Sick Day

I’m slightly out of commission right now.

When your office is directly across the hall from your bedroom it isn’t a tough commute.  And yet, I’m still having a hard time making the trip.

Apart from not feeling very well, sick days can be kind of interesting.  I’m actually learning a lot.

For example, did you know that Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin are not only back together, but are engaged! I thought he’d burned all those bridges but I guess not.  I mean, he’s said some pretty damning stuff about his now future mother in law.

When she was coming home from work, she would say, ‘Where’s my retarded baby?’ —Levi Johnston on Sarah Palin’s maternal instincts on CBS’ Early Show

There wasn’t much parenting in that house. Sarah doesn’t cook, Todd doesn’t cook-the kids would do it all themselves: cook, clean, do the laundry, and get ready for school. — Levi Johnston on the Palin family, to Vanity Fair

I’d love to be a fly on the wall at that wedding. Awkward!

Also, Burger King has a promotion where you have to collect little game cards featuring the Twilight Eclipse movie actors and then scratch either Edward or Jacob to win something.  Win what you ask? I don’t know because I spiralled into a deep debate with myself over who I’d choose to scratch.  It’s a tough one, no?

BP’s new cap seems to be working…finally! Fingers crossed.

Then there is Mel Gibson.  He’s lost it!  What is making me lose it though are all the talk shows (even CNN) that won’t stop discussing the story and playing that crazy phone conversation over and over and over again.  Stop already! If I have to listen to his bleeped-out tirade one more time I’m going to have my own bleeping tirade. You’re thinking “just change the channel” aren’t you?  I’ve tried that.  It’s everywhere!

Oprah is in repeat mode but I discovered Seinfeld still makes me giggle.  Oh, and did you know that soap dispenser pumps are covered in germs? Duh! Once the soap is on your hands you can wash them all away!  Touch-less soap dispensers! Pht!

I switched the tv off and decided to read my Vanity Fair magazine for awhile.  Apparently Brad and Angelina let all of their kids sleep with them in their room-size bed occasionally.  Previous pages were covered with Jennifer Aniston promoting bottled water. Tsk!

Yawn.  That’s about when I fell asleep and had really strange dreams of giant burgers screaming and swearing into a phone while Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston were making out in a giant bed and touch-less soap dispensers were  cleaning up all of the BP oil slick in the gulf.

Yikes!  I must have a fever.

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Women Who Have Shaped Me

Tomorrow is Mothers Day.  I’ve been thinking about my mom and how she has helped shape my life.  A mother is a powerful influence on her daughter in many far reaching ways.  Some positive, some maybe not so positive, but a mothers influence is very powerful never the less.

I’ve also realized there have been many other women who have had an influence on my life.  For a bit of fun I thought I create a list.

In order of when I was influenced by them, the following women made my list. Who is on yours?

My mom ~ She has taught me so much that I don’t even know where to start…so I won’t.  (I just saw a mothers day card that cracked me up.  It had a little girl sitting on a pottie on the cover, the inside said something like “thank you for teaching me so much, especially how to use the pottie – that one comes in handy every single day.”  Ha! )

My grandmother ~ She taught me how to find fun in the little things.  My grandmother was also a bit subservient to my grandfather and watching that made me determined not to follow in those footsteps when I grew up.

Lucille Ball ~ Watching the Lucille Ball show as a little kid I remember thinking how funny she was in her ridiculousness and how sweet it was that her husband always forgave her in the end.  I wanted to find a husband who could forgive me my silly mistakes too.

Cinderella ~ I cheered for her resilience.  She kept a good attitude even when people were being really mean to her.  I admired that all of her perseverance and hard work paid off in the end…which was really the beginning but I didn’t know that then.

Barbie ~ I imagined I would look like her one day, and that my future husband would look like Ken too.  I could hardly wait for the camper we would buy one day! (OMG, I just realized we have one that looks almost identical to the photo!)

Mary Richards (Mary Tyler Moore) ~ She was a pretty single woman living alone in the city and working at a really cool job! Wow! Who knew!

Nancy Drew ~ This was one smart girl.  She could solve any mystery thrown her way.  I loved her!

Laura Ingalls ~ She was ferociously loyal to her family and adventurous.  I loved her spirit!

Kathryn Hepburn ~ She wore pants when other women didn’t. She was athletic.  I always admired her unconventional, straightforward attitude.

