Girlfriends at My Side ~

I am on a path of Enlightenment just like the Goddess Arya Tara who we chose to represent us here on Tara Cronica over 3 years ago. I am growing and unfolding along the way, learning life lessons, making memories and expanding my circle of friends. I believe I have evolved as a woman while writing what’s on my mind each week. Writing is my passion and it has also been therapeutic. Women communicate and learn from speaking to, and listening to, other women, it’s what we do.

I have had so many laughs and shed many tears along the way. One thing that has been consistent are the girlfriends who stand at my side day and night, 24/7. Men have come and gone but the beautiful nurturing souls who I am blessed to say are my girlfriends stand strong at my side. I need my girlfriends, it’s that simple. I love the male energy as you all know, great men inspire me to be a better me.

Life would not be the same without my beautiful soul sisters!

My Mom shared this link with me (she is more than my Mom she is also my girlfriend) and it rung so true to me I needed to share it with you. Thanks Mom I love you!  xo

They Teach it at Stanford;

“In an evening class at Stanford the last lecture was on the mind-body connection – the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other thing, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious. Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physcially this quality ‘girlfriend time’ helps to create more serotonin – a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very GOOD for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. (Hallelujah to that!) There’s a tendency to think that when we are ‘exercising’ we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged – not true! (I know not ONE of my girlfriends agrees with that statement!) In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!”

So every time you grab a java with friends or chat over a glass of wine, keep in mind it’s good for your well being! It soothes the soul!

This does not mean I am not going to go on and on about the male energy, that will never change! I love my friends male and female!

Svaha Girlfriends…and Man-friends!

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Dear Roommate

Dear Roommate,

Our relationship is vital to you. Apparently you’d die without me. Me? Well, I’m normally very independent. I could live with or without you. Except…and I hate to admit this, but when I moved in with you, I became needy. And not just for the usual perks –  high definition tv, incredible views, newly remodeled kitchen, corner lot and all that storage space – no there is more to it than that. I began to crave your attention. There I’ve said it. When I live out on my own I’m just fine, but when I move in with you I have to have your love and attention.

Before you, my life was all rhythm, all ebb and flow, open and close, back and forth. You should know that I am acutely aware. More than you ever imagined me to be. I may not understand some of the things that you say, I guess I don’t hear things the way that you do, but I always understand your intent. I know when you are happy and loving and boy don’t I know it when you are not.

That time you disappeared for a couple of weeks almost killed me. I sat alone in your bedroom in the dark. I didn’t eat or drink a thing. All I could think about was how you’d abandoned me. As bad as that was, it still wasn’t as bad as the time you “went to visit family in Europe” and let one of your friends move in and stay with me. Ya – good one. That guy had a major drinking problem and seemed bent on giving me one too. All he did was push drinks on me until I was too weak and sick to stand upright.  It took me weeks to dry out and I still haven’t fully recovered to my original vigor.

When you are home you are so busy that you often forget I’m even here. Ah, but when you do stop to speak to me, I’m always so touched by the kind things that you say. And those other times when you speak to me without words, I hear your thoughts and I love you back with every cell of my being. And that is why I thrive around you…and wilt when you are gone.

What gets me through? Luckily my roots grow deep and I’ve got my buds for support.

The human to plant relationship is still really green. There is so much that you don’t yet know about me.

For example, did you know that we plants have what’s called circadian rhythms, which are daily cycle rhythms? Plants sleep at night when photosynthesis ceases to take place and respiration alone continues. Not loud snoring like I hear coming from some of your kind, just soft silent respirating. The truth is we need our sleep just like you.

You may act like you don’t need me at times but –

Oxygen comes from plants everyday while carbon dioxide is taken away.

Yep, you need me. So don’t forget to show me the love I always show you.

