Deeper Connections…

audreyhepburn

Deeper connections are what I seek as I age gracefully. I feel a sense of calm in who I have become and hear my Mothers tone as I speak my truth. I never understood until recently how she managed to just be, with what seemed such little effort.

I don’t feel rushed, I don’t feel the pressure of societies time-line for a woman in her 50’s who stands on her own. I made a choice and with each choice we must walk without fear of what if…

The young who worry that if I don’t find someone soon while I still look good on the outside, makes me giggle. I want the one who has been weeded out from the masses who stands alone knowing what I know to be true. I don’t need a plethora of choices, I want only one who shines brighter than the rest in my eyes. One I find comfort in to just be, with. No fluff, no bells, no whistles, no fireworks, just basic stripped down raw love and understanding of one another.

I say this with a deep feeling of inner peace knowing that what I speak of will present itself when the time is right…or perhaps it already has. I have life experience that has been gracefully placed on my face and body which I still consider a gift each day. I have been very fortunate and am forever grateful for all I have…blessed if you will, with a life that has been exceptionally beautiful. I could die tomorrow with a ((((((smile))))) on my face knowing I have no regret. I don’t however feel my purpose here on Earth has yet been fulfilled.

Life experience, good, bad or ugly makes us who we are and allows us to grow a little bit wiser. These journeys help tell our story, a story worth hearing if you have the time or desire to listen. Life experiences are expressed in many ways, through a tone in voice, in action or attitude, in character and in will. We all have a story hidden away deep within our hearts. Human connections are the foundation we build these stories upon and release them to.

I am acceptant of those who crosses my path and whether or not they form a bond of love with me, I ultimately want each to be happy with or without me standing at their side.

When the young look into their future they see an aging face and body because they have yet to form the deeper connections that carry us into the more powerful meaning of life. They see beauty from the outside not knowing what they are capable of build along the way. It is a spiritual, intellectual connection that draws us in as we age. When you look ahead, see what matters, everything else fades.

I recently watched old home movies which brought a lot of feelings to the surface about time slipping by so quickly. It made me ask myself some very difficult questions. What I realized was the answers to those questions didn’t really matter because I am here, right now exactly where I am meant to be. The only thing that matter is now. What I choose to do right now in this moment.

I know a thing or two about being single when it doesn’t feel like the popular thing to be. When I was younger I always allowed myself the pleasure of being independent of a man. I waited painfully longer than what was socially acceptable to find the perfect partner to build a life together. What I remember most is that it just happened.

What I do know is that my heart won’t lie, it won’t lie even a little when it comes to that gnawing love that I seek. That feeling that someone has completely gotten below the surface of the sheets in a bed I don’t share often. They slip in and have no intention of leaving. Call me crazy but that is what I am looking for in this wonderful world of the ordinary. I want the man who sees below my surface and fits in to my ordinary, my calm, my love.

~ Tracy

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Never say Never!


NEVER say NEVER! It seems that every time I do the Universe has a funny way of making me re-visit that particular ‘Never’ in order to understand it more clearly, with the end result usually being a learning experience. I like to think of myself as a non-judgemental person and I believe I am for the most part. Sometimes we need to experience things to decide what we want or don’t want. It’s a way of finding out what is most important to us and what we are willing to compromise on.

I have met some pretty awesome male energy over the past couple of years, some who were honest as soon as it was humanly possible, and some who took a little more time to release their truth. We all have different comfort zone that allow us to share our feelings, hopes, dreams and desires. Timing is key, as we are all on different paths going different places at different speeds. We can’t always control what leads us down a path, so we float a bit in the unknown to see where it flows, not knowing if it will lead us anywhere at all, and sometimes much to our surprise it does. We are simply testing the water, fishing so to speak. We are then forced to either come clean or lie. Most conscious human being come clean, being true to self.

How do you approach dating? Do you do your own thing in hopes of meeting Mr Funny-Pants serendipitously? Do you mingle in coffee shops with girlfriends hoping to catch a glance from Mr Potentially Almost Perfect while he sips his latte? Do you agree to blind dates? There are so many ways to meet people if that is what you want to do. You just need to get out from behind your computer screen and walk out your door…or not!