Tracy Westerholm ~ Tracy is someone I have admired and loved for over 30 years.  She has shaped my life in innumerable ways. It’s what happens when you are close to another woman since your teens.  We have shared all of the important milestones in each others lives and there is no doubt she will always be a big part of my life. Plus she makes me laugh… a lot!

Mother Teresa ~ For over 45 years she ministered to the poor, sick, orphaned, and dying, while guiding the Missionaries of Charity’s expansion, first throughout India and then in other countries.  I watched her in awe my whole life.  If I could be just a fraction of what she was…

Princess Di ~ To me, she was the real-life Cinderella.  An ordinary girl becomes a princess…it could have been me!  My wedding dress was similar and so was my bouquet. Yikes! In the end I admired her for breaking tradition to find her happiness (and her charity work of course).

Madonna ~ She taught me you don’t need to be able to sing that well to become a famous singer.  Ha ha! She did get much better over the years (and after singing lessons). She was the first woman I ever saw re-invent herself again, and again, and again…
She was/is pure determination.

Oprah ~ I watched Oprah way back in the very early days.  There were some years when I tired of her shows, but then she started to change.  When I began watching again, I discovered that I was learning something new almost every time I tuned in.  Cool! There are not too many women who haven’t been able to relate to her at one time or another.

All my girlfriends ~ I know that every girlfriend that I have had over the years has taught me something.  I love how we support and learn from each other.  Thank you all past, present and future girlfriends!

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Keep Your Kids Safe!

This is not a topic I would normally discuss here on Tara Cronica but I feel that this information should be shared. I recently watched a video series on the Oprah website that dealt with ‘Inside The Mind of a Child Molester’. I found the show disturbing at times because of the honesty but also VERY informative. It’s an inside look at how sexual predators picks and groom their victims. No one really likes to discuss this sort of thing but I feel that it’s a topic that if approached from the mind set of learning, or teaching, it benefits everyone.

I consider myself a very aware perceptive person especially when it comes to the safely of both my children. I was just as aware as a child, street smart is what we used to call it ‘back in the olden days’ as my daughter would say. I talk openly to my kids, not to scare them, but to make them aware that not everyone in this beautiful world we live in is of good intent. Some individuals are in need of help but don’t know how to get it, some eventually do, but at the cost of a child losing their innocence. I try to educate my kids about those individuals and teach them to trust their instincts. Mine have kept me safe for a very long time. (touch wood)

Recently a Sex Offender/Pedophile that lives close to my neighbourhood, who was caught, convicted, served ‘some’ time, has been released back into the community. I know there are hundreds, if not thousand we are unaware of but when this happens in your community you are forced to deal with it up close and personal. I was starting to give my son more freedom, now I am having to make him aware again that there are adults out there that cannot be trusted and don’t have his best interest in mind. Sad but true. Some parents choose not to have this conversation with their kids in fear that they might not want to go outside and play. That is a personal choice that I completely respect. I think educating our kids of realities that can change their lives forever is necessary! It’s a very fine line to navigate for sure.

The purpose of writing a post on this graphic topic is to share information that can keep your kids safe, and empower them instead of instilling fear in them about some of the realities in life.

I was with a girlfriend a couple of years ago at a public venue when we were followed and watched by a lone man who seemed more interested in our kids than the displays. We made our kids all aware of this man and told them to stay close, not to worry we were watching him. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I physically shook when he was in close proximity, it was that strong of a feeling for me. No one has ever made me feel this way before. I felt so strongly about this I photographed him without his knowledge just in case there was a problem. Later my son told me the man had asked him to go with him in passing, he didn’t go. But he delayed in telling me this information which would have changed the entire situation for me. I would have immediately called 911 had I known this. Kids don’t think like we do, in my sons mind he dealt with the situation by not going. Kids also don’t know what information is relevant at the time.

After talking to a friend of mine who deals with such individuals, he told me we did the right thing. My kids learned a valuable lesson that day. I was aware and didn’t turn a blind eye to my instinct. My worst fear was challenged but in the end my kids were safe. It confirmed to me that you MUST TRUST YOUR GUT, when the bodies physiology actually changes when someone is in your presence, it’s for a reason! Trust your intuition! I was told most people ignore this feeling because they don’t want to appear foolish or cause a fuss.

What I passed on to both my kids was that it’s not only girls this happens to, my son also has to be aware. Kids who are confident and secure in their families who talk openly to their parents are at less risk than those who are neglected. Kids need to know that if they tell, we as parents have a better chance of preventing it from happening again. And most of all IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT!

