Ryland Whittington ~

The-Whittingtons-300x209 10407872_10152072469157032_6170729355099373110_nParenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging trips you can take. It teaches us patience, understanding and allows our heart to grow bigger than we ever imagined. Love never runs out!

This story made me smile from the centre of my being! I LOVE this family! If we had more accepting human beings in the world we would all learn to reach for the stars more often! Ryland Whittington’s story is the epitome of truly loving unconditionally and most importantly listening to the dreams and wishes of your child. We need to allow them to follow their instincts that are deep inside of who they truly are.

Sometimes, life requires us to question our pre-existing notions and norms of what we were taught. It requires us to truly think about what’s important to us and what really matters. We hope you find this story as inspirational and touching as we did.”

~Tracy

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Feelings ~ Thoughts ~ Words

59f8ee19a6a8353ccc9fb29af06a6b5c“Thoughts become things…choose the good ones” ~Notes from the Universe

10407872_10152072469157032_6170729355099373110_nThis is a quote I am aware of every single day. There are few moments in time that it does not stay at the forefront of my over active mind. It settles the way I process my day to day life. I need this thought like the desert needs the rain.

No one can be expected to always choose the good ones, but we do our best. There is nothing wrong with wallowing in thoughts of uncertainty or insecurity if you are aware you are there, just don’t hang around too long. We sometimes don’t appreciate the good without the bad, the up without the down, love without being alonelife without loss.

Balance makes us appreciate what we have and have not. Through each life experience we learn more about who we are and how we can use what we learn to move forward on our path, whatever path that may be, to where ever it may lead.

Transition takes time. I continue to go through a transitional state in mind, body and spirit. I am starting to understand how to deal with the unknown more and take with me the thoughts and people that keep me grounded.

Music sends me away from time to time and reminds me that I am not the only one. I believe lyrics are written and shared not to expose the intimate thoughts of another but to allow those who listen the feeling of being connected to something so grand and universal it speak with a common chord. “Music is what feelings sound like” another favourite quote of mine!

I crave stories of love that allow me to escape into a world I hope and dream to be mine one day. Some days that dream feels like a mirage. We all dip into the thoughts we may not be deserving but we know in our heart that is not true. Everyone deserves to be loved by another.

~A flower without water…wilting.

~Petals fall to the ground.

~Words unspoken.

~Thoughts let go.

~A drop of water…continue to grow.

~tracy

No matter what emotion washes over you, embrace it, immerse every ounce of your being into how it makes you feel. If it’s sadness…feel it, excitment…let it explode from the centre of where it came! If your heart ache then allow the ache to penetrate your soul! Once you walk within the emotion that holds you, it lessens its grip, you become more acquainted and you let go. YOU let go.

“That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt” John Green 

Feel it and let go…

Some feelings fade, others grow with time. Some we keep tucked away in the deepest part of our hearts, others we set free with the slightest breeze. We gather strength after we allow them to take us to unknown places. The journey back again happens with time.

“Thoughts become things…choose the good ones”

Tracy 

 

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Thirteen!

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Happy 13th Birthday Jordan Rylie June 4th 2001!

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don’t ask…I’m sure there was a reason!

I am not quite sure how you went from this below….to that above? It blows my mind just thinking about it! Thirteen years ago today you changed my life. My family was complete with a perfect boy and now a beautiful baby girl. The Million Dollar Family! I kept the ‘girl’ part a secret, but finally I got to share YOU with the world! My GIRL!

I am so very proud of who you are! You have such a beautiful soul. You have touched the lives of so many in such a short amount of time! Your character is unique, unusual even, for your age. I don’t think this is your first BBQ. You seamlessly navigate yourself through the winding roads of life without a worry in the world. You are smart and witty and have a sense of self that is unafraid to explore what this magical life has to offer! You simply get it! If you would just get the clean your room part that would be a bonus! (I’m not holding my breath!) You have such purpose and share your natural instinct with those around you. You have compassion that bubbles over and empathy that comes from deep within. Your moral fibre and family values are still intact, lets keep it that way! 😉

ImageI know being a teenager is not going to be easy, it never is, but I know that you will master this challenge with a happy heart and colourful courageous spirit! You go gurl! Keep me posted, I am just down the hall in the tidy room! I am right here 24/7 if you need some awesome parenting 101 advice, I’m going pro next year! I can guide you part way but you’re going to have to help me here, there is no ‘Dummies on Teenagers’ book that I am aware of, so just cut me some slack now and then. Remember, I am also hormonal so it’s a double whammy for us chicksters! Let’s get this party started!

Always keep in mind Music helps soothe the soul, (can extent your run by at least 2K if you crank it) and a good piece of chocolate is so under rated! I have a hidden stash if your moody blues need a boost.

