Life is meant to be shared ~

“I just need to find someone to share it with” is what I keep hearing from those around me. I can relate as I’m sure many of you can. Life is meant to be shared. Sharing it with friends and family is incredibly fulfilling but finding a partner to share it with intimately seems to be a quest of many. Need is maybe not the right word. I’ve struggle with this word at times. In the past I’ve associated need with weakness. “I don’t need help, I am a self-sufficient strong independent woman who can do anything.” Hearing that back doesn’t sound the least bit weak although it’s said with the intention of not wanting to appear weak. (and I can be slightly stubborn at times) There is nothing weak about wanting to share and explore the beauty of life with an intimate partner. The trick is finding the right one.

As a woman it’s hard to balance independence and strength without losing your femininity. Women naturally want their man to take care of some of their needs. Some of us even have the burning desire to be save by a man. I need to be saved from myself I think. At times I think I am only attached to this world by a thread, I often find myself floating away to my world which seems in no way a reality.

I think until you allow yourself to be vulnerable in life you don’t really experience all life has to offer. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone or needing someone in your life as long as you’re not dependent on them. That’s when obligation and expectation step in and wreck everything in one clean swoop! When you lose your independence you give away your strength. Balance is so important in life, yin & yang.

Want is perhaps not as scary as need“I just want to find someone to share it with.” I think there are life experiences we need to have that strike a cord within us that make us move to another level. And then there are life experiences we want that enrich and allow us to grow as individuals. Feeling vulnerable is not an emotion everyone is comfortable with, I’m certainly not. When you’re ready to open yourself up and be vulnerable, real passion in life begins. Passion is something in my opinion that needs to be shared. When you have real passion for what you do you can’t help but inspire those around you.

I was in the company of my parents on the weekend and their chemistry after 60 years together is still in the room. They found someone to share it with and somehow manage to keep from floating away making their passionate love a reality. It is possible. I’m looking for that someone who will feed my soul, not my ego. Who will let me float away when I need to but will reel me in from time to time to balance my fairy tale with reality.

We all want to share a part of our life with someone. It doesn’t have to be all at once, it can start with bits and pieces until it feels right to share more. It’s not a race. It’s about timing and letting go to allow your life to just be.

We as human beings like to share. Elation, can’t help but be shared. Love yearns to be shared. Desire burns if not shared. Inspiration is wasted if not shared. Music is created to share. Lust comes undone when shared. Peace wants to be shared.

Life is meant to be shared…

 


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The Truth about Love…

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I walked nervously into the room to meet him for the very first time. I had a feeling about who he may be. It was that feeling that had been missing for a very long time. I was dangerously close to giving up, that it may never cross my path again, but there he was sitting waiting for me. It felt surreal from the instant we spoke, sharing freely who we were and what lead us to this moment. I had finally stepped in without fear, without doubt, without hesitation, my mended heart was ready to love again. I felt it.

I looked into his eyes and felt a sense of calm, like coming home after a long time away. It felt right, just as everyone who has ever loved has felt, when it was.

We all have our feeling hurt, our hearts bruised or even broken into tiny little shards of glass never to be the same again. Maybe the broken pieces are not meant to be put back in place, for we are never the same after heart break. When we accept our cracks, it shows us that we can still love the imperfect, the once broken. Who we are doesn’t fade with cracks, we just need to find someone willing to fill them with love and understanding. That is pure raw unfiltered love.

So when your heart is shattered on the ground, gently kneel down and gather the pieces to keep them safe, collect your thoughts and summon up the courage to rebuild what you once knew.

When you cross paths with that person, maybe even your person, and you can feel an emotional storm brewing in the distance. Take a deep breath and allow the storm to blow through you. Allow the ominous clouds of emotion to form around you, you have no control of the wind that creates them, so let the storm begin…enveloping you in it.

Passionate Love is a force meant to be much more powerful than you have ever imagined. It’s love coming for you.

The only question is…are you brave enough to surrender to it?

