do I!

On the day she graduated from high school, Norma Stock promised to spend forever with Gordon Yeager. The couple got married on May 26, 1939 in State Center.”They’re very old-fashioned. They believed in marriage til death do you part,” said son Dennis Yeager. Dennis Yeager was the youngest of four children born to the couple. “Staying together for 72 years is good, I’d say that’s exceptional,” said daughter Donna Sheets. The way the kids tell it, dad was the life of the party while mom kept everything together.

Yeager Family

“Anybody would come over — she was the hostess with the mostest. She just, seriously, — the more she did — the more she smiled,” said Dennis Yeager. “Dad would be the center of attention, like, ‘Weee look at me,’ and mom was like ‘get him away from me!’ You know we even got a picture like that.” (picture, above) Norma didn’t really want the distance, and family said she hardly left Gordon’s side for 72 years.”They just loved being together. Everybody argues once in awhile, but he said ‘I have to stick around. I can’t go until she does because I have to stay here for her and she would say the same thing,'” said Dennis Yeager. Dennis Yeager said the couple left home last Wednesday to go into town, but they didn’t make it. At the intersection of Highway 30 and Jessup Avenue just west of Marshalltown, state troopers said Gordon pulled in front of an oncoming car. The Iowa State Patrol crash report said the other driver attempted to avoid the crash but was unable to stop in time. “I rushed from Des Moines where I was working and saw them in the hospital,” said Dennis Yeager.

Yeager Family

In the intensive care unit of Marshalltown’s hospital, nurses knew not to separate Gordon and Norma. “They brought them in the same room in intensive care and put them together — and they were holding hands in ICU. They were not really responsive,” said Dennis Yeager. Gordon died at 3:38 p.m. holding hands with his wife as the family they built surrounded them.”It was really strange, they were holding hands, and dad stopped breathing but I couldn’t figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going,” said Dennis Yeager. “But we were like, he isn’t breathing. How does he still have a heart beat? The nurse checked and said that’s because they were holding hands and it’s going through them. Her heart was beating through him and picking it up. “They were still getting her heartbeat through him,” said Donna Sheets. At 4:38 p.m., exactly one hour after Gordon died, Norma passed too.

Yeager Family

“Neither one of them would’ve wanted to be without each other. I couldn’t figure out how it was going to work,” said Donna Sheets. “We were very blessed, honestly, that they went this way. “They just loved being together,” said Dennis Yeager. At their funeral on Monday, Norma and Gordon held hands in their casket. Family said they will be cremated and their ashes mixed together.

To see KCCI News video: http://www.kcci.com/news/29528191/detail.html#ixzz1bL14So1u

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“You Want Happy Ending?”

“Once Upon a time in a far away land, way up high in the hills there lived a woman who thought a man could make all her dreams come true, and then she woke up with the entire King sized bed to herself. She smiled as she stretched her leg out to the cold spot…Su-weeeeet! ”  It’s all about perspective…

I am no longer looking for a fairytale ending, a ‘happy ending’ would suffice. 😉 When it comes to fairytales it’s not that kind of ending we want, it’s the happily ever after we’re looking for. You have to be happy within yourself if you want to naturally attract someone to join you on the journey to happily ever after, which includes ‘happy endings’ by the way! Good motivation…right?

Focus on where you are right now. What makes YOU happy? I am happy when I am doing something creative, near the ocean, laughing out loud with friends, when I’m healthy, inspiring others and creating memories with my family. Add a great guy to this picture and I am happy, take him out of the picture and hey I’m still happy. Figure out what makes YOU happy first before you add someone else to the mix. A delicious life is irresistible!

I MAKE ME HAPPY ~

Romance for me has always gone hand in hand with happiness. Life is about love and not giving into fear. Fear distances us from real happiness. And romance doesn’t necessarily lead to love. You can’t control who you fall in love with and shouldn’t want to control the one you love.

Fairytales are read to us to give us hope that although life has it’s struggles, we can connect with someone along the way and ‘live happily ever after.’ They allow us to spread our wings as human beings, have faith in love and take chances. They let us believe in something wonderful…for a while until reality rears it’s ugly head!