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I feel blessed that you chose me to be your Mom. I will forever be grateful that you came into my life. I am right here watching you blossom into a gorgeous young lady…I use the term lady loosely knowing who you are! You are definitely not shy! Your sense of humour catches me off guard every single day! That alone makes any split second hormonal outburst worth it in my eyes. If you could just stagger yours between mine that would be helpful.

Your quirky personality makes me gut laugh every single day! You are your own person indeed! Love that about you! A true leader!

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Jordan, Happy Birthday! I love you with all of my heart and wish for you the world and everything in it! Now go makes some more waves!

Mom ((((smile)))) xoxoxoxoxo

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Peace Out!

 

 

 

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Back to Basics ~

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IMG_6835I have had a great deal of inner dialog lately that seems to surface at unexpected times during my day. It feels like my subconscious is sending out warning signals, interrupting my thought process, trying to remind me to stay connected. I have been in deep thought about what I want and how I am going to achieve it, physically, spiritually, mentally, financially and in love. Times up, todays the day!

The physical part is easy…just do it. Put your shoes on and go! Lately I have lost my connection with that feeling of being exhilarated by movement. I crave it! I am starting to understand why.

“Hi my name is Tracy Westerholm and I am addicted to massive amounts of social media!” There I said it. Social Media has been the instigator to my disconnect. Too much time with my face in my phone engulfed in every iPhone app related to connecting with others, which has made me feel disconnected with myself and oddly enough…others!

WARNING RUN ON SENTENCE AHEAD…

Lets be honest all the social media that is out there is actually NOT allowing us to connect with one another up close and personal! I don’t have time after I log in to Facebook and check my messages, upload a pic or two, say hi to a few friends, BBM the handsome dude back East, answer my Text Messages, scroll Instagram, WhatsApp my non iPhone friends, check out who checked me out on OkCupid, answer my regular Email (not one but 4 accounts) Facetime my daughter in the other room, Skype, Snapchat, Pinterest, download a new song from iTunes, listen to it, YouTube the latest cool video, MapMyRun but now I am so tired…I don’t run! Good God no wonder I don’t have time to meet you for coffee! I need a nap just reading that!

I am deactivating ( <~a true addict) distancing myself from Facebook (insert gasp here) and although I know I will go back at some point, I need this brake break. (<~ thanks Bon…see I need your balance…come back!) I need to fall back in love with me, so I have taken a few steps to unplug all the distractions that are preventing me from becoming a better me. I need to find my focus.

Reconnecting with my spirituality has also been on my mind, but has been clouded by the chaos that I have allowed to surround me. I need to reconnect with what is important to me. I need to listen to my heart without all the distractions of my head.

Financially I am starting to feel in control. It is about balancing needs and wants. Having the desire and drive to achieve short and long term goals you set is critical in seeing them to fruition. If you don’t set these goals you lose sight of where you are heading. Having spent the last year working at Envision Financial I have become very much aware of what is important in finding a balance in my financial life. I have also experienced first hand how having a plan in place helps you reach your goals, no matter what they are. I love my job and the women I work with, they are so willing to share their knowledge and support with one another.

Mentally I strive to be in a place that makes sense. I think too much. Although I am ready to take on whatever comes my way it can be daunting at times. I remind myself ~ It’s how we react to tough situations that makes us truly who we are, building our character along the way. I think all of us need to take a mental vacation from everything to see clearly what we need to change. I know I do, I am.

Love! I can’t write anything without there being an underlying voice of love, it’s who I am. It truly is all we really need. Loving unconditionally without boundaries or restrictions is the purest form of love. I have struggled over the years to understand what I want and need in regard to love. I think I may be searching for a moving ship. Some days I sink, other days I float.

One thing I know for sure is that I need my girlfriends! Female energy is nurturing. When I  walk next to one of my girlfriends, whether my heart is heavy or light, whether I have tears of sadness or joy they always seem to balance my energy with theirs making us feel empowered and able to take on the world once again!

Have a wonderful long weekend everyone! Be safe and connect with someone up close and personal, it matter!

Svaha ~

Tracy signiture

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Transition…

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IMG_6835I know when it happened for me, looking back in this moment, it was long awaited. The transition of understanding a higher level of what real love can be and the meaning or feelings behind it. Loving another unconditionally without any need for commitment. A deep friendship that you know will stand the test of time.

Love takes it’s toll on all of us at some point in our lives. We accept the consequences as soon as we take a step forward with a potential love interest. It can be daunting if you’re not ready or have had your heart bruised more than once. Given the chance I would take that step over and over knowing what may come my way. Hearts always mend if we give ourselves enough time.