Respectfully yours,

House Plant

~~~~~~

A Few Fun Plant Facts

84% of a raw apple is water.

A cucumber is 96% water.

A notch in a tree will remain the same distance from the ground as the tree grows.

A pineapple is a berry.

Almonds are the oldest, most widely cultivated and extensively used nuts in the world.

Americans eat more bananas than any other fruit: a total of 11 billion a year.

Until 1883, hemp was the world’s largest agricultural crop, from which the majority of fabric, soap, paper, medicines,  were produced.

An apple tree is at its prime when its about 50 years old. The United States produces about 100 million barrels of apples a year. That’s a lot of old trees.

An arabica coffee tree can produce up to 12 pounds of coffee a year, depending on soil and climate.

An average ear of corn has 800 kernels, arranged in 16 rows.

Arrowroot, an antidote for poisoned arrows, is used as a thickener in cooking.

Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.

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Just Let Go ~

 

Sometimes you just need to just let go with both hands! You don’t need to turn your back and walk away, just loosen your grip and let it slip, whatever ‘it’ is. It might be a job that isn’t inspiring you, a new romance that can’t quite find its way, a relationship that doesn’t feel right anymore but you can’t put your finger on why, or an answer to a question that keeps eluding you. No matter what it is if you give it back to the Universe and surrender I guarantee you will feel free and untangled. Clear your mind and let go of any thoughts that relate to what you are questioning. Set them free. You can only do so much to make things happen in life. When you feel you have done all you can it’s time to just let go.

After you let go you can look at what you set free with a clearer understanding. It will start to make more sense once you create some distance. Your mind can subconsciously process what it needs to without all the internal dialog interrupting constantly. It’s the same as when you can’t remember a name so you put it out of your mind and when you least expect it the name comes rushing back making you blurt it out loud. Have some faith in the magic of the Universes power. Sometimes things happen for reasons unclear to us. We need time to see why we didn’t walk down the path we thought was ours.

Trust your instincts! Do what feels right for you. You might be questioned from those standing on the side lines but again loosen your grip and let them slip! No one knows what’s best for you better than YOU! Staying true to yourself is all that matters in the end.

We get influenced by our fear of not having or doing what others perceive is right for us. We fear losing what we ‘had’ more than we have the insight to see what is ahead. ‘What-ifs‘ start to drift through our thoughts like the boogie man whispering…“careful there may not be another.” Don’t listen! What ever you let go of there will always be another ready to take its place whether it be a job, romance, sailboat, car, motorcycle, airplane ect. However, there is not another you so make you happy and all else will follow. In the end it either wasn’t meant to be or what you let go of will find its way back to you when the time is right.

There is always another romantic notion to ponder, job to explore, relationship to build or any other idea you let go of. When you have the courage to let go of something that doesn’t make you feel good or true to yourself, you are empowered by your action.

Just let go…and be  ~

P.S..as you all know I receive Postcards from Gusto. I couldn’t NOT share this mornings with you…funny right? Check it out! Timing is truly everything ~


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Is Fidelity Obsolete?

I was reading Women’s Health and came across an article by Meghan Rabbitt questioning whether fidelity is becoming obsolete. I cracked up at the picture that was attached to it of a bride standing alone on her wedding cake, on her phone, groom hanging from a helicopter trying desperately to get away…it read “To have and hold from this day forward…or until someone hotter comes along.”

Everyone has the right to change their minds I suppose, and better before you tie the knot than after, when it just keeps getting more complicated as time goes by. What’s not so funny is the stats about cheating.

40% of people who do cheat do so with a friend.

35% cheated with a co-worker.

23% of men cheated with someone they met in a bar. Alcohol and or drugs have always been an excuse for why men and women loses their inhibitions and acts inappropriately while under the influence. I’ve always believed those who use alcohol or drugs as their excuse had it in them before their lips even touched the glass or reefer. When the effects wear off, they sober up and need to blame something for their actions, because they weren’t honest with themselves to begin with. I say do what you want without the drug of choice and take precautions. Just be honest about what you’re doing! Don’t sugar coat it and keep it real!

22% of women cheated with an ex-boyfriend. I understand why this would appeal to some, familiarity and comfort of knowing this person. But I personally am not a big fan of friends with benefits, so for me when its over, its over.

I think cheating is the way out in most cases, not always a mistake though. You wouldn’t be even considering cheating if you were happy in your marriage or relationship in the first place. And if your not happy why not move forward to find happiness! Most men and women don’t move forward because of fear. They don’t want to gamble and be alone, or take the chance of not meeting someone who is better suited to them than the previous one. Does that really matter if you’re not happy in the first place. At least if your alone you are doing what you like and not compromising who you are for someone you’re not 100% happy with. Being a romantic I wouldn’t want to compromise this part of my existence.

