Kick’em When You’re Down

People often do uncharacteristic things when they are newly divorced or separated. Maybe they buy a flashy car, get drunk too often, sleep with people they don’t know, start a blog…but for me it was kick boxing. I may or may not have done some of the other things too, but I seem to have some big gaps in my memory during that time…thankfully.

Anyway, back when I was too young and married to anotha I’d always felt “looked after”. You know? Like, if a pipe or something broke in the house, there was someone there to fix it, if I couldn’t move a piece of furniture, there was someone stronger to lift it, if a bad guy broke in, I had someone big enough to hide behind, and so yes, I felt like I was “looked after”. But when I found myself on my own with a small child I suddenly felt r-e-a-l-l-y vulnerable.

The first thing I did was buy myself a small metal tool box and an electric drill. I remember feeling ridiculously giddy and really tough at the same time after I successfully installed my first curtain rod.  Look at me! I can look after myself! (Don’t judge…I was still only in my 20’s)

Anyway, kick boxing. It actually makes perfect sense when you stop and think about it. I needed to feel like I could protect myself and my young son, I needed to get stronger. Plus I was still pissed off with the whole failed marriage thing and I needed to beat on someone. Kick boxing fit the bill perfectly. After learning the basics and pummelling the heavy bag (which looked remarkably like my ex) for a few months I was finally able to get in the ring and spar with a real person. It was invigorating even when it was sometimes painful. Despite always being covered from head to foot in padding, there were some rounds that left me bruised and limping. Still, it didn’t matter, I felt strong and ready to take on the world.

The gym, or Dojo, I learned kick boxing in also trained us in Karate. I learned so much from that discipline. At one point I couldn’t afford to continue my membership so I asked if I could work it off somehow. Luckily the Dojo needed to be painted. Perfect! I spent all of my spare time there and instead of  going out and drinking and partying too much like most twenty-something singles, I trained. Meanwhile, I got into the best physical shape I’d ever been in. My confidence soared. I was not only physically stronger but without realizing it, I had become emotionally stronger too.

Kick boxing and Karate entered my life at the perfect time. I’d like to end this by saying how it’s kept me young and in shape but the truth is, after a few years I moved on and away from the sport. Part of me wishes I hadn’t – the part that wishes I could still deliver a powerful round house kick to someone’s head if I had to…but I can’t. Truth is, I just don’t feel the need to any longer. There is a bigger part of me that is grateful I don’t have to fight anyone anymore. Somewhere along the way I lost the anger and vulnerability. All these many years later my young son is now a grown man and more than capable of looking after himself. Plus, as long as I don’t have to live with him, I consider the heavy bag my ex a friend.  So it’s all good. Hiy Ya!

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In Search of the Elusive Available Male…and Patience!


Patience has never been one of my strong suits, I’m working on it. When I decide I am ready for something I usually jump in with both feet. My mistake in the past has been assuming that when I am ready everyone else should be as well. Life has a way of teaching us things we need to learn. Sometimes it can be a slow process and other times it’s a no-brainer. I am amidst the slow process route right now, add no patience and it is like going back to snail-mail after having high speed Internet. I would just like to know I am heading in the right direction, having said that if I change my perspective and have a little patience, the direction I am heading has to be the right one! Right?

We have all sat on the fence teetering as we look over completely distracted at the bright green grass just slightly out of reach. We are not completely ready to take a leap to it so we sit and admire it for a while. We get lost in wondering what would happen if we ventured over to it. That greener grass is a vibrant temptation pulling us toward it. Until we are ready to plant both feet in that iridescently green fresh smelling sweetness we should summon some willpower and discipline and have some patience! Touching that beautiful temptation too soon will leave a footprint with repercussions that will follow if you’re not ready!

If you’re unhappy take time for yourself! If you are not ready, willing and able to share your time with someone of the opposite sex intimately you should be honest with yourself and them. There is nothing wrong with not being ready! Clear your head, purge your past, centre yourself, find balance and then take that step forward…it WILL be worth the wait! You can’t rush feelings, trust them!

Most human beings have baggage of some kind, whether it’s emotional or physical. Baggage is simply life experiences we carry with us, sometimes into our next relationship. We all deal with our experiences on our own timeline, purging some and hanging onto others. When we are ready to let go and free ourselves of the complicated web we have weaved in our past, we do. No one can rush this, not even us. Time heals and when we are ready to move forward we do…again patience.

Although things don’t always go as planned or as quickly as we sometimes want or imagine, we need to step back, take a breath and relax. The sooner we recognize and accept that we have no control of others we learn patience. Take things slow, enjoy the moment, give those you find worthy time and appreciate what you have, not what you don’t have. Everything works out the way it should. We all get to different places in life at our own speed, trying to change the path of another human being only distracts you from your own.

Svaha!

 

 

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