In Search of the Elusive Available Male…and Patience!


Patience has never been one of my strong suits, I’m working on it. When I decide I am ready for something I usually jump in with both feet. My mistake in the past has been assuming that when I am ready everyone else should be as well. Life has a way of teaching us things we need to learn. Sometimes it can be a slow process and other times it’s a no-brainer. I am amidst the slow process route right now, add no patience and it is like going back to snail-mail after having high speed Internet. I would just like to know I am heading in the right direction, having said that if I change my perspective and have a little patience, the direction I am heading has to be the right one! Right?

We have all sat on the fence teetering as we look over completely distracted at the bright green grass just slightly out of reach. We are not completely ready to take a leap to it so we sit and admire it for a while. We get lost in wondering what would happen if we ventured over to it. That greener grass is a vibrant temptation pulling us toward it. Until we are ready to plant both feet in that iridescently green fresh smelling sweetness we should summon some willpower and discipline and have some patience! Touching that beautiful temptation too soon will leave a footprint with repercussions that will follow if you’re not ready!

If you’re unhappy take time for yourself! If you are not ready, willing and able to share your time with someone of the opposite sex intimately you should be honest with yourself and them. There is nothing wrong with not being ready! Clear your head, purge your past, centre yourself, find balance and then take that step forward…it WILL be worth the wait! You can’t rush feelings, trust them!

Most human beings have baggage of some kind, whether it’s emotional or physical. Baggage is simply life experiences we carry with us, sometimes into our next relationship. We all deal with our experiences on our own timeline, purging some and hanging onto others. When we are ready to let go and free ourselves of the complicated web we have weaved in our past, we do. No one can rush this, not even us. Time heals and when we are ready to move forward we do…again patience.

Although things don’t always go as planned or as quickly as we sometimes want or imagine, we need to step back, take a breath and relax. The sooner we recognize and accept that we have no control of others we learn patience. Take things slow, enjoy the moment, give those you find worthy time and appreciate what you have, not what you don’t have. Everything works out the way it should. We all get to different places in life at our own speed, trying to change the path of another human being only distracts you from your own.

Svaha!

 

 

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Grad Reunion…

Bonnie chose the word ‘Memories’ for our header this month, beautiful job by the way Bon. I love when a new header goes up because it creates a fresh start each month and gives us a word to reflect on. Memories ~

Last weekend was our Grad Reunion so memories started flowing the moment Bonnie arrived in town on Friday afternoon. The annual came out and we sat and reacquainted ourselves with familiar faces that helped shape us into who we are today.

It doesn’t seem like that long ago that we were walking the halls of high school with all our friends but I guess it was, if you are the type of person who relates everything to time. You can’t avoid time…“time will tell, times a tickin, there’s no time like the present, I’m having the time of my life, it’s about time”…and so on. I personally hate the clock. It makes me feel rushed and reminds me of having a schedule. This weekend we stepped back in time to when none of us had real responsibilities.

We walked in slightly nervous as everyone was but soon realized that nothing that really mattered had changed. We had all grown and evolved but our cores had stayed the same. Time had just tweaked us a little. Some of us were in transition, happily married, sort of single, divorced, remarried for the 3rd time, finally married and although our circumstances were all different we were the same. We all wanted to reconnect in person with those who meant something to us a long time ago. A circle of friends were reunited making time for each other because that’s what friends do. Still after so many years there was warmth and support in the room. We could finally share who we had become with friends we knew, while we were searching for who we were. There were no competition, no chest puffing, no whispers, no sideways glances, it was nothing but smiles, handshakes, compliments, friendly eye contact, hugs and lots of kisses! Everyone genuinely wanted to be there.

“Time flies when you’re having fun” so I suppose I’ve had a lot of fun over the last 30 years. It certainly didn’t feel like that long ago once we entered the room!

If your clock is ticking slow, you need to make memories that are worth reliving. Bonnie and I did this weekend and it was just as fun as it was 30 years ago. Somethings never change…the after party ended up in the kitchen lasting all night long, and still it wasn’t enough time to spend catching up with great friends!

I loved seeing each and everyone of you that took the time to reconnect in person!

Thank you Tammy and Mike for making it all happen and Terry for the music, a party is not the same without the tunes, and Shirl for the fantastic after party it wouldn’t have been near enough time without it!

Love you all Class of ’81…

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Raise Your Hand If You Like SEx?

Raise your hand if you like Sex! Raise BOTH if you LOVE sex! Bonnie sit down! It’s amazing if you’re with the right partner. If you didn’t raise your hand maybe it’s your partner that’s all wrong? Did you just s-l-o-w-l-y look over at your partner? (lol) If you did maybe you need a new one. Okay that’s a bit drastic or unrealistic for those of you who are married. There are very few legitimate reasons for anyone to have a lousy sex life…in my opinion. All you need is a voice and the desire. We’re born with the equipment we need, how handy is that!