I have finally understood that love does not need romance to fuel it’s flame. Love is pure and simple. Love comes to us when we least expect it. To love another human being is to accept them for who they are not forcing them to change to meet our needs. When we open our hearts exposing our intimate thoughts, bare our souls and accept, love deepens beyond our wildest dreams.

Tracy signiture

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Landmarks in Life ~

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IMG_6835We are all part of Landmark events; the birth of a child, a wedding, the passing of a loved one, a success in life. Each waypoint becomes a memorable time in life waiting to be revisited when we feel the need. When we allow these moments in time to resurface, feelings emerge and we reflect on how each of them changed who we are. We connect our dots. They eventually define who we are as a whole. Each one of these Landmark events is part of what develops our core.

I recently added a dot to my journey in life. I feel as though I have a blank sheet of music that awaits the melody I will create. The people I meet along the way are the notes, those who are a constant in my life are that familiar chorus, the memories we make together will become the lyrics to my song. Each chord that is played will evoke a feeling that will resonate with me for years to come. Some verses in my song will haunt me, others will overflow with passion, some will bring a ((((smile)))), others may well a tear to the surface that will courageously take its own path and gently slip away.

As we walk along our path creating our music in life we will be joined by a select few who will walk with us for our entire journey. Others will joins us to teach us a lesson or two and then fade away off into the distance. Some will walk with us long enough to challenge who we are and may even change our path. There will be few who will feel like home that will unconditionally love who we are and accept all the musical genres we have created. They will fight for us. They will stand strong at our side no matter where we choose to go.

We all meet those who make their mark in our lives. We may not play with them as often as we would like, but they are instrumental in helping us write our song. We learn in time that when we need them to hum that familiar chorus they will, when the time is right. They are part of who we are, our internal compass, that finds us and brings us back home when we are lost amid the chaos in life.

T ~

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2014 The Year of Being Content!

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IMG_6568Relaaaaaax…what could go wrong? We spend so much time thinking and not doing, holding back, not taking chances. We fear the unknown, we hide our eyes, we no longer seek the truth, we wait and worry.

Music takes me to that far away place my soul calls home. As I savour a glass of red and write that ember that hides deep within my existence starts to grow. I must admit life feels rather good at the moment. I am open. I am free. I seek the truth and drift into the clouds.

It’s healthy to escape the chaos…necessary even. Music is the instrument that helps me get there. I can feel myself letting go of all the trivial things that build up throughout the day as I sit surrounded by a melody. I have a warm glow radiating from a place that has felt dormant lately, a place I can usually escape to in a moment of silence. Silence, a place becoming extinct within us. A place we don’t visit often enough. Finding that silence is like going home.

The evening starts to unravel as my thoughts dance with my imagination. The sound escorts my worries away. In this moment I let go. I am able to quiet the noise and hear the beauty in my solitude. Free of everything that keeps me grounded, It’s time to sit amidst the clouds and contemplate my existence once again.

I think we all need to sit and remember that our time here is limited, before we know it we will be moving on. Times up, take chances, do what you love, make a difference, change a life, share, give, love. Just be, no judgment, no worry, no restrictions, no boundaries, float through the day with whomever crosses your path.

Be open to the sound of silence.

I have relaxed a great deal over the years but lately I feel different. I feel content to share the room, or not. I don’t feel as though I should be doing anything other than what I am, right now in this moment. I have surrendered to the Universe with not a worry in the world.

This magical ride we call life is ours to create. We choose who we share it with. We choose where we explore. We choose.

Entice all your senses as your journey begins in a New Year where endless possibilities are waiting to be uncovered.

Listen, See, Feel, Touch, Taste, Trust and most of all Love with your entire Heart ~

Happy New Year!

Tracy signiture

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Forever Changing…

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IMG_0096_3_2When you let go of expectation in life, things change. Expectation breeds disappointment. Disappointment stops us from taking chances. Most of us have taken a chance with our hearts but not without fear that the crack we have already tried to mend over time will continue to grow. What must it feel to have a heart that has not felt the power of love. For if you have felt this love, you have experienced what our heart is truly for.

Expectation is rarely greeted with a smile. Disappointment is always felt with a frown. I don’t like the feeling of being expected to do something that I am not ready for. Putting yourself in the shoes of another allows you to understand how a simple expectation can change the path on which we walk.

I feel homesick now and then because what I once had is so far away. I have to reflect deep inside to muster up the feelings that used to sit near the surface of my being. A distant memory that is fading with time.

I have done a lot of soul searching over the years. I have learned to take time for myself to grow and evolve in matters of the heart. I have found peace amongst the chaos that would normally ruffle my feathers. There are many different shades of love if you open your heart to the possibilities.

Love is forever changing. Learning to love oneself is the most important love you can give.