I understand that for most men and women it’s not as easy as it sounds, because of children, property, commitments and vows but ultimately we all want to be happy and if you’re not, change and compromise can be made to get you in the right direction. Infidelity is not the answer. I don’t agree with staying together unless you’re still passionate with your partner. Having said that not everyone needs passion or love to make their world go round! Love and passion need to be present for me to want to continue a relationship. If love and passion are not reciprocated then there is no point in continuing down a path of mediocrity. I understand passion gets lost in our day to day lives but there needs to be a spark that both are willing to work at igniting together for love and passion to not get lost. If somewhere down the road the flame goes out, move forward and remain friends so you avoid infidelity and avoid being a statistic. Be true to yourself.

Did you know that the average ‘romp’ lasts 3 to 7 minutes, yet both male and female desire 13 minutes. If we can’t put at most 13 minutes away for our partner, no wonder the stats I quoted earlier are so high! You can also look at this stat as, if you are really just looking for a 7 minute romp, is it really worth ending what you do have with your spouse for that, probably not.

Here are a few tips I found online to help prevent yourself from becoming part of a growing statistic ~

1. Be each other’s number one confidant. You shouldn’t be sharing private thoughts with others that you’re not sharing with your mate.
2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose.
3. Don’t let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Relationships that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair.
4. Recognize when you’re temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your relationship — or that you have to act on it.
5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your relationship. If you’re ever tempted and don’t feel like you can tell your mate, you’ll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you’ll have a strong support network to help you put your relationship back together.

Every relationship is unique and needs work, I know mine is very unorthodox but it works. I have been able to move on and keep my best friend without having become a statistic because of honesty and hard work on both sides. My advice to not becoming a statistic is be honest no matter how hard it can sometimes be, have good intention, stay in the room and lose your ego. Don’t sweat the small stuff and accept your partner’s flaws and they will accept yours. If you can do that you will ‘at least’ have a best friend in what was your partner or spouse!

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What Do You Call A…

Bonnie Johnson's PostThere should be another word for “step-mother”.  Step-mothers are usually portrayed as evil in fairy tales and movies and the word “mother” is too sacred on its own.  When you throw the word “step” in front of it the whole meaning changes.  Damn whoever wrote Cinderella!evil step mother

I’m a step-mother to three adults, one of whom is only ten years my junior.  So uttering the word “mother” as part of my title is not only uncomfortable but really just sounds wrong too. The oldest is married to a wonderful woman whom I’ve become very close to.  It gets awkward when I try to introduce her to others though. “This is my step-daughter-in-law” is a mouthful.  Sometimes I leave off the word step for fun but then I get those funny sideway glances of confusion.  My step-daughter-in-law, by the way, is also a step-mother to one of my step-grandchildren.  Confused? Welcome to the modern family.

I came on the scene after my husband;s children were all grown up and living away from home.  They’d had a few years to get used to their parents divorce and had seen their dad “dating” before.  I wasn’t a home wrecker and I’m grateful for the timing.  It allowed my relationship with his children to start on solid ground.  I remember being pleasantly surprised by the natural affection I had for his three kids right from the start.  I realize it was mostly because they are all such kind and accepting people but a part of the reason came from being in love with their dad. They are, after all, a very big part of him.

Most important to me was that my own son would be accepted as part of the family.  I didn’t need to worry.  Over the years my husband’s kids have developed their own strong relationship with James and there is no doubt that we are all family now.

I feel so blessed to be a part of a large diverse family like ours and excited that it is growing 😉 as I write this.  Yes, there is a new baby on the way!

It’s just the titles I struggle with.  My step-grand kids call me “Bonnie” and I guess that’s ok, but I wish there was a more intimate title to describe what I am to them.  I just don’t know about being called “Bonnie” to this new baby. “Grandma Bon?” But is it ok to change it up with one child when the others are used to another name? If you have any suggestions I’d love to hear them.

I guess the relationship we share matters more than what we call it.  As the years go by I feel more and more “related” to these special people and I’m so grateful to have them all in my life.

Bonnie

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Ever had an Obsession? Do Tell!

Jacquie’s take~

post-pic-3-12When I think of the word ‘obsession’ I think of an action or thought or feeling that is all-consuming and thereby counterproductive.  So, yeah, of course I’ve been obsessed a few times in my life!

