Pro’s to Being Attached ~ (part two)

Two weeks ago I shared my list of some Pro’s to Being Single. Ask a young single male what’s on his list, and I’m certain it would grow ten fold. Ask a man who is afraid of commitment and the list, which is no doubt written in stone, takes on a life of its own. Ask someone who lost a love and yet another view. Married, Single, Divorced, Separated, Unavailable, Chicken we all have different lists. We all have Pro’s and Con’s depending where we are in life, what we want, need, or are ready for. We go from being single to attached when we meet someone we don’t want to be without and vice-versa!

Pro’s to Being Attached ~

  • Butterflies escape each time your thoughts go to the man you fiercely desire ~
  • You have a smile on your face that whispers “I have a secret” that comes from deep inside your soul ~
  • When you lock the door, it’s just you, him and passion bouncing off the walls, ceiling and floor ~
  • Music fills the air regardless if the stereo is on ~
  • Your heart races, feeling like it’s going to beat right out of your chest when you hear his sexy voice ~
  • Your desire to be naked outweighs your common sense *wink* ~
  • Travel and life experience is enriched when you are together ~
  • You rush home when you have GREAT News to share ~
  • The messy bed is a reminder of what you have, just had, are going to have & want more of ~
  • When you slip between the sheets his essence is still there, because he is ~
  • You subconsciously inhaling deeply when he enters the room darting straight to his neck, scent is intoxicating ~
  • You cook together, teasing one another…dinner goes cold more often than not ~
  • You wake up in the middle of the night with his arms wrapped around you feeling safe and loved ~
  • You can lay in bed talking to the wee hours of the morning face to face, or spoon in silence ~
  • He loves when you are right out of the shower, fresh and natural ~
  • You yearn to be in his presence, he embraces you for all you are ~
  • He loves your new tattoo, because he loves you ~
  • He wants to kiss you Good-night, Good-afternoon & Good-morning ~
  • He makes the BEST morning coffee that has ever touched your lips ~
  • Your family becomes his and his becomes yours ~
  • You have a go-to-guy when you need one ~
  • You have a male best friend…not to be mistaken for a girlfriend ~
  • When you go out with the girls, he’s there keeping the bed warm ~
  • Sex, sex, sex that leads somewhere magical ~
  • Intimacy ~
  • Lust and Love are experienced together, growing deeper with time ~
  • You have a man to grow old with, share life with, unfold with ~
  • You can look into his eyes from across the room knowing he’s yours later ~
  • (Insert record scratching sound here)…and then he says something that totally pisses you off and it’s like some total hottie came by and fertilized the crap out of the grass on the ‘other-side’ making it greener than you have EVER seen before…and the ‘other’ list grows…the End ~
  • Sorry I couldn’t resist! My only advice if you’re thinking of making a list…use pencil!
  • Btw the grass is NOT always greener on the ‘other-side’ but it is greener where you fertilize it…just sayin ~

It’s wonderful when you meet the right person and commit to them with mind, body and spirit, the hard part is finding the right person. When you do you don’t need a list.

Life is Meant to Be Shared...eventually when the time and person is right ~

 

 

 

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Raising a Teenager…

First things first, Mom and Dad, I love and appreciate everything you ever did for me growing up! You Rocked as parents! I loved hanging out with you. Our house always felt safe. Having kids of my own entering their teens I understand how important it is for them to feel like they have a place where they can be themselves. I love being the house where kids gather and hang out.

Teenagers are naturally programmed to push the boundaries to get their own independence. One day parents are hilarious and the next day our behavior is embarrassing and frowned upon. That’s a hard transition to make as a parent. Words out of the mouths of babes are cute, out of the mouths of teenagers can sometimes sting.

Surging hormones, cry-laugh-bitch all within 3 minutes of each other sums up the unpredictable life of a teen. Remember how up and down your emotions were during puberty? My only hope is that I don’t go through peri-menopause at the same time my daughter goes through puberty or she’ll be going to the moon with Alice!

I was a great kid growing up, until my Mom wouldn’t let my older boyfriend (wild bill) who had a beard, study in my room with the door closed. Okay I find humour in that now, was it really that obvious! What-EVER! She turned into the opposition that day but fortunately it only lasted a short time, at least that’s my recollection. My Mom just let me ride the hormone wave until I was done while she maintained her loving support with my Dad at her side incase she needed the big guns for back-up. (she did, it worked) Thanks Mom! I learned a thing or two about respect in a very short time. (ya never call your Mom the B-word…doesn’t turn out in your favour…ever!)

When you’re a teen you can’t imagine your parents doing anything remotely close to sex so you assume you can pull the wool over their eyes! If your reading this Jordan, if your boyfriend has a beard, he won’t even be entering the front door let alone your pig sty you call a room! Fortunately for me my Mom was smart, understanding and stood her ground keeping me headed in the right direction. I can now appreciate how hard it was for her to deal with a girl-tween.

I have a 13 year old son who is way too charming and handsome for his own good and a 10 going on 16 year old girl who is starting to strike fear into us with how beautiful she is inside and out. Thank god she has a hilarious sense of humour! Her brother is going to have his work cut out for him in high school. The fun has just begun! I’m definitely up for the challenge and also have a great support system in place. Hugely important!

I liked my parents so I spent lots of time with them. They were cool parents that were always there for me no matter what. My Mom was generous, loving and very open and my Dad was encouraging and hilarious so were laughing all the time. We still do. I was never able to lie to my Mom, maybe because I didn’t need to. She was completely tuned into what I was up, and still is. She can tell by the sound of my voice what’s going on in my life. Honestly I always feel better after hearing her advice. I don’t always take it but I still like to hear it.

I recently had ‘the’ talk with my son on the way to a party about being aware and safe. I had the same talk my Dad had with me. He simply told me I was his only daughter who he loved and trusted and couldn’t imagine life without me. He always wanted me to be safe. I told my son how important it is to always have a clear mind. It’s when your mind is clouded that things can go terribly wrong. Teaching your kids to make conscious smart choices is so important, to be a leader not a follower. Its tough raising kids when they’re little but nothing prepares you for when they start to spread their wings to fly on their own, bitter sweet for sure. Telling your kids that you trust them right before they go out is like buying insurance, no kid really wants to disappoint their parents. Say it even if you don’t! 🙂 All kids make mistakes, the key is to be there for them when they do and support them, don’t say I told you so!

Kids need their parents when they are little to survive, but I think when they start to naturally push us away is when they need us more, even if it’s sitting together in silence. Just knowing your there if they reach out is sometimes all they need.

 

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Who Chooses Who?


Did you chose or chase your partner? Do you think that the woman ultimately decides if a relationship is going to go any further? Men generally pursue women but not always. Some women know exactly what they want and go for it. Just like cats if you run away the game is on. Sometimes it’s just about the chase. Playing hard to get can intrigues the opposite sex but everyone has their limit to how much time or energy they will put into a chase. I’ve always thought getting someone was the easy part, it’s keeping them that challenges who we are.

Do men stay in a relationship when they know it’s not a ‘meet my mother’ kind of union just for the sex? Do women string men along while they wait for ‘Mr Pretty Damn Close to Perfect’ to walk through their door? I believe both sexes are guilty of misleading the other from time to time. Honest is always the best policy!

