Walk With…

My heart is in my throat, tears stream down my cheeks, hand softly placed on my chest as I sit with my emotions. Thoughts of my son play on the projector in my mind. I wish the love in my heart could reach him and he could take the strength I have to lift himself back up. I keep reaching out but my hand goes through him, he is a ghost of who he once was. He is slowly becoming someone else. I see glimpses of my boy but it’s not the boy I raised, the streets have changed him, drugs have rearranged him, making him believe the poison he ingests won’t hurt his brilliant mind. His struggle is shared by far too many. He looks numbed by the pain he must be feeling in his heart to walk down the path he is on. Something must be tormenting my beautiful boy deep inside to be lost, to want to dull the pain. His path is not a path anyone with a clear mind would choose. To the unafflicted mind, it makes no sense. They say he has a choice to live his life at risk. He is barely an adult and shouldn’t have to face this struggle, time and time again falling through the cracks of the medical system. This has taken him deeper into the darkness. Addiction is not a choice, it is a disease just as Cancer is, taking over our once healthy bodies and as Dementia takes over our once healthy minds. 

My door bell rang, I knew it wasn’t my son because he usually incessantly presses the door bell until I holler, “I am coming”. Two Police Officers stand waiting, one on the landing a few feet away and the other at the patrol car. It felt as if everything was in slow motion as the Officer asked if I was the Mother of my Son. My heart raced as fear pumped through my veins. He was barely auditable and nothing made sense. In one motion he stepped inside my home and touched my arm gently. I was confused and stepped back, he continued to speak but by then my world was starting to spin out of control. No matter how hard I tried to understand I couldn’t. All I heard was “he didn’t make it”. I tried so hard to put the pieces of the puzzle together but nothing felt real. My brain couldn’t grasp what my ears were trying to decipher as I continued my descent. I tried to focus on the officers face as I spiralled downward, grabbing onto his arm to steady myself. I felt like I had been drugged. The sadness on his face overtook his stoic expression. His heart broke through his eyes as he spoke to me. I dropped to my knees as my body let out a cry I had never felt before. I felt the life being sucked out of me all in one breath, a force that emptied my lungs. He tried to break my fall but I went limp in a split second. I lost my conscious mind, my body went numb as I barely hung onto my soul. The pain was so strong I wanted to exit my life as I knew it in that moment. I collapsed to the floor. 

I woke myself up startled, sweating profusely, breathing heavy, heart palpitating, crying out. The grief I felt was overwhelming. It took a few moments to realize I was in my own bed, it was a horrific nightmare. I started to sob in relief that my son still had hope. That deep dark place in the psyche where a Mother’s worst fear resides cannot be controlled when we close our eyes. For weeks I was afraid to fall sleep…

The purpose of my writing is to share my journey as I walk with and try to navigate his addiction, in hopes I can help someone on a similar path. Addiction and Mental Health are not unfamiliar, this trail has not just been blazed, it’s paved with a sidewalk. Men in hoods hide in the darkness waiting like the Grim Reaper around every corner. If we don’t start paying attention we will find ourselves too far down the road, with no way back. We need a lighthouse, a beacon of hope for those who are lost. They need help getting back to where they feel loved and supported no matter how lost they feel. We need to walk with them where they are at, and let them know it’s okay to not be okay. 

There is a fork in the road. One path goes to treatment and recovery and the other leads to a dead end, literally. Unfortunately the path leading to government funded treatment has so many gaps it’s like navigating a maze blindfolded. It’s a race against time with the feeling of impending doom to get what is required put in place before your loved one can get the help they need. The help they courageously reached out for, finally. There is the option of private programs but they come at a hefty cost most families can’t afford. The exorbitant fee for this treatment still has no guarantee that your child will be able to navigate their addiction successfully after the 3 month program is complete, it’s simply not long enough. If you are willing to spend upward of $100,000 for a year, your child may have a fighting chance. The window of opportunity for a user to get help when they surrender to their addiction is tight. Addiction treatment is not mandatory (GAP in the system) even though addicts are not able to make informed decisions due to their disease. We need to be able to exercise our rights as parents to help our children when they can’t help themselves, regardless of their age. Our system requires the user to be ready and have a clear mind which is not reality.  

