In the Light of the Moon ~

His words captivated me from the very first moment. He drew me in ever so gently with the soft flow of our conversation. Subtle innuendos floated between us, stimulating a depth to each verse that was written. I cautiously read between his lines. His words were unique, piquing my interest. He intrigued my mind, body and soul. His energy was like a magnet slowly leading me down a path I’d yet to explore. He stirred my emotions, passionately placing poetic prose along the way for me to taste. I savoured each one, cautiously looking back trying to keep my bearings. I quickly became comfortably lost, not knowing from where I came. All my senses were tuned at once. He knew exactly how to capture me. We connected deeply, having never met in the physical realm. I wondered if he was a figment of my imagination…an exploration or adventure I yearned for. My heart would stay safe and protected as I reached for more, as long as my eyes stayed gently closed.

We reached fearlessly to another level…I heard his voice and instantly felt our connection deepen. As his first word slip slowly from his mouth my ears anticipated his tone. I held my breath in hope. He became real in that moment. I floated away on the magical story blanket he carefully lay beneath me…I was open to where ever he would take me. Trust.

Each day my mind drifted back into the clouds where he waited for me. We embraced with our energy. I wonder if somehow we reconnected from another time. He felt familiar in a way I could not explain. He had come back for a reason. Perhaps he heard me call.

I could feel him enter my room each night, whispering in my ear...I want you. His energy washed over my body, making me forget I was alone. He stood close enough that I felt his breath on my neck. The energy in his palms and finger tips followed the curves of my silhouette. My walls slipped off my shoulders and fell to the ground like the satin fabric that gently touched my body. I was open, willing and ready to let go of everything, surrendering to him as we started our dance in the light of the moon.

Our energy intertwined, making love to one another, wrapping us both in a warm glow. We continued to inhaled the essence of the moment, both left wanting more. I courageously opened my eyes finding myself floating on what was. I could still feel his presence in the room, he was unable to leave. We were attached to one another by a thin silver thread. I slipped into a dream like state, knowing he was there watching…content to just be.

To not touch the man who caressed my soul with his mind would become painful. To not taste his lips or feel his heart beat would sadden my soul as each day past. To not take the chance that we may explode into something neither of us had experienced, was frightening. How could a man I had never met make me feel so scared and safe at the same time.

Like the moon and the morning sun, we continue to long for one another…

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What Can Everyone Learn from Gay Pride?

TracyTracy’s Take~

Pride Parade is today in Vancouver!

I think everyone can learn from those who blaze the trails before us.  Gay Pride has shown me that with your voice however small it may seem, mountains can be moved.

When you live your life proud and authentic you are miles ahead of those who judge.  Being Gay has not been an easy path for many.  Those who are Proud of being Gay make me smile. I have never understood how someones sexual preference is anyone elses business but the two who love one another.  Love is love whether it’s experienced with a man or a women.

gaypride

Think of the world for a moment without those who are willing to stand up for the rights of human beings.  These individuals do this knowing they will be judged by many.  They have chosen a lifestyle that is not understood or accepted STILL by many.  I find it heart breaking that there are young souls in the world who are afraid to confide in their families for fear of being shunned and not loved.  No soul should have to endure such conflict just to live their life how they feel drawn to.

I celebrate along side of all the Gays, lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders who are living truthfully and are setting examples for those who are not yet ready for that journey.  I embrace each soul I meet with open arms and an open mind.  I accept and don’t judge how each one chooses to live their life.  After all it is our life to live!  We can all learn from one another.  What have you learned from Gay Pride Ladies?

jacquieJacquie’s 2 cents~

This is a bit more difficult for me to answer because I don’t have a lot of first hand experience dealing with prejudice of this sort.  I don’t remember my gay friends in high school being treated any differently from the rest of us and I certainly didn’t see anything hurtful going on.  Was I naive back then and just thought all was okay?  Probably.  It does make me sad to think of what some might have gone through and that they needed more support than was offered at the time.

To me the parade allows young people of every sexual orientations to  see that they aren’t alone and they do have a community that accepts them as they are.  To be honest, I sometimes think it goes a bit too far and becomes more of an exhibition than necessary, but that can happen at a typical Mardi Gras parade as well. Call me a prude, but I don’t think you need to bare your body in order to show your pride.  I think I learn more about the actual issues from watching American politics than I do from the parade,  but it is an excellent platform for many people who would otherwise feel they aren’t given the chance to be heard.  I totally support that.  If the parade can enlighten even a handful of people then it’s a success.  Cheers to everyone participating and attending this year!