When you introduce someone to your friends and family you validate the relationship. You deem them worthy of joining your circle. There is nothing wrong with waiting to introduce your new guy or gal to your friends and family just to be sure. Keeping your status to yourself is probably a not a bad idea until you really know who you’re dating. We all know it takes awhile for some peoples ‘true colors to show.

It becomes pretty obvious when a relationship isn’t going further than a surface text-a-tion-ship which I’ve posted about before. It’s getting harder to differentiate the sincere from those who are just playing a game. Nobody keeps their word anymore. More often than not men and women just say what they think the opposite sex wants to hear. Stringing someone along has become second nature. Selfish behavior is rampant in the world of relationships…“what have you done for me lately” is a common attitude. Words have become diluted, faded and no longer said with meaning. Romance is becoming extinct. I do believe there’s a lots of great people out there you just have to be patient. It’s hard to find someone who hasn’t had their spirit broken when it comes to love, trust and honesty.

What women use to attract the male energy is the key to what they get. If they are simply using their sex appeal, they get a man who wants them for just that…sex. The signal or message sent out is read correctly and then women wonder why it didn’t amount to anything but a friend with benefits which is something I’ve yet to grasp. Act like a booty call and be happy with being his booty call. Pretty basic. Not that there is anything wrong with being a booty call as long as you have no expectation of ‘it’ becoming anything but a booty call. You just need to be honest with yourself about what you want.

Women sometimes allow their ego to get in the way and cloud their judgment taking the easy route by using what works, sexual manipulation. It doesn’t get you very far in the end. Being in touch with your sexuality is a great part of being human but balance is important if you want a relationship to develop into something other than a once a week romp in the hay! Chemistry is one thing but shouldn’t be confused with sexual energy which usually just leads to empty sex. For men sex is physical, for women it’s more emotional…most of the time. Not that there is anything wrong with empty sex if that’s what both parties involved are okay with. That’s where honesty is crucial.

Being able to identify when he’s just not that into you is easy if you ignore what he says and watch what he does, actions speak louder than words. Pretty simple if you actually listen to your instincts.

So when you are ready to choose or chase make sure you know exactly what you want and then take it slow. One thing I do know for sure is that if someone treats you like an option, don’t make them your priority their not worth it.

Regardless of who chooses who if the right person enters into your circle and the timing is right, you will be meeting the family…be careful what you wish for.

 

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Raise Your Hand If You Like SEx?

Raise your hand if you like Sex! Raise BOTH if you LOVE sex! Bonnie sit down! It’s amazing if you’re with the right partner. If you didn’t raise your hand maybe it’s your partner that’s all wrong? Did you just s-l-o-w-l-y look over at your partner? (lol) If you did maybe you need a new one. Okay that’s a bit drastic or unrealistic for those of you who are married. There are very few legitimate reasons for anyone to have a lousy sex life…in my opinion. All you need is a voice and the desire. We’re born with the equipment we need, how handy is that!

If your internal dialog is whisperingnot everyone likes sex” you’re right. We all know men think about sex more often than most women. (Bonnie sit down you’re distracting me!) 54% of men think about sex several times a day according to the Kinsey Institute. If you’re with the right person how could you not! Lust is a very strong and electric feeling that I think is missing out of a lot of relationships. I also think it should be a part of every healthy relationship. Lusting after your partner…just doesn’t get any better!

When you’re with the right person there is no better feeling in the world than intimate sex. I am really trying hard to think of one other thing in life that feels better…hold that thought I’ll get back to you on that! (insert cheeky grin here) Men are wired to want sex, it’s their job to procreate to further the human race. That’s a very important job with huge pressure I’m sure!

So many couples are part of the statistic of having little or no sex after marriage or commitment. Everyone jokes about sex going from ‘all the time’ before marriage to ‘once a month’ after the ring’s on the finger! It’s a joke for a reason…its reality. When you get married you promise to only have sex with your wife/husband for the r-e-s-t of  your l-i-f-e. (that alone is a tall order) It’s not fair if one of you holds out after you promise. If you don’t like sex to begin with you should be honest BEFORE you get married. Sexual manipulation ALWAYS comes back to bite you in the end! Just saying…

How come we don’t hear women saying they love sex with their partners any where near as much as we hear how they avoid it? They are comfortable admitting they avoid it but not comfortable saying they enjoy it? Backwards right? Granted some women are very private with their personal life which I respect. I don’t see why you wouldn’t want your girlfriends to know your man rocks your world…regularly! 🙂 It could be contagious!

Are you becoming a statistic? You don’t need to be. If you feel yourself edging toward being one you have time to turn the boat around! You just need to focus on that handsome man who walks through your door. The one who likes you, loves you…but hopefully lusts you! Wouldn’t you rather rip his cloths off than talk about the weather? Act now…talk later!

Life is about creating moments worthy of remembering forever. The trick is to have so many you can’t.

As for there being no better feeling…life is filled with them, seize them.

Thoughts become things…choose the good ones! (Notes from the Universe)

Here is a really funny video that was obviously made for a reason! Just saying…


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What Woos You?

Physical attraction and eye contact with someone new can be pretty powerful but you eventually have to speak. Communicating without the physical aspect can also stimulate the senses but you eventually have to meet. What seals the deal for you when it comes to accepting a date with the opposite sex? What woos you? Intrigue is first and foremost for me. Words create intrigue capturing the essence of who they are. Can you be wooed by words alone? If they are a true reflection of the person who speaks them I think it’s an extraordinary start.

What draws you even closer to the opposite sex after they’ve intrigued you? Physical appearance is what can turn our heads or grab our attention initially, as can words, but what keeps our attention after that? Capturing someones interest is the easy part…keeping it is the challenge. We are all unique in what attracts us to the energy of the opposite sex just as we are also roused by different words and actions.

Great conversation stimulates the mind but can too much deep intellectual colloquy start to make you crazy if it’s the only word play you engage in. I don’t want my mind to be so exhausted that my funny bone has fallen asleep. A man that can make me laugh-out-loud woos me just as easily as one who makes me question my beliefs.

Being wooed by the opposite sex can start with a feeling thats origin is unknown. It’s just there, waiting to be touched. It isn’t just physical or mental stimulation. It can start with flirty banter and lead to conversations that make your mind sail with even the slightest breeze.

The root of all attraction is based on a feeling followed by desire, it IS that simple. The only way to expose the chemistry that may lay beneath the surface of words or physical attraction is by standing in front of the object-of-your-desire. It’s either there filling the air that swirls between you or it’s not.

Being authentic is the best way to woo the opposite sex. Not everyone will respond to who you are but when someone does sometimes words are not necessary or enough.

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Intimacy ~

Each month we take turns creating a new header with a word of choice. I chose Intimacy this month so today I will write about just that!

I met a man recently who has challenged me in more ways than one. I couldn’t help but be drawn to him because of the way he intrigued me with his intellect. Yes…he is handsome! Having said that, it was NOT what initially attracted me to him at all! Our conversations were filled with sarcastic banter that grabbed me by the hand and wouldn’t let go no matter how hard I tried to pull away! Oh how I love the energy of sarcastic banter! It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end!

