Round Hole Square Peg

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How long do we need to continue putting a square peg into a round hole before we throw it up in the air and try something different? We all learn as babies how this works. Triangle shape fits into a triangle hole. I don’t know one who got it right the first go. As adults we sat and watched encouraging the fumbling little fingers and intense concentration to keep trying, knowing they would eventually get it right. When they did, we celebrated their accomplishment just as enthusiastically if not more than they did.

Flash forward years and change your view just slightly and imagine these pegs as our belief systems, morals, values and opinions. We may not have the pegs in front of us physically but the idea is just the same. We have a way of thinking and our partner has their way of thinking. His may be the round peg and you may have the square hole. <~~~ that sounds just weird after writing it but I am going to leave it.

We all have different opinions, belief systems, morals and values. Some we are willing to compromise on and some are set in stone. We can either try to change the other to adopt ours or we can compromise and blend them together. Keep in mind that each human being has walked a unique path making them who they are because of where they came from and the life experience they had along the way. When we can dive deep to the root of who they are it is much easier to understand why they may have formed a different view on life than we have. Unlike the baby trying to fit that rigid peg into a hole we have learned over the years to compromise in our work relationships, friendships and love unions. We evolve and learn that what is best for the team is a blend of everyone involved. It is not as cut and dry as wood pegs.

Lets say within a relationship we are given 10 pegs, we can see how many we agree on by placing them into the right slot. Again celebrating the ones that fit so perfectly. But what happens when they don’t fit?

We can take weeks, months even years to figure out some of our pegs are not going to match no matter how hard we try. Some of us are slow learners, or are we? Maybe we just know what we want and were relentless in finding a way to make it work? Maybe we are not willing to compromise? Maybe we just need to find a heavier mallet to smash the square peg into the round hole and be done with it. The problem is the peg we smash into the wrong hole is going to be damaged. Now what? Should we be get out our sandpaper and start smoothing the edges of our pegs and try to keep going? <~~~ that is called compromise. Or do we give up and walk away from all the pegs we have damaged?

This is where communication steps in…Hallelujah to words but even better the actions that follow. In my humble opinion, if you are not willing to follow through with the actions behind the words, you should keep those words inside a little longer. The time will eventually present itself and be a moment to celebrate! Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Some of us can communicate better than others. If we try, over time we evolve into better communicators with practise. If you consider yourself a poor communicator with words, you can always fall back on your actions…you know what they say about actions, they speak louder then words. There really is no reason to fail at communication, it’s just whether or not you are doing it to listen, or to reply. Muting someones words just tells them they don’t matter. I have learned over the years that if you stay in the room, even the worst case scenario…agree to disagree, you fair better than walking away.

Communication is a choice. Here are a few prime examples, you tell me what appears to be the best form of getting your whole view across.

Text messaging is a form of somewhat broken communication, good if you are sending brief information required, but for anything more meaningful it is passing back and forth fragmented thoughts that can lapse over days. This is for those who want to think so long before they speak and even when they do it is so wide open for interpretation it most often goes in the wrong direction, leaving both parties more confused.

Email can have it’s advantages for those who want to get their thoughts down without being interrupted but isn’t injections from the other person necessary to have the flow go in the right direction, a natural ebb and flow of a conversation. You both help the other understand by clarifying something along the way as to not have the wrong impression.

Phone conversation are the second best in my opinion, hearing the persons voice can help direct you as to what they are feeling with simply the tone of their voice.

Standing in front of another human being is the only way to truly communicate. The only way you can have any real success in trying to get his round peg into your square hole. 🙂 You see their eyes, their body language and if both are open to expressing themselves honestly it is a communication celebration.

So life is not about being completely structured, fitting a square peg into a square hole and thinking that is the only option. Life is about how we deal with situations when the square peg and round hole present itself to us, how we communicate to solve the problem, whether in business or our personal lives.

~ Tracy

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Use it or lose it! Your voice that is…

Bonnie and I reconnected in person last week and while we were chilling out together we both mentioned that we didn’t have any topics to write about. For me that is unheard of, not because I love to gas off all day long but because I am always ahead of myself, I like to be prepared! I have plenty of posts in our ‘drafts’ file but I have to be feelin it to post it. Bonnie has always been able to write last minute, she’s great under pressure, me, not so much! Jacquie has also been known to leave her post until an hour before, I envy that!