Bonnie Johnson's Post

Bonnie weighs in~

I agree that those trail blazers have indeed moved mountains and should always be remembered for their dedication and perseverance.  I believe that is part of what the LGBT Pride Parades are all about as well as a time to celebrate diversity.  The parades send a message for change to those in our societies that still cannot accept all others.  Social acceptance of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender beings is slowly coming but there are still 80 countries in the world where homosexuality is illegal and in 9 of those countries it is punishable by death!

During the holocaust  gay men were marked with a pink triangle and lesbian women were marked with a black triangle for “antisocial” behavior,  rounded up and sent to concentration camps.  In 1969 when police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York, the patrons fought back against a government-sponsored system that persecuted homosexuals, and the ensuing riot  has become the defining event that marked the start of the gay rights movement in the United States and around the world.

One of my hopes for the near future is that all communities will accept that all sexual orientation and gender identities have sacred worth and will one day be fully included, celebrated, and affirmed with their chosen faith traditions.  To me, this is what the Pride Parades all over the world hope to teach.

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What Can We Believe Anymore?

Tracy

Don’t believe everything you see or hear!  If we could actually do this we would eliminate gossip and rumors.  Unless I am standing right in front of someone looking deep into the windows of their soul I personally don’t believe everything I see or hear.  If I wasn’t there to see it happen, chances are it didn’t.  In regards to what we see, computers and photo shop can make pictures into what ever we desire.  It’s hard to determine sometimes what’s real and what’s not.  Keep in mind that these photo’s have been altered with an amateur hand.  Imagine what could be done if you knew what you were doing!

Here are a few examples of not believing everything you see.

Taylor & TracyIn the first photo I am with the handsome and uber sexy Taylor Kitsch from Friday Night Lights & X-men.  You have to agree we make a great couple!  I agree it’s bordering on the line of being creepy that I even entertained the thought of creating this photo but it was all in the name of research.  (cough) I have limited skills when it comes to photo shop but just imagine the possibilities if you did have the knowledge.

tracy-bonnie-bikini-babes

Next photo is of Bonnie and I on the beach just last week.  Well maybe not last week but we did look like this in our twenties and thirties and still could if we realllly wanted to.  Victoria secret models, Thank you for the use of your incredible bodies!

Tracy photoshop at it's best

This photo to me is the best one EVER!  I bought Scott a stylus for his birthday.  A stylus is a pen tool used to adjust photo’s more precisely.  He was sitting at his computer one day just killing himself laughing and wouldn’t say why right away…this was why.  He thought it was hilarious to remove my hair line and smooth out my forehead on a photo that I never liked, I was giving him ‘the look’.  Not attractive!  It makes you think of all the magazines out there with photo’s that have been air brushed or altered of celebrities.  They are not always changed in their favor.  Photo shop stylus type tools can work both ways depending on whose hand it’s in.

Tracy

Here is another picture, this time changed with make up.  We all know what make up can do.  I am a huge fan of  make over shows for that reason.  This is what I look like with no make up on in the morning.  Okay so not yet but in about 30 years I will.  In this picture I modeled for a make up test for a talented friend of mine, Monica. The right side of my face was aged and the left side was left untouched.  A strange look into the future!

So as I have shown above you can’t always believe what you see when it comes to pictures.  If you want to know if something is ‘real’ you need to be in the room.  This is why it’s so important to be in the presence of the souls we desire.Tracy

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Here’s One Thing You Probably Don’t Know About Me

Bonnie Johnson's Post

Bonnie’s Take~

Apparently my partners are struggling to come up with something to write for this post.  I, on the other hand, have a number of options to go with.  Hmmm.  I wonder what that says about me.

I’ve decided to share my fire walking experience.  Yes, that’s right, I am one of those freaks who willingly walked on white hot coals for about 20 feet.  Why would anyone even want to do that you ask?  It began for me when I decided to enter a martial arts contest and I really wanted to win.  I was training with a variety of people for this particular bout.  One of the guys I trained with told me that if I went to the “fire walking” course and successfully walked on the hot coals I would be guaranteed to win my bout.  He said that once you have accomplished that feat there is nothing you feel you cannot do.  It’s a huge boost to your confidence.