Ed Sheeran says it beautifully…

Photograph
Ed Sheeran
Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home
Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier,
Remember that with every piece of you
Hm, and it’s the only thing we take with us when we die
Hm, we keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
And if you hurt me
That’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
You can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
And if you hurt me
Well, that’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
When I’m away, I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
“Wait for me to come home.”
Songwriters: Ed Sheeran / Johnny Mcdaid
Photograph lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
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Stand Strong…

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Life can be complicated, love can be messy and nothing worth having is ever easy. I have worked hard for everything I have in my life and it was all worth the fight, mentally, physically and most of all emotionally. There was not one moment I would have given up to take the easy way out. I was close at times when my heart felt bruised, my mind felt defeated and my body wanted to collapse to the floor, but that is not who I am. I was brought up to lead by example with strength, integrity and a moral compass intact. That does not mean I have not made mistakes, I have, we all have. Fix them as best you can and move forward.

The world challenges who we are at time. The easy way out is to blindly join the masses and follow. The question is who are you following? What do YOU want the world to be? What do YOU believe will make OUR world a better place? What can YOU offer OUR world to reflect that? What is your purpose or contribution to bring peace and love back to the planet? Pick THAT and fight for it! It’s time to form connections with other compassionate hearts, educated minds and stand strong together, march side by side united, don’t follow, LEAD!

Fear is the Thief of Dreams ~ Gandhi 

We don’t always get what we want, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make change. Perhaps it was given to us to challenge us to take a stand and fight harder.

Regardless of where you are in life the path you choose to travel will teach you something about yourself and how you fit into humanity. Don’t ever underestimate humanity, and the power of one, we are all one, but collectively we have a heart that beats the same and a voice that is up to us how loud it becomes. Don’t allow anyone to silence your voice. Don’t be seduced into taking the easy path, it’s not what it seems. There is no easy path to greatness or change.

Now is not a time to take the path of least resistance and sit back hoping it will all work out. We need to continue helping those who need it, if we do the world will be a better place. We can not be separated by hate and fear. Our planet is a gift that we have to protect, and human beings are a part of this beautiful gift.

We have all had times in our lives where we felt out of sync or balance with our family, friends and loved ones, but with love and support, understanding and guidance we help and stand strong when they can’t. Positive vibes can be felt by all of us.

Stand strong for those who can’t.

This film will make you think.

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What if God is Testing YOU?

pixiz-31-07-2016-21-37-22I wrote this 6 years ago. I am reposting it because there has been change in the world since this was originally written and the Gay Pride Parade is today in Vancouver and I am a huge supporter of the LGBT community.

When I was on Facebook the other night I read a status update that a girlfriend from high school wrote that really bothered me. Sylvia was defriended after knowing someone for over 30 years, all because she chooses an ‘alternate lifestyle‘ and they choose God. This would be a good time to add, I am a proud supporter of Gay Pride, not because I am gay but because I believe human beings shouldn’t be judged because of their sexual orientation! I have never read the Bible, but I remember saying my prayers as a child. I prefer to take bits and pieces from all different religions, rather than follow just one. I can only give my opinion of what feels right inside my heart. I believe we are all part of a Universal Source of Energy and I try to live by The Golden Rule Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.’ The Golden Rule is not exclusive to Christianity, many religions teach their version of the Golden Rule, it’s such a basic and simple rule to live by.

I love women, but have never fallen in love with a woman in that way so I have no life experience to call upon when it comes to being gay. (well there was this one time in College…kidding, I never went to College lol) I have lots of gay friends whom I love and support for having the courage to live their lives truthfully and authentically. Imagine having to live with a secret your entire life because you fear being judged and isolated from your family and friends. If either of my children told me they were gay it would make absolutely no difference to me, I would love and support them either way!

