Never say Never!


NEVER say NEVER! It seems that every time I do the Universe has a funny way of making me re-visit that particular ‘Never’ in order to understand it more clearly, with the end result usually being a learning experience. I like to think of myself as a non-judgemental person and I believe I am for the most part. Sometimes we need to experience things to decide what we want or don’t want. It’s a way of finding out what is most important to us and what we are willing to compromise on.

I have met some pretty awesome male energy over the past couple of years, some who were honest as soon as it was humanly possible, and some who took a little more time to release their truth. We all have different comfort zone that allow us to share our feelings, hopes, dreams and desires. Timing is key, as we are all on different paths going different places at different speeds. We can’t always control what leads us down a path, so we float a bit in the unknown to see where it flows, not knowing if it will lead us anywhere at all, and sometimes much to our surprise it does. We are simply testing the water, fishing so to speak. We are then forced to either come clean or lie. Most conscious human being come clean, being true to self.

How do you approach dating? Do you do your own thing in hopes of meeting Mr Funny-Pants serendipitously? Do you mingle in coffee shops with girlfriends hoping to catch a glance from Mr Potentially Almost Perfect while he sips his latte? Do you agree to blind dates? There are so many ways to meet people if that is what you want to do. You just need to get out from behind your computer screen and walk out your door…or not!

I wrote about online Dating and Dating in general several times…Do Vancouver Men Really Suck ( I think not), 24 Hours of Online Dating…for Research (perhaps I didn’t give it the ol’college try…because I didn’t go to college), Would You, Should You, Could You, Internet Date? (I cracked myself up with this one), Dating Etiquette (including my very own dating tips…wait for it! lol), Do we have time to ‘Date’ anymore? (clearly I wasn’t ready to date yet!) so it’s obviously something I have an opinion on. I joined a free online dating site which is what spawned my post ‘24 Hours of Online Dating…for Research’, to see what all the talk was about, I panicked and delete my account because I was bombarded with strangers wanting to instant message me. I hated it! I would NEVER do that again. NEVER! Yup I said it loud and clear!

After dating a few guys over the last couple of years I understand more clearly that everyone has baggage including me and timing is key. We are all doing the best we can, trying to balance our busy lives. We are not always 100% available, which inspired my post In search of the Elusive Available Male and Patience (I found patience!). I finally have patience! I decided to join a more reputable dating site to take yet another peek into the world in which I didn’t quite understand. It was with the intent to find out more about what type of person goes that route and does it really work? The skeptic in me was front and centre but my curiosity fought and won. I took a step out of my comfort zone to find my answers. There was a lot of ‘winking’ and emails with introductions that sounded genuine, with the odd scammer thrown in for discomfort.

Reading the online safely tips put things in perspective but when you think about it, being safe should always be your number one concern when meeting someone new. Communicating online makes sense for those who are busy professionals, if it’s done carefully! Online you don’t have body language and eye contact which are huge when it comes to intuition, and trusting your instincts. However you are able to save time by ‘doing your research’ on someone you find initially attractive. Online you save yourself the surface conversation finding out where they live, what they do, kids/no kids, hobbies, lifestyle and what they personally express that they are looking for. It’s much harder than it looks to write about who you are, what you believe in and what you are looking for in a partner. I was seriously impressed with how great these guys communicated through their bios.

I was told by my online friend that you really have to rely on your spidy senses and instinct. He takes his time with meeting in person and gets a feel for who he is communicating with first. He has had success twice with online relationships. When I relaxed and put my trust in my own intuition which by the way said he’s a good guy I took control and started talking. I found there were a good number of guys not sure if this avenue was for them either but they were willing to give it a try. I admired them for putting themselves out there. We are all looking for the same thing really, we want someone to share in our hopes and dreams, to laugh out loud with and smile at from across the room. Life is meant to be shared, when you are ready!

I am old fashioned and do believe meeting in the flesh is best…but that doesn’t always work. After I took a step back and opened my mind to something new I realized that as long as I am honest and authentic I have nothing to lose in what I choose to do. There will be those who don’t play by the rules or bend what is the norm and those who have a less favourable agenda, but that’s their choice. I relaxed and started talking to a few guys whose profiles really impressed me. I came to the conclusion that although it’s not really for me, or perhaps my first choice, there were so many great men who really knew exactly how to express themselves, conveying beautifully what they want and who they are.

I suppose if you really want something/someone you will make the time for it/them.

My only advice to any dating whether it be online or in the flesh is be honest right from the very first glance or hello. There is nothing better than knowing exactly where you stand with someone. You are allowed to take your time to figure things out. If they are meant to be yours, they will be there when you do! Be true to self and everything else just happens as it should.

I will NEVER say NEVER again!

Share

Would You, Should You, Could You Internet Date?

Is it really that hard to meet someone? I’ve been unattached for a year and a half and have had Internet Dating Services come up in conversations with friends more than a few times.   ;)

Here is my take on my first impression of a few: Plenty of fish is one that keeps coming up but seriously the name, when I think of fish I think of throwing them back, they’re wet, cold, scaly and not the nicest of smells out there, it’s just weird. eHarmony, their ads just seem too good to be true and you know what they say about that! There is Crazy dates, they actually have written “Meet the Crazy Bitch here” in their ad, I feel regret just thinking about that one! There is Sugar Daddies where the classy, attractive and affluent can meet, whose your daddy, ahhhh no. The last one that caught my eye was Its Just Lunch Vancouver for busy professionals, they do all the work for you, you just show up and have lunch, brunch or drinks, no pressure! Are you kidding, isn’t the anticipation or moment before you get asked out the BEST PART of meeting someone new, other than kissing for the first time? I don’t get it, it shouldn’t be WORK, they should say,“we take all the pleasure out of it for you!”