So although life feels like it is forever changing and what was is no longer, we can still find a place that makes sense to us.

A place we feel warm and safe on our own.

T

The Artwork above is of the Beautiful Spirit Kathy Kromer. Although we have never met we connected through her artwork, her having the passion in doing it and I having the love for hearts. I came across her site and fell in love. We connected, she followed my writing and I envied her ability to create her art. After getting a sense of who I am and my love for hearts, she said this painting was meant for me and she sent it to me out of the blue. I am reminded each day to “Fall in Love with Life” and I smile every time I think of Kathy!

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“Jealous Of The Angels”

66821_234091456740446_1156119800_nI posted this last year but felt the need to re share it with you as a reminder that Monday is NOT a holiday but a day to remember those who came before us, and those who give themselves today so that you and I have the freedom we sometimes take for granted.

We don’t have to allow the commercial aspect of marketing to rush us into the next holiday on the ‘list’ so quickly! Remembering those who gave their lives for our freedom should be savored. Remembering those who lost their lives regardless of the battle they fought should be remembered in our hearts forever.

Loss affects every one of us. Death will greet us all, eventually. Risking your life for the lives of others is the ultimate sacrifice. Material loss means nothing to those who survived a battle…of any kind. Loss puts life into perspective. We need to continue being the change we want to see in our world and appreciate the gift that those who came before us gave. Battles are fought but not always won, leaving a legacy behind to be remembered.

The Heroes who fought to give us our freedom are being whisked away too quickly so we can drown in the madness of gross obsession for stuff none of us need. Stuff! Where has all the meaning gone? Wants and needs have become one of the same. They are NOT the same. What we need is to get back to the basics before we can’t see through all the distractions swirling around us, calling us like a deep seeded addiction calls an addict. Consumerism…we have all taken a hit of that drug. STOP the madness!

I don’t think we take enough time to appreciate what’s truly important in life. Health, freedom, spirit, love, friendship, unity and peace. The essence behind what is lovely in life is being over powered by marketing, money and greed. We can’t allow the human spirit to be set aside for such meaningless garbage!

We are reminded often lately how precious life is. The love that is present in our hearts for those who gave their lives selflessly can’t be forgotten. Lest We Forget is a phrase to caution us against forgetting those who died in war.

We can’t take any of our possessions with us when we leave this world, but I do believe when one is awarded with a ‘medal of honour’ it transcends with whom it belongs in spirit. Honour in your own way those who left you behind. Give those you loved their very own medal of honour to take with them when they go.

Human spirit rises in tragedy. We naturally reach out to those who experience a loss, it’s human nature. Compassion is alive and well. We are surrounded by Heroes in memory and in life as are we surrounded by Angels. I like to believe our Heroes get first dibs on the Angels waiting…and our Angels are past fallen Heroes giving themselves once again.

“Jealous of the Angels”…by Jen Bostic

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Top 5 Regrets…Listen Up & Take Notes!

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IMG_0096_3_2There is no time for regret in life and although we all have a few, here is some insight to help lighten the load! I found this on LinkedIn and I felt the need to share because thats what I like to do.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed. 

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Svaha ~

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Life is Fleeting…

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IMG_4459We can’t go anywhere without reading a quote of some sort telling us to Live, Love or Laugh, do this, say that. Facebook is notorious for messages, so much so that even I have stopped reading all of them because my time has become so precious. My house is filled with messages…”Inspire” ~ “Freedom” ~ “Life needs more green lights!” Quotes are little snippets of thoughts that are supposed to makes us stop and think, even if for a nano second. Are the quotes becoming too frequent to absorb? Have we become desensitized to inspiration because of them? Does anyone actually contemplate their meaning anymore? Do we stop and smell the roses at all or are we all just drones who work 9-5, eat sleep and do it all again day in and day out. Where has the Whimsy gone? I want Whimsy! “What is yours will not pass you by” <~~~~ bullshit! It’s passing us all by because we all have our heads down in our message screen oblivious to the world around us! No one wants to take chances anymore. When was the last time you had eye contact with someone that made your stomach flutter! When was the last time someone said something to you that actually made you think? We are all too tired to even be tired anymore.

If you want to be inspired, spend some time in admiration of the elderly. They were once sitting right here thinking where has the time gone? I’ve been wondering how my kids could possibly be teenager! Where has the time gone? I am heading toward being ‘the elderly’ as I speak! Time flies when you’re having fun and news flash…even when you aren’t! So be in the moment and be grateful for each one you have!