In one of our great debates we took on the topic of intimacy, seeking intimacy! What would you describe intimacy to be? I always related the word intimacy to that moment shared between two during sex? Intimate sex…who doesn’t want that! I have to admit I was taken back that this man was interested in talking about intimacy, let alone seeking it himself! I love the male perspective on everything!

Yes you can have intimate sex but until you have experienced true intimacy with your partner it’s simply empty sex, the kind that leaves you feeling satisfied sexually but unsatisfied emotionally even though you had an O!

True intimacy is when two can share moments, even hours together just holding hands and touching one another without the complication of sex. You learn what really matters to each other when you share intimacy. No one has patience anymore, it’s a virtue that’s lost. It seems that everyone just wants to jump right in to bed and hope for the best and unfortunately it usually end awkwardly and prematurely (no pun intended) because no one has the desire to take it slow to find the intimate side of their partner.

Intimacy naturally appears when your ready to explore the possibilities of love in a relationship. Couples often don’t take the time that’s needed in order to experience true intimacy. Our lives are full with no room for quiet moments, that if taken would change the way we think. Intimacy can be scary. Just the thought of opening your heart and feeling vulnerable is not worth the risk for most.

Would you fall in love if you knew that it would end with a broken heart? Silly question? I don’t think so. If you answered yes then I believe you have experienced true intimate love and know it’s worth the risk. If you answered no, perhaps you have yet to feel intimate love in it’s purest form, which can include pain, but still worth the risk of a broken heart! Intimate love is possible, it’s out there, waiting for us to take a chance and open our hearts to explore the possibilities!

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Are You Comfortable Naked!

I want the truth. Are you comfortable with your naked body? More specifically, are you comfortable with your naked body with your partner in the room? I know every woman who is reading this has questions such as; “what kind of lighting are we talkin about here, is it day/night/candle…is he naked…or just me…do I have a tan…am I my ideal weight or do you mean RIGHT now?” STOP!

Okay specifically…”Are you comfortable being naked right now in daylight with the blinds open southern exposure at noon with your husband/boyfriend/lover (pick one!) standing or lying naked right beside you no covers no tan white skin completely natural having just ate lunch?” Okay minus the having just ate lunch, I’ll give ya that one. I know what you’re thinking, I’ve been buck naked in this scenario and that’s why I’m writing about it. You’ll never know for sure! (insert cheeky grin here) I’ll enjoy the speculation immensely…I don’t kiss and tell 🙂

For some women undressing in front of the one they love, is so horrific poking a sharp stick in their eye would be less painful! It’s some women’s worst fear to drop their dress, let alone the panties and bra that are under it, in bright light! Add the starring eyes of the one they desire, nightmare complete! I guarantee your partner is in awe at the spontaneity and confidence you ooze for doing it in the first place, not any bits you’re unhappy with.

If we make this man someone you only lust after, apparently the pain is less severe. Sweeeeet! Kidding! I find that strange, weird even that psychologically we are more comfortable stripping down with a man we don’t know. The man we love, adores us for who we are, not just our physical appearance. The man we lust is there for approximately 3 minutes…okay maybe 4…5 tops, before you see the back of his head exit stage right! lol

I know we don’t really care what the man we lust really thinks because we just want their body and mechanics for a simply pleasure! Shouldn’t we be more comfortable with the man we love because we know he will make sure we are simply pleasured! 🙂

I suppose our partners should feel good knowing we care what they think, but if they knew we held back because of our own insecurities, I’m sure they wouldn’t understand! Men desire women curves and flesh regardless of their size or shape. I don’t think there is a man out there who would turn down the woman they love if she was standing naked in front of him! It’s about love and trust.

Aging is hard on our bodies but our minds hopefully out weigh any insecurities we might have allowed to attach to our physique over the years! We know better than to be so critical, it’s a slippery slope! And if we put this kind of pressure on ourselves aren’t we putting it on our partner as well? We are our own worst enemy in this scenario ladies! Men see us as we should, from the inside out! For me, aging is about accepting who I am right now…and now…and now regardless of my size, shape or wrinkle count. If someone can’t love me for who I am, then the hell with them!

Embrace who you are ladies, naked in bright light! Natural beauty is the sexiest, ask any man! We’ve touched on The Naked Truth once before here on Tara Cronica…Tag Team Sunday: The Naked Truth, still feel the same ladies?

Okay I gotta fly, I am getting a spray tan today by a complete stranger, naked of course, just in case I find myself lying naked in daylight with the blinds open southern exposure at noon with my ______ lying right beside me naked, no covers, completely natural, if you don’t count the tan! Baby steps ladies…baby steps! Now go get nekid and rock your mans world…cause he wants to rock yours too!

 

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Texting & Text-ation-ships!

Texting can be exciting, the anticipation is stimulating and it can have sexual undertones that keep us hanging on for more. But if you never progress past the text, in all honesty I think it’s for those who just want to keep their options open. Its like wearing a mask or hiding behind a facade of who you really are.

Lets face it texting can be useful when we need to send a message that doesn’t require a long conversation, ask a quick question, send a funny message to a girlfriend, communicate when talking isn’t possible or the occasional flirt! I have to admit I have been caught up in texting on a few occasions with someone of the opposite sex, but to be honest, lose interest in it pretty quick if nothing materializes or it becomes the main source of how you communicate. I love words and think communication is a lost art, it would be like having to edit this post down to 4 lines, it wouldn’t say what I wanted it to in the end. Some might prefer that when I think about it. Texting leaves too much room for interpretation in my opinion, and it’s easily taken the wrong way.

The younger generation uses texting as their main way to communicate which I just don’t get. What I have a problem with is when texting takes the place of a personal conversation with the opposite sex. Texting is nothing like real life. We are missing out on the key ingredients of human interaction; eye contact, pheromones, body language, touching and everything else that goes along with interacting with another human being. It might initially give us courage to say something we might not have otherwise, but what happens when we are finally standing in front of the person we are interested in and we’re used to thinking about our response for a couple of minutes before pressing send? Then what? Or we can say too much and that can lead to an embarrassing encounter later on. It’s not a natural conversation, not to mention texting makes us sound uneducated. “Ur funny!” I can’t say that without sounding like a hillbilly!

I’ve been caught up in the texting thrill, the sparing of words back and forth and admit it was enticing, but it can also feel shallow. It might get the ball rolling, but I like seeing someone think on their feet when I ask something they don’t expect. Spontaneity is the best! I need to see someones eyes when I am speaking to them!

I have a girlfriend whose son has been texting for many years and he said that he likes the pause between texting because he can think about what he wants to say before sending it. Or he can just ignore the text if he doesn’t feel like the conversation…my phone died, broke, left it in my locker/at work/at home/in the car…what text? Do you see where the problem starts to form. You don’t know if and when the person you are sending a message to gets it? It leaves your conversation either unanswered or lost in cyberspace somewhere. So my conclusion, if it’s important face to face is best, if you don’t care when you get a response, text. Talking in person is hand delivering your message and it just doesn’t get any better than that! It’s honest and real.

