‘Tis the Season to… Break up?

I heard the other day that November and December are when most break up occur. The reasons why made sense to me, but what I found hard to believe was that so many people found it difficult to be honest about why. What’s wrong with honesty? Not everyone is going to be into you, and there is always going to be another person out there who is NOT tired of putting up with your crap! giggle

Did you know there is break up etiquette? I suppose if it saves someones feelings, it’s a good thing. We all know getting dumped is crappy but in the big picture wouldn’t you rather be dumped than be an option if you’re not a priority? I’ve noticed in both men and women that everyone seems to want to have a few options, whether they are married or not. (if my marriage doesn’t work out…there is always him, or if my girlfriend and I don’t work out…there’s always her) I’ve got one word for that EGO! I would rather have no options and spend some quality time with myself than waste the time of someone else for the sake of an option. Options don’t last! Priorities do! Its pretty basic isn’t it? Don’t we just want to know the truth so we can adjust our thinking and move on. The truth can be razor sharp at times but the pain ALWAYS subsides. No one is free from being dumped, it’s a learning experience that is really valuable to find out who we are. (last weeks post Who Are You? touched on that)

Some of the reasons why November and December are when the most break up occur is because, generally speaking the holidays are usually spent visiting with family. If you’re not ‘the one’, the break up is to avoid having to introduce you to the family, that you are probably not going to be a part of in the near future. It makes it more difficult later on in the relationship to dump someone who has met your family. The same reason I believe you shouldn’t introduce your kids to every Tom, Mary or Larry you go out for coffee with. If it’s meant to be, in time everyone will meet. Patience is a virtue!

Sometime we realize that we simply want to be alone and need to spend time by ourselves. Nothing wrong with that! That makes the most sense, I love being on my own but there are lots of men/women who like to be with someone, regardless whether or not they are the right someone. If it’s not working, end it, but kindly! You would be doing the other person a favour in the end! Always remember when one door closes another one opens!

The reason at the bottom of the list was that we just don’t want to spend money on someone we don’t think we are going to be with long term. Do you really want the generic-says-nothing-about-your-pending-relationship gift anyway?

I think what’s most important is the way you break up. No one likes to be lead on. If everyone would just learn to NOT lie, it would sure make things a lot simpler don’t you think? After mustering up the courage to finally end a relationship you should never ever end with…right now. Example: “I really like you but I don’t want to be in a committed relationship…right now“. It leaves the relationship dangling! If the truth is “I really like you but I don’t want to be in a committed relationship…with you” say it! At least the person being dumped won’t pine over you for months after the fact!

The etiquette to me was a no-brainer but here is the basics simplified: No text break-ups, No email break-ups, Face to Face is best, the sooner the better, be honest so the person is not wondering what they did or why…tell them why! DO NOT just ignore the person or disappear off the face of the earth, there is such a thing as BREAK UP KARMA! My personal advice to being the dumper, dress down, it just might lighten the blow :0 wink*

Basic rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you!

Happy Break ups Everyone, it’s not always a bad thing! 🙂

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Obligations and Expectations.

TracyObligations and expectations are something everyone accumulates over time.  They can sneak up on you if you’re not careful.  They start to layer themselves on us until we start to feel like our lives are being directed by everyone but us.  Family obligations are one thing, such as celebrations and doing things for other family members because we want to, but it’s another story when acquaintances start to guilt you into doing what they think is something you should do, because they feel obligated to.  People do this when they don’t know how to say no.

With great friendships and true love there are no obligations or expectations.  Fear is full of obligations.  Fear of not fitting in.  Fear of what people will think if you say “no”.  Fear of being a minority.  Fear of not being accepted if you don’t play along with the politics.  Fear of being judged.  Fear is a horrible emotion that leads you further away from who you truly are.  Fear nothing and you will make the right decisions.  Without fear you can live your life truthfully and authentically.  The next time someone puts their obligations onto you ask yourself  ” Is this really something I want to do?” If the answer is no then chances are it is an obligation trying to be put on you.

When I first started to see this happening in my life I was unsure of how to deal with it.  I finally just said “no”.  I stood back and looked at the person who was trying,  I will repeat trying, to put their obligations on to me.  I flat out refused to accept it.  People who over book themselves are really pro at putting their obligations on others.  If their doing it, so should you.  Soon their family and life gets overtaken by what they feel expected to do until they no longer have control over their own lives.  Family dinners get cancelled, the time they used to spend for themselves is gone because of the obligations they have accepted throughout the years.  It’s a Dominos Effect.

People in general these days are busier than ever, and there isn’t enough time in the day for everything they’re obligated to do.  In my opinion we need to get back to the basics and quit accepting more things to do.  We need to have our family be our priority and spend more quality time together.  We need to stop overbooking our kids and ourselves and start living our lives for us.

I am not certain whether it was an age thing with me in being able to say “no” or that I really just have my time and my family as a priority.  I think it’s a combination of both.  If we don’t start making changes, our family time will become a scheduled event marked on our calender along with everything else.  For many this is already the norm, but it’s never too late to reevaluate if your time is well spent or balanced.  Life is too short to have it filled with obligations we didn’t feel good about to begin with.

That’s just my opinion!  Comments are always Welcome !

Tracy

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