I wrote about online Dating and Dating in general several times…Do Vancouver Men Really Suck ( I think not), 24 Hours of Online Dating…for Research (perhaps I didn’t give it the ol’college try…because I didn’t go to college), Would You, Should You, Could You, Internet Date? (I cracked myself up with this one), Dating Etiquette (including my very own dating tips…wait for it! lol), Do we have time to ‘Date’ anymore? (clearly I wasn’t ready to date yet!) so it’s obviously something I have an opinion on. I joined a free online dating site which is what spawned my post ‘24 Hours of Online Dating…for Research’, to see what all the talk was about, I panicked and delete my account because I was bombarded with strangers wanting to instant message me. I hated it! I would NEVER do that again. NEVER! Yup I said it loud and clear!

After dating a few guys over the last couple of years I understand more clearly that everyone has baggage including me and timing is key. We are all doing the best we can, trying to balance our busy lives. We are not always 100% available, which inspired my post In search of the Elusive Available Male and Patience (I found patience!). I finally have patience! I decided to join a more reputable dating site to take yet another peek into the world in which I didn’t quite understand. It was with the intent to find out more about what type of person goes that route and does it really work? The skeptic in me was front and centre but my curiosity fought and won. I took a step out of my comfort zone to find my answers. There was a lot of ‘winking’ and emails with introductions that sounded genuine, with the odd scammer thrown in for discomfort.

Reading the online safely tips put things in perspective but when you think about it, being safe should always be your number one concern when meeting someone new. Communicating online makes sense for those who are busy professionals, if it’s done carefully! Online you don’t have body language and eye contact which are huge when it comes to intuition, and trusting your instincts. However you are able to save time by ‘doing your research’ on someone you find initially attractive. Online you save yourself the surface conversation finding out where they live, what they do, kids/no kids, hobbies, lifestyle and what they personally express that they are looking for. It’s much harder than it looks to write about who you are, what you believe in and what you are looking for in a partner. I was seriously impressed with how great these guys communicated through their bios.

I was told by my online friend that you really have to rely on your spidy senses and instinct. He takes his time with meeting in person and gets a feel for who he is communicating with first. He has had success twice with online relationships. When I relaxed and put my trust in my own intuition which by the way said he’s a good guy I took control and started talking. I found there were a good number of guys not sure if this avenue was for them either but they were willing to give it a try. I admired them for putting themselves out there. We are all looking for the same thing really, we want someone to share in our hopes and dreams, to laugh out loud with and smile at from across the room. Life is meant to be shared, when you are ready!

I am old fashioned and do believe meeting in the flesh is best…but that doesn’t always work. After I took a step back and opened my mind to something new I realized that as long as I am honest and authentic I have nothing to lose in what I choose to do. There will be those who don’t play by the rules or bend what is the norm and those who have a less favourable agenda, but that’s their choice. I relaxed and started talking to a few guys whose profiles really impressed me. I came to the conclusion that although it’s not really for me, or perhaps my first choice, there were so many great men who really knew exactly how to express themselves, conveying beautifully what they want and who they are.

I suppose if you really want something/someone you will make the time for it/them.

My only advice to any dating whether it be online or in the flesh is be honest right from the very first glance or hello. There is nothing better than knowing exactly where you stand with someone. You are allowed to take your time to figure things out. If they are meant to be yours, they will be there when you do! Be true to self and everything else just happens as it should.

I will NEVER say NEVER again!

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Pro’s to Being Attached ~ (part two)

Two weeks ago I shared my list of some Pro’s to Being Single. Ask a young single male what’s on his list, and I’m certain it would grow ten fold. Ask a man who is afraid of commitment and the list, which is no doubt written in stone, takes on a life of its own. Ask someone who lost a love and yet another view. Married, Single, Divorced, Separated, Unavailable, Chicken we all have different lists. We all have Pro’s and Con’s depending where we are in life, what we want, need, or are ready for. We go from being single to attached when we meet someone we don’t want to be without and vice-versa!