I have really been affected by a couple of elderly men who come into my work and spend time chatting with me. They feel like real men who have lived, loved and laughed I am certain of it. They remind me each time I see them that life is fleeting and we don’t know when our time will be up. One has his lovely wife still with him, the other was not so lucky. Both get the biggest smile I can give when I see them walk through the door. They’re grateful to be here, living another day with their health and enjoying each moment. I have always loved older men, something about them that melts my heart. They have this silent, knowing look about them. They don’t need to boast or brag about what they did or who they are or what they’ve got. They are content with keeping from where they came to themselves. I can tell by the look in their eyes that they have a secret ember flickering inside that once lit up a room!

Anthony always starts our visit off with “you’re beautiful” and then he reaches out and touches my hand gently and smiles. I love Anthony! He told me to go for what I wanted, not to worry or think about it, whether it was a man I had my eye on or a new path in life! He brightens up my day and reminds me I can do anything I set my mind to. He said “If a man doesn’t treat you kindly and take his garbage out then move on after you konk him over the head!” <~~~~ his words not mine. Anthony is 83;) “Treat’em rough and tell’em nothing!” was advice from my Nana to me in regard to men! I think Anthony would have gotten a charge out of my Nana. I think the elderly and by elderly I mean over 80, think we aren’t made like they used to be. They have the wisdom to be calm and mellow. I agree. Times were tougher, you had to suck it up to survive. You didn’t give up because it wasn’t a choice. You did what needed to be done or you were done. Character building days!

I think we have a lot to learn from those who were in our shoes not too long ago. If you take the time to find out what they wish they had done different or what they wouldn’t have changed, we might all live a little more and worry a little less!

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Life is fleeting…find your passion and start sharing it before you find yourself with the feeling of regret and wonder of what would have been if you had just taken that step.

Here are a few of my favourite quotes that have made me think in the last little while.

“You’re imperfect and you’re wired for struggle but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brene Brown

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…and just one more that made me giggle~

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Svaha ~

Tracy signiture

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Challenge Yourself ~

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TracyNo matter what challenges appear before me, I will survive. Whether the challenge is career based, facing rejection in matters of the heart, or financial reconstruction, life goes on. Life is about connections, forming relationships whether in business or personal areas of your life.

I recently started a new job where my co-workers have blown me away with how much support and patience they give me each day. I entered into this position a little out of my element having never worked in this particular field before. I am a creative, and didn’t see the bridge between creatives and the financial world before. When you get support from your colleagues you can’t help but step up and face the challenge with a positive outlook. Just as in matters of the heart, support from friends and family always helps in making decisions, whether we want to take a chance on love or walk away! Support!

I have the strength and determination to follow this journey called life to find out what it’s all about. I love the challenge and have a great supportive network waiting in the wings to help when needed. I don’t often ask for help but when you enter a completely different career, let me tell you the questions are endless! I wonder if by chance the Universe chose this path to teach and prepare me for the next chapter in my life. In the past I associated asking for help with weakness, I see now it has nothing to do with being weak. I am not weak, I am simply returning to be a student in life once again. The dots are starting to connect!

“I’m still learning” ~ Michelangelo at age 87.

I take chances. I love change. Risk is not a scary word…most days, but I am human and feel the effects now and then. I am not afraid to start over. I have faith that the life I am leading has a greater purpose than my career path, or whether I own my home, or find a man worthy of my love.

It matters not to me if everything I have is taken away, what I need to survive is safe deep inside or just a phone call away. I am grateful to be here spending my time with inspiring human beings. Inspiration is all around us!

I always wondered why I entered into the film business in my early twenties, it was not a passion of mine nor was I interested in seeking fame or fortune. I fell in love with stories. I took part in making them happen for many years until I had my two amazing kids, and then nothing else mattered but being with them. My own story became more important than make belief. Reality is always thought of as a dream crushing expression. Reality is amazing if you take a moment to be in it. No matter what you do, make your reality redefine your dreams. Enjoy each moment you have, life is short. Savour the relationships you have and don’t be afraid to build more! Build, nurture and expand your circle!

What I have learned over the last month is that although I entered a new path in life that I would have bet against in my younger years, you don’t really know where you fit in until you try it on for size. You may be surprised at what you find out! So I say walk down the path on which you stand, step out of your comfort zone now and then and see how vast and endless your horizons become! There are no limits to where you can go and who you can bring with you!

Svaha!

Tracy signiture

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Finding Lyrical Beauty in…Life

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IMG_0066Okay seriously? Really? Can we just move forward and be done with all the lessons in life for just a little while! I need a breather here! I am pretty sure my Karmic debt was paid in full at the age of 27! I think I’ve been mistaken for someone else who looks or acts like me from an alternate reality. Ummm HELLO I don’t live in reality, I live on my cloud where no one can reach me!