I think the reason you choose to have a text-ation-ship with someone is because you’re either intimidated, insecure, nervous, lack confidence or you’re really just not that interested in spending real time with them, so you stay afloat in a text-ation-ship until someone worthy of your time crosses your path.

Texting should be thought of as a simple form of communication that has a time and place in our daily lives.

Happy Texting! Don’t text and drive!

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I Couldn’t Resist ‘Pink’ and Cosmo!

There I was this morning standing in the grocery line up buying snacks I could do without, when this months Cosmo cover caught my eye. I was instantly distracted like a child by something shiny. My inner voice said “oooooo Pink. I LOVE Alecia Beth Moore! She exudes self confidence. After watching her perform ‘Glitter in the Air’ at the Grammy’s I think she singlehandedly brought sexy to a new level! The audience watched in awe as Pinks holy water showered down on them. I don’t think one person cared if their designer outfit got sprayed because they were so caught up in the moment! I was blown away with her all-or-nothing risk taking personality! She NEVER lip syncs, doesn’t believe in it, she’s the real deal! Love this woman’s voice, so raw, sexy and powerful, yet sometimes she sounds so vulnerable. Her interview was awesome! She is continually pushing the envelope, sometimes she even opens it up and peeks inside!

I am getting off track, I bought Cosmo but admit I was a little embarrassed as I reached for it, I usually get More Magazine for Women in their 40’s because, well I am in my 40’s. Cosmo grabbed my attention first because of Pink and second because of the headlines of what was inside! I don’t know what I was thinking I haven’t got time to sit and lolly-gag reading Cosmo but I guess that’s why they market it like they do, for women like me who can’t help themselves! Seriously, I still haven’t read my subscription of Martha Stewart Magazine from 10 years ago. And I have a new one for Women’s Health I’ve yet to get through! Can anyone relate?

Here are the Headlines that even I couldn’t resist!

* 75 Sex Tips From Guys ( Sizzling, Sinful, and Surprising Things They’re Craving Now) ~  Can you say HOT, and there are 75 of them!

* Stuck in Neutral (Gutsy Little Moves That Will Make Your Life Awesome) ~ Basically start saying “Yes” when you would normally have said “No” Sounds like a plan to me! It’s always good to do something out of your ordinary. Get out of your comfort zone for even just a day!

* Girl Traits No Man Can Resist ~ Leave something to the imagination! Love this advice!

*Orgasm Guaranteed (This Simple Mind Trick Takes You From “Almost” There to There!)~ I’ll cut to the chase on this one, climaxing just by thinking! The mind is a powerful tool, so basically thinking about what color you want to change the bedroom to while your making whoopee with your significant other is NOT what you should be doing. If you actually think about what you are doing as apposed to what you will be doing at a later date (living in the moment) you will get you there a lot quicker. For most women climaxing without touch is difficult but worth a try if you ask me!

*100 Facts Your Gyno Should Have Told You ~ There was a lot of great info in this article, but nothing suitable for Tara, you will have to pick up a copy of Cosmo for this one!

When I buy a magazine I usually flip through it quick to see what’s inside, look at pictures, and then after I see what the content is I start to read the articles that grab my attention first. It’s been awhile since I have picked up a Cosmo (my twenties) but I have to say it definitely grabbed my attention and had interesting content to back it up! Mostly oriented around Sex but hey what’s wrong with that!

For those who would like to watch “Glitter in the Air” here you are…enjoy ~

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Understanding Women ~

Understanding women is similar to being a parent for the first time, what works for your first doesn’t necessarily work for the next. Your basically starting from scratch each time. Each one of us is completely different from the one before. Think of us like a juicy piece of ripe fruit, having the widest variety imaginable!

I was thinking about men trying to navigate around all the female complexities that start at a very young age. My son is only 11 and already the words “girls can be so weird” have rolled easily off his tongue. “Get used to it” appears in a bubble above my head as I smile in agreement. He’s lucky to have a sister who will hopefully help guide him, if he protects her, a fair trade-off when it comes to brothers and sisters I think.

So I was thinking of advice I might give, to him or men in general, it goes something like this:
Give it your best, don’t try to understand how our minds work, don’t lose any sleep over us and hope for the best. Oh and good luck! 🙂

There will be times when women ask for your opinion, you will assume they want your honest one (first mistake) and in the blink of an eye you find yourself trying to back peddle in slow motion, your words have fallen into the abyss of wrong answers and you get ‘the look’. Just know that when women ask for your honest opinion, it’s usually a trick. It’s perfectly legal to respond “leave that with me and I’ll get back to you”, don’t succumb to pressure. Use your best judgment, each time is unique, or play it safe and sugar coat everything when the question starts with”Tell me honestly”…

Valentine’s Day is always a tricky day to man-oeuvre as male energy. Lets try a multiple choice. (if it were only that simple)

Do you buy us chocolates just after we stated we feel puffy/bloated?

A) No, buy a fun house mirror, the one that makes us look really tall.

B) Ask if we would like you to run us a cold bath, to help take the swelling down. (technically this would work…honesty isn’t always the answer)

C) Buy the damn chocolates, decedent cherry bombs from Euphoria Chocolates are amazing!

I once verbalized “I don’t need flowers”and then regretted it for years after. Even if we say we don’t need flowers, we still love to get them, flowers are romance which is foreplay for women! F-o-r-e-p-l-a-y!

Women try sending telepathic messages to men assuming they can be read, they can’t! Example: He goes out with the guys, you slip into that new sexy getup he didn’t even know you had and wait for him ready to rock his world when he comes in. He stay out late oblivious to the scenario playing out in your head, you can’t believe he is giving up this hot rocking bod for a bunch of beer swilling smelly guys, you get impatient, put on the flannels, wash off your face, totally and utterly miffed that he missed a great night of sex! Ladies, if your man even had an inkling of what was waiting in a sexy little number for him back home, I guarantee his night would be cut short! (right C) You just have to remember we have the inner dialog we just forget sometimes to let you in on it!

I have to admit some men are just naturally in-tune with women. I think it’s because they either have a house full of female energy, they were a woman in a previous life or just good old experience! I guess you guys could think of us as a challenge and rise to it. I love men and everything that makes them who they are and we as women can only hope they feel the same. Just remember guys that each one of us is unique and different from the one you previously encountered with our own idiosyncrasies that can change at any given moment. That’s the fun of us!

Variety is the spice of life!

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Sexless Marriages

Sexless Marriages are common according to Oprah and the Internet. Perhaps if we shut off the television and computer and put some time aside for our partner (if we have one) as we do for everyone else in our lives, we might have sex more often. I’m just sayin…

Bonnie’s post yesterday The Best Music to Have Sex To made me think back to the days of having sex, and what made it most memorable. Music was definitely on my list, but most importantly a trusting partner! Maybe it’s as simple as turning on music to get turned on? Music does stirs our souls and intensify emotions, could it really be that simple? Nothing is that simple, but it wouldn’t hurt to give it a whirl. According to some couples who appeared on the Oprah Show, it’s much more complicated than that. I never watched the show when it originally aired but read what they had to say on her website after the fact. I never knew there were so many deep seeded reasons married couples didn’t have sex as often anymore, or at all for that matter. Thankfully there is a venue to open up the conversation for those who need a little help in understanding why they don’t feel they can have an intimate relationship with their spouse or partner.

