From where I have come is a question I ask myself often. Why am I here? What is my purpose, if not to live a life wrapped in true romantic love. It has taken me years to come to the realization that the path in which I have followed, is perhaps not going to lead me to where I dream of being…
Reality is like the devil in my world. Born Aquarius, I naturally look to the future. I live in a different world. I am a daydreamer, a night-dreamer and as far back as I can remember, I willingly escaped to the life my imagination created carefully in my head. I danced until dawn. I laughed until I cried. I kissed like it was goodbye. I loved with my heart and soul. I believed in true love and fairy tale romance. I lived it, inhaled it with every breath I took. My quest was simple…to capture ‘that’ feeling one gives you when you connect deeply through the windows of your soul. That look that makes you smile from a place so intimate your cheeks blush and skin heats from within.
I live in the clouds and spin my dream into interludes trying to capture a moment in time that makes my heart beat faster. The language of love. My imagination fulfills my romantic desires but I yearn for more than just those whimsical thoughts that floated by, way up high.
I have packed my bag lightly with a few belongings, mostly memories gone by, a leather bound notebook, a pencil to scribble my thoughts, a piece of jewelry I cherish and an old photograph that will remind me who I am. As I look around my space comes alive. My past flashes before my eyes like old movies playing on the projector in my mind.
I put my hand on the door in front of me feeling the energy that radiates behind it. This particular door will open when it’s ready. Until then I will stand close and feel its warmth pass through me. Like a child waiting to open a gift, the anticipation is overwhelming. For now, I will float among familiar ones that take me back to sift through the meanings that they brought forth to help create who I have become. Each one was placed in my path for a reason, a life lesson. You never know where a door will lead if you fear the unknown.
I sit on my cloud and contemplate what was and what will be. Each life experience or door I was courageous enough to venture through took part in making me who I am today as I pack my bag ready to come down from where I have called home since I was a child. It’s time.
I bow my head as I approach a new beginning with tears in my eyes of memories I hope never get lost in the shuffle of life. I savor each moment as I slowly reach forward and place my hand on the ornate worn knob. The moments I want to bring with me are safely placed at my side if I feel homesick, a familiar feeling as a child. There will always be a silver thread holding me to what I am not meant to let go.
The energy from behind the door waiting for me glows with a light so warm it almost feels like home. It distracts me from this moment like a future waiting to unfold.
So you see, I do know from where I’ve come. I need not know why I am here. My purpose is to be. True love is all around me. I will arrive when it is time. It is only now where I want to be in mind, body and spirit. I need not a daydream or fantasy in my life to feel full, reality can be as exciting as the world inside my mind.