Just when I think there is a possibility of my life becoming somewhat normal, it changes! I adjust to my job and it changes. I think I have my house sold and it changes. My love life…ya, no, not gonna go there 😉 I will plead the fifth on that one forever! Throw in taxes and year ends and kids and a dog who literally jumps the fence, eats the fence or digs to China daily! Stress, ya a full plate of stress sprinkled with stress and add a dollop of stress! I’m feeling worn out and barely hanging on by a thread, and I wake up with Eczema on both eye lids! COME ON!!! I work in cosmetics for cry-in-out-loud and can’t look 100!!

I am all for learning lessons in life but I’d really like it better if they would come one at a time with a little space in between!

^ above is what I wrote pre-Wednesday May 7th.

May 7th @ 8:30 am…

The morning was beautiful. The sun was shinning and both my kids got up on time for school and we were out the door before we needed to be. <—- that rarely happens! I dropped my gorgeous daughter off to school and watched her little butt walk up the side of the school as she chatted with her girlfriend. She was smiling and happy! My son sat in the back of my jeep also smiling and happy. We chatted on our way to his school. He is such a handsome young man, his eyes melt me every time he grins at me. I dropped him off on time and put my donations in the clothing bin finally, I never seem to have that extra moment to do so.

I proceeded to drive back home going the long way while I listened to Emimen sing Cinderella Man…I had never actually listened to the words of this particular Eminem song before.

(Excerpt I heard as I drove to the stop sign)

Cinderella Man ~ Eminem…

“Yeah,
You know, technically, I’m not even really supposed to be here right now,
So fuck it, might as well make the most of it.

(Amen!)
Yeah, haha
(Amen!)
Feels good,
(Amen!)
Whooo,
(Amen!)
Guess I’m lucky,
(Amen!)
Some of us don’t get a second chance.
(Amen!)
But I ain’t blowing this one.
(Amen!)
Naw man, haha
(Amen!)
Shit I feel like I can do anything now”

The last thought that entered my mind before coming to a stop was this…

~ As I smiled to myself…”Everything always works out, I should be grateful to be here too, I am healthy, I have a precious family, a great circle of friends. I am really very lucky.”

I needed to hear those words.

And then…

I looked left and it was clear to turn right. I pulled out into my lane and just as I started to accelerate, a car was driving right at me in my lane. He had pulled out into my lane to pass a lawn mowing tractor and was committed to passing at full speed. I saw the young mans face as he swerved between my front end and the tractors front end. He barely made the pass without hitting me head on. It was all a blur and felt like it happened in slow motion. I drove a few meters forward feeling numb as I saw my girlfriend running toward me. She witnessed the whole thing looking at me with wide eyes as she realized it was me.

“you know, technically, I’m not even really supposed to be here right now, So fuck it, might as well make the most of it”

I kissed my peace sign fingers and gave thanks to both my angels for watching over me.

I am grateful for all the lessons life is trying to teach me. I am grateful to be here to have lessons to learn.

Perspective!

“Life’s blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed by the fire of enthusiasm.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

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Svaha S.S ~ Love is All You Need!

IMG_4459My daughter shared this video with me, I had to pass it on. It is an important message that unfortunately is still not embraced by everyone in the world in which we live. Love is all you really need! When we feel loved, we flourish! We grow and pass that very same love we received on to others.

Give Love ~

Accept everyone for who they are ~

Stand up for those who are not brave enough…yet ~

With support and courage we can make a difference in the lives of those less courageous ~

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Appreciate What You Have ~

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IMG_4459My glass is always half full! I consciously look for the lesson in unfavourable circumstances and can usually pop my head above the swirling chaotic clouds to see the sun-shining bright in the distance. If I do get swayed to the dark side I don’t stay long. I allow a few streams of tears to flow and move forward. My girlfriend/therapist Tannia and I have a one day limit to wallow in any unpleasantness and then we “suck it up buttercup” laugh like hyenas in heat and take a step forward. I am grateful for so many things in my life

Starting today…

~ Appreciate what you have ~ Focusing on what you have instead of what you don’t will immediately bless you with gratitude.

~ Focus on what matters ~ Health matters. Your body is a gift, we are all miracles of life.

~ Decide what your purpose in life is and go for it ~ What makes you most happy? If you are not doing it, ask yourself why? If you have fears, face them! Step out of your comfort zone and see how exhilarating it can be. “Fear is the Thief of Dreams” ~ Gandhi.

~ Take on challenges that scare you ~ Nothing we experience in life is a waste of time. We live and learn with each life experience growing and unfolding along the way. Change is good, healthy even, if you step back and view it from a positive perspective. When a door opens step through it and see where it takes you!

~ Find balance ~ If you work too much, learn to play. Take time for yourself and give your time to things that make your heart race, and cork pop!