Pro’s to Being Attached ~

  • Butterflies escape each time your thoughts go to the man you fiercely desire ~
  • You have a smile on your face that whispers “I have a secret” that comes from deep inside your soul ~
  • When you lock the door, it’s just you, him and passion bouncing off the walls, ceiling and floor ~
  • Music fills the air regardless if the stereo is on ~
  • Your heart races, feeling like it’s going to beat right out of your chest when you hear his sexy voice ~
  • Your desire to be naked outweighs your common sense *wink* ~
  • Travel and life experience is enriched when you are together ~
  • You rush home when you have GREAT News to share ~
  • The messy bed is a reminder of what you have, just had, are going to have & want more of ~
  • When you slip between the sheets his essence is still there, because he is ~
  • You subconsciously inhaling deeply when he enters the room darting straight to his neck, scent is intoxicating ~
  • You cook together, teasing one another…dinner goes cold more often than not ~
  • You wake up in the middle of the night with his arms wrapped around you feeling safe and loved ~
  • You can lay in bed talking to the wee hours of the morning face to face, or spoon in silence ~
  • He loves when you are right out of the shower, fresh and natural ~
  • You yearn to be in his presence, he embraces you for all you are ~
  • He loves your new tattoo, because he loves you ~
  • He wants to kiss you Good-night, Good-afternoon & Good-morning ~
  • He makes the BEST morning coffee that has ever touched your lips ~
  • Your family becomes his and his becomes yours ~
  • You have a go-to-guy when you need one ~
  • You have a male best friend…not to be mistaken for a girlfriend ~
  • When you go out with the girls, he’s there keeping the bed warm ~
  • Sex, sex, sex that leads somewhere magical ~
  • Intimacy ~
  • Lust and Love are experienced together, growing deeper with time ~
  • You have a man to grow old with, share life with, unfold with ~
  • You can look into his eyes from across the room knowing he’s yours later ~
  • (Insert record scratching sound here)…and then he says something that totally pisses you off and it’s like some total hottie came by and fertilized the crap out of the grass on the ‘other-side’ making it greener than you have EVER seen before…and the ‘other’ list grows…the End ~
  • Sorry I couldn’t resist! My only advice if you’re thinking of making a list…use pencil!
  • Btw the grass is NOT always greener on the ‘other-side’ but it is greener where you fertilize it…just sayin ~

It’s wonderful when you meet the right person and commit to them with mind, body and spirit, the hard part is finding the right person. When you do you don’t need a list.

Life is Meant to Be Shared...eventually when the time and person is right ~

 

 

 

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Pro’s to Being Single ~ (part one)

Yesterday Melissa joined us as a Guest Blogger and shared her passion for photography along with some insight of who she captures in her beautiful photographs. I let out a *romantic sigh* after reading each vignette she shared. Thanks again Melissa!

Although we are not all searching for that romantic tale I think we all feel a warmth when we see photographs of those who have clearly found it. You never know for sure when or if that person is going to walk into your life. Are you ready for them to? Should you have to be? Does fate or destiny wait for us if we’re not?

We all know I love words and messages, words and romance are my passion. Words on a list can sometimes help you decide what to do. Since I was a child I have had a hard time choosing between two of…pretty much everything. So today I decided to use my words, to make a list, to visually see if I am ready to drip with passion for the male energy! What are you willing to give up for love?

Pro’s 🙂 to Being Single;

  • You don’t have to shave your legs, or wax…a saving of approx $500 bucks a month depending on how Yeti-ish you are…keep in mind that if you get into an accident, first responders are Firemen and Murphy’s Law would have it that they’d need to cut your pants off. Weigh that one carefully ladies! (guys, it doesn’t really cost $500 bucks!)
  • You can wear what-ever you want, when-ever you want, to where-ever you want, with whom-ever you want, for how-ever long you want, or simply stay home and walk around naked! (when kids aren’t home)
  • When you lock your door, it’s just you and the 4 walls that envelope your existence, peace and quiet! (with no kids)
  • You can crank the stereo with whatever music you choose for your interlude and loop one song all day long if you want! (until kids come home)
  • Your mess is your mess, the house is as you left it. (with no kids)
  • Never ever will the waft under the blankets be foreign. (thanks for that most important point Tannia) (unless a kids in the bed)
  • You can eat popcorn and jello cups for dinner. Quick and easy! (I feed my kids)
  • You get all the covers, pillows and can sleep on any side of the bed you want and there is a huuuuge cold spot waiting for your leg to stretch to in the middle of the night. I call that the sweet spot! (unless a kids in the bed)
  • You can talk on the phone until the wee hours of the morning with whom-ever you want, in flannels with a mud mask on. (saying of course you’re naked) (unless a kids in the bed)
  • Make-up, what make-up? (kids could care less)
  • F-r-e-e-d-o-mmmmmm…sing it with me! Plain and simple, no one to answer to but yourself! (kids don’t let me sing)
  • Do I want another Tattoo? Yup…done!

That’s obviously just a few Pro’s of being single coming from a woman (with kids) ask a man and I am sure we would get an entirely different selection…ask a married man/woman and yet even more!

I just reread my post and I think I need to get rid of the kids! 😉 I’m Kidd-ing!