Even when life has its way of bringing us back to reality, we can find happiness within the chaos. We just need to go back to the basics of being happy within.

Beginning are filled with flirty excitement, passion, lust and desire and all the juicy stuff. Middles are where the lessons are learned, progress is made, evolving and unfolding is done, substance is recognized, bonding occurs and romance takes a step forward towards love. As for the ending, true love has no end.

I am finally happy with who I am and can open myself to romantic adventure that makes my heart beat right out of my chest without the expectation of it being my source of happiness. Happiness starts from within, from there it is completely up to you which direction you go. Ultimately YOU choose whether or not to be happy. Regardless of whether or not there is a man romantically tied to me, I will always choose to be happy. I will live happily ever after…

The End Beginning ~

 

 

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Intimacy ~

Each month we take turns creating a new header with a word of choice. I chose Intimacy this month so today I will write about just that!

I met a man recently who has challenged me in more ways than one. I couldn’t help but be drawn to him because of the way he intrigued me with his intellect. Yes…he is handsome! Having said that, it was NOT what initially attracted me to him at all! Our conversations were filled with sarcastic banter that grabbed me by the hand and wouldn’t let go no matter how hard I tried to pull away! Oh how I love the energy of sarcastic banter! It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end!

In one of our great debates we took on the topic of intimacy, seeking intimacy! What would you describe intimacy to be? I always related the word intimacy to that moment shared between two during sex? Intimate sex…who doesn’t want that! I have to admit I was taken back that this man was interested in talking about intimacy, let alone seeking it himself! I love the male perspective on everything!

Yes you can have intimate sex but until you have experienced true intimacy with your partner it’s simply empty sex, the kind that leaves you feeling satisfied sexually but unsatisfied emotionally even though you had an O!

True intimacy is when two can share moments, even hours together just holding hands and touching one another without the complication of sex. You learn what really matters to each other when you share intimacy. No one has patience anymore, it’s a virtue that’s lost. It seems that everyone just wants to jump right in to bed and hope for the best and unfortunately it usually end awkwardly and prematurely (no pun intended) because no one has the desire to take it slow to find the intimate side of their partner.

Intimacy naturally appears when your ready to explore the possibilities of love in a relationship. Couples often don’t take the time that’s needed in order to experience true intimacy. Our lives are full with no room for quiet moments, that if taken would change the way we think. Intimacy can be scary. Just the thought of opening your heart and feeling vulnerable is not worth the risk for most.

Would you fall in love if you knew that it would end with a broken heart? Silly question? I don’t think so. If you answered yes then I believe you have experienced true intimate love and know it’s worth the risk. If you answered no, perhaps you have yet to feel intimate love in it’s purest form, which can include pain, but still worth the risk of a broken heart! Intimate love is possible, it’s out there, waiting for us to take a chance and open our hearts to explore the possibilities!

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What is Love?

What is Love? There are various kinds of love; Passionate love, Lustful love, Brotherly love, Mother’s love, Compassionate love, Unconditional love, the list goes on.

When I go out walking I see the same elderly man pushing his wife in her wheel chair around the neighborhood, they have love that I am certain many of us have yet to feel. I stop and talk to them each time we cross paths about the weather, flowers and my old dog Zack who greets them like an old friend each time. They have an energy about them that attracts my heart. I can’t resist being in their presence for what I think they have experienced. They look to me like they never gave up. They have stood by one another through life’s trials and tribulations and came out on top in the end, standing next to one another. They are dressed perfectly and seem content to just be with one another. I am curious about their story and I just might ask next time I see them so in my mind I know a little more about love.

I think every woman wants a love story of her own. We are drawn to love stories because they allow us to feel the magic of love, we are happy to indulge our emotions, even if just for a brief moment. Love for me begins when one human being develops special meaning to another. Plain and simple. You wake up and they are on your mind, throughout your entire day your thoughts are with them, and they become your last thought before you drift off to sleep.

Lustful love is something everyone should experience once in their lives. You lose your inhibitions when you get caught up in lustful love, but unfortunately it usually ends in sorrow.

