Gone Off-Air

I have a number of obligations breathing down my neck at the moment and yet none of them have a payout, at least not a monetary payout…yet.

Yesterday I worked at home on my computer from 9am until 11:30pm. My eyes were blurry and my wrists were aching from leaning on the keyboard but my bank account, sadly, remained the same. For some of the work I’m doing the payout will probably come sometime in the future, no guarantees though. That’s fine, but when a pile of these non-paying jobs start demanding all my time at once, something’s got to give.

And so it is that I give you my post for today:

 

Yep, I’ve gone off-air. My brain is full of television snow and so that is all I have to share with you. Remember when you were a kid and if it was your birthday you didn’t have to do any chores? Well, imagine I’m only 10 and it’s my birthday. If I can’t get any birthday money then I’m voting for no chores.

See you next week folks!

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Is Marriage Changing?

I am certainly no marriage expert but I do have parents who met when they were 12 so I had two great role models growing up. Does that make my odds better at having a successful marriage? Define successful? I personally think the constitution of marriage needs to bend slightly with the times. (ie same sex marriages) Everyones idea of marriage is quite different.

I don’t think anyone should ever compare their marriage to another. It should really be about what you define marriage to be; romantic, arranged, conventional, convenient, contractual, legal or a verbal commitment. We are all unique and have our own ideas of what marriage should be. For some, marriage doesn’t even have to include love. I personally wouldn’t marry for anything but. If you had nothing except the cloths on your back, would you still be smiling knowing you had him walking along side you on a path to the unknown?

I think if you are even going to consider tying the knot make it loose to start. Tying the knot sounds so restrictive. In my opinion you should be able to walk independent of the other, side by side, not smothering one another. Let each other breathe, allow room for each of you to unfolding and grow, every now and then distance yourselves to miss one another.

Lawmakers in Mexico City are proposing a new marriage licence that would allow couples to split after a two-year trial rather than go through a lengthier divorce process. No more ’till death to us part’, quite frankly the odds are against you when you take this leap of faith to begin with. A life sentence? Yup that’s right the same man for the r-e-s-t of your life. (insert w-o-m-a-n if it makes you feel better) If you’re not madly passionately lustfully in love, I say don’t do it!

A brief two year commitment would be a way of testing out married life. If however you decide before the two years are up, you have to file and go through regular divorce proceedings. Isn’t that what living together is? Marriage is not for everyone, people change which simply can’t be predicted.

Do you really need a piece of paper to be in a committed union? It’s just a piece of paper… if it’s just a piece of paper why not do it? Again it’s what you’re okay with, not what everyone ‘thinks’ is acceptable.

Lots of women compare their marriage with their friends, which to me is a big mistake. It is just another way of keeping up with the Joneses. Comparing your marriage with anyone else is a recipe for disappointment. It’s almost as bad as comparing your sex life. Expectations should be thrown out the window with obligations put on us from past relationships, generations and social behaviours.

Marriage and relationships are about compromise and redefining what it means to you as you grow and unfold. Marriage doesn’t always last forever but if you enter into it loving passionately with an open heart it will be a life experience that can last forever.

 

 

 

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Obligations and Expectations.

TracyObligations and expectations are something everyone accumulates over time.  They can sneak up on you if you’re not careful.  They start to layer themselves on us until we start to feel like our lives are being directed by everyone but us.  Family obligations are one thing, such as celebrations and doing things for other family members because we want to, but it’s another story when acquaintances start to guilt you into doing what they think is something you should do, because they feel obligated to.  People do this when they don’t know how to say no.

With great friendships and true love there are no obligations or expectations.  Fear is full of obligations.  Fear of not fitting in.  Fear of what people will think if you say “no”.  Fear of being a minority.  Fear of not being accepted if you don’t play along with the politics.  Fear of being judged.  Fear is a horrible emotion that leads you further away from who you truly are.  Fear nothing and you will make the right decisions.  Without fear you can live your life truthfully and authentically.  The next time someone puts their obligations onto you ask yourself  ” Is this really something I want to do?” If the answer is no then chances are it is an obligation trying to be put on you.