To quote my friend Lawrence ~
“You are not alone, is the message we need to share with one another, desperately. Money, material things, broken romance, there is nothing  you cannot get over with the help of a friend, family member, and the admission as a society, that it’s not only okay to share your dreams and fears with the world around you, but it’s the key to a healthier, happier, life more fulfilled.”

Anyone whose been married knows it’s a huge adjustment to go from dating and having the excitement of not knowing when you will see the person of your desire, to marriage and seeing them every single night. You give up some of the excitement for security. Lust for Love. It’s worth it but it’s also hard work. You have to really want to work at a relationship to have it last. That goes for a great sex life too in my opinion. It takes two and if both parties are not on the same page, that is the start of a soon to be sexless marriage.

I can understand how men get pushed to the bottom of the list after having kids, it’s almost expected. You’re living together trying to balance everyone’s needs, there is no special dates or time away from one another to make it more exciting. But that is a conscious choice! Sex sometimes becomes predictable and so the cycle begins.

Kids take up a huge part of daily life and as a Mom myself, I can relate to finally having a moment to myself and not always wanting to share it with anyone else regardless of what’s promised at the end. Having said that I do also believe the more intimacy you have with your partner, talking, touching, builds trust and with trust there comes an overwhelming desire to please. The more you take time for this, the more you want it. If you let it, the opposite happens, out of sight, out of mind. We all get lazy at some point in our relationships. One week turns into two, which turns into three, but then when we do get it together and have a great night of sex we wonder why we left it so long! Again it’s a choice!

I am not saying that everyone experiences this, but I will be honest, I don’t know many people who are completely satisfied with their sex lives. Everyone has their reasons for having less sex from feeling insecure, out of shape, not attractive, tired, kids, work, obligations, the list goes on! But when it comes to loving the person your with, all those small details should be put aside. Nobody is perfect. Just embrace who you’re with, what you’ve got, and go for it! Turn off the boob tube, put on some Enigma and in the heat of the moment, nothing else will really matter but the passionate person lying next to you ! 🙂

The part that I don’t understand is that some women want a man to want them, only them, they enter into a monogamous marriage wanting to be the last woman on earth their spouse/partner  is to have sex with and then THEY don’t have sex with him?

Here are a few links for more information; OprahTodayDr PhilThe Globe and Mail. And if all else fails Enigma!

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Sex Sells ~ Bom Chicka Wah Wah

I was surfing the Internet looking for topics to write about and you know how it goes, you type in one thing and it takes you into a completely different direction.

I haven’t written about sex in a while so thought I would go that route. I was researching why ‘Sex Sells’ in advertising and came across three funny Axe Commercials. I LOVE that these women totally put themselves out there, and that was just to ‘get’ the commercial. Auditioning can be completely embarrassing, even humiliating, I’ve had to do some pretty silly stuff in my years of auditioning but this one takes the cake for me. I am honestly not sure I could have done this seriously enough to actually land the job. You can see some of the auditions on YouTube as well, which is kind of disturbing from an actresses point of view (I cringe at the thought of an old audition tape showing up on the Internet) but hey, it is what it is, right?

So after trying to research why Sex Sells, lets just say it does for now, and even more so if its got a laugh attached to it!

“Bom Chicka Wah Wah” ~

Another …

One more…

I hope you had a laugh and guys if I were you I’d give Axe a try! Bonnie for some reason I can see you doing this and it makes me laugh just thinking about it. Every time I enter a grocery store with my son I warn him that I am feeling like I just might ‘Bom Chicka Wah Wah’, he walks back to the Jeep, it makes me laugh that he actually thinks its possible. I think I might give it a try sometime, without warning of course. Therapy’s going to be expensive 🙂 lol

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Body Image

I was out with Jacquie a couple of weeks ago and we got onto a topic that seems to get wayyyy too much airtime as far as I am concerned, but as women it’s hard not to talk about our Body Image’. We both agreed we would do almost anything humanly possible to prolong the aging, sagging and weight issues that contribute to our body image. But there has to be some balance when dealing with your mind, body and spirit.

I’d like to think I will grow old gracefully, without any surgical enhancements or help along the way. (excluding anything that doesn’t involve injecting or cutting my epidermis) I have always been athletic and lead a pretty healthy lifestyle that I think will help me along the path of aging. I would prefer to be like Diane Lane as apposed to Joan Rivers. I may be comparing apples to oranges here but you know what I am getting at, they are on opposite sides of the scale when it comes to obvious procedures. And yes the age difference is also there. In the past, Diane has reportedly said, “It scares the s**t out of me. And I don’t relish the thought of people staring at me, trying to figure out what I’ve had done.” She also said, “I reserve the right to change my mind. Absolutely. I’m a female, that comes first.” I love her attitude, never say never!

Jake and I were talking about our own body images while en route to a party downtown with a bunch of size 2’s. When we entered ‘the keefer‘ we were greeted by Keith, my girlfriends husband. There was a glass bottom pool in the ceiling which was amazing and a great conversation piece throughout the night. The first words out of Keith’s mouth were “your not allowed to swim naked in the pool it’s off limits!” He said it like he thought I might have actually considered it! Twenty years ago, a huge maybe, if I had been shooting Tequila. Now, couldn’t even visualize it in my wildest dreams!

I reconnected with a couple of handsome guys from 30 years ago, Cam and Marcus, within 15 minutes it felt like no time at all had passed, certainly not 30 years! After catching up briefly Cam asked me if I thought he had changed, and if it felt like I was talking to the same guy? He believed that people don’t really change all that much over the years and I had to agree. I still saw the same handsome guys who made me laugh 30 years before.

The conversation eventually led to the pool which was hard to take your eyes off. It was like having an enormous lit fish tank with no fish right above you. I felt like a voyeur checking to see if there was anyone brave enough to take a dip. We started joking about how much money it would take in order to strip down and take the plunge. (keep in mind the pool is above you and seemed magnified to me) The anti kept increasing until it got to be ridonculous. For me it basically came down to body image. There are also specific things I would not do for money and stripping down at 46 years old in public with the lights on is on that list, sex and marrying are two more. Jacquie joked that she would if she could escape through a trap door out the back and not have eye contact with anyone in the room and then have her and her family relocated, hilarious! I giggle every time I think of her coming home to Gavin and explaining how she made a huge wad of cash while out with me.

No matter what way you look at it we all have some kind of body image issues that creep back into our lives at any given moment, this was one of mine. These guys had seen my body really young, not naked but close enough, spandex were popular back then. It would be hard to top that! After the joking stopped Cam told me he remembered me having body issues at 17! It didn’t really shock me, what 17 year doesn’t have issues about their body. What bothered me most was that I am finally comfortable in my own skin, which I believe happened shortly after turning 40, yet I was still putting out the impression that I was not. Why?  I am a confident woman who embraces her sexuality. Maybe out of my comfort zone being single again, revisiting the past? Body image is hard to change for women but absolutely necessary if its negative.