Romantic love starts when you take down the walls and open your heart to someone and trust them with your deepest desires. You become sexually possessive and only want them to be intimate with you and only you. And so it begins, the next step towards true love… romantic love.

I am a romantic and for me love is like having a breath of air. It’s vital to my existence. Love happens when we least expect it and can change our lives forever. I have learned a lot about love in my 40 odd years of life and I think only now, have I really started to understand it’s greatness. Without love our world would be a very different place.

Motherly love is the scariest love for me, it’s having a piece of your heart walking around outside of your body. Vulnerability to the 100th degree!

Passionate love is a personal favourite, uncontrollable, spontaneous, unexpected, raw and free from any kind of structure. 🙂 It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it!

Unconditional love is the most rewarding, giving, selfless love one can experience. It has no boundaries and is the truest, purest form of love you can ever have the pleasure of feeling.

Loves changes everything. Embrace any love you have in your life!

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Svaha Spirit Series ~ True Love

Born on Valentine’s Day it only seems natural that I am attracted to love. Although my idea of love has changed over the years I still believe in true love. I grew up believing that love lasts forever. I still believe true love does. There are three brain systems of love according to Helen Fisher , PhD Biological Anthropologist, lustful love, romantic love and deep attachment love. Love starts out passionately and lustfully, then moving into romantic love, and when you start to feel like you can’t live without someone you have moved hopelessly into ‘deep attachment love’.

When I think about true love I can’t help but have thoughts of my parents, Bob and Jane, who have loved one another since childhood. Their love is not like the love of my generation. Their love is old school. It will undoubtably go the distance. Today is their 51st Wedding Anniversary! They joke about celebrating each year with a moment of silence but I know they truly love one another. They met when they were 12 years old and since then their love has grown far beyond any love I know. They fit into”The Notebook” kind of love for me. I find comfort knowing that my parents have been able to love one another for so many years, unconditionally.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad, I wish you both many more to come.

The video I have attached is all about ‘The Brain in Love’ with Helen Fisher, it’s longish but really interesting to anyone interested in love. Svaha~ ,

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That’s the Story of my Life

jacquie janzen yee

If you were to write a screenplay of your life, what movie genre would it fall into… and who would you want to play you and why!

Jacquie’s Take~

I thought about this idea as I was looking through a stack of unedited, unsorted photographs a few days ago.  When we put together a scrapbook or photo album, what we’re doing, in a way, is creating our own version of a still-life mini-series depending on what we choose to add or leave off the pages.  Even as I write this I’m creating a mood that could be interpreted by someone else and is entirely dependent on the words I choose to use.

So what would my life story look like up to this point?  In all honesty I would have to say a teen romp or an English farce.  I’m constantly expecting the Maturity Police to pull up outside my house and haul me away.    Sometimes I make drama happen when none is necessary.  In all good ‘coming of age’ films the lead characters learn important life lessons and are enriched by the experiences they face.  I’m always finding out new things about myself and trying to get a handle on the world so I think the genre fits (a little too snugly, actually)

Who would I like to play me?  Nicole Kidman, but if she were busy I’d settle for Sarah Michelle Gellar,  you know, the vampire slayer.  She’d have to get some highlights put in but she’s gives great tongue in cheek.  Anyone who can pull off a role like Buffy and really sell it must be talented.  And we have the same ski jump nose.

Bonnie Johnson's PostBonnie’s Two Cents~

I’m going to start with who I would choose to play me.  When I pondered this question one name popped into my head right away.  I don’t know why exactly except that perhaps it’s because I think she is a great actress and she is multi-faceted enough to be able to capture my many personalities (I am a Gemini after all).  Plus she is close to my own age and plus I just admire her.  Mary Louise Parker.

As for which genre my screen play would fit into, well that’s a tough one.  You see my life so far has not been one big drama or one big romance or one big comedy or one big tragedy, although it has had many scenes of all of those in it.  I would hate to have Woody Allen want to do the play or movie of my life because to me that would signal “not much going on” in this production.  (Sorry Woody, just my personal opinion)  By the way, who calls their kid Woody?  Mr. and Mrs. Allen and Mr. and Mrs. Harrelson I guess! Weird choice for a baby boy’s name  in my opinion.