My vision of being in a female relationship goes something like this…kids would always be clean and well fed, the house would be spotless, laundry would be done, folded and put away perfectly, there would always be wonderful aromas swirling about the house from fresh baked goods, candle light would glow from each room, wine would be chilled just right, oh and flowers, lots and lots of flowers! I could go on and on but I think you get my point! Female energy is so incredibly amazing! Who wouldn’t want that! Personally, I am physically and sexually attracted to male energy. (after that vision I am asking…why? lol) Please don’t judge me all my lesbian friends! 🙂

What if God was testing you, you who believed in the Christian God, who is against lesbian/homosexual relationships? What if he was testing you to see if you would be a follower or leader and take a stand by challenging his words in the Bible. What if God was testing you to see if you could think for yourself? When you think about how long ago the Bible was written, doesn’t it make sense there should be a few things that change with the times? Back in the time of Adam and Eve it made sense that a man and women would naturally be drawn to each other, to procreate, we needed the human race to flourish. Have we not flourished? There are other ways for human beings to have families and offer their love to one another. I think the Bible could use a little tweaking in this case, or needs to be viewed as more of a guideline, not so black and white.

What if what I say has a sliver of truth to it? I suppose you won’t know until you’re at the pearly gates. I believe I will never be judge for being who I am as long as my intent is pure. Why can’t we all just CoeXisT?

Here is the note that provoked this post:

“Sylvia, I am not continuing to have you as a friend on facebook for the following reasons…. While I am commanded to love you/others I am not compelled to condone or accept the lifestyle choices that are being so seductively and many times blatantly forced on our society and are in clear defiance of God’s word. This message is not something new to you but you have not heard it from me personally. There have been some specific message postings on the common wall by yourself and your friends that speak to your opposition of the “biblical definition of marriage” based on your lifestyle choice. I do not believe in the argument you present and this is not open for rebuttal or debate. God loves his creation and His word is crystal clear that He is opposed to homosexual/lesbian relationships/lifestyles. My head is not in the sand but my head is in God’s word. I will continue to pray that God will reveal himself in your life again and that you will see His word for what it is. – B.”

Sylvia stand tall and proud of who you are and continue loving others as you do yourself, by doing just that you will create the change that is needed. I have no specific words for ‘B’ my post is meant for all the B’s in the world! I can’t imagine feeling as though I have the right to judge another human being.

Imagine for a moment limiting yourself from meeting someone who would enrich your existence while you’re here on Earth, all because of a religious belief. This is simply my opinion, it is not meant to offend anyone or criticize the Bible or anyone’s religious beliefs, it’s just my thoughts and my way of saying life is too short “why can’t we all just get along!”

*Silvia, please watch this video, it’s very empowering and makes sense*

Abraham – who is Non-Physical Source Energy as translated by Esther Hicks – responds to a question from a lesbian activist who wants to affect social change in a meaningful “downstream” way.

Abraham: The Law of Attraction and Gay Rights – Esther & Jerry Hicks



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Take a Look Inside

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Every now and then I take a trip that offers me peace within. I climb gently inside, sit for a moment, and allow the silence to speak to me. It doesn’t take long to feel the calm wash over my soul. I know why I am here. I need to silence the chaos before it get momentum. It starts as an unsuspecting look in the mirror, without notice it turns into a whisper until is casts a shadow that follows me everywhere. I need to come back home, take refuge inside and let the music play. Do a little soul searching, ask a few questions of myself.

We all become disconnected from time to time. Whether it be in love, our chosen careers, with our growing kids or just life itself. We need to heed the warning signs and allow our heart to speak gently to our minds that wander away taking us just slightly off course. Away from the centre of who we know we are deep within.

We arrive here sometimes by mistake, at the hand of a stranger or out of defeat. We become disconnected from what matters, from those who matter.

There should be no boundaries, limits or restrictions in this safe place, only memories that warm our hearts, feelings that bare our soul. Our past, present and future should float harmoniously together.

After spending time in the company of those we consider part of our tribe, we connect fearlessly and welcome each others truth. I recently reconnected with a girlfriend who lives her life in the moment. She, like me is a free spirit who wears her heart on her sleeve, she is honest, open, giving freely the love she has deep inside to those in her circle.

