Flirty…Serious…Flirty…Serious ~ Balance ~


If you know me well you know how carefree, flirty and friendly I am naturally. I don’t have to try hard at that part of my personality because I believe it’s just who I am. I have a deep serious side lurking in the darkness waiting to tackle the flirty chic who continues to have way too much fun! TACKLE ME FOR GOD SAKES! I have always found it hard to balance my flirty nature with my serious side. Does anyone else relate? Someone? Anyone?

I struggle at times to find the balance between being serious and flirty, being wayyyy to comfortable with my sexuality doesn’t help. I dislike women who manipulate men with their sexuality, I don’t believe I do. I will however admit I use it, but for no specific reason or outcome just because I love the flirty sparing of words with male energy. It can however get me into a pickle if someone doesn’t know me! I joke about having Elastic Boundaries…s-t-r-e-t-c-h!  What’s a line for if not to cross?…which is fine but not when that side of my personality is predominately focused on. I am working on finding that balance right now…it’s a struggle let me tell you!

I’ve recently been told I have walls I need to take down…ya I know me? Walls? I do! I keep them up to protect my heart. It’s easier to joke and flirt than it is to fail or be rejected. I’ve taken some time lately to make some changes in my life and I am working towards being my true authentic self once again.

What I am seeking has not matched the vibration that I have been emulating. I have finally recognized a pattern that keeps appearing in front of me. A lesson if you will that I keep repeating and not quite getting!

“If you are being swept into some current that is not comfortable, or not in harmony with your desire, you must remember that couldn’t happen if you weren’t offering a vibration that matched it in some way. If you’re vibrating differently from that, you’re not having that experience”~ Abraham

“Offer a vibration that matches your desire rather than offering a vibration that keeps matching what-is.”~ Abraham

So I guess to sum what I am really trying to put out in the Universe is that deep down I know what I want in life and how I want to be viewed and for a brief time I’ve swerved off course. I was still authentic and viewed correctly but it was not a balanced collection of who I am deep down. I allowed myself to put out a vibration that was what I wanted in the moment but not in the big picture. Now it really depends on whether or not I’m looking at the big picture or the moment right here and now. Both are good! I am learning to balance each moment connecting the dots that will eventually lead me right into the centre of the big picture!

Sometimes you must walk down a path to determine what you don’t want, to identify what you do want. Life works in mysterious ways, showing us clues along the way if we are aware enough to pay attention to them!

Maybe I can just be happy with being a serious flirt…for now! Problem solved…movin on! *wink!

 

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Body Image

I was out with Jacquie a couple of weeks ago and we got onto a topic that seems to get wayyyy too much airtime as far as I am concerned, but as women it’s hard not to talk about our Body Image’. We both agreed we would do almost anything humanly possible to prolong the aging, sagging and weight issues that contribute to our body image. But there has to be some balance when dealing with your mind, body and spirit.

I’d like to think I will grow old gracefully, without any surgical enhancements or help along the way. (excluding anything that doesn’t involve injecting or cutting my epidermis) I have always been athletic and lead a pretty healthy lifestyle that I think will help me along the path of aging. I would prefer to be like Diane Lane as apposed to Joan Rivers. I may be comparing apples to oranges here but you know what I am getting at, they are on opposite sides of the scale when it comes to obvious procedures. And yes the age difference is also there. In the past, Diane has reportedly said, “It scares the s**t out of me. And I don’t relish the thought of people staring at me, trying to figure out what I’ve had done.” She also said, “I reserve the right to change my mind. Absolutely. I’m a female, that comes first.” I love her attitude, never say never!

Jake and I were talking about our own body images while en route to a party downtown with a bunch of size 2’s. When we entered ‘the keefer‘ we were greeted by Keith, my girlfriends husband. There was a glass bottom pool in the ceiling which was amazing and a great conversation piece throughout the night. The first words out of Keith’s mouth were “your not allowed to swim naked in the pool it’s off limits!” He said it like he thought I might have actually considered it! Twenty years ago, a huge maybe, if I had been shooting Tequila. Now, couldn’t even visualize it in my wildest dreams!

I reconnected with a couple of handsome guys from 30 years ago, Cam and Marcus, within 15 minutes it felt like no time at all had passed, certainly not 30 years! After catching up briefly Cam asked me if I thought he had changed, and if it felt like I was talking to the same guy? He believed that people don’t really change all that much over the years and I had to agree. I still saw the same handsome guys who made me laugh 30 years before.