This video series will tell you what to look out for and some signs that will put up a red flag! Over 90% of child molesters know their victims and are trusted by them.

This is a short clip of “Inside the Mind Of a Child Molester Part 1”

For the entire Video Series go to Oprah.com

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Sexless Marriages

Sexless Marriages are common according to Oprah and the Internet. Perhaps if we shut off the television and computer and put some time aside for our partner (if we have one) as we do for everyone else in our lives, we might have sex more often. I’m just sayin…

Bonnie’s post yesterday The Best Music to Have Sex To made me think back to the days of having sex, and what made it most memorable. Music was definitely on my list, but most importantly a trusting partner! Maybe it’s as simple as turning on music to get turned on? Music does stirs our souls and intensify emotions, could it really be that simple? Nothing is that simple, but it wouldn’t hurt to give it a whirl. According to some couples who appeared on the Oprah Show, it’s much more complicated than that. I never watched the show when it originally aired but read what they had to say on her website after the fact. I never knew there were so many deep seeded reasons married couples didn’t have sex as often anymore, or at all for that matter. Thankfully there is a venue to open up the conversation for those who need a little help in understanding why they don’t feel they can have an intimate relationship with their spouse or partner.

To quote my friend Lawrence ~
“You are not alone, is the message we need to share with one another, desperately. Money, material things, broken romance, there is nothing  you cannot get over with the help of a friend, family member, and the admission as a society, that it’s not only okay to share your dreams and fears with the world around you, but it’s the key to a healthier, happier, life more fulfilled.”

Anyone whose been married knows it’s a huge adjustment to go from dating and having the excitement of not knowing when you will see the person of your desire, to marriage and seeing them every single night. You give up some of the excitement for security. Lust for Love. It’s worth it but it’s also hard work. You have to really want to work at a relationship to have it last. That goes for a great sex life too in my opinion. It takes two and if both parties are not on the same page, that is the start of a soon to be sexless marriage.

I can understand how men get pushed to the bottom of the list after having kids, it’s almost expected. You’re living together trying to balance everyone’s needs, there is no special dates or time away from one another to make it more exciting. But that is a conscious choice! Sex sometimes becomes predictable and so the cycle begins.

Kids take up a huge part of daily life and as a Mom myself, I can relate to finally having a moment to myself and not always wanting to share it with anyone else regardless of what’s promised at the end. Having said that I do also believe the more intimacy you have with your partner, talking, touching, builds trust and with trust there comes an overwhelming desire to please. The more you take time for this, the more you want it. If you let it, the opposite happens, out of sight, out of mind. We all get lazy at some point in our relationships. One week turns into two, which turns into three, but then when we do get it together and have a great night of sex we wonder why we left it so long! Again it’s a choice!

I am not saying that everyone experiences this, but I will be honest, I don’t know many people who are completely satisfied with their sex lives. Everyone has their reasons for having less sex from feeling insecure, out of shape, not attractive, tired, kids, work, obligations, the list goes on! But when it comes to loving the person your with, all those small details should be put aside. Nobody is perfect. Just embrace who you’re with, what you’ve got, and go for it! Turn off the boob tube, put on some Enigma and in the heat of the moment, nothing else will really matter but the passionate person lying next to you ! 🙂

The part that I don’t understand is that some women want a man to want them, only them, they enter into a monogamous marriage wanting to be the last woman on earth their spouse/partner  is to have sex with and then THEY don’t have sex with him?

Here are a few links for more information; OprahTodayDr PhilThe Globe and Mail. And if all else fails Enigma!

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Oprah, Why’d ya’ do it?

Post Insert JacquieJacquie speaks up ~ Mackenzie Phillips was on Oprah last week ‘opening up’ about her 10 year incestuous relationship with her father John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas.   I didn’t watch but I picked up the gist of it on Internet sites and so-called news programs that ran sound bites for days afterwards.

I’m a huge Oprah fan but I chose not to watch because I had seen an episode with Mackenzie years ago where she spilled about her drug addiction and sexcapades with people like Mick Jagger, and frankly I was a bit disgusted that Oprah would give this girl another hour of good air space.   Incest is definitely an Oprah worthy topic but I think she could have found more believable guests to share their story.  Mackenzie was a minor celebrity once and I feel she’s using the media to stay in the spotlight and has very little interest in helping others with her story, as she claims.