We wondered if we had both succumbed to bloggers block? I started to surf a few facebook pages to get some ideas and one caught my eye, Billie Mintz. He is the film maker who was behind the video I posted for our Svaha Spirit Series~ Surviving the Treatment: The Return of Myles McLellan. I don’t know him personally and I don’t usually request friendships with anyone I can’t reach out and touch, but I asked him because he not only intrigues me but he really uses his voice to make change and yes, he’s kind of easy on the eyes, but mostly he intrigues me! A comment left on his page inspired me to write about those who are afraid to step up and use their god given voice to make change.”What are you so afraid of?” I think it’s mostly because of fear, fear of being heard and then what? You actually have to back up what you have said and unfortunately, in my humble opinion, those who are afraid in the first place are those who haven’t really formed an opinion to start with, they follow everyone else. They cruise around on the ‘opinion coattails’ of others. 

I’ve also noticed that most people feel more comfortable following the pack, they don’t want to rock the boat! I am starting to get so frustrated with these sort of people that it makes me want to tip the boat over! Make them sink or swim, for crying out loud form an opinion, speak up! I know it’s hard to be different or stand on your own when it comes to opinion but I think sometimes its necessary! Who cares if anyone else agree’s with you, it’s not about that, it’s about being confident and able to express yourself to others regardless of what they think! It just feels good! It’s empowering even!

I get that we need both leaders and followers, the world would be chaotic and have no balance if it were made up of just one or the other! Sometimes people follow simply because they are easy going and really don’t mind having others make decisions for them, but if you follow because of insecurities you need to step out of you comfort zone speak up.

Are you a Leader or a Follower? Do you express yourself honestly even when you can see you are standing alone? Do you do what others suggest even though it’s not what YOU want to do? Or do you opt out because it doesn’t fit into YOUR idea of what’s best for you? If you express yourself with good intention, your opinion will be respected and you will be heard!

Use it or lose it!

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Sisterhood of the 40 Something Girlfriend ~

Girlfriends of all ages are amazing! Whether they are in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or beyond they all add something spectacular to our lives. Each one is a unique individual, independent of the others and yet we are all connected in life in a variety of ways. Age has never defined me, my hair has but never my age! I have girlfriends in every age group, and love how they enrich my circle! But I must say, when I get together with my ‘40 something’ girlfriends we seem to have a bit more in common when it comes to attitude. There is something that makes me relax from deep within when I sit next to one of my ‘40 something’ sista’s, and I think it’s because we are traveling on the same hormone highway! We relate to life in a slightly different way. We are going through a major change and just knowing we are in it together makes us feel relaxed around one another. A Sisterhood! We are comfortable enough to talk openly, no matter what the subject is, we can laugh freely at it, and ourselves! We find humour in the fact that our kids think we are old, our flub jiggles, our moods swing, our feet hurt, our legs are hairy…ect ect ect. We are who we are…FINALLY!

When I first came across ‘Women Over 40″ I thought Andy Rooney from 60 minutes wrote it, but it’s actually Frank Kaiser. I grew up watching 60 minutes and loved when Andy Rooney gave his opinion at the end of the show because it was always sarcastic but he had a valid point, and he made me laugh after watching a sometimes very serious show. I got a chuckle out of this because…well I’m a Woman Over 40!

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.  Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one.

You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons, unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’, here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”

by Frank Kaiser.

I could add a lot more to this and might make one of my own and post it at a later date! Keep in mind these are Frank Kaiser’s words, not mine, although I do agree with most of them…MOST of them. Happy Hump Day!

Tracy

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Understanding Women ~

Understanding women is similar to being a parent for the first time, what works for your first doesn’t necessarily work for the next. Your basically starting from scratch each time. Each one of us is completely different from the one before. Think of us like a juicy piece of ripe fruit, having the widest variety imaginable!

I was thinking about men trying to navigate around all the female complexities that start at a very young age. My son is only 11 and already the words “girls can be so weird” have rolled easily off his tongue. “Get used to it” appears in a bubble above my head as I smile in agreement. He’s lucky to have a sister who will hopefully help guide him, if he protects her, a fair trade-off when it comes to brothers and sisters I think.

So I was thinking of advice I might give, to him or men in general, it goes something like this:
Give it your best, don’t try to understand how our minds work, don’t lose any sleep over us and hope for the best. Oh and good luck! 🙂

There will be times when women ask for your opinion, you will assume they want your honest one (first mistake) and in the blink of an eye you find yourself trying to back peddle in slow motion, your words have fallen into the abyss of wrong answers and you get ‘the look’. Just know that when women ask for your honest opinion, it’s usually a trick. It’s perfectly legal to respond “leave that with me and I’ll get back to you”, don’t succumb to pressure. Use your best judgment, each time is unique, or play it safe and sugar coat everything when the question starts with”Tell me honestly”…

Valentine’s Day is always a tricky day to man-oeuvre as male energy. Lets try a multiple choice. (if it were only that simple)

Do you buy us chocolates just after we stated we feel puffy/bloated?