I was just fascinated by the thought of learning to control my mind to the point that I could actually be able to have my physical body perform this amazing act.  I signed up for the full day course.  It was many years ago now but I remember that I enjoyed the experience immensely.  Looking back on my notes I wrote 3 things that I hoped to accomplish that day:   1.  Build confidence   2.  Overcome Fears   3.  Become the Best I Can Be In Any Endeavor.   I also see in my notes that it was important to me to prove to my young son that anyone can accomplish whatever they put their mind to.

I remember the main focus of the day was to obtain a peak state of energy.  I did, and at the end of the course the coals were white hot and waiting for us to prove we could “walk the walk”.  When it was my turn to step on to the coals I hesitated with doubt for a moment.  My mind was screaming “are you crazy!?”  So I jumped off.  Disappointed that I had failed I suddenly thought “NO! You can do this!”  I stepped back on with determination like I’d never known before and slowly walked the entire 20 feet.  When it was over I put my socks and shoes back on without looking at the soles of my feet.  I drove the 2 hour long drive home wondering if I had actually really done this crazy act.  Were my soles burnt and blistered?  When I got home I gingerly took off my shoes and socks and examined my feet.  Not a blister, not a mark.  I had done it!  I felt like I was invincible.  A few days later I had my martial arts contest and won my division.  The power of the mind is an amazing thing.

TracyTracy’s Two Cents~

I have to admit this topic was a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Although I am a very private person when it comes to how I spend my time, I think I am also a very open person when it comes to sharing my life through thought and opinion especially now with Tara Cronica.

The one subject that I have yet to address is my religious beliefs.  I think this is one of the very few things people don’t know about me.  I would describe myself as a very Spiritual person.  I find interesting aspects of many different religions such as Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, African Traditional Religion, Wiccan Beliefs to name a few.  I believe in life after death, reincarnation.  I believe in Karma.  I believe we all come from an energy source.  We all have a destiny or life path that we follow to learn the lessons that we as individual souls need to learn in our time here on earth.  I believe we meet for a reason.

Religion is such a wide topic to cover which is why I have yet to explore it here on Tara Cronica.  I try to live by ‘The Golden Rule’  “Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them  Do Unto You”.  But I am far from perfect.  It’s pretty basic really.  I believe it doesn’t matter what religion you follow, whether it be one or many, but that you are living your life authentically being aware of others and being true to self.  I look forward to writing a more in depth post of what I specifically like about different religions or religious beliefs that I personally find interesting.   Great topic Bonnie it really got my mind thinking.  How about you Jake?

post-pic-4-11Jacquie’s response~

In 1981 I auditioned for my first ever film role and landed it after about 5 call backs.   I eventually turned the part down because it called for a little bit of nudity and at 16 I was slightly uncomfortable with that.  The movie starred Diane Lane and the Sex Pistols as well as a very young Laura Dern.  It was released on the indie and festival circuit as Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains and has enjoyed a cult following ever since, I’ve been told.  Could’ve been my big break.  Apparently Daryl Hannah was originally offered my role but she turned it down as well, so I’m in good company.

I watched it for the first time last night on some cable channel and I also TiVoed it in case one of my kids is interested to see what their mom might have been if she’d had the guts to pursue her dreams instead of worrying what the rest of the world would think.   I have to laugh it’s so bad!  Courtney Love bad!  Train wreck bad.  So bad it’s good… in an ‘I’m-having-a-mid-life-crisis-why-can’t-I-turn-back-the-hands-of-time’ kinda way.   If I had a do-over I’d take it.  And now you know…

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Love is Forever…by Lawrence Thomas

“I have been inspired by the writings of Lawrence Thomas and wanted to share his truthful, passionate words with you.  He has touched my soul with this piece.  Understanding the male perspective, a gift for me truly.  I believe our paths were meant to cross.  Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us and giving us some insight into the male mind.  Many of us will no longer feel like ‘the only one’ and that is one of the reasons Bonnie, Jacquie and I created Tara Cronica.”  Tracy~

Love is Forever…by Lawrence Thomas

Lawrence ThomasSunday, July 6, 2008 at 6:23pm Splashing my freshly shaven face, I looked up into a faded mirror. Grasping the outer edges of the water basin, I stepped into my reflection. I removed one hand briefly to run my fingers through my sodden hair, and then I leaned in to take a closer look. Into my weary eyes, I searched desperately for the man that I once saw staring back at me. I clenched the basin tighter, lowered my head and I realized that I don’t like the image the mirror revealed anymore. My eyes had once been so full of dreams; full of passion. They expressed a lust for life and everything it had to offer. Now their vision discolored, infatuations and a lifetime of aspirations all but forgotten.