The user needs to be go to detox for 10-14 days and can walk away when things get tough, and they will, lots do and the cycle repeats itself. Imagine your worst flu with the intense craving of wanting to ingest what made you sick in the first place. You have no control of anything, your mind, body and spirit are all sick at the same time. Even if you want help, the urge to use again pulls harder. 

The intake process for detox is challenging. If you don’t fit into their box of preset questions, you may not get the help you are asking for. The questions are done over the phone, impersonal and vague with the users caseworker, family member or parole officer in the room. It’s not an environment that makes anyone want to be vulnerable or honest with their current mindset. The user naturally admits to less, ashamed, erring on the side of caution not sure of the consequence and detox is potentially put off for another day. (GAP) 

The user need to be on medication until they have a dose that meets a certain criteria in their system or they are not able to go through the intake for most government treatment programs, each centre has a different policy which can be confusing. (GAP) If the user is not already on social assistance, they don’t qualify for government treatment. (GAP) Private treatment has no guarantees just like the government programs but at least your child gets in right away and is given access to addiction counsellors and there is a medical team on site, money talks. 65% of treatment facilities have accreditation, which makes you wonder who is helping your child and what their educational background is. Are you willing to lose everything you ever worked for when the system doesn’t always present itself as qualified? This is thankfully not something most of us have had to navigate but necessary information to keep the window of opportunity open, which could potentially save a life. 

The system doesn’t keep our children safe from the drug dealers who sit outside elementary schools waiting to prey on those who suffer in silence, kids with no self confidence, low self-esteem, unpopular, popular, kids who have been undiagnosed with mental illness who don’t understand what is going on in their precious minds. Kids who come from broken families, wealthy families, middle class families. ALL kids are at risk, and yes even your star hockey player, boy or girl! Our kids are befriended, sometimes by a stranger, more often than not someone they know, promising to numb their silent pain or give them what they think they lack. Most are too young to know how to navigate this pain alone and don’t know where to go to find the answers. Kids really just want to escape their internal struggles, sometimes they simply succumb to the pressure of their peers they think they can trust, so they take the pill of promise and that is the first step into the black abyss. For some it ends here. If you think elementary school kids are not at risk, you are blind to how deep this crisis has gone. Sesame Street has identified that kids as young as 5 are dealing with Mental Health and Addiction in their own homes. We need to get on the right side of this before our kids future is lost. 

We are willing to hang a 4.8 million dollar chandelier under a bridge just blocks away from where we have sons and daughters struggling with addiction, mental health and homelessness. I can’t help but wonder how many lives could have been impacted by those funds, a chandelier, a great reminder for those on the streets of the value they have in the communities they live in. 

There is a dark ominous place deep inside our psyche waiting for us. If you dare go there, it will break your heart. You need to keep the faith and be strong for your child. Try to be the light in the darkness that follows them. We have all had a glimpses of this darkness when we attend a services for those who have lost their battle with addiction or mental heath. Fight the paralyzing fear of losing your child when the wind of addiction blows you in its direction. Addiction wants to weaken your heart and soul, it wants to take your breath and strength and fade your hope. I use all my strength as I lean into the door in my mind that has the thought of death waiting behind it, bracing my legs and shoulders to counter the force. I am safe for now but soon I will tire. You can’t be strong for your child if you are not. No one can do this alone for long without affecting their own mental health, it’s a vicious cycle. 

Addiction paces outside like a black wolf wanting to take our loved ones from us. They need to be stronger and work harder than the wolf to overcome the urge to use. We need to help them find the strength to get through it, navigate it together with love and support, to help get them through another day chasing that manufactured high that will never be the same as the first time. When you connect with others and lay your bricks down, then you begin to heal and see the beauty that surrounds you each day. 