Michelle Phillips, Mac’s step mom, finds the timing particularly interesting as the allegations came out just a week before Mackenzie’s step sister, Chynna Phillips, was set to release a new album.  Oprah’s good, Mac, but you need a professional couch to sit on for some real therapy.

I hope Oprah will concentrate on what she does so well;  introducing us to inspiring stories of courage, love, talent, forgiveness, hope and  personal growth ~  and leave the tabloid garbage to the bottom feeders.

TracyTracy googles ‘Mackenzie Phillips’ and then has this to say ~

I did have to google ‘Mackenzie Phillips’ to find out some of the details and although the topic of incest bothers me terribly and I find these allegations to be of a very serious nature, the only two people who know the truth are Mackenzie Phillips and her father John Phillips.  Unless someone actually walked in on them doing what is claimed it’s all hearsay.  I don’t believe everything I hear as I wrote about in a post  What Can We Believe Anymore .  If I had tuned in to the show I would have tuned right back out as soon as I saw the guest and nature of the show.  It screams Jerry Springer to me.  I am not a big fan of shows that thrive on conflict and drama.

The Mamas and Papas incest case shows that it’s time to stop celebrating the Sixties, says Gill Hornby.”  Well that sucks cause I was just hoping to start celebrating the 60’s just this year as I said in my bio Tracy quote:  I am driven by passion and romance and if were given the chance would go back to the age of innocence when courting and ballroom dancing existed. (I’m rethinking that at the moment)  The 60’s are starting to look better to me now for some reason.” I might leave that alone for awhile until the dust settles.  I love the Mamas and the Papas music though, it sounds so innocent so perhaps we could all use a musical interlude right now…Peace

Bonnie Johnson's PostBonnie reluctantly gives this her attention~

Hmm.  I’m struggling with how to approach this.  I have recently learned that if something doesn’t make me feel good then I don’t give it my attention.  Incest and speaking about it makes most people uncomfortable and I’m no exception.  I knew the program on Oprah would not make me feel good.  However I grew up watching “One Day at a Time” and because of that I decided to watch Oprah featuring Mackenzie Phillips.

My Tara partners did not watch the show or, I suspect, the follow-up show on Friday either.  I understand why they both chose not to view the show, I almost didn’t myself.  If they had seen both shows they would probably have had a softer opinion towards Mackenzie.  They would have learned that there were many others who were aware of the consensual incest that went on for 10 years.  They would have learned that Mackenzie’s sister, Chynna Phillips (Michelle Phillips daughter) knew about the incest and fully supports her sister now and feels her mother is simply in denial which is a normal reaction in this situation.  They would have seen the pain on Mackenzie’s face as she spoke about these things and I’m sure would have felt some sympathy for a fellow human being that had lived through some of the horrors that Mackenzie did.  I’m also sure that they would agree that Mackenzie is already making a difference to many who have gone through the same or similar trauma in their life and have contacted her to speak about it.  This story is about love, forgiveness, hope and personal growth.

When all you hear is the rhetoric around a story and not see or hear the story first hand I think it is truly best to refrain from making any judgments regarding it.  We are always touting that we are not judgmental  here at Tara Cronica after all.

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I Gotta Feeling!

Bonnie Johnson's PostThis song by the Black Eyed Peas has been a big hit this past summer.  It’s special to me too because Tracy and I heard it for the first time during her stay with me here in Vernon in July.  The two of us would “seat dance” to it if we heard it on the radio while we were driving somewhere.  This would always embarrass her son but her daughter joined in enthusiastically.  Ahhh…passing along our goofy moves to the innocent while distressing an eleven year old boy was too much fun!

I have had the song stuck in my head all summer and that’s not a bad thing.  It feels like a great mantra really.

“I gotta feeling… that today’s going to be a good day,… that today’s going to be a good good day… Woo Hoo.”

What a great thing to sing to yourself!  It’s impossible to not want to move along to the music.  It’s too full of fun and freedom.  I was excited when I found this video of the Black Eyed Peas performing a special live version of I Gotta Feeling for Oprah while a flash mob of synchronized dancers groove on Michigan Avenue downtown Chicago, IL USA. The performance was at Oprah’s 24th Season Kickoff Party on September 8, 2009.

I’m sure that if everyone sang this song to themselves at the beginning of everyday (and perhaps a few times during) they could only have a good day.  Give it a try.  Sing the words and make it your new mantra.  And if anyone is interested in learning how to dance like the crowd in the clip, follow this link for a lesson.