Having an open heart, living authentically does not come without questions that lay gently beneath the surface of who we are. Even those who dance to the beat of their own drum can at times lose the rhythm to their song. Reconnecting with our own truth brings us back to solid ground. Finding inner peace strengthens us and reminds us that we are not alone. Life is meant to be shared and explored with those we welcome to take a look inside.

We are all beautiful creatures that should explore this journey in life with passion and love. We are connected to one another and should at every opportunity share the love we have.

The dialog within stops as I cue the music. A symphony once again plays in the background as I find myself floating back to this miracle we call life. A slow steady inhale fills my chest with a fresh fragrant energy. The voices that live within are silenced by the tranquil beauty that surrounds me once again as I surrender to the moment.

You never know what is just around the corner unless you silence your mind, open your eyes and feel with your heart.

Trust that you are where you are meant to be.

~ Tracy

 

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A Mothers Plea

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I write because I have to, it is a force within me I can not ignore. I write because it is therapeutic and I find solace that maybe just one other human being will relate to my words. Writing makes me feel not alone in this sometimes very large scary world in which we live.

I am strong and independent and positive beyond the norm, I can find the silver lining in almost any dark stormy cloud, but I am only human.

It’s easy to turn a negative into a positive when it comes to life in general. I have taught myself to rise above the negative and consciously choose happiness where I find a brighter side.

~Love, I have faith that I will find love one day and share moments in time with a man who  fills my hearts with peace.

~Health, I will get through anything this life sends my way. Jill Brzezinski-Conley showed me how grace and love along with support got her to a place of rest in the most beautiful heart warming way.

~Politics, I have faith in the human race to choose wisely, making this world a safer place to thrive for all humanity.

I have faith in all outside sources, but nothing can break the heart or debilitate a Mother like the worry for her child.

I write today from a Mothers heart which feels the pain of even the slightest unsettledness of her child. Being a Mother has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I knew from a very young age that one of my main purposes in life was to be a Mom. Another is to give love and acceptance to those who cross my path.

When your kids are young you focus on their safety and wellbeing. You are responsible for their survival. I was fortunate and I am grateful to have been at home with mine for over 10 years. It wasn’t a sacrifice, it was a choice. I chose to leave my career and do my best to raise two human beings who would make a difference in the world. The moment I heard their heart beat, I loved them more than everything else. My heart expanded more than I could have ever imagined. I was to be a Mom. That alone was a gift. They were mine to guide and protect with my life, along side their Dad.

Kids grow and unfold, becoming their own person. They stretch their wings in different ways, some soar and some crash to the ground. Sometimes we can relate, and there are times we don’t understand, but we try, we listen, we learn, and we give them love and support. It’s natural that they cause us grief from time to time. Just as we caused or still cause our parents many sleepless nights.

But when does your heart stop hurting when they start to walk down a path you know is not what you taught. When does your heart stop hurting when you try to guide them but they don’t want to listen. When does your heart have the courage and faith to let go so they can walk on their own. How does a Mom let go when she knows the world is big and scary and not everyone survives.

When do you close your eyes and trust they will be just fine…

My Plea to my kids…

Please remember I love you with every once of my being.

Please remember each night wherever you lay your head that I am thinking of you and hoping you are safe and warm with a belly full of food, and your beautiful creative mind is at peace.

Please remember that I am always here in a time of need and that no problem is too big for me to handle. You are never alone.

Please remember that when you think you can’t, I KNOW you can. I know you better than you know you and yes, yes you certainly can.

Please remember you are worthy of love from someone out of this world special, because you are amazing!

Please know that you are my favourite part of life, so do all you can to not take that away from me. This world would not be the same without you in it. This world can be cruel and unkind but it can also be the most beautiful amazing experience you have ever had.

Please know that even when you think you are too deep to see the sun from the place you have fallen, that it is there, waiting for you to raise your chin up and see the light in all it’s natural glory. The sun will shine upon your face just as the shadow will fall behind you.

Please know that together we can do anything your heart desires, because I believe in you, because I know you.

Please know that you ARE love. You are the source of love and the reason for my love.

