‘Friends with Benefits’

Tracy

When I first started writing this post I had a humorous view but when I weighed my options of making a point that I feel is very important and finding humour in almost anything, my humorous view almost flew out the window and the real me came forward.  I think I can do both, find humour and make a point.   Let’s see.  We have all heard the term ‘friends with benefits’.  It’s basically having hopefully great sex with no strings attached.  In my day, I remember that being called a one night stand or a booty call.  There was a reason for feeling bad after having one but I can’t remember why now…the age thing and memory starts to fade when you hit 40!  But with teens now it doesn’t  just happen one night or time, it lasts as long as they want it to.  But who ends it, why and when?  That’s where the emotions come in and I think where things go awry.

Am I right?  Correct me if I am wrong girls or guys out there.  My girlfriends son told her it is quite normal for teens to have ‘friends with benefits’ and they don’t get looked down upon.  Sign me up I guess if both parties are consenting and are having safe sex it’s their decision to make.  Would I want a friend with benefits?  Would you?  We all have the opportunity, it’s whether we take it or not.  I am struggling with this right now and don’t know if it’s my conditioning or a generation gap.  Part of me say’s well “Whyy nott” but the other part of me says “it’s not good for the soul”.  To not know where you stand with someone is hard enough when there is no sex involved.  Emotions and chemistry is what give sex such passion.  The moral side of me says ‘Live by example’ and the fun side not so moral side says ‘live with no regrets’. Stay with me here I am working through this as I write.

What I think bothers me about this the most is that it is happening younger and younger and some teens are not mature enough to make this decision on their own. They are afraid of being judged by their own peer groups.  It’s much like bullying in the way that when boys are rough with one another, it is possible that one of them doesn’t really want to participate but is forced to out of pressure of not wanting to appear weak.

Friends with Benefits sounds to me like a decision that is made without the thought process that should take place when deciding to give a sacred part of yourself to someone who doesn’t really care if it’s you or not.  I am a confident strong woman but I didn’t get this way from making poor moral decisions in my life.  (Bonnie stay out of it ! ha)  I think it is up to us as parents to do everything we can to make sure our sons understand the self-esteem issues young woman get when their self worth is questioned.  It’s also our responsibility to make sure our daughters have confidence and respect for themselves, as well as from the opposite sex.  I am not sure I could have a friend with benefits unless of course  Gabriel Aubry walked through my bedroom door, then I would be naked in an embarrassing nanosecond.  Humour is important in life and helps lighten certain topics of conversations, but morals and values are the basis of your character.   Teach your kids first as a parent.  Live your life as a soul enriching your existence.  Live by example.  Try to make good decisions and learn by questionable ones.  And always remember it’s about assessing blame. (joking)  So I think I like my friends just the way they are!

Tracy

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