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090908-tows-flash-mob-dance-how-to

This ones for you Trayc! Mazal tov!

Bonnie

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The Truth About Power!

TracyI was reading ‘O magazine’ the other night and found a great article on ‘Power People’ that I found interesting and wanted to share with you.

Selected Power People were asked to finish sentences and here are a few examples.  Try to finish them for yourselves afterwards or even before you read what these Power Women have said.  There was a lot more to this article if you want to pick up O magazine to read it for yourself.

Elizabeth Lesser: Co Founder of the Omega Institute

I feel true power when…“I trust my soul’s voice. I feel peaceful yet strong, gentle yet courageous.
Too often people confuse power and …”Ego.
I feel least powerful when…”I am stingy, fearful, or unloving.”
When I need a power boost…“I place my hand on my heart, take a deep breath, and feel my connection with everyone.

Gloria Steinem: Writer and feminist activist

I feel true power when…“I hear someone say that anything I did or said or wrote helped to change her or his life for the better.
Too often people confuse power and …”Money for it’s own sake.”
I feel least powerful when…”I’m misunderstood or am watching people be invisible or humiliated.”
When I need a power boost…”I sit in a circle with (mostly) women who also are trying to create a world in which everyone matters.”

Stacy Schiff: Pulitzer Prize-winning author

I feel true power when…  “I unravel a problem to my satisfaction, which by definition means the problem was someone else’s in the first place.”
Too often people confuse power and…“Money, title, ambition, and a fancy address.”
I feel least powerful when…  “I’m in the presence of a new piece of technology- and it’s operating manual.”
When I need a power boost… “I double the caffeine, turn up the music, and head out for a run.”

Here are my answers:

Tracy Westerholm: Co Creator of Tara Cronica

I feel true power when…“My mind, body and soul feel balanced and I am living in the moment.”
Too often people confuse power and…“Wealth and Occupation.”
I feel least powerful when…“I have neglected my exercise routine and not connected with my circle of close friends who always make me feel grounded.”
When I need a power boost…”I call a girlfriend and if there is no answer I put on my ipod and go for a long run to clear my mind and energise my soul, it’s all about balance.”

Ask yourself these questions and see what you come up with.

Oprah ended the article with this and I couldn’t agree more… The secret is alignment: when you know for sure that you’re on course and doing exactly what you’re suppose to be doing, fulfilling your soul’s intention, your heart’s desire, or whatever you choose to call it. (they’re all the same thing) When your life is on course with its purpose, you are your most powerful. And you may stumble, but you will not fall.

Tracy

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So That’s What it’s Called !!!

monkey mindAfter reading Bonnie’s post from yesterday “Inside My Head” about ‘Monkey Mind’ I obsessively sat my ‘spreading wider everyday butt’ down on my chair in front of my computer and started to write this post.  Who cares about my schedule I HAVE to keep today in order to get everything done.  I know what I said yesterday Scott but THIS IS important right now.  ‘Monkey Mind’, so that’s what it’s called !  I have it too and could totally relate to Bonnie as I am sure a lot of you could while reading her post yesterday.  I just didn’t know that it had a name, which makes perfect sense by the way.  Isn’t it great to know that Bonnie’s head is just as messed up as ours, or mine, I should just speak for myself.

I think it’s important to share our quirky behaviors, odd thoughts, feelings, actions to be aware that we are not alone.  By sharing, we can deal with situations better knowing someone else has dealt with the same feelings or thoughts.  It’s like having a support group.  Oprah is the Queen of getting the word out there so we don’t feel alone.  So Bonnie your not alone!

My Monkey Mind works like Bonnie’s and does get the better of me but mostly at night when I am trying desperately to get to bed before midnight!  I actually went to a Chinese herbalist once and he gave me a natural herb to ‘quiet my spirit’ as he put it.  I was so sleepy by 2 o’clock in the afternoon I didn’t care if anything got done.  My Monkey Mind was quiet until the herb wore off and then all hell would break loose!  That lasted about 2 days.

I have so much on my mind at times I go from tree to tree I mean room to room trying to stay focused but the power of the Monkey Mind is sometimes too much.  I just wish when I entered into a room it could speak to me and tell me why I am there to eliminate all the internal guessing dialogue that goes on in my cranium!  “Okay why am I standing here in this room, okay it’s the office, what do I need in the office…looking around and I don’t see anything that jumps out at me, ahhh it’s my glasses, I can’t read the text message that just came in on my cell phone without them”.