If your internal dialog is whisperingnot everyone likes sex” you’re right. We all know men think about sex more often than most women. (Bonnie sit down you’re distracting me!) 54% of men think about sex several times a day according to the Kinsey Institute. If you’re with the right person how could you not! Lust is a very strong and electric feeling that I think is missing out of a lot of relationships. I also think it should be a part of every healthy relationship. Lusting after your partner…just doesn’t get any better!

When you’re with the right person there is no better feeling in the world than intimate sex. I am really trying hard to think of one other thing in life that feels better…hold that thought I’ll get back to you on that! (insert cheeky grin here) Men are wired to want sex, it’s their job to procreate to further the human race. That’s a very important job with huge pressure I’m sure!

So many couples are part of the statistic of having little or no sex after marriage or commitment. Everyone jokes about sex going from ‘all the time’ before marriage to ‘once a month’ after the ring’s on the finger! It’s a joke for a reason…its reality. When you get married you promise to only have sex with your wife/husband for the r-e-s-t of  your l-i-f-e. (that alone is a tall order) It’s not fair if one of you holds out after you promise. If you don’t like sex to begin with you should be honest BEFORE you get married. Sexual manipulation ALWAYS comes back to bite you in the end! Just saying…

How come we don’t hear women saying they love sex with their partners any where near as much as we hear how they avoid it? They are comfortable admitting they avoid it but not comfortable saying they enjoy it? Backwards right? Granted some women are very private with their personal life which I respect. I don’t see why you wouldn’t want your girlfriends to know your man rocks your world…regularly! 🙂 It could be contagious!

Are you becoming a statistic? You don’t need to be. If you feel yourself edging toward being one you have time to turn the boat around! You just need to focus on that handsome man who walks through your door. The one who likes you, loves you…but hopefully lusts you! Wouldn’t you rather rip his cloths off than talk about the weather? Act now…talk later!

Life is about creating moments worthy of remembering forever. The trick is to have so many you can’t.

As for there being no better feeling…life is filled with them, seize them.

Thoughts become things…choose the good ones! (Notes from the Universe)

Here is a really funny video that was obviously made for a reason! Just saying…


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Swingers ~ Let’s Get This Party Started ~

TracyI’ve written a few posts that some of you might not think have suitable content, but I have an open mind and find most topics interesting, inspiring and worthy of a conversation. I would love to see how “attack of the Redneck Mommy” would address this topic, she’s authentic, hilarious and completely UNPLUGGED!  Her voice is unedited and she embraces it!  Pure confidence to let it roll as she does.  I completely admire her honesty.  It’s pretty basic for me, if someone is doing it, I am curious as to why.  If you are uncomfortable with the topic of Sex or Swingers, now would be the time to “blog off”.  But for those of you with a gaping wide open mind and the same curiosity that killed the cat this is for you!  A little taboo education of what is going on in a suburb or resort near you.  ( insert Cheshire cat grin here :))

We the Tara Team recently gave our collaborative opinion on Polyamorous Relationships, could we ever imagine ourselves in one?  I had never heard of them before we posted about it.  I know, I can’t believe it, how did that one slip by my radar!  Great snag Bonnie!  Now I have been educated on what they are, have formed my own opinion, and can confidently join in a conversation about Polyamory.  I find all human behavior interesting, especially those of a taboo nature.

If your questioning why I would write about Swingers and I know some of you are I follow a list of what makes a good blog topic:  Write something; useful, unique, newsworthy, first, that makes the reader smarter, controversial, insightful, that taps into a fear people have, that helps people achieve, that elicits a response, that gives a sense of belonging, passionately, inspirational, that solves a problem, that gets a laugh, opinionated, about something cool, saves people money or time, that tells a story and that interprets or translates news for people. Not that I have to justify my topic choice or anything, Wednesday and Friday are my days to write about whatever floats my boat!

R(small)-01While researching Polyamory I found that most people confuse Swingers with Polyamorous relationships.  There is a difference. The primary emphasis of Poly is loving relationships with more than one other partner.  The primary emphasis of Swingers is casual, non emotional sex.  In reality, there is a large overlap between the two.  Swingers find most Poly conversations to focused on relationships.  Poly’s find the conversations of Swingers too forward, too aggressive and more sexually explicit oriented for comfort.  Also it seems many poly’s are seeking bisexual relationships and Swingers are more heterosexual couples looking for other heterosexual couples. I was told by the same girlfriend who gave me explicit details of the  Brazilian Wax that the area or suburb in which I live is a large “swinging” community.  (not sure how she knew that tee hee, I’m kidding, I love her for her lack of filter, honesty, curiosity and she gives good post ideas !)

swingers

Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.  I have to go on record and say I disagree, I am not sure swinging is in anyway similar to lets say book clubs, wine tasting or cooking for couples.  (I’m just sayin)  The phenomenon of swinging may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades, which happened after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible by the safer sex practices during the same period.  Swinging has also been called wife swapping in the past, but this term has been criticized as ‘androcentric’ (taking a male-oriented point of view) and inaccurately describing the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part.