So you see by joking about not wanting to be seen naked swimming in a glass bottom pool only attracted more attention to my enormous size 8-9-10 (depending on my salt intake). Men don’t notice our flaws or imperfections unless we point them out, so don’t point them out! I learnt a lesson that night, I would NEVER talk negative about my body again! It only sets you up for a false insecurity that you bring upon yourself. Embrace whatever body you have, regardless of your size or shape it really is what’s on the inside that counts. Believe me even those perfect size 2’s have body issues that need to be worked on.

PS ~ I just read my “Gusto Post Card” and this is what it said: ” You know how wise people reach a certain point in their lives and realize it actually doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of them? They just sort of grow beyond caring about that, and they start caring a lot more about what they think of themselves? And then they decide they’re going to do what they want to do and be who they want to be and live their lives as they see fit and love every second of it? Well, that wise person lives inside of you. Let that certain pivotal point in your life be today. Your number-one fan, Gusto  And oh…Be you. Live Fearlessly! Timing is Everything!!!!

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Swingers ~ Let’s Get This Party Started ~

TracyI’ve written a few posts that some of you might not think have suitable content, but I have an open mind and find most topics interesting, inspiring and worthy of a conversation. I would love to see how “attack of the Redneck Mommy” would address this topic, she’s authentic, hilarious and completely UNPLUGGED!  Her voice is unedited and she embraces it!  Pure confidence to let it roll as she does.  I completely admire her honesty.  It’s pretty basic for me, if someone is doing it, I am curious as to why.  If you are uncomfortable with the topic of Sex or Swingers, now would be the time to “blog off”.  But for those of you with a gaping wide open mind and the same curiosity that killed the cat this is for you!  A little taboo education of what is going on in a suburb or resort near you.  ( insert Cheshire cat grin here :))

We the Tara Team recently gave our collaborative opinion on Polyamorous Relationships, could we ever imagine ourselves in one?  I had never heard of them before we posted about it.  I know, I can’t believe it, how did that one slip by my radar!  Great snag Bonnie!  Now I have been educated on what they are, have formed my own opinion, and can confidently join in a conversation about Polyamory.  I find all human behavior interesting, especially those of a taboo nature.

If your questioning why I would write about Swingers and I know some of you are I follow a list of what makes a good blog topic:  Write something; useful, unique, newsworthy, first, that makes the reader smarter, controversial, insightful, that taps into a fear people have, that helps people achieve, that elicits a response, that gives a sense of belonging, passionately, inspirational, that solves a problem, that gets a laugh, opinionated, about something cool, saves people money or time, that tells a story and that interprets or translates news for people. Not that I have to justify my topic choice or anything, Wednesday and Friday are my days to write about whatever floats my boat!

R(small)-01While researching Polyamory I found that most people confuse Swingers with Polyamorous relationships.  There is a difference. The primary emphasis of Poly is loving relationships with more than one other partner.  The primary emphasis of Swingers is casual, non emotional sex.  In reality, there is a large overlap between the two.  Swingers find most Poly conversations to focused on relationships.  Poly’s find the conversations of Swingers too forward, too aggressive and more sexually explicit oriented for comfort.  Also it seems many poly’s are seeking bisexual relationships and Swingers are more heterosexual couples looking for other heterosexual couples. I was told by the same girlfriend who gave me explicit details of the  Brazilian Wax that the area or suburb in which I live is a large “swinging” community.  (not sure how she knew that tee hee, I’m kidding, I love her for her lack of filter, honesty, curiosity and she gives good post ideas !)

swingers

Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.  I have to go on record and say I disagree, I am not sure swinging is in anyway similar to lets say book clubs, wine tasting or cooking for couples.  (I’m just sayin)  The phenomenon of swinging may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades, which happened after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible by the safer sex practices during the same period.  Swinging has also been called wife swapping in the past, but this term has been criticized as ‘androcentric’ (taking a male-oriented point of view) and inaccurately describing the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part.

Swinging activities may include (but are not limited to):

  • Soft swinging: having sexual intercourse with a partner while two or more other people perform sex acts in the immediate vicinity.
  • Soft swap: having oral sex with someone other than one’s partner. Often a type of swinging that new couples choose before eventually trying full swap, although many couples stay “soft swap” for personal or safety related reasons.
  • Full swap: having penetrative sex with someone other than one’s partner. Although this is the commonly understood definition of swinging, it is not necessarily the most common type.
  • Group sex: An all-inclusive term for activities involving multiple partners in the same vicinity.

Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sexual activity with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual.  These acts can occur in the same room (called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging does occur. On these occasions, swingers will often refer to sex as play and sex partners as playmates.  I won’t be asking if anyone can come out to play anymore. (yikes)  Occasionally, one party of a couple will not be interested in joining the swinging lifestyle.  This party is typically referred to as the “hold-out” while the other party is referred to as the “desirous party”.

Here is a little History~

Swinging dates back as far as the 16th century when a formal arrangement was signed whereby conjugal relations would be shared between the men and their spouses.  In the 17th century temporary spouse-trading was commonly advocated and practised among occultist, particularly alchemists in Europe. While contemporary swingers look to earlier practices, such as ancient Roman acceptance of orgies and alternative sexual practices, swinging in the 20th century began differently.

According to Terry Gould’s Book The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers , swinging began among United States Army Air Force pilots and their wives during World War II. The mortality rate of pilots was high. Gould reports that a close bond arose between pilots, with the implication that husbands would care for all the wives as their own, emotionally and sexually, if the husbands were away or lost (thus bearing some similarity to levirate marriage, in which a woman is required to marry her deceased husband’s brother).  Though the beginnings are not agreed upon, it is assumed swinging began among American military communities in the 1950s. By the time the Korean War ended, swinging had spread from the military to the suburbs. The media dubbed the phenomenon wife-swapping.

Nightline ABC News with Martin Bashir ~ Reporting John Berman~

I will leave you with that to contemplate, form your own opinion, book your flight to Los Cabos or perhaps enlightened a little with what others are doing around you that you may not have been aware of.  And although it doesn’t fit in to the  lifestyle I am searching for, being a hopeless romantic, I never judge.  Freedom of speech is something I am grateful for !

Peace out !

Tracy signiture

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Would you rather be a Mermaid or a Whale?

TracyYou may have already seen this.   It was sent to me by a beautiful friend of mine, Laurie, and I wanted to share it with you!

Recently, in a large french city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.   It said:

¨THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?¨

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

mermaid or whale?To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans).  They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.  They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.  They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.  They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist.  If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis.  Fish or human?  They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex?  Therefore they do not have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store? The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends.  With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.  So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.  Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think,  Good gosh, look how smart I am.

I found humor in that, I hope you did too.  So Ladies on Thanksgiving weekend you and I are going to indulge with our families and friends and enjoy ourselves with absolutely no guilt what-so-ever!!  Gym Shmim!  Now go cut yourself a piece of that Pumpkin pie!

Tracy signiture

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Oprah, Why’d ya’ do it?

Post Insert JacquieJacquie speaks up ~ Mackenzie Phillips was on Oprah last week ‘opening up’ about her 10 year incestuous relationship with her father John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas.   I didn’t watch but I picked up the gist of it on Internet sites and so-called news programs that ran sound bites for days afterwards.