~ Love your body enough to take care of it ~ You’re beautiful! Embrace the skin your in! You can scar it, stretch it, burn it, mark it, tan it, and peel it, you are always in it, so you might as well take care of it and learn to love it! If you don’t love it, why should anyone else.

~ Treat others the way you want to be treated ~ Be conscious of your attitude and your actions. Karma has a way of finding those who don’t play fair. Always remember ‘this too will pass’ good or bad. Life is a circle and what goes around comes around…eventually!

~ Set a good example ~ If you want to empower others in your life, you need to start living the most empowered version of yourself first. You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. Dream BIG! Believe in what you want so much that it has no choice but to become your reality. And don’t ever compare yourself to anyone else, stay focused on your own journey and leave footprints behind.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world!” ~ Mahatma Gandhi 

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I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For…

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IMG_4498First I must ask…“Did I recently lose something?” Wasn’t my virginity, that was lost longggggg ago. My kids are still here so we’re good there. <—- kinda weird I mentioned virginity and kids right after the other but what the hell, they don’t read my blog. I haven’t technically ‘lost’ something so I must now determine what exactly it is that I am looking for? That’s the million dollar question! “What am I looking for?” If I could just figure that out I’d at least know where to look…right? I can hear Bonnie right now inside my head, gently whispering“Stop looking and let ‘it’ find you” and “If you could figure out what you wanted, you would get it!” True dat! Since I was a child I’ve had a difficult time choosing between two things. Making choices and not wonder about whether or not you made the right one is the hard part for me. Second guessing yourself takes you out of the moment! I am learning to follow the path my instincts lead me down with an open mind and heart. This doesn’t always work out but at least I am moving and not standing still. You know that feeling you get when you see something and you HAVE to have it? Those are life experiences jumping up and down trying to get your attention! Grab on with both hands and don’t let go! What could go wrong?

I have finally come to realize that I am not looking for something I have lost, what is behind me is not lost but let go of, there is a difference. I am looking for something different now, something that takes time and experience to be redefined by my life, age, circumstances and there is a lot more to it now than there was before. For instance, I gave up a career when I had kids, I did not lose it, it was a choice I made. I’ve let go of things in my life by choice and it’s trusting those choices that is important to be able to move forward in life. I gained life experience and lessons along the way by following my heart. I can’t compare what I had then with what I have now, I am different, life is different. I have been given a chance to start fresh in all areas of my life, a GIFT when looked at in the right perspective!

I don’t want anything permanent in my life anymore unless I get that feeling I mentioned, of having to have something that overpowers you with passion!

I would rather be naked standing with nothing than dressed in a beige life. Balance and Perspective!

I think everyone should take time on their own when they are at the redefining stage of their life. You have to allow yourself to let go before you can move forward and focus on the beginning of what is yet to come.

What I am looking for is becoming clearer with each life experience. When I find me…I will be ready for ‘it’! Some days I am deflated by reality which brings me crashing down from the cloud I call home, and other days I am floating effortlessly from a place so high it brings a smile to my face just writing these words to describe it. Balance and Perspective!

So here I sit once again open and honest with my life, sharing who I am with you because I know somewhere, someone can relate and I want you to know that you are not alone!

“Do Not Feel Lonely the Entire Universe is Inside You” ~ Rumi

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Expose Yourself

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625565_10151296502307032_1928783634_nBonnie exposed herself last week…don’t rush and click the link to see a naked picture of her, I mean emotionally.

Women tend to share their fears and insecurities with other women, which takes courage and confidence. You take the chance of being judged. Occasionally we meet a man with whom we feel this comfort and we have the best of both worlds. Men on the other hand don’t share quite as easily with their mates as the female energy does. Men are brought up to be manly which unfortunately in society eyes doesn’t always include the expression of emotions. I want a man who can chop wood AND express his thoughts, desires, love, dreams, fears and insecurities <—–to be clear that is not my whole list of what I want my man to be 😉 There is nothing more liberating than being with someone you can say anything to regardless of how intimate or wildly crazy it may seem. When we feel safe, we share. When we share we build trust. Without trust we have nothing.

True raw emotions I believe should be shared. I am guilty of being too much of an open book at times, so balance is important. I am working on keeping my inner feelings to myself a tad longer, just in case they are hormone based shooting out of left field without any prior notice what-so-ever. It’s a struggle let me tell you! I wouldn’t be in some of the predicaments I find myself in if I kept my trap shut a little longer! Live and learn.