Run to the Rescue with love and peace will follow.” River Phoenix.  

I feel the anguish fill my body when I think of the reality of Mental Health and Addiction. It comes in waves without warning. My heart is not calm and beating as it should, it is reacting to the pain my eyes see when I look at my fading son walking the streets with no shoes, numb. I barely recognize him. I am not asking for help for myself, but for all sons and daughters who are suffering from addiction and mental health, some in silent, some in plain view, society is teaching us to turn away. It’s becoming far greater a battle than we anticipated.    

With the grace of God our loved ones will take the right path and find their way home. The reality of the Opioid Crisis and the War on Drugs is, far too many don’t. Addiction affects all of us. It comes at a cost greater than any of us realize. Our loved ones battle to overcome something that is much greater than them, no one can do it alone. The emotional battle becomes harder and harder making it almost impossible to lift themselves up from the depth of their fall. It is possible and we can’t lose Hope!

I will never give up on my child, even if the system does. No matter how far he drops below the surface I will stand strong advocating for him and every other son and daughter because they are not well enough to do so themselves. My hand will forever be there waiting for him to reach out. I pray each day he will. He will!

Brothers and Sisters pack traumatic images everywhere they go as they move forward in their own lives trying to find a sliver of normalcy. Grandparents who have done their tour of duty in parenting, watch their own child try to navigate the complexity of parenting a child addicted to drugs, their grandchild. It’s not right. Fathers struggle along side of Mothers wanting to ease the pain they see in their child’s eyes. There is nothing worse as a parent than having your child not be well, their age matters not. Uncles and Aunts have sleepless nights worrying about their nieces and nephews, they too feel the pain of addiction. Friends stand strong by our side helping to keep us steady, walking with us through the uncharted territory. Some share the experience, some fear it. Partners help us heal and set boundaries so that we have a life outside the walls of addiction. Our child has become their child. Their support and love keeps us strong when we feel incredibly weak behind closed doors, holding us in the darkness as we weep through many sleepless nights. The love our support system gives us, keeps us going, we could be here for a while. I am eternally grateful to all who stand at my side as I navigate the path of addiction and mental health in my family.  

Communities are losing the battle to keep their streets safe from the drug users who are littering them with their addiction. The families they are affecting just want neighbourhoods to be safe from the epidemic they face outside the comfort of their own homes. Some families face this epidemic within the walls of their homes. We have a common goal, to keep our kids safe. Your innocent child who you are trying to protect from the addicts who roam the streets, could be in their shoes in the blink of an eye. This is the truth, even if you don’t want to hear it. 

Addiction grows in the fear based silence of our communities. 

The Police are fighting the war on drugs, only to be defeated by a technicality in the court system and the cycle starts again. It’s so out of control they can’t do it without the support of government resources that are depleted because of the size of the crisis. First Responders attend over and over without judgment for twelve hours a day, trying to save someone’s son or daughter in hopes that they will see the light and get the help they need. They are worn down with no reprieve to refill their own cup. Nurses are overworked and somehow keep calm in the storm they step into on every shift. The Addiction and Mental Health workers on the front line know first-hand the extent of what we are really dealing with. They are plugging holes in a sinking ship, trying to navigate the endless gaps in the system. They try to move the pieces around until they fit, until their clients get the help they so desperately need. They see what we don’t have in place and where the gaps keep opening, wider each day. 

We are all impacted by the negative effect of Addiction and Mental Health in our Communities. 

It doesn’t matter what side you are on when it comes to addiction and mental health, the bottom line is we need to collectively do something to save the lives of those who can’t think clearly for themselves. Yes, they do the drugs and there is free will and it is a choice to use, but it is much more complicated and messy than that for most. Some were first prescribed their drug by a physician. If we are going to delve into the root of the addiction to find the source of the pain to help the user, we should also delve into the source of the drugs and where they come from and why they are so accessible. We have all made poor choices in our lives at some point, we can only begin to help understand, if we remove judgment. They belong just as you do and only with the proper care and attention can we find a solution to the problem that faces all of us. If we are not willing to at least show some human kindness towards those who are struggling, then we as humanity are far more lost than they are, we have control of our minds, they do not. 