I’m a huge Oprah fan but I chose not to watch because I had seen an episode with Mackenzie years ago where she spilled about her drug addiction and sexcapades with people like Mick Jagger, and frankly I was a bit disgusted that Oprah would give this girl another hour of good air space.   Incest is definitely an Oprah worthy topic but I think she could have found more believable guests to share their story.  Mackenzie was a minor celebrity once and I feel she’s using the media to stay in the spotlight and has very little interest in helping others with her story, as she claims.

Michelle Phillips, Mac’s step mom, finds the timing particularly interesting as the allegations came out just a week before Mackenzie’s step sister, Chynna Phillips, was set to release a new album.  Oprah’s good, Mac, but you need a professional couch to sit on for some real therapy.

I hope Oprah will concentrate on what she does so well;  introducing us to inspiring stories of courage, love, talent, forgiveness, hope and  personal growth ~  and leave the tabloid garbage to the bottom feeders.

TracyTracy googles ‘Mackenzie Phillips’ and then has this to say ~

I did have to google ‘Mackenzie Phillips’ to find out some of the details and although the topic of incest bothers me terribly and I find these allegations to be of a very serious nature, the only two people who know the truth are Mackenzie Phillips and her father John Phillips.  Unless someone actually walked in on them doing what is claimed it’s all hearsay.  I don’t believe everything I hear as I wrote about in a post  What Can We Believe Anymore .  If I had tuned in to the show I would have tuned right back out as soon as I saw the guest and nature of the show.  It screams Jerry Springer to me.  I am not a big fan of shows that thrive on conflict and drama.

The Mamas and Papas incest case shows that it’s time to stop celebrating the Sixties, says Gill Hornby.”  Well that sucks cause I was just hoping to start celebrating the 60’s just this year as I said in my bio Tracy quote:  I am driven by passion and romance and if were given the chance would go back to the age of innocence when courting and ballroom dancing existed. (I’m rethinking that at the moment)  The 60’s are starting to look better to me now for some reason.” I might leave that alone for awhile until the dust settles.  I love the Mamas and the Papas music though, it sounds so innocent so perhaps we could all use a musical interlude right now…Peace

Bonnie Johnson's PostBonnie reluctantly gives this her attention~

Hmm.  I’m struggling with how to approach this.  I have recently learned that if something doesn’t make me feel good then I don’t give it my attention.  Incest and speaking about it makes most people uncomfortable and I’m no exception.  I knew the program on Oprah would not make me feel good.  However I grew up watching “One Day at a Time” and because of that I decided to watch Oprah featuring Mackenzie Phillips.

My Tara partners did not watch the show or, I suspect, the follow-up show on Friday either.  I understand why they both chose not to view the show, I almost didn’t myself.  If they had seen both shows they would probably have had a softer opinion towards Mackenzie.  They would have learned that there were many others who were aware of the consensual incest that went on for 10 years.  They would have learned that Mackenzie’s sister, Chynna Phillips (Michelle Phillips daughter) knew about the incest and fully supports her sister now and feels her mother is simply in denial which is a normal reaction in this situation.  They would have seen the pain on Mackenzie’s face as she spoke about these things and I’m sure would have felt some sympathy for a fellow human being that had lived through some of the horrors that Mackenzie did.  I’m also sure that they would agree that Mackenzie is already making a difference to many who have gone through the same or similar trauma in their life and have contacted her to speak about it.  This story is about love, forgiveness, hope and personal growth.

When all you hear is the rhetoric around a story and not see or hear the story first hand I think it is truly best to refrain from making any judgments regarding it.  We are always touting that we are not judgmental  here at Tara Cronica after all.

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Are You Getting ‘Enough?’

TIf you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with. Really?  Why not just leave the one your with, to be with the one you love.  Whether or not you know who that person is, doesn’t it make sense to move forward and at least see if that person exists?  Are you getting ‘enough’ out of life if your not living truthfully.

I have been joking lately on Facebook how I have a “I like married men” magnet hidden somewhere on my person that I can’t find to remove, I am going to drag myself across the demagnetizer at the local electronic store to see if I can deactivate it.  I attract married men and I am starting to wonder if there is a reason I am unaware of.   Is it because I am putting out a  ‘I’m single’ pheromone.  Or is it that I am sending out a energy that I don’t want to be committed…yet.  I admit married men are great to flirt with because it feels safe, it can’t go any further than the flirt.  So maybe it is me and not them.

Here is what I came up with in my search on the Internet.  Recently single women have an energy,  zest for life and confidence to go after their dreams, married men admire what you have and they want a hit of your high energy.

Energetically you feel like you are on shaky ground and so you may be insecure even though a huge good transition is just around the corner in your life.

The combination of the vulnerability and your future potential success and strength is what these married guys are attracted to.  They are not happy in their own lives and so they want to have a fantasy experience with someone who does not have all the complications and responsibilities they are saddled with.  While this is selfish thinking and some of these men may just be players there are some who really are just unhappy and not able or willing to make the changes they need to in their lives.  It takes a huge amount of courage to make lasting change.  They then look for ways to alleviate their anger, frustration and boredom and ladies you come along with your great energy and personal power and they want to just be in that energy even if it is only for a little while.

So what is wrong with the single guys then?  That is a great question!  While you have really strong personal power and great energy that they would love, the simple answer is that the single guys are intimidated.  They see that you have a plan and goals and focus on the future and they just don’t know how to handle this kind of woman.  Now this is not to say that all single guys are like that but you will find as you really raise your own energy signature the more difficult it is for men to relate to you. You may find less men to choose from but the the quality is better and THAT is what counts! Well that sounds promising doesn’t it !

Remember that who you attract into your life is more about what you are doing right than what you are doing wrong in many cases.  We draw certain people into our lives at various times because we have different lessons to learn. I have to agree with some of this but do also think there is more to it and each situation obviously has it’s own set of circumstances.

I think as we age we start to question who we are and if we are getting everything we can out of life.  We start to grow and unfold, feelings of being independent start to creep in, and with that comes a whole slew of new discoveries within ourselves.  We have been with the same some what predictable person for so long that we can’t help but look around for someone new to be intrigued by.  I don’t judge, never have, never will, but I do question both sides of this connection that could potentially be made.  What am I putting out there, and what are you looking to fill?  Are we getting enough?  Enough love, friendship, freedom, spontaneity, affection, SEX, variety, compliments, stimulating conversation, enough fulfillment in everything we do, that will bring us true happiness.  I think if we are being fulfilled within ourselves we will find true happiness.

So perhaps there is more to this than I thought.  I will continue down my path in life with no judgement and look for the lessons along the way. Tracy signiture

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Are Men Really That Necessary?

Bonnie Johnson's PostMy daughter-in-law, Holly, was telling us about how many women she has seen operating the really big road improvement equipment lately.  You know, like the monster steam rollers, huge loaders and the like.  I’ve noticed it too and I think it’s terrific.  One of the guys commented that they’d heard that women are gentler on the equipment and more precise in their movements so it bodes well for these companies to hire women for those jobs.  One man in our group (no names mentioned) commented to the other men that they had better be careful because there may come a day when men are just not necessary anymore.  Silly man!  You’re not super necessary now We love men and could never do without you!!