The biggest obsessions I’ve had have revolved around my kids.  I’m a bit of a collector by nature and so when my girls got into beanie babies 10 years ago I thought I’d surprise them by picking up a few of the really hard to find ones on eBay.   It was an incredible rush to go through the auction process, only to lose out at the last minute to the more savvy bidders who knew all the tricks.  I made it my personal goal to learn how to win and as a result I was able to get some of the most coveted items.  Unfortunately, my girls had lost interest in the meantime.  I soon realized that I had taken away all the fun for them because it was no longer about cherishing what they’d been able to find on their own.

I’ve collected everything from carnival glass, beads, paints, fabric and china just because I like the texture and the colors.  My china is all different patterns because I could never decide on just one look and I like to go to flea markets when out of town.  I used to be obsessed with finding just the right new dinner plates.  I now actually say a little mantra when I feel the urge to pick up something  ~  ”Will this really make your life better?”  The answer is now “No, I like it but I can be happy without it”.

Someone out there will immediately know what having an obsession with collecting means.  I think I have a pretty good idea myself.  I’ve watched enough Oprah to have that figured out!

Bonnie’s two cents~

Obsession–noun

  1. the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.
  2. the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.
  3. the state of being obsessed.
  4. the act of obsessing.

Bonnie's PostWell when you put it that way I guess I have.   I was once obsessed with a thought.  A kind of doomsday thought.  The seed for this thought was planted years ago by a psychic I had visited a few times.  The thing with this particular psychic was that she was pretty darned accurate most of the time, some might even say “spot on” in many of her predictions.

I visited her a couple of years before I met my husband John and she told me that I would meet the “one” within the next couple of years.  Check.  She told me she saw me living in a white house beside the water with this love of my life.  Check.  I was a single mother of one when I spoke to her but she said I would have four children.  This made me laugh.  I had not considered step children at that point.  Four children.  Check.  One thing she said, that I didn’t think much about at the time but that would later become my obsession, was this:   “You will have a wonderfully happy life with this man…but it will end too soon.  It will not be a long enough relationship for you.”  She didn’t get into details, in fact that was all she would say about that, and I put it out of my mind.  Until I was with John, living in our white house beside the lake when it hit me.  All the things she’d predicted had come true!  So now when was this relationship going to come to a sudden halt?  The only way I could imagine that happening was if John was to die on me.   And there it was.  The beginning of my obsession with the thought that my John would die early and break my heart.  He travels a lot with work and so every time he was leaving to go away I would sob and worry that I would never see him again.  I was like this for years.  It’s exhausting worrying about ridiculous things.  Poor John kept telling me to stop imagining him with one foot in the grave.  Then I started to worry that it might come true simply because I gave the thought too much of my focus and energy…power of attraction…that kind of thing.  I was going crazy.  Maybe that would be how it ended too soon.  John had to commit me.

I’ve finally stopped the craziness and I don’t obsess over the thought of losing John anymore…much…no really…hardly ever…no…never at all anymore.

I have to share with you the wonderful positive thing that came of all of this obsessing.  I have always (and still do) absolutely appreciated every moment that I spend with my husband.  My silly fear taught me a great lesson in appreciation and when you are always in appreciation of someone it makes for a very strong bond of love.

Tracy’s thoughts~

Tracy

Yes, I have had an Obsession!  His name starts with the letter…I am kidding!  My real obsession was with exercise.  This particular time it had a negative effects on my body and here is why.  I was heading off to Cabo with Jacquie last year around this time and as soon as I booked my ticket I started to work out really, really hard.  Working out for me has always been part of my life but this was more than I was used to.  I did a intense stair routine for an 1 hour at the local track 3 days a week and ran 3 days a week anywhere from 5 -10 K.  I literally lived in my running gear!

When I look back I see that I was obsessed, but at the time I was just stepping it up a bit.  By doing this I completely threw my hormones out of balance.  My endocrine system was turned upside down.  I had my menstrual cycle for 48 days straight and then not at all for 3 months.  Nothing should bleed for that long and live…seriously!  It was a real concern for about 6 months.  I sought help from my Doctor with no luck in finding out what was going on.  I must admit I got very impatient.  I was put on birth control pills to try to balance my cycle.  Test after test, throw a day surgery in there for fun and still no resolution for me.  I finally went to see a Naturopathic Doctor who had balanced my Thyroid after being Hypothyroid after child birth.(slow metabolism no matter how hard you work out you don’t lose an ounce! It sucked big time)  He balanced that naturally so I gave him another try.  I needed to cleanse my system or as he put it take out the garbage and reboot my endocrine system like we do our computers after they crash.  I did a kidney cleanse and took a natural capsule that binds excess estrogen in your system  and I was regular a month later and have been since.  That was my obsession, exercise. Moderation is key!

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