The conversation eventually led to the pool which was hard to take your eyes off. It was like having an enormous lit fish tank with no fish right above you. I felt like a voyeur checking to see if there was anyone brave enough to take a dip. We started joking about how much money it would take in order to strip down and take the plunge. (keep in mind the pool is above you and seemed magnified to me) The anti kept increasing until it got to be ridonculous. For me it basically came down to body image. There are also specific things I would not do for money and stripping down at 46 years old in public with the lights on is on that list, sex and marrying are two more. Jacquie joked that she would if she could escape through a trap door out the back and not have eye contact with anyone in the room and then have her and her family relocated, hilarious! I giggle every time I think of her coming home to Gavin and explaining how she made a huge wad of cash while out with me.

No matter what way you look at it we all have some kind of body image issues that creep back into our lives at any given moment, this was one of mine. These guys had seen my body really young, not naked but close enough, spandex were popular back then. It would be hard to top that! After the joking stopped Cam told me he remembered me having body issues at 17! It didn’t really shock me, what 17 year doesn’t have issues about their body. What bothered me most was that I am finally comfortable in my own skin, which I believe happened shortly after turning 40, yet I was still putting out the impression that I was not. Why?  I am a confident woman who embraces her sexuality. Maybe out of my comfort zone being single again, revisiting the past? Body image is hard to change for women but absolutely necessary if its negative.

So you see by joking about not wanting to be seen naked swimming in a glass bottom pool only attracted more attention to my enormous size 8-9-10 (depending on my salt intake). Men don’t notice our flaws or imperfections unless we point them out, so don’t point them out! I learnt a lesson that night, I would NEVER talk negative about my body again! It only sets you up for a false insecurity that you bring upon yourself. Embrace whatever body you have, regardless of your size or shape it really is what’s on the inside that counts. Believe me even those perfect size 2’s have body issues that need to be worked on.

PS ~ I just read my “Gusto Post Card” and this is what it said: ” You know how wise people reach a certain point in their lives and realize it actually doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of them? They just sort of grow beyond caring about that, and they start caring a lot more about what they think of themselves? And then they decide they’re going to do what they want to do and be who they want to be and live their lives as they see fit and love every second of it? Well, that wise person lives inside of you. Let that certain pivotal point in your life be today. Your number-one fan, Gusto  And oh…Be you. Live Fearlessly! Timing is Everything!!!!

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Cheating…

Cheating

I’ve been wondering lately, not for any specific reason, why more women are  entertaining the thought of having  a fling or affair of the heart.  I have a wide circle of friends and this topic eventually comes around the room at some point. (No, it‘s not YOUR wife who has mentioned it!)  Women are sharing their stories more openly to one another of opportunities presented to them to cheat on their significant other.

Is it that we are being more truthful with one another or has this always been there but we haven’t dared talk about it so openly?  Is it becoming more acceptable because we are desensitized by what we see on a regular basis in the real world?  Or maybe it’s just an age thing?  As we get older are we starting to think about how much time we have left to really enjoy our bodies.

Are we aware of the younger generation and how relaxed they are about their sexuality?  Does this make us envy their carefree attitude?  Has sex become something of a extracurricular activity that doesn’t mean what it used to.  Sharing yourself with someone used to be a big deal, but again maybe it’s just an age thing.  Some couples waited until marriage to share themselves with their spouse, they were called Virgins.  (insert cheeky grin here) I think some still do?  I know women who have married their first sexual partner.  And some who weren’t even close. Which makes me wonder if it’s realistic today to marry your first sexual partner.  Does that alone peak your curiosity about other men or women?  How could it NOT.  I will file that topic for another post.

Today there is ‘friends with benefits and less pressure to be in a monogamous relationship.  What’s happening to us ?  Are we starting to think it is unrealistic to be with the same person for the rest of our lives?  Ya think? (that’s just my opinion)

Marriages end in divorce more than ever before.  Sometimes because of that fling or affair of the heart.  It’s not normal to have sexual chemistry with someone for 20 years.  Or is it?  I have yet to meet a couple who does.  Leave a comment if you still have sexual chemistry with your spouse and how you keep it.  But be HONEST!

What I have gathered in my research is that women cheat for many reasons and each situation is unique but the main reason  is because of how the ‘other’ man makes them feel.  It’s not generally for money or status.  It’s pretty basic, ‘he makes me feel like I used to.  It’s the little things our partner does for us that make us feel good when we first meet.  That is perhaps what we are missing that leads us down the path of self gratification.  The initial sexual chemistry fades but a deeper love becomes present in most long term relationship that is more satisfying than a meaningless sexual encounter.  (for most)

So men …if you can make your woman feel like she used to then perhaps her thoughts of cheating will stay just that…a thought.  And women,  if we treated our men as we do the ones we just met, perhaps we would hold onto that chemistry we are all searching for.  Or not…lol  Comments are always welcome! Tracy

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