It is an endless cycle of half finished chores all because of ‘Monkey Mind’.  I usually complete them by the end of the day,  (reality check) I try to complete them by the end of the day.  Okay, I have been caught on occasion at 6:15 pm sitting at my computer with my running gear on from the morning with not one thing on my list complete!  Almost complete should count.

Tracy

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Ever had an Obsession? Do Tell!

Jacquie’s take~

post-pic-3-12When I think of the word ‘obsession’ I think of an action or thought or feeling that is all-consuming and thereby counterproductive.  So, yeah, of course I’ve been obsessed a few times in my life!

The biggest obsessions I’ve had have revolved around my kids.  I’m a bit of a collector by nature and so when my girls got into beanie babies 10 years ago I thought I’d surprise them by picking up a few of the really hard to find ones on eBay.   It was an incredible rush to go through the auction process, only to lose out at the last minute to the more savvy bidders who knew all the tricks.  I made it my personal goal to learn how to win and as a result I was able to get some of the most coveted items.  Unfortunately, my girls had lost interest in the meantime.  I soon realized that I had taken away all the fun for them because it was no longer about cherishing what they’d been able to find on their own.

I’ve collected everything from carnival glass, beads, paints, fabric and china just because I like the texture and the colors.  My china is all different patterns because I could never decide on just one look and I like to go to flea markets when out of town.  I used to be obsessed with finding just the right new dinner plates.  I now actually say a little mantra when I feel the urge to pick up something  ~  ”Will this really make your life better?”  The answer is now “No, I like it but I can be happy without it”.

Someone out there will immediately know what having an obsession with collecting means.  I think I have a pretty good idea myself.  I’ve watched enough Oprah to have that figured out!

Bonnie’s two cents~

Obsession–noun

  1. the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.
  2. the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.
  3. the state of being obsessed.
  4. the act of obsessing.

Bonnie's PostWell when you put it that way I guess I have.   I was once obsessed with a thought.  A kind of doomsday thought.  The seed for this thought was planted years ago by a psychic I had visited a few times.  The thing with this particular psychic was that she was pretty darned accurate most of the time, some might even say “spot on” in many of her predictions.

I visited her a couple of years before I met my husband John and she told me that I would meet the “one” within the next couple of years.  Check.  She told me she saw me living in a white house beside the water with this love of my life.  Check.  I was a single mother of one when I spoke to her but she said I would have four children.  This made me laugh.  I had not considered step children at that point.  Four children.  Check.  One thing she said, that I didn’t think much about at the time but that would later become my obsession, was this:   “You will have a wonderfully happy life with this man…but it will end too soon.  It will not be a long enough relationship for you.”  She didn’t get into details, in fact that was all she would say about that, and I put it out of my mind.  Until I was with John, living in our white house beside the lake when it hit me.  All the things she’d predicted had come true!  So now when was this relationship going to come to a sudden halt?  The only way I could imagine that happening was if John was to die on me.   And there it was.  The beginning of my obsession with the thought that my John would die early and break my heart.  He travels a lot with work and so every time he was leaving to go away I would sob and worry that I would never see him again.  I was like this for years.  It’s exhausting worrying about ridiculous things.  Poor John kept telling me to stop imagining him with one foot in the grave.  Then I started to worry that it might come true simply because I gave the thought too much of my focus and energy…power of attraction…that kind of thing.  I was going crazy.  Maybe that would be how it ended too soon.  John had to commit me.

I’ve finally stopped the craziness and I don’t obsess over the thought of losing John anymore…much…no really…hardly ever…no…never at all anymore.

I have to share with you the wonderful positive thing that came of all of this obsessing.  I have always (and still do) absolutely appreciated every moment that I spend with my husband.  My silly fear taught me a great lesson in appreciation and when you are always in appreciation of someone it makes for a very strong bond of love.

Tracy’s thoughts~

Tracy

Yes, I have had an Obsession!  His name starts with the letter…I am kidding!  My real obsession was with exercise.  This particular time it had a negative effects on my body and here is why.  I was heading off to Cabo with Jacquie last year around this time and as soon as I booked my ticket I started to work out really, really hard.  Working out for me has always been part of my life but this was more than I was used to.  I did a intense stair routine for an 1 hour at the local track 3 days a week and ran 3 days a week anywhere from 5 -10 K.  I literally lived in my running gear!