A) No, buy a fun house mirror, the one that makes us look really tall.

B) Ask if we would like you to run us a cold bath, to help take the swelling down. (technically this would work…honesty isn’t always the answer)

C) Buy the damn chocolates, decedent cherry bombs from Euphoria Chocolates are amazing!

I once verbalized “I don’t need flowers”and then regretted it for years after. Even if we say we don’t need flowers, we still love to get them, flowers are romance which is foreplay for women! F-o-r-e-p-l-a-y!

Women try sending telepathic messages to men assuming they can be read, they can’t! Example: He goes out with the guys, you slip into that new sexy getup he didn’t even know you had and wait for him ready to rock his world when he comes in. He stay out late oblivious to the scenario playing out in your head, you can’t believe he is giving up this hot rocking bod for a bunch of beer swilling smelly guys, you get impatient, put on the flannels, wash off your face, totally and utterly miffed that he missed a great night of sex! Ladies, if your man even had an inkling of what was waiting in a sexy little number for him back home, I guarantee his night would be cut short! (right C) You just have to remember we have the inner dialog we just forget sometimes to let you in on it!

I have to admit some men are just naturally in-tune with women. I think it’s because they either have a house full of female energy, they were a woman in a previous life or just good old experience! I guess you guys could think of us as a challenge and rise to it. I love men and everything that makes them who they are and we as women can only hope they feel the same. Just remember guys that each one of us is unique and different from the one you previously encountered with our own idiosyncrasies that can change at any given moment. That’s the fun of us!

Variety is the spice of life!

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“Position of Power” Tales of Mere Existence.

TracyOpinion , noun ; A belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty. A personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

An opinion is a belief that may or may not be backed up with evidence, but which cannot be proved with that evidence. It is normally a subjective statement and may be the result of an emotion or an interpretation of facts; people may draw opposing opinions from the same facts. We offer our opinion here on Tara Cronica. Each of us picks a topic that we find inspiring, educational , interesting or it may be a current affair out in the blogosphere, then we put our spin on it.

Opinion is what makes us all independent, unique individuals. The difference of opinion is what makes the world go around just as much as difference in cultural background or race. We may agree to disagree with our opinion but that’s okay too. I don’t push my opinion on anyone but I do love to give it. I’m just sayin…

“Position of Power” The Tales of Mere Existence ~

That pretty much sums it up! Opinion is your to give!

You can leave a comment, lol!

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Do you have a Voice?

Your VoiceSince Bonnie, Jacquie and I started out on this journey of finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings, something has happened to me.  I have always had a voice that I was proud of, but I think now I have developed a much louder one.

There is a difference between a loud voice and a loud mouth.  Lets get that straight right from the start.  I’m not a fan of anyone who has a loud mouth.  I think there is a time and place for everyone to use their God given voice but there is no time or place for a loud mouth.

I like to think I use my voice for others who perhaps haven’t become aware of theirs yet.  The fear of being  judged or singled out has never prevented me from voicing my opinion.  It is NEVER a good idea to make a decision based on fear!  Our kids need to see that by using our voices (not mouths) we can create positive change.  I shall speak loud and clear for them until they develop a voice of their own.

I’ve noticed lately that I’ve needed my voice more than usual.  A full moon, perhaps.   I’ve never been one to sit and watch others blaze a trail,  preferring to be at the front of the group leading with a huge machete, doing work, representing as best I can.

It is so important for the women and men of this world to start to speak up for themselves.  If you haven’t yet, you need to.  Change is inspired by exercising our voice.  Speak up, be passionate and express yourself with integrity.  By instigating change we can start a movement in a positive direction that will effect the planet as we all know it.  What I have learned in my time spent here is that truly with every action there is a reaction.

I want to know what you’ve done to cause a reaction in your circle and if it’s inspiring we’ll post it on Tara Cronica.  We can make a difference, and when we bond together and use our voices as a group, (in a southern drawl)  well, there’s nothing we can’t do.  It’s time, ladies and gentlemen, for each and everyone of us to use the beautiful, strong, loud, articulate voices that we hear so clearly in our heads.

“A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

~Margaret Mead

Tracy

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Should you tell your girlfriend she’s…?

