Relive One Day!

Okay ladies if you could Relive One Day all over again what day would you pick and why?

TTracy Relives the Past~

While running last Saturday August 15th 2009 which is my son Jesse’s birthday I couldn’t help but reflect back on that day eleven years ago.  Jesse was my first child, who gave me the gift of being a Mom.  While I relived that day in my mind as I ran I wished that I could go back to it and do it all over again.

Eleven very memorable years have past since that day and it still brings tears to my eyes thinking of becoming a Mom for the first time.  On that day my life as I once knew it changed.  My heart stretched bigger than I could have ever imagined.  I felt everything more intensely.  My maternal instincts all came alive on that day.

I remember Bonnie once told me after the birth of her son James that if she was told she had to eliminate everyone on this planet to save his life she would do it in a mother’s heart beat.  I disagreed and said “I would save my husband, my soul mate, you can always have another child.”  On August 15 1998 everyone on the planet was fair game if I was ever faced with that dilemma.  Yes even my soul mate, gone, every single one of you!

The magnitude of emotion that pours through your soul is indescribable.  You can’t believe this little human being came from you and your partner, you created them !  They grew inside of you for 10 months and every moment is surreal, from finding out you were pregnant to feeling your babies first flutter, to the grand finale of holding your precious little baby.  I felt overwhelming love.  It was hard to believe you could love something so small, so much, instantly.  When you touch for the very first time the connection is pure magic.  It’s falling in loves in it’s purest form.  Bliss.  I can tell you without a doubt that being a Mother has been the best thing I have EVER done.  Every day I have the pleasure of spending time with my kids is a blessing I am forever thankful for.  So ladies what day would you like to relive again?   Birth of Jesse

jacquie janzen yeeJacquie~

Great photo, Tracy!   Isn’t it funny how our minds work?  When I read the question I understood it to mean what day would you like to ‘do over’ as in erase from memory with a clean slate and get it right this time kinda thing.  Ha! Like I could pick just one!

I’d have to say I’d love a retake of the day I competed for Miss Teen Vancouver back when I was 15.  My sister had invited several our friends to be in the audience and so the pressure was on to do well.  During the interview portion I remember the other girls getting great questions like ‘Which famous character from a novel do you admire most?’ (Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice) or ‘Should Phys Ed still be taught in high schools?” (yes)

My question was about women’s lib.  Now, I knew nothing about women’s lib, being only 15, and so my answer upset some feminists in the audience and apparently I got some boos from their direction.  Yowza!  I think I said something  about how I felt men and women were made differently for a reason and so each were better suited for specific jobs.  It had to do with how our brains processed info differently.  Yeah, I know…painful!   For years I would cringe whenever I thought of that day, and the way my friends were buckled over with laughter at my faux pas (they did take me out for a sundae at White Spot afterwards to soothe my jangly nerves).

I have a much broader grasp on the topic now and could handle that question so much better if given the chance, but I still think men and women deal with issues differently and bring unique talents to the table based on gender.   I just needed a more PC way to say it when I was 15!

Vive La Difference!

Bonnie Johnson's PostBonnie Looks Back~

First off, I just have to say ~  “I LOVE that photo Tracy!”  The joy on your face is so uplifting.  A perfect moment caught by the camera forever.

When I first thought about the subject for this post I had a few wonderful memories pop into my head.  Some of the “firsts” would be worth reliving (some not).  I thought I might write about a carefree day in my childhood, a time before I knew any disappointment or sadness.

Instead I’m thinking back to the day that James was born.  It wasn’t the same for me as it was for Tracy.  I didn’t feel an instant connection like she did.  I felt odd, like I didn’t know who the strange little person was who lay so near me in his little hospital crib.   I really didn’t.  Everyone around me expected me to just know how to handle him and what he wanted whenever he squeaked.  I didn’t have a clue.  Those maternal instincts did not rush in the moment I laid eyes on him.  It happened slowly for me.  I gradually began to love every ounce of the demanding little stranger, but not instantly.  I did feel a strong need to protect the little gaffer.  Knowing him and loving him the way I do now does make me want to go back and relive that day.   To really understand the gift of sharing the very first day of life with my precious son.

And then I’d like to relive each and every day with him after that too.  Because now that he has grown and moved away I look back and wish I could have appreciated each of those days more.  Yes  I would have done some things differently for sure, but most of all I would have enjoyed every single moment of the time we lived together.  Sigh.

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‘Beyond Marriage’..an excerpt of a novel, part two.

Wildflowers The sun was brilliant.  Flowers were in full bloom.  There was a light floral breeze in the air.  As the guests arrived you could see in their eyes that each one was there to experience a once in a lifetime gift of seeing the truest form of love unite.

If anyone was to have hope of lasting a lifetime it was us.  There was not one face in the crowd who did not truly believe in the marriage they were about to witness.

As the moment drew near I felt as though I was having an out of body experience.  I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I felt faint.  The moment I had dreamed of as a young girl was about to happen.  I was about to look into my Fathers eyes as his little girl and walk down the isle holding onto his strong arm, moments away from becoming a wife.  He felt secure, safe and his love for me was felt deep inside my heart.  I took a deep breath, looked into my father’s eyes and he reassured me I would be just fine.  We took the first step together and walked out into the view of everyone.  It was truly exhilarating.

My eyes went straight through the crowd to meet his while my entire body balanced itself and relaxed.  The thought that went through my soul was that it was him, the one, my guy, my soul mate, it was he who was standing looking at me, waiting for me.  I felt it to be so right in every ounce of my being.  I was no longer quivering.  I felt as though he had passed onto me some of his inner strength through the joining of our hands.

After the ceremony everyone gathered close while he stood strong and read aloud a poem he wrote to me.  There was complete silence with not one dry eye in the crowd.  It was like Shakespeare or listening to an Opera and, though the verses were not understood by all, you knew exactly what he was saying.

‘The Poem’

Early evening window, faded red, hand painted wind.

A watery Eden.

Cloaked in bliss, I watched my angel dance.

Cool curtains in circular embrace, forever in your debt for this fresh miracle.

Opulent compelling sanctuary.

Sunlit sleep.

A single shadow watched until we stopped, the strong tones of a poets thoughts.

Lamenting sunlight.

We will follow in steps from a rising chorus, shall we make an eternal promise?

A poem or a prayer?

If I could only touch you again for the very first time.

For You,

My Eternal Love

Tracy

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