Seriously, I just don’t feel right about someone else planning a date for me. Its like someone picking out an outfit in a clothing store who doesn’t have a clue what your style is, even when you tell them what you like, if they can’t find it they start suggesting other options. I was looking for a Jeep years ago and a car salesmen actually called me and said he didn’t have a new black Jeep available but he did have a 1985 white pick-up truck. WTF is that? That’s what I would be afraid of, do they push the guys who aren’t moving very quick and have an expiry date on them like old bananas in the produce department? If I worked there I would set up joke dates until I was fired just for laughs. It feels creepy and desperate to me, but never say never, right? Not likely for this chick!

I don’t get out much so I see the point, if someone doesn’t walk or drive by between 9 am and 9:05 am while I am sitting having a quick gulp of coffee on my front steps, or knows my walking route and lays on the horn so I can hear them over my blasting ipod, it’s just not likely to happen while doing my daily activities. I guess there’s kid sports but I am there watching the sport not scanning the audience of parents looking for a potential date *cough*, okay if Carri’s there I do, cause that’s just fun.

I am on the computer for a healthy part of the day so it does make sense as a place to meet someone, a common interest, but I am at home in my office and I am a little old fashioned when it comes to meeting people and rely on Chemistry to guide me. I’m not too worried about it to be honest, I am just living my life, doing my thing and if someone catches my attention I will take it one step at a time.

I was talking to a friends Mom across the street about dating and the internet and she agreed with me, we are going to leave it up to fate. We both love our independence. I find that those who are in a relationship think those who aren’t are lonely, we are not lonely, we are alone and there is a difference! The way I look at it is that if someone isn’t in my circle of doings and I need to meet them on the internet because we are so damn busy, that option isn’t looking good. I know I have to make a conscious effort to get out and will when the time is right but for now the internet for me is about surfing for ideas not guys or potential dates or mates. What do you think? Would you sign up for dating through the internet, or leave it up to fate? Have you met anyone online and had it work out? Let me know what’s worked for you? I really am interested to hear what’s worked for those who are navigating the dating field.

Share

Do we have time to ‘Date’ anymore?

We all have such busy lives. We barely have time for ourselves let alone someone we don’t know yet.  Which makes me ask, do we have time to date anymore?The Dating Game

I have been wondering lately how much effort I would put into dating.  First of all you have to want to date and I am not sure many of us do.  Where do you even start?  Where do you meet new people?  Do you join the gym or hang out at Starbucks?  What if you like to run alone and have your own espresso machine?  I am curious where people meet these days.  I asked a few friends of mine and they said they joined an online dating service.  I think I would have a hard time with that.  But when you think of how busy we are, when do we have the time to meet someone new if not online, at night, in the comfort of our own home?  It kind of made sense to me…kind of.

Here’s how it works, you join, create a HONEST profile,  post a RECENT photo of yourself and then you email back and forth to potential prospects, a sort of dating foreplay I guess. On line flirting without having to commit!  Sign me up!

I love flirting in person myself,  hearing the tone of the conversation.  The male voice is all part of it.  The unique inflection of every word can be so sexy and suggestive.  You can’t hear that in an email or text.  The spontaneity or sarcastic banter back and forth that happens when you meet someone that interests you is such a turn on.  Emails and text messaging is for passing casual information, not for dating as far as I am concerned.  There is far too much left for interpretation, in the wrong way.  You can’t hear or see the truth in an email or text message and quite often the wrong impression is sent.  Instinct is lost.

With online dating if you don’t like where the conversation is going you just don’t meet up.  Is that taking the easy way out?  Or is it saving your precious time without having to hurt feeling face to face.  I have mixed feelings about dating services.  I think most people are way too tempted to exaggerate and make a slightly less than honest profile.  I would feel like I was filling out a job application.  My biggest fear would be that someone I knew would email me and I would be totally embarrassed and then have to avoid them.  What if my ex joined too and each of us only had one match.  You dial the private number attached to the profile that looks like your ex when he was wayyyy younger, this guy is just perfect for you, and he answers!  Then what?

Meeting someone through your friends is possible but does that ever really work?  I won’t even mention dating at the work place because absolutely no good what so ever will come of that I can promise you!  Unless of course you don’t really like your job or don’t mind looking the other way each time he/she passes by you.

I can think of a few guys I might date if the opportunity arose but one would have to lose his wife and the other his girlfriend so that’s out!  Do we really care enough to create the opportunities?  Does anyone ever REALLY put themselves out there anymore.  I think not!  And I understand why.  It takes years to get to know someone and just seconds to just not be that into you/him anymore.  I think that when we have time to ourselves, we are not in such a rush anymore to share it with anyone.  Timing is a big part of when and if we have space for someone in our lives.  It has to be for want, not need.  There is a difference.  When your ready you should put yourself out there in anyway that suits you, dating service, blind dates, friend of a friend, join the gym or leave it up to fate and destiny to find that sparkle in someones eyes.fate

I have decided to just go with the flow and enjoy everyone who walks through the door for who they are.  No expectations or obligations or rules to follow.

So to answer my question.  Do we have time to date anymore?  I think so, when we’re ready, willing and able.  Until then if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with for who they are and  just enjoy every day we have on this planet, living in the now!

Here are a few links I found for those who might be interested in more information:

CBC Marketplace (more info for online dating)

PlentyOfFish (free online dating service)

Tracy

Share