Bonnie’s Take…

black-tooth

You’re in your early twenties and your best girlfriend and you have just met a couple of gorgeous guys.  It is obvious that you both want to make a great impression.  One of you has a leftover black bean from an earlier stir fry stuck to her front tooth.  Well, if you are my dear friend, you think it is waaaay funnier to “not” say anything.  After some giggles that confuse me, she did finally let me in on the joke.  Sigh.  I still feel my cheeks burn when I think of it, but I have to admit it was funny.  So, in my opinion, yes!!, please tell her if she has food in her teeth.  Same goes for too much makeup, toilet paper stuck to her shoe, the list goes on.  If  you are very close and really care for your friend then yes, tell her you think her boyfriend is not good enough for her.  Just be prepared for her not to listen to your advise until she’s darn well ready to.

However, this also depends on how close you are with your girlfriend.  I know that I can safely give my closest friends an honest opinion as long as I approach the subject with their best interests at heart.  You may have to weigh in whether your advise could be hurtful rather than helpful.  My intention would never be to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Just be kind to each other and keep your sense of humour.

Bonnie

Jacquie’s 2 cents…

My feeling on the subject is a little bit different than yours, Bonnie, though I agree in principle with what you’re saying.   Maybe it’s my own insecurities but I have a really hard time telling someone else that they should do something differently because I know I don’t take critiques very well.  I’ll be less cryptic.  I’ve been told a couple of times in the recent past that I looked tired.  What the …!   I then feel like I have to justify why I might not be looking my best and it makes me self conscious and I get defensive.

Don’t EVER tell a friend she’s looking tired!  Tired is a nasty word and has all sorts of connotations like worn out, old, deflated, colorless, can’t handle your life, stressed out.  The reality is I’m staying up late every night to pick up my daughter from work or I’m writing or doing some painting.  If the end result is that I look less vibrant for my friends the next day I don’t want one of them bringing it to my attention.  I want to feel safe with my friends and believe that how I look isn’t a concern of theirs (unless flames spontaneous erupt from my orifices.  Then tell me).   If I start to look like I’m smuggling bags of bark mulch under my clothes I don’t want my friends telling me I need to start exercising or watching what I eat.  You can bet I’m probably aware of the extra few pounds and won’t appreciate a reminder.

I do think there are plenty of ways to let a friend know she could be doing something differently or better but you have to be finely tuned in to your female powers of intuition to know when the right moment is to bring something up.  I have a friend who for years wore her make up too boldly.   So often I wanted to say “do you mind if I show you how to apply your blush?”  (I used to teach make up artistry so I felt I had some expertise in that area)  but someone else finally mentioned it in a nice, matter o’ fact way and it was no big deal.  I did learn from this that most women WANT input from a trusted friend.  Maybe it was the way I was raised, but for me I have a hard time accepting ‘helpful’ advice so I prefer not to give it unless asked directly.  Live and let live.

I know you’re waiting to jump in here so I’ll pass this on to you, T.

jacquie

Tracy weighs in…

First off,  is there a reason that I am the ‘weighs in’ title this week?  I am still giggling  at both your posts. Two great views!

Note to self, tell Bonnie (from now on) when she has food in her teeth.  It’s not a game to try to figure out who will step up in the crowd to say something.  And Jacquie,  you have NEVER looked tired to me!  I love that both of you have such a great sense of humor and also have the confidence to speak up when you might feel sensitive about something.  I think there is a line,  and although I love to cross that line,  here is where I don’t.  When it comes to telling your friend something, I agree that it should be weighed if you are going to hurt any feelings ( there is nothing worse than hurting a friend’s feelings).  I think a friend tucks in the tag of your shirt, fixes your hair, wipes your face of the unknown, but when it comes to things that you can’t change with a simple wipe or tuck, then I think you should be very careful with how you choose your words of advice.

I still laugh when I think back at Jacquie taking my picture in Cabo, laying by the pool in my bikini, when she said “you’re not going to like that one!”  The southern accent she used really helped!

Bonnie will tell me she really likes a certain picture of me.  It’s a nice way of giving her opinion without choosing the opposite  “I don’t like that one”.  If a friend asks me for my advice directly then yes,  I do give them my honest opinion but still choose my words carefully.  I personally would tell my friend something of the more serious nature, like a boyfriend cheating, before I would tell them their ass looks fat in those pants.  Friends come in all different sizes, styles, with makeup, without makeup and I think you should just embrace them for who they are.  After all, it’s just your opinion of how they should be.

Tracy

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