Please know I will not let you go unprepared to face the world, I will always be here no matter where you walk, no matter when you fall. I will be there when you pick yourself up and I will help brush you off and we will walk again towards the sun.

Please know that my heart aches for you, I have been you, and seen the things you see, felt the pains your heart feels and have overcome them just as you will.

Please know that just as the sun sets, the moon rises, as the rain falls, the flowers grow…

Please know…

now go clean your room~

Mom xo

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Past Lives…part two.

Past Lives…part one. (last weeks post)

Past Lives…part two.

I felt a tear slowly forge a path down my cheek as her hypnotic voice asked me to move forward in time once again. I didn’t want to move forward, I wasn’t ready to face my fear. I kept looking back, drawn to my past, to him. I grabbed onto a thought that would make my heart beat again. With every ounce of my subconscious strength I held onto the energy of the man who captured my heart. I felt alive again.

He walked toward me, glistening with sweat from working hard in the field. His walk commanded my attention, taking my breath away. In slow motion his strong hands reached out and cupped my jaw on both sides slowly bringing me close enough to feel his breath on my mouth. He stared deep into my soul, taking me to a place I had never been with any man before. Like a tornado he stirred every emotion in my body spinning me out of control with no conscious thought. He had such passion and want in his eyes. Nothing could break through the spiritual connection we were creating in that moment. I would remembered it for eternity.

I heard her soft guiding voice in the distance, muffled like I was hearing it through the wall. She kept repeating the same words over and over. I was lost in my story not wanting to come back up the spiral staircase to reality…she gently repeated “You need to move on, if you don’t you won’t find the answer you are looking for”.

I hesitantly moved forward in time and found myself standing in a familiar spot. I looked towards the tree up on the hill where our son was sitting quietly looking into the vibrant green canopy of leaves that were ready to burst with new life. It was spring again, my favourite season. The breeze was cool this time, fresh subtle fragrance filled the air. The birds were oddly quiet as if they knew what was about to come…

The distant rumble was clearer than any other time. I was waiting for it, anticipated it. I sensed the moment my eyes opened that morning that this was the day. I walked as if in a procession to greet the gentleman who had brought my letters of love in the past. He couldn’t hide his emotions. His eyes told me my heart was about to be shattered into a million pieces. He surely would not have wanted to be the one to deliver this letter, I was thankful it was he who did.

I stoically held my head high as he softly placed the letter in my hand. I closed my eyes to recalled his scent so he could stand next to me and give me his strength. His energy was not within the folded corners. My nose touched the unfamiliar penmanship. His scent, absent. There was nothing. As the tears rolled down my cheeks I opened the handwritten letter to face my biggest fear. I saw words such as brave, strength, respected, sincerely, hero and then I heard his voice faintly whisper the word s-o-r-r-y into my ear.

Our son stood behind me silently with tears flowing down his flush cheeks. We stood with arms wrapped tight around one another, not a word was said. We were all we had left. I felt the presence of his strength circle us as we sobbed silently. I was grateful in that moment to have him in my arms with the same blood pumping through his veins as his father. He would be my forever now.

 

 

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Deeper Connections…

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Deeper connections are what I seek as I age gracefully. I feel a sense of calm in who I have become and hear my Mothers tone as I speak my truth. I never understood until recently how she managed to just be, with what seemed such little effort.

I don’t feel rushed, I don’t feel the pressure of societies time-line for a woman in her 50’s who stands on her own. I made a choice and with each choice we must walk without fear of what if…

The young who worry that if I don’t find someone soon while I still look good on the outside, makes me giggle. I want the one who has been weeded out from the masses who stands alone knowing what I know to be true. I don’t need a plethora of choices, I want only one who shines brighter than the rest in my eyes. One I find comfort in to just be, with. No fluff, no bells, no whistles, no fireworks, just basic stripped down raw love and understanding of one another.