All of this banter reminded me of an article I came across not too long ago about a woman biologist, Anna Himler, of the University of Arizona.  Anna and her colleagues were studying a group of Amazonian ants called Mycocepurus smithii because of their unusually high success at farming fungus.  Apparently many breeds of ants “farm” various types of fungus for nourishment.  That itself bumped up my respect for ants.  I knew they were always very busy but I didn’t realize they were clever enough to be organized farmers!  As Himler and her team studied the insects, they realized there were no male ants anywhere to be found.   Himler told the BBC that it’s possible the ants evolved so as “not to operate under the usual constraints of sexual reproduction.”   Interestingly, the fungi that the ants cultivate also reproduce asexually. But why would these ants choose to emulate the reproductive cycle favored by their crops? Himler explains:
“It avoids the energetic cost of producing males, and doubles the number of reproductive females produced each generation from 50% to 100% of the offspring.”

“Usual constraints of sexual reproduction”“avoids the energetic cost of producing males”?  Wow.  I for one don’t consider having sex with my man “constraining” or even always “usual” (I’m not saying it’s “unusual” either though…sheesh!) And as a proud mother of a son, I can say that yes, there was an energetic cost there, but it was all so worth it.

So, no need to worry men.  I don’t ever see us fading out your gender and cloning ourselves (Bo-or-ring!).  I do think it’s ironic that those ants are from the Amazon though.

Bonnie

ant

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Women Cougars…not as scary as you might think

Why a post on Cougars you ask? (in southern drawl)  Well Whyyyy Not!  Just the word Cougar makes me giggle.  We have discussed age related topics lately and dating so why not mix the two to explore the possibilities.

What is a cougar?The Unknown Cougar !
The short answer: A cougar is an older woman who is primarily attracted to and has sex with significantly younger men.  I have to ask …”and this is wrong and unacceptable, why?”  (giggle)

The long answer: The most commonly accepted definition of a cougar is a woman 40 years of age or older who exclusively pursues very young men. “Define very” (insert giggle and cougarish grin here)  The onset of the cougar years is hotly debated.  The ten year age difference seems to be an unspoken but accepted minimum between participants.

Typically, cougars prey upon men almost young enough to be their sons.  Fortysomething cougars would be attracted to men in their 20’s, and fiftysomething cougars would pursue men in their 30’s and so on.  Some cougars are less interested in a relationship than a sexual conquest, perhaps enjoying the fact that they are physically appealing to men who are considered to be in the prime of their virility.  Again I ask …”and this is wrong and unacceptable, why?” and I’m giggling…What I didn’t know was that a cougar can be married or unmarried.Ashton Kutscher & Demi Moore

Although the term ‘cougar’ comes from the big game predatory cat of the same name, the cougar connection also may allude to the wearing of animal print clothing by older and more sexually aggressive women.  How many of you just stopped to think if they have been sighted wearing animal print lately?  I know I just mentally scanned my closet,  phew I’m good.

An early example of the cougar phenomenon was seen in the groundbreaking film The Graduate, in which middle-aged Mrs. Robinson (Ann Bancroft) seduces fresh out of  college Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman).  I recently watched ‘Flirting with Forty’ starring Heather Locklear and Robert Buckley.  It made me laugh for so many different reasons.

Barbra Hershey & In my opinion we are hearing more about older women with younger men because people in general have become more accepting and desensitized with just about everything in life.  Women are financially independent and are looking for fun with no complications or expectations.  Not to say that dating a younger man doesn’t come with complications.

Over the last few year there have been younger men entering my circle and I enjoy what they bring to the friendship.  I think for me it would completely depend on the person.  Age doesn’t mean anything if you have a connection and are honest, up front and just let the relationship develop naturally.  Never say never!Susan Sarandon & Tim Robins

Real-life celebrity cougar relationships include Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (15 years), Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins (12 years), and Barbara Hershey and Naveen Andrews (21 years) to name just a few!  Each one of these men look like they have a secret when you really look into their eyes, ahh the eyes, the window to our souls.  And the women look confident, strong and very happy don’t you think?

If you have a cougar sighting  under no circumstance turn and run away, maintain eye contact, make yourself look much bigger than you are and back away slowly!  They love the chase!

So to conclude I ask myself, could I be a Cougar?  Never say Never!   Don’t knock it til ya try it right?

Flirting with Forty Movie clip~Looks like a no brain-er to me! lol

Tracy

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‘Friends with Benefits’

Tracy

When I first started writing this post I had a humorous view but when I weighed my options of making a point that I feel is very important and finding humour in almost anything, my humorous view almost flew out the window and the real me came forward.  I think I can do both, find humour and make a point.   Let’s see.  We have all heard the term ‘friends with benefits’.  It’s basically having hopefully great sex with no strings attached.  In my day, I remember that being called a one night stand or a booty call.  There was a reason for feeling bad after having one but I can’t remember why now…the age thing and memory starts to fade when you hit 40!  But with teens now it doesn’t  just happen one night or time, it lasts as long as they want it to.  But who ends it, why and when?  That’s where the emotions come in and I think where things go awry.

Am I right?  Correct me if I am wrong girls or guys out there.  My girlfriends son told her it is quite normal for teens to have ‘friends with benefits’ and they don’t get looked down upon.  Sign me up I guess if both parties are consenting and are having safe sex it’s their decision to make.  Would I want a friend with benefits?  Would you?  We all have the opportunity, it’s whether we take it or not.  I am struggling with this right now and don’t know if it’s my conditioning or a generation gap.  Part of me say’s well “Whyy nott” but the other part of me says “it’s not good for the soul”.  To not know where you stand with someone is hard enough when there is no sex involved.  Emotions and chemistry is what give sex such passion.  The moral side of me says ‘Live by example’ and the fun side not so moral side says ‘live with no regrets’. Stay with me here I am working through this as I write.

What I think bothers me about this the most is that it is happening younger and younger and some teens are not mature enough to make this decision on their own. They are afraid of being judged by their own peer groups.  It’s much like bullying in the way that when boys are rough with one another, it is possible that one of them doesn’t really want to participate but is forced to out of pressure of not wanting to appear weak.

Friends with Benefits sounds to me like a decision that is made without the thought process that should take place when deciding to give a sacred part of yourself to someone who doesn’t really care if it’s you or not.  I am a confident strong woman but I didn’t get this way from making poor moral decisions in my life.  (Bonnie stay out of it ! ha)  I think it is up to us as parents to do everything we can to make sure our sons understand the self-esteem issues young woman get when their self worth is questioned.  It’s also our responsibility to make sure our daughters have confidence and respect for themselves, as well as from the opposite sex.  I am not sure I could have a friend with benefits unless of course  Gabriel Aubry walked through my bedroom door, then I would be naked in an embarrassing nanosecond.  Humour is important in life and helps lighten certain topics of conversations, but morals and values are the basis of your character.   Teach your kids first as a parent.  Live your life as a soul enriching your existence.  Live by example.  Try to make good decisions and learn by questionable ones.  And always remember it’s about assessing blame. (joking)  So I think I like my friends just the way they are!

Tracy

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