When I first started to see this happening in my life I was unsure of how to deal with it.  I finally just said “no”.  I stood back and looked at the person who was trying,  I will repeat trying, to put their obligations on to me.  I flat out refused to accept it.  People who over book themselves are really pro at putting their obligations on others.  If their doing it, so should you.  Soon their family and life gets overtaken by what they feel expected to do until they no longer have control over their own lives.  Family dinners get cancelled, the time they used to spend for themselves is gone because of the obligations they have accepted throughout the years.  It’s a Dominos Effect.

People in general these days are busier than ever, and there isn’t enough time in the day for everything they’re obligated to do.  In my opinion we need to get back to the basics and quit accepting more things to do.  We need to have our family be our priority and spend more quality time together.  We need to stop overbooking our kids and ourselves and start living our lives for us.

I am not certain whether it was an age thing with me in being able to say “no” or that I really just have my time and my family as a priority.  I think it’s a combination of both.  If we don’t start making changes, our family time will become a scheduled event marked on our calender along with everything else.  For many this is already the norm, but it’s never too late to reevaluate if your time is well spent or balanced.  Life is too short to have it filled with obligations we didn’t feel good about to begin with.

That’s just my opinion!  Comments are always Welcome !

Tracy

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Beyond Marriage…part one

Before anything else I really want to say “Happy Birthday” to ‘a really good friend of mine’.   He is spontaneous, charismatic and a seeker of knowledge.  He has all the qualities of a true warrior; discipline, strength of mind and body, ability, courage and loyalty, to name a few.   He is limitless and forever pushing the boundaries of what life has to offer.  He is able to read people intuitively.  He is not a man who will fall prey to women who think they can get what they want with a simple batting of their eyelashes or sexual manipulation. He is far too intelligent for that.  A free spirit with wings that keep developing so he can soar above humanity and change the world by living as an example.  He has true greatness inside that he lets out in small doses for those open to it.  Scott is the most incredible man I know.  He is an evolved human being who has always been my Best Friend through pretty much everything.  Our Friendship is unbreakable!!  Happy Birthday Scott !  You’re  amazing, to say the least! xoIt's my Birthday !!

Now here is an excerpt from a novel I am working on called…

Beyond Marriage...part one  by Tracy Westerholm

The feeling of being out of control and not knowing.  The feeling you get when you first meet someone is so powerful.  When you first catch that sparkle in their eye.  They reach inside your soul and touch you with theirs.  Your entire body changes and you feel every cell come alive.  It’s as if they have complete control over you.  You get jittery and feel cold.

Sometimes we just get a glimpse into the window of their soul and walk away afraid of looking back.  Afraid of what?  You can’t deny these incredible feelings.  It’s an energy that is felt by both.  Your heart flutters, your knees go weak.  You’re nervous beyond belief.  Just being near that persons chemistry drives you to a place we all want to go.  Passionate love!  It’s meant to be out of control!  You can’t control it, that is what is so incredible about it.  Passion

To lose control and let it happen is so difficult for us.  If we did,  I think more of us would be happier, passionate souls in this very planned life we all live.  We need to break free of what is expected of us and get rid of the obligations we put on ourselves and have others put upon us.  We need to do what makes us more in tune  with our natural instincts.

We all want it more than anything else but are afraid of letting go of traditions that have been passed down from generations before us.  We are not living the life we are meant to unless we have the courage to adjust and move forward with what comes from deep inside each one of us.  We need to ask ourselves “What do I want?”  ” Am I being true to myself?”  These are questions I have had at some point in my life.  I’m sure you have too.

If we are really true to ourselves and honest about what we want and need, life would be more fulfilling  and much simpler.  We need to slow down and have eye contact with other souls who are open to that unique connection.  Our lives are so busy and full that we don’t see anymore.  We can’t connect with others if the connection has been lost in the process.  To experience this for yourself try to be open to others and really look into their eyes.  The powerful connections you will feel will bring you into the moment and make you realize there is more out there if you simply open your eyes to it.

to be continued…

Tracy

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