It’s unacceptable how many lives are lost due to addiction and mental health. Change is needed to help get government regulated mandatory treatment for those who are suffering. We need to eliminate the gaps in the medical system and have detox, treatment, recovery and transitional housing all working together. There should be no gaps between these medical services. It is the gap that sends the user back to the street while they wait for an available service and are put at a higher risk of death if they are not monitored. It will make you cry, as it did me. No matter where you go it should be government regulated so families don’t get turned away when their child is ready for treatment but presents rough without the proper medication in their system. Imagine that, a twenty year old young man who has been homeless for 10 months with a clean urine test, presenting rough at intake after waking up on a mat at the local shelter. Those who work in the treatment centres need to be better educated in passing on vital information to the families trying to navigate the unfamiliar path of addiction with their loved one. 

I have tried to navigate the system and can tell you first hand it is impossible! There is no hope for the addict who does not have someone advocating for them to get the help they need. It is no longer frustration, but panic because of the impending doom. It’s deplorable how we treat those who are vulnerable and at risk. Beds are open and available but treatment centres have so many stipulations the beds stay open while a youth is sent back to the streets to get a maintenance dose of medication they are going receive in treatment, under the guidance of a Doctor. It makes no sense!  

We all need to step up and do our part to help stop the landslide of youth dying from substance use and mental illness. We need to force our government officials to change policies and advocate for those who are unable due to addiction and mental health. How many lives do we have to lose before change is made? 

Pressure government officials in your community to take action to help our most vulnerable get the medical help they need before it’s too late. Addiction and Mental Health needs to be addressed more effectively and efficiently, what we have in place is not working.

When we open the conversation and share our stories we lessen the stigma and help those who are not strong enough to step forward on their own just yet. Please join me in the fight against the opioid crisis by taking a stand and using your voice to make a difference! If you don’t think you can make a difference, you are wrong.  

“Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects.” ~ Dalai Lama 

~ Mother of a Beautiful Boy 

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I Want My Children to Know…

If you found out you were not going to be in your child’s future to talk to them about life and love, what would you want to say?

I remember seeing a Documentary years ago of a Mom who was dying of cancer. She recorded videos of herself where she gave her daughter encouragement or advice at specific milestones in life, like getting her period or her first date. It was heart breaking to watch. It must have been the most difficult thing she had ever done in life besides say good-bye. To have the courage and mind set to sit down and gather your thoughts let alone articulate advice you are not ready to give is overwhelming to even consider.

Her daughter would watch the videos when the time presented itself. Although it must have been difficult for her daughter to watch I am sure every word spoken was savoured. The strength of this woman was amazing and stayed with me for years. A Gift…

Things I want my Daughter & Son to know;

~ You’re perfect just the way you are.

~ Stay true to self.

~ Express your feelings no matter what they are; to whom ever they were meant to reach.

~ Never go to bed mad…

~ Always, always kiss your partner before they leave.

~ Never hold a grudge and never seek revenge no matter how hard it is.

~ Always forgive even if you can’t forget. In time you will.

~ Don’t spend too much time crying over the opposite sex, they are worth it but things always work out the way they should and only experience will show you that is true.

~ Never say never, because one day you will…

~ Love with your heart…reason with your head.

~ Touch is something that should never cease with your partner.

~ If you would rather be alone…make it happen.

~ Don’t let anyone take advantage of who you are.

~ Be open to everyone who walks through your door.

~ Don’t judge, it’s just not nice.

~ If you are going to say something about someone, be prepared to say it to their face.

~ If you are unsure of a situation and it involves making a choice…imagine me standing by your side and ask yourself…would I do this if my Mom were here? If not think about it a little longer.