When I look back I see that I was obsessed, but at the time I was just stepping it up a bit.  By doing this I completely threw my hormones out of balance.  My endocrine system was turned upside down.  I had my menstrual cycle for 48 days straight and then not at all for 3 months.  Nothing should bleed for that long and live…seriously!  It was a real concern for about 6 months.  I sought help from my Doctor with no luck in finding out what was going on.  I must admit I got very impatient.  I was put on birth control pills to try to balance my cycle.  Test after test, throw a day surgery in there for fun and still no resolution for me.  I finally went to see a Naturopathic Doctor who had balanced my Thyroid after being Hypothyroid after child birth.(slow metabolism no matter how hard you work out you don’t lose an ounce! It sucked big time)  He balanced that naturally so I gave him another try.  I needed to cleanse my system or as he put it take out the garbage and reboot my endocrine system like we do our computers after they crash.  I did a kidney cleanse and took a natural capsule that binds excess estrogen in your system  and I was regular a month later and have been since.  That was my obsession, exercise. Moderation is key!

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When it’s NOT OK to watch Oprah

Bonnie's PostUnless I have been watching my calendar closely,  PMS symptoms can sometimes sneak up on me.

I get all the usual signs like when I’m at my Zumba class and I’m jumping up and down (or walking down stairs or driving over pot holes in the road for that matter), I sooooo would-if-I-could hold onto my breasts with both hands to stop the bouncing and the pain that comes with it.  Don’t worry, I don’t.  I know that would look creepy. (Except to DUB)

Another sign is when I go on the hunt for salty foods (read chips) and I start ranting about the crappy health food that is taking up all the cupboard space where potato chips should really live!!!!

Then I start beginning every sentence with “What the hell…” or “Why the hell…” You can pretty much insert any thing you can think of after those words e.g.  …is that still doing on the floor! or, …do you have to drive like that, or …are you looking at me??  This is when, for some reason, my husband is hard to find.  “What the hell is up with that anyway?”

By the time my tongue has doubled its original size due to all the salt I’ve licked off every cracker I can find in the house,  I am ready for the chocolate.  Bring me chocolate.  NOW!  (Why the hell didn’t I save a few chocolate Easter eggs for times like these?)

The final palm-to-forehead, now I get it moment, arrived today while watching the Oprah show.  It was at the end of the show when I glanced at the 3 foot high mountain of completely soaked used tissues beside my chair that it hit me.  With puffy red eyes and a headache only a really good cry can offer, it finally occurred to me that my eggs must have dropped and are planning their escape.

There is some relief in the knowledge of what nature is up to, in the natural rhythm of the waxing and waning of the moon.  At least I think so anyway.  I’d ask my husband what he thinks but he’s disappeared on me again.

Bonnie

night sky

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Lesbians – Like ’em or Loooove ’em

GirlsI have noticed an interesting phenomenon lately.  There was an article in O magazine about women leaving their men for other women.  Then Oprah did a whole show on the subject.  Then More magazine also did a story about the same subject.

What I found most interesting about these articles was that it seemed the women who were making the “switch” were all around my age (ok, I’ll just say it – 45).  Many had been happy with male partners for years but then fell in love with a woman.  They seemed to be as shocked as anyone else by the sudden change in preference.  And really it wasn’t a change in preference but more about the fact that they met a “person” that they fell in love with who happened to be the same gender as themselves.  This is the part that intrigues me.

I know there are a lot of girls that are bi-curious, (usually around college age though) and who experiment a little, but this is a different thing all together.  It feels to me like mainstream culture, in the western world anyway, is beginning to relax it’s love of labels and be more accepting of different choices.  It’s starting to feel like people are getting that it’s ok to love and be loved by whomever.

I have some very dear girl friends who are gay and who struggled with terrible fear about “coming out of the closet”.  They were afraid of so many things;  upsetting their families, being shunned by their church, etc.  This always saddened me.  Personally, I don’t understand how others feel they can label and judge according to someone’s sexual preference.  When they finally did “come out”  they were fortunate to have loving families and friends that supported them but I know this isn’t always the case.

Perhaps the reason some women my age are going this route is due to the fact that they’re finally really comfortable with who they are and are simply open to love, any kind of love, and if it comes from another woman, well, that’s just fine.  And when you really think about it, humanity doesn’t need us to be increasing our population as much as it needs more love.  Love in any form can’t be wrong.  Do you agree?

Bonnie

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