I’d like to see the story of  “Me” be a great mix of all those genre’s and when the production is over I’d want the audience to all smile deeply and leave the theater with a warm fuzzy feeling.  I’d like the story of  “Me” to linger in their thoughts and to revisit them often when something in their own life reminds them of my story.  I’d like there to be lots of life lessons that they either learn by in this production or at least relate to.  I’d like to have the audience laugh out loud often, wipe away some tears occasionally and nod knowingly all the way through.

TracyTracy’s thoughts~

Great topic Jake!  It really made me think about my life and the tone of it so far.  Without a doubt I knew immediately my movie genre would be a Passionate Love Story with heart wrenching scenes about love and soul searching.  It would have more than one story line playing out the search of love, passion and lust.

As you walk out of the theater you have renewed hope that there is true love out there.  And the ending …well Bonnie just knows me so well so I am going to go with what she said in yesterdays post ‘Princess Reality‘.A handsome prince will ride his stallion into her life, swoop her up into the saddle with him and while she clings to his strong chest they gallop into the sunset to live happily ever after”…sigh ?… or as reality would have it… she lives her life in the moment embracing each and every souls energy that she meets along her path to her destiny, all while having a passionate happy ending.  Yes I said ‘happy ending’  (insert giggle here) which is left open for interpretation…  I personally hate movies that leave anything to interpret in the end, I like to SEE that it ended happily.   Anyone know a good psychic?

Who will I have play me?  I am going to have to say Diane Lane.  I have loved how vulnerable she is when she plays women in love.  Diane draws me right in each time, she is so authentic.  She is around my age give or take a few years and I think she is an incredible actress.  I especially loved her in ‘Unfaithful’, ‘Under the Tuscan Sun’ and ‘Nights in Rodanthe’.Happily Ever After

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Obligations and Expectations.

TracyObligations and expectations are something everyone accumulates over time.  They can sneak up on you if you’re not careful.  They start to layer themselves on us until we start to feel like our lives are being directed by everyone but us.  Family obligations are one thing, such as celebrations and doing things for other family members because we want to, but it’s another story when acquaintances start to guilt you into doing what they think is something you should do, because they feel obligated to.  People do this when they don’t know how to say no.

With great friendships and true love there are no obligations or expectations.  Fear is full of obligations.  Fear of not fitting in.  Fear of what people will think if you say “no”.  Fear of being a minority.  Fear of not being accepted if you don’t play along with the politics.  Fear of being judged.  Fear is a horrible emotion that leads you further away from who you truly are.  Fear nothing and you will make the right decisions.  Without fear you can live your life truthfully and authentically.  The next time someone puts their obligations onto you ask yourself  ” Is this really something I want to do?” If the answer is no then chances are it is an obligation trying to be put on you.

When I first started to see this happening in my life I was unsure of how to deal with it.  I finally just said “no”.  I stood back and looked at the person who was trying,  I will repeat trying, to put their obligations on to me.  I flat out refused to accept it.  People who over book themselves are really pro at putting their obligations on others.  If their doing it, so should you.  Soon their family and life gets overtaken by what they feel expected to do until they no longer have control over their own lives.  Family dinners get cancelled, the time they used to spend for themselves is gone because of the obligations they have accepted throughout the years.  It’s a Dominos Effect.

People in general these days are busier than ever, and there isn’t enough time in the day for everything they’re obligated to do.  In my opinion we need to get back to the basics and quit accepting more things to do.  We need to have our family be our priority and spend more quality time together.  We need to stop overbooking our kids and ourselves and start living our lives for us.

I am not certain whether it was an age thing with me in being able to say “no” or that I really just have my time and my family as a priority.  I think it’s a combination of both.  If we don’t start making changes, our family time will become a scheduled event marked on our calender along with everything else.  For many this is already the norm, but it’s never too late to reevaluate if your time is well spent or balanced.  Life is too short to have it filled with obligations we didn’t feel good about to begin with.

That’s just my opinion!  Comments are always Welcome !

Tracy

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