~ Don’t gossip words hurt the most when used to make someone else feel bad.

~ Inspire one person everyday with something you do or say.

~ Your actions will speak much louder than your words.

~ Only marry for Love, not money, love will be there when money isn’t.

~ Never let anyone manipulate your heart. They shouldn’t want to.

~ Love deeply it is the only way.

~ It’s okay for a man to cry, it shows they will be a great Father.

~ Don’t fight unless you are truly passionate about what you are standing for.

~ Do unto others as you would have others do unto you…it’s a Golden Rule for a reason!

No one really knows how much time they have left on Earth. It’s so important to communicate and talk to those you love when the opportunity presents itself. I think what I would miss most was my kids sense of humor in the moment. The spontaneous sparing of funny things said…kind of like the old saying ‘I guess you had to be there.’

Be there because you can and are!

Svaha ~

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Is Santa Claus Real?

Tracy“Is Santa Real?” Here’s a question all parents are hearing as we count down from weeks to days before the most exciting day of the year for a lot of children around the world.  I have an 11 year old son and a 8 year old daughter who have obviously been talking about Santa as the excitement builds with Christmas morning arriving soon.

I still remember the the Christmas Eve my cousin Sherene was in my room looking out my window in hopes of seeing Santa Claus.  She was much older and I had a hard time sleeping, as most kids do on Christmas Eve.  Santa was en route so how could anyone sleep.  All kids wish deep down that they might actually get a glimpse of Santa each year coming down the chimney and so we try our hardest to keep our little peepers open as long as we can.  Sherene was looking out my window when all of a sudden she exclaimed “DO YOU SEE HIM, DO YOU SEE HIM!!” her eyes bulge open like saucers as she pointed into the sky way off into the horizon.  I squinted with all my might and there he was Santa Claus being pulled in his sleigh by his 8 reindeer!  I still remember the excitement that filled my entire being.  Ahhh to be 7 again…pure magic!

SantaSleigh

My son asked me years ago if I believed in Santa and I told him my story once again.  He smiles each time and I can tell by the look in his eyes he is swept up in the magic and spirit of Christmas.  This year he asked me again, knowing what I was going to say ” If you don’t believe you don’t receive”.  That wasn’t quite enough for him this year, he took it one step further as I thought he might at 11.  He tried to put it back on me.  He said okay Mom but when I have kids and they wake up really excited Christmas morning and you didn’t tell me it was you and there is nothing left for them under the tree it will be your fault!!  I  assured him there would be gifts under his tree for his little ones.  He told me then that he too believed in the “Spirit of Christmas”. My 8 year old daughter on the other hand put it like this,  she looked me straight in the eyes and said ” Are you Santa, not waiting for a response she carried on, cause if you are that would be really really disappointing” and she walked away.

If you have kids who are questioning the spirit of Christmas you need to watch “The Polar Express” , it will set everyone straight!  When either of my kids ask me if I believe and I expect it to happen each year I take a moment and remember back the night I saw Santa in his sleigh with his reindeer in the horizon and I tell them that I believe because I saw him with my own two eyes.  I was one of the lucky ones, and I know I am not alone.  Christmas is about giving so this year make sure you do your share of giving to others in the Spirit of Christmas!

If you would like to track Santa this Christmas visit “Norad Track Santa” there are lots of fun things for kids to explore on this site!  Another great site for kids is NorthPole.com.  And if you want to find out if your on Santa’s Naughty or Nice list check out Santa’s Nice-o-Meter.

Happy Holiday’s Everyone !!