Pro’s to Being Attached ;

  • Hmmmm…let me think? Ummmm…well? Sheesh…well all-righty then! I’m all outta time  so next week I will share some Pro’s to Being Attached…if I can come up with any?  😉

Don’t be shy…go ahead and add your Pro to the comments!

 

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Grad Reunion…

Bonnie chose the word ‘Memories’ for our header this month, beautiful job by the way Bon. I love when a new header goes up because it creates a fresh start each month and gives us a word to reflect on. Memories ~

Last weekend was our Grad Reunion so memories started flowing the moment Bonnie arrived in town on Friday afternoon. The annual came out and we sat and reacquainted ourselves with familiar faces that helped shape us into who we are today.

It doesn’t seem like that long ago that we were walking the halls of high school with all our friends but I guess it was, if you are the type of person who relates everything to time. You can’t avoid time…“time will tell, times a tickin, there’s no time like the present, I’m having the time of my life, it’s about time”…and so on. I personally hate the clock. It makes me feel rushed and reminds me of having a schedule. This weekend we stepped back in time to when none of us had real responsibilities.

We walked in slightly nervous as everyone was but soon realized that nothing that really mattered had changed. We had all grown and evolved but our cores had stayed the same. Time had just tweaked us a little. Some of us were in transition, happily married, sort of single, divorced, remarried for the 3rd time, finally married and although our circumstances were all different we were the same. We all wanted to reconnect in person with those who meant something to us a long time ago. A circle of friends were reunited making time for each other because that’s what friends do. Still after so many years there was warmth and support in the room. We could finally share who we had become with friends we knew, while we were searching for who we were. There were no competition, no chest puffing, no whispers, no sideways glances, it was nothing but smiles, handshakes, compliments, friendly eye contact, hugs and lots of kisses! Everyone genuinely wanted to be there.

“Time flies when you’re having fun” so I suppose I’ve had a lot of fun over the last 30 years. It certainly didn’t feel like that long ago once we entered the room!

If your clock is ticking slow, you need to make memories that are worth reliving. Bonnie and I did this weekend and it was just as fun as it was 30 years ago. Somethings never change…the after party ended up in the kitchen lasting all night long, and still it wasn’t enough time to spend catching up with great friends!

I loved seeing each and everyone of you that took the time to reconnect in person!

Thank you Tammy and Mike for making it all happen and Terry for the music, a party is not the same without the tunes, and Shirl for the fantastic after party it wouldn’t have been near enough time without it!

Love you all Class of ’81…

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Twenties versus Forties

For those of you who know me you are aware of the fact that I just turned 40, once more.  Let me start off by saying I love 40 !!  So much in fact, it’s going to be my age for quite some time to come.

Twenties

Twenties

Seriously though, what the hell happened?  I feel like I was twenty yesterday.

When I was in my twenties I used to wonder what women in their 40’s who were single thought about it.  I think I felt sorry for them and wondered if they were sad to be walking alone with no life partner.

There were three reasons for being single;  widowed, divorced or never married.

In my twenties I used to think that being widowed would be the worst of the three.  Having lost the love of your life would be tragic.  Now I think at least you loved.  I am talking about the kind of love that gives you  butterflies when he walks in the room.  Where the chemistry you feel fills the room and it can’t be ignored, no matter how hard you try.  The kiss!  The passion in the kiss that never ends.  This kind of love is not waited for anymore.  So those who have lost their love at least have the gift of memories, that include love.

In my twenties, I thought older women who never married didn’t find the love of their life.  Just thinking of that made my heart ache.  In my 40’s I think that perhaps they just didn’t settle!  We live in a “I need it now society’ where we no longer have the patience to wait for anything, including love.  The women who never married were strong enough to continue their journey alone.  They were living authentically without someone, instead of compromising themselves for someone.  I think settling would be the worst.

And divorce, in my twenties, in my opinion meant you simply gave up.  In my 40’s,  well, there is a silver lining in every dark cloud, you just need to look for it.  It’s all about perception.  If you’re honest and stay true to yourself you should be able to move forward with no fear in life, with or without a partner.  I must say that I like my 40’s for the depth and understanding it has brought to my life.  Being alone in your twenties can be unsettling.  Being alone in your 40’s, what’s that?  When you reach midlife, single or attached, you start to live your life for you.  You experience and accept relationships for what they are;  short, long, sexual, intellectual, romantic and friendship.  On your terms !  Neither widowed, divorced or never married  seem so bad to me now that I am in my 40’s.  Perception is a frame of mind.

Forties

Forties

Tracy

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