For the better part of my twenties, Elaine’s soft blue eyes had been the last image I had seen before falling asleep. Many cold nights her warm figure curled into me, as I lay awake searching endlessly for answers, and many mornings I awoke to the same lost and lonely reflection of my tired eyes staring back at me.

I spent so much time searching my heart for the grounds of my unhappiness, that I hadn’t allowed myself to appreciate the little things that made her so special. My uncertainties really had nothing to do with her. I did love her, but for some reason, I was not content with what we had together.

I tried desperately to push her away, because having her hate me seemed so much easier than letting her go. As I stood disappointed, staring into that mirror’s image, I could see how much trying to push her away was slowly breaking her. Yet, even with how hard I tried to distance myself from her, she still remained by my side. I suddenly appreciate that she couldn’t hate me; she didn’t have it in her heart.

As I rummaged through my thoughts, gaping into that murky basin drain, I realized I had to let her go.

One last dinner together, final thoughts passed as we drove about a winding countryside, and as the colors of autumn leaves change, so did the seasons of our lives together. Somehow I had never found her more beautiful than I did that moment.

As I rested my eyes in hers, I took her hand and looking into her soul, and told her one last time that I loved her. Even with how hard it was to say goodbye, we both know that it was the right thing to do.

Maybe we had been holding on to the memories of so many years ago, or quite possibly we were fearful of being alone. Maybe we worried about hurting one another? Perhaps we were really afraid of living because neither of us could honesty say that’s what we were doing those final months – at least not the lives we had both dreamed of.

In those final moments, I realized that no matter how much I loved Elaine, my dreams would always live somewhere in my heart. I knew that if I didn’t start to listen to the desperate cries deep within me, that in being afraid to live, those dreams and the passions my soul lived to feel, were slowly dying.

I truly believe it’s our unhappiness with ourselves that questions the fate of a relationship. The problem is we either don’t know it, or simply don’t know what we are unhappy with.

Many years have gone by now, and since moving on, I have felt my heart thank me for finally giving the thoughts that circled hopelessly through my soul, the opportunity to live. I have felt the inner peace of not being afraid of life anymore.

As I look up, I see the reflection of a man once more full of life; full of passions; a man with not only dreams, but visions that have been realized. I have felt the sometimes painful, yet magical infatuations of love again. I have allowed myself to be inspired by the wisdom life offers us when we not only yearn for more from it, but do something about getting more out of it.

Regrets, I don’t believe in them, but I certainly wish we didn’t have to hurt the ones we love searching for who we are and what it is we want from this journey.

Even when a relationship is not meant to be, it’s hard not to continue caring for someone in some way, for everything they were to you and for what they taught you about love, life, and especially about yourself. I hope Elaine knows I will never forget the way she looked into my eyes when she said she loved me. To be loved in that way by anyone, is the greatest gift life will ever share with us.

In the end, with our painful expressions of separation, we didn’t do or say anything to make that moment one we would later regret. We both knew those final words would last in our hearts forever.

Breaking up is always a painful memory, yet by ending that part of our lives with a smile and by expressing how much those past years meant to us, the last feelings we shared weren’t full of anger or hatred; just the one thing that kept us together through it all – Love.

No matter whether a relationship ends through infidelity, a difference of opinion, or simply different dream paths, one of the many things my time with Elaine taught me, is that in the end, whether you want it to or not, love lives on somewhere in the heart, and always will.

Elaine was the first woman I ever loved, and for understanding me, always believing in me, and for loving me through it all (even those cold lonely nights when I couldn’t find it in my own heart to love myself), a part of me will love her forever. I will never forget how wonderful it felt, to be loved the way she loved me.

Copyright © 2008 Lawrence Thomas

Shaking the Tree Lawrence Thomas Website

Tracy

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