Tracy signiture

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What Do You Call A…

Bonnie Johnson's PostThere should be another word for “step-mother”.  Step-mothers are usually portrayed as evil in fairy tales and movies and the word “mother” is too sacred on its own.  When you throw the word “step” in front of it the whole meaning changes.  Damn whoever wrote Cinderella!evil step mother

I’m a step-mother to three adults, one of whom is only ten years my junior.  So uttering the word “mother” as part of my title is not only uncomfortable but really just sounds wrong too. The oldest is married to a wonderful woman whom I’ve become very close to.  It gets awkward when I try to introduce her to others though. “This is my step-daughter-in-law” is a mouthful.  Sometimes I leave off the word step for fun but then I get those funny sideway glances of confusion.  My step-daughter-in-law, by the way, is also a step-mother to one of my step-grandchildren.  Confused? Welcome to the modern family.

I came on the scene after my husband;s children were all grown up and living away from home.  They’d had a few years to get used to their parents divorce and had seen their dad “dating” before.  I wasn’t a home wrecker and I’m grateful for the timing.  It allowed my relationship with his children to start on solid ground.  I remember being pleasantly surprised by the natural affection I had for his three kids right from the start.  I realize it was mostly because they are all such kind and accepting people but a part of the reason came from being in love with their dad. They are, after all, a very big part of him.

Most important to me was that my own son would be accepted as part of the family.  I didn’t need to worry.  Over the years my husband’s kids have developed their own strong relationship with James and there is no doubt that we are all family now.

I feel so blessed to be a part of a large diverse family like ours and excited that it is growing 😉 as I write this.  Yes, there is a new baby on the way!

It’s just the titles I struggle with.  My step-grand kids call me “Bonnie” and I guess that’s ok, but I wish there was a more intimate title to describe what I am to them.  I just don’t know about being called “Bonnie” to this new baby. “Grandma Bon?” But is it ok to change it up with one child when the others are used to another name? If you have any suggestions I’d love to hear them.

I guess the relationship we share matters more than what we call it.  As the years go by I feel more and more “related” to these special people and I’m so grateful to have them all in my life.

Bonnie

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Oops! I Took The Wrong Baby Home!

The scenario:

You discover that your wonderful one-year-old child is, because of a mix-up at the hospital, not yours.  Would you want to exchange the child to correct the mistake?

babies switched at birth

Bonnie Johnson's PostBonnie ~

After doting on and loving a baby, any baby, but especially one you believe is a part of you, for a whole year to then be told it doesn’t really belong to you?  Ouch!  That would be a major shock, wouldn’t it?!  The bond between a mother and child after a year is iron clad, and not something easily broken.  This would be a heartbreaking situation to find yourself in.

I researched “babies switched at birth” and discovered that it does happen occasionally but not often.  Hospitals take fingerprints, foot prints, or palm prints of newborns in order to prevent babies being mixed up. Nurses also double check with the mother, checking the identity of that person as well, in order to prevent errors.  Hospitals also have policies in which a medical record number is assigned to an infant at birth, and bands with this number as well as the last name of the mother of the infant, the gender of the infant, and the date and time of birth are placed on the infant and the mother immediately after parturition before the mother and child are separated.  And yet I still found a few cases of this happening despite the policies.  Mistakes were made and when they were discovered the hospitals were sued.

What struck me most when I read about these cases was for some reason the majority of these mix-ups were not discovered until years later.  In most cases the mothers all had a feeling early on that something wasn’t right but were convinced by hospital staff that they were mistaken and everything was as it should be.  Listen to your inner voice, believe in your intuition!

So, would I exchange the child after a year to correct the mistake?  Yes, I would.  It would probably be the hardest thing I would ever have to do but for the sake of both children I would.  Again, after reading about stories where this really did happen, the saddest part, once the truth was discovered, was how the children themselves often felt.  Some discuss having the feeling that something wasn’t quite right and the feeling that they didn’t quite fit in.  One woman, when she found out the truth at 43 years old,  felt like her whole life up until then had been a lie and now she felt torn between two families.

I would have a very hard time giving up a baby I had loved so deeply for a year but I would also want to be the one to raise my own child.  If faced with this scenario I think I would ask that I still be allowed to continue a relationship with the other child too.