Swinging activities may include (but are not limited to):

  • Soft swinging: having sexual intercourse with a partner while two or more other people perform sex acts in the immediate vicinity.
  • Soft swap: having oral sex with someone other than one’s partner. Often a type of swinging that new couples choose before eventually trying full swap, although many couples stay “soft swap” for personal or safety related reasons.
  • Full swap: having penetrative sex with someone other than one’s partner. Although this is the commonly understood definition of swinging, it is not necessarily the most common type.
  • Group sex: An all-inclusive term for activities involving multiple partners in the same vicinity.

Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sexual activity with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual.  These acts can occur in the same room (called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging does occur. On these occasions, swingers will often refer to sex as play and sex partners as playmates.  I won’t be asking if anyone can come out to play anymore. (yikes)  Occasionally, one party of a couple will not be interested in joining the swinging lifestyle.  This party is typically referred to as the “hold-out” while the other party is referred to as the “desirous party”.

Here is a little History~

Swinging dates back as far as the 16th century when a formal arrangement was signed whereby conjugal relations would be shared between the men and their spouses.  In the 17th century temporary spouse-trading was commonly advocated and practised among occultist, particularly alchemists in Europe. While contemporary swingers look to earlier practices, such as ancient Roman acceptance of orgies and alternative sexual practices, swinging in the 20th century began differently.

According to Terry Gould’s Book The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers , swinging began among United States Army Air Force pilots and their wives during World War II. The mortality rate of pilots was high. Gould reports that a close bond arose between pilots, with the implication that husbands would care for all the wives as their own, emotionally and sexually, if the husbands were away or lost (thus bearing some similarity to levirate marriage, in which a woman is required to marry her deceased husband’s brother).  Though the beginnings are not agreed upon, it is assumed swinging began among American military communities in the 1950s. By the time the Korean War ended, swinging had spread from the military to the suburbs. The media dubbed the phenomenon wife-swapping.

Nightline ABC News with Martin Bashir ~ Reporting John Berman~

I will leave you with that to contemplate, form your own opinion, book your flight to Los Cabos or perhaps enlightened a little with what others are doing around you that you may not have been aware of.  And although it doesn’t fit in to the  lifestyle I am searching for, being a hopeless romantic, I never judge.  Freedom of speech is something I am grateful for !

Peace out !

Tracy signiture

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Twenties versus Forties

For those of you who know me you are aware of the fact that I just turned 40, once more.  Let me start off by saying I love 40 !!  So much in fact, it’s going to be my age for quite some time to come.

Twenties

Twenties

Seriously though, what the hell happened?  I feel like I was twenty yesterday.

When I was in my twenties I used to wonder what women in their 40’s who were single thought about it.  I think I felt sorry for them and wondered if they were sad to be walking alone with no life partner.

There were three reasons for being single;  widowed, divorced or never married.

In my twenties I used to think that being widowed would be the worst of the three.  Having lost the love of your life would be tragic.  Now I think at least you loved.  I am talking about the kind of love that gives you  butterflies when he walks in the room.  Where the chemistry you feel fills the room and it can’t be ignored, no matter how hard you try.  The kiss!  The passion in the kiss that never ends.  This kind of love is not waited for anymore.  So those who have lost their love at least have the gift of memories, that include love.

In my twenties, I thought older women who never married didn’t find the love of their life.  Just thinking of that made my heart ache.  In my 40’s I think that perhaps they just didn’t settle!  We live in a “I need it now society’ where we no longer have the patience to wait for anything, including love.  The women who never married were strong enough to continue their journey alone.  They were living authentically without someone, instead of compromising themselves for someone.  I think settling would be the worst.

And divorce, in my twenties, in my opinion meant you simply gave up.  In my 40’s,  well, there is a silver lining in every dark cloud, you just need to look for it.  It’s all about perception.  If you’re honest and stay true to yourself you should be able to move forward with no fear in life, with or without a partner.  I must say that I like my 40’s for the depth and understanding it has brought to my life.  Being alone in your twenties can be unsettling.  Being alone in your 40’s, what’s that?  When you reach midlife, single or attached, you start to live your life for you.  You experience and accept relationships for what they are;  short, long, sexual, intellectual, romantic and friendship.  On your terms !  Neither widowed, divorced or never married  seem so bad to me now that I am in my 40’s.  Perception is a frame of mind.

Forties

Forties

Tracy

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