However…Our truth is who we are, like it or leave it. When we cease to share who we are, we stand still. It’s super safe…but a bit boring! We miss out on intimacy and moments that will allow us to grow with or without a partner. When we take a chance, the reward can be simply delicious! This is where balance comes in. Keeping a little bit of yourself for a rainy day kinda logic by balancing our truth and living in the moment pure and raw. It doesn’t matter how honest you want to be, sometimes it’s best to keep that thought close to your heart, even for a nanosecond longer before diving face first for that muddy landslide of fun and adventure. <~~~ You have to admit that sounds wayyyyy better than being in the safety zone! So Captain Careful (that’s me) suggests wearing safety goggles before you dive? Excuse me while I go shower off the mud on my face!

When I was in my twenties I wasn’t able to communicate well (go figure!) out of fear of being judged or left for that matter, so I didn’t say much of anything. Sadly in the end the relationship ended because I didn’t communicate, so holding back my words gave me the same result. Fear and insecurities come from a place when we are learning about life and who we are. They sit stagnant within our DNA waiting for a opportunity to expose themselves if we let them. I have worked hard on learning how to communicate well but every now and then I fear being judged and left and I raise my walls and stop communicating to avoid the inevitable! When you search back to the root or beginning of a fear we are able to face those fears and move on from them. “Fear is the Thief of Dreams” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

We all have insecurities and fears as Bonnie mentioned hers being the importance of what people think of her. Valid insecurity, we all want to be liked as human beings. We strive to be accepted and loved. Life is meant to be shared and no one wants to be left alone in life to fend for themselves forever! forever…forever…forever…forever.

I am in the process of facing a few fears of my own. What I have learned in the process is this…I am a survivor, I am able to take care of myself and family all by myself…if need be! I know I don’t have to, if I would just learn to use my words and ask for help when I need it. I am strong, independent, self sufficient and I can do it alone but I am far from alone! I have a huge circle of male and female energy that if I reached out to, would be there with strength and a smile willing to help me.

Sooooo, judge me not unless you have walked in my shoes. Leave me if you choose. I will stand amongst my circle of true companions and live my life in the moment the best way I know how! Knowing I can survive on your own is empowering, admitting I don’t want to is my truth.

Svaha ~

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Painting Our Canvas in Life!

lifeisacanvas-piccsydotcom Photo on 13-01-30 at 2.43 PMLife can be unpredictable and change completely from one moment to the next. We never really know how long we have. We don’t know for sure what happens next. There are no guarantees in life as to where our path will lead us or who will walk beside us on our journey. I do believe we meet individuals along the way that guide us and teach us not only about life but about ourselves. Every now and then we meet someone who changes us in a powerful way. They remind us to live in the moment and trust.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway 

Would you enter into a relationship knowing that it had a pending time limit attached to it? I would. Life is about the essence of time we have with someone regardless of the clock ticking in the distance. If you knew your partner only had a certain amount of time left on this planet, wouldn’t you live each day different? Time passes by so quickly and we all get side tracked in life and forget to ‘live’. We hold onto things that really don’t matter. We don’t always make the most of our life experiences.

You are the only one who can paint the picture you wish your life to be. Be BOLD, making every stroke count whether you choose broad or delicate ones! You decide which colours of the rainbow to add to your canvas. Dip your brush fearlessly and see your picture come alive! Your brush is an extension of you, the paint is a mix of life experience and those we meet along the way. It’s up to you to create the picture that is as unique as you are.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”  ~Oscar Wilde

Have you ever experienced moments in time where you had to pause and capture an overwhelming visual imagine in your memory, knowing it was seconds away from passing? Moments like this only happen when you let go and allow yourself to see and feel what life has to offer. Moments forever in our minds, memories we keep forever!

Every now and then we get a little reminder of how magical life really is. The beauty is all around us if we have the courage to open our eyes and let our life wash over us. Only then can your picture be painted in it’s truest form.

What ever you are doing, stop and look around you. Touch the person beside you or smile at the woman across the room. Connect with another human being! Take the chance that your heart will be touched like never before, even if it doesn’t last forever it will still stay with you as long as you choose to nurture the thought and energy that goes along with it.

“Thoughts become things, choose the good ones” ~ Notes from the Universe.

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The Light that Shines…A Story for All.

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Tracy headshotI sat with tears steaming down my cheeks as I watched the empowering story of Jill Brzezinski-Conley. I felt a warm glow each time I saw her beauty grace the screen. Her story is one of love, strength and courage. We can all learn and grow as human beings from embracing such empowerment head on without fear! I will continue to live without fear and when it tries to seep back in I will think of Jill’s strength to keep it at bay! Thank you Jill for telling your story!

Sue Bryce helps Jill tell her story…

What Cancer cannot do…
Cancer is so Limited…
It cannot cripple love…
It cannot shatter hope…
It cannot corrode faith…
It cannot eat away at peace…
It cannot destroy confidence…
It cannot kill friendship…
It cannot shut of memories…
It cannot silence courage…
It cannot quench the spirit…
~Bernice Chambers

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