Post Insert JacquieJacquie ~

My daughter Emilie was one of 50 babies born at North York General Hospital in Toronto on June 12, 19……… not tellin’.  I’m a very trusting person and it never occurred to me to worry that she might accidentally get switched with another half Asian/half Caucasian baby girl.  The security on the maternity ward was unlike anything I could have imagined, and I remember having to go through at least two check points where our hospital bracelets were scrutinized before the staff would allow us to leave the floor.

I know an awful lot of bonding takes place in the first few years of life but I have to say, if this terrible situation happened to me, I’d want to get my biological child back.  It definitely would be heart-wrenching to give up a child I’d cared for and loved for a year, but I believe it would be the right thing to do.  Truthfully, I’d want to keep both babies, but I guess that wouldn’t be fair.  I wouldn’t be able to handle someone else raising my child due to hospital error.  I would hope that the other family would feel the same way and really, in a perfect world, we could all be part of an extended family group.

PS.  I have a teenager I’d be willing to trade for …let’s say… a 21 year old right now, if anyone’s interested? : )

TracyTracy gives back ~

I remember being concerned about this with my first child.  I wanted to be awake during my C-section because I had heard of this happening.  Lets call it first child paranoia.  I remember my Mom telling me in the operating room when the ID band was secure on my son’s wrist.  I think she may have double checked to make sure it couldn’t slip off.  My son was the spitting image of his Dad so no one could have made a switch with us not be aware of it.  He was also 10 lbs 3 oz and the other babies in the nursery were triplets, with the largest one weighing in at a whopping 5 lbs.  The nurses nicknamed my son baby sumo because he looked 3 months old at birth.  Any other Mom would have felt ripped off had my son been sent home with them by mistake,  kind of like getting a puppy at 6 months old.

mine!!!

I can’t imagine having to actually go through this in real life.  Unfortunately it has happened, more than once.  This topic made me reflect back on the first year with both my son and daughter.  Time goes by so quickly, and the first year is monumental for bonding with your baby.  I would have to take the perspective that I was a surrogate to this child for the year we spent together.  I am certain the mother of the child I was given would absolutely want their child back, as would I.  I would have complete confidence that she gave my child unconditional love.  When you have natural motherly instincts you love all children.  I can’t imagine not loving ‘a’ child no matter whose they were if I were responsible for it’s welfare.

Bonding in hospitalAll children are special and unique.  I would want to make the change gradually so that both children were able to adjust as naturally as possible.  I think that the babies would sense a mistake with how they are known to recognizes a mothers smell and and how they react to the sound of their mothers voice from having heard it from inside the womb.  A mother’s love is pure and unconditional so I know that after spending time with my child everything would be just fine in no time.  I would hope that after an experience such as this you would form a friendship with the other mother that I would last a life time.  Everything happens for a reason and I would just embrace it for what it was.

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Be Something You Love And Understand

Bonnie Johnson's PostAbout four years ago I heard the song “Simple Man” by Shinedown and it really spoke to me.  I know that Lynard Skynard was first to do this song but I really liked the way that Shinedown sang it…and with so much soul.  I love the words and I told my son, James, who was a teenager at the time that I wanted him to listen carefully to the lyrics because those words were exactly what I wished for him.  It really is quite simple.  Be something you love and understand.  The rest will fall into place then.

Fast forward three years, James is home from school visiting and playing his guitar.  He has been practicing a special song that he wants me to hear.  I almost cried when he started singing “Simple Man” with as much soul as Shinedown.  Now, another year later he is home for a short visit again (he leaves for Tampa tomorrow : (  …after only one week…sigh) and just finished playing his repertoire of old and new favourites.  He finished his session with the one he knows means a great deal to me…Simple Man.  I wanted to share it with you but he refused to let me video him so I’ll have to sneak the camera on him another day I can only offer you this “simple” video of Shinedown singing with the words scrolling.  I think it’s fitting.  I have also added a picture of James playing just a few days ago.  If you squint your eyes you may be able to imagine him performing it.  Enjoy!

james guitar

Bonnie

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