I say this with a deep feeling of inner peace knowing that what I speak of will present itself when the time is right…or perhaps it already has. I have life experience that has been gracefully placed on my face and body which I still consider a gift each day. I have been very fortunate and am forever grateful for all I have…blessed if you will, with a life that has been exceptionally beautiful. I could die tomorrow with a ((((((smile))))) on my face knowing I have no regret. I don’t however feel my purpose here on Earth has yet been fulfilled.

Life experience, good, bad or ugly makes us who we are and allows us to grow a little bit wiser. These journeys help tell our story, a story worth hearing if you have the time or desire to listen. Life experiences are expressed in many ways, through a tone in voice, in action or attitude, in character and in will. We all have a story hidden away deep within our hearts. Human connections are the foundation we build these stories upon and release them to.

I am acceptant of those who crosses my path and whether or not they form a bond of love with me, I ultimately want each to be happy with or without me standing at their side.

When the young look into their future they see an aging face and body because they have yet to form the deeper connections that carry us into the more powerful meaning of life. They see beauty from the outside not knowing what they are capable of build along the way. It is a spiritual, intellectual connection that draws us in as we age. When you look ahead, see what matters, everything else fades.

I recently watched old home movies which brought a lot of feelings to the surface about time slipping by so quickly. It made me ask myself some very difficult questions. What I realized was the answers to those questions didn’t really matter because I am here, right now exactly where I am meant to be. The only thing that matter is now. What I choose to do right now in this moment.

I know a thing or two about being single when it doesn’t feel like the popular thing to be. When I was younger I always allowed myself the pleasure of being independent of a man. I waited painfully longer than what was socially acceptable to find the perfect partner to build a life together. What I remember most is that it just happened.

What I do know is that my heart won’t lie, it won’t lie even a little when it comes to that gnawing love that I seek. That feeling that someone has completely gotten below the surface of the sheets in a bed I don’t share often. They slip in and have no intention of leaving. Call me crazy but that is what I am looking for in this wonderful world of the ordinary. I want the man who sees below my surface and fits in to my ordinary, my calm, my love.

~ Tracy

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Jesse Jagger…

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From the moment I knew my first child was growing inside me, I felt blessed. A chapter began in my life that would be like no other. I loved being pregnant more than anything I have done in all my years on Earth! It’s simply a miracle feeling a child that you created with love, moving within you! Jesse Jagger you changed my life.

Jess was born large and by large I mean,10 pounds 3 ounces, 24 inches long and a cranium that measured 19 inches…;0 (c-section thank the stars above!) He was in the 99th percentile for everything! Jesse was nick-named ‘Baby Sumo’ by the nurses, having taken up residence next to triplets born on the same day. He wasn’t too interested in joining us on earth, being 11 days overdue. He took his sweet time gracing us with his presence. I think he was given a nudge by the angles above and promised the trip on the other-side would be as wild as the one within.

IMG_2276Jess, you are such a special part of my life, I adore every single bit of who you are as you navigate down your path in life. I will be forever grateful that I am able to walk next to you with an open heart (and mind) as you share what you learn along the way. You enlighten me with your wisdom, openness and willingness to experience life without fear. You scare the living daylights out of me somedays when I am a one dimensional Mom, but that’s to be expected. I get equally as thrilled when I think of you as a young man who has such a thirst for life unlike the norm…but then how could your Dad and I have ever created anything beige? You are my boy! My handsome, smart, caring, loving, calm, talented, intellectual boy that views life as a spirit who has been here before.

DSC_0311Flash me your charismatic smile that makes your eyes sparkle and I will give you the world and everything in it. Wrap your arms around me and I will make you whatever your heart desires. Mom’s just need love from their boys to make their world smile.

Jess, I love you more than any words could possibly express, it goes beyond the love I thought my heart had to give. My love for you is limitless. I will always be at your side if you need a ear to listen, a warm heart to hug, or a soul searching moment to share.

I love you forever, I love you always…

Happy Birthday Jesse Jagger, I smile at the life you have to create, knowing it is going to be a ride just watching! Continue to make it your own Jess, just be you! I look forward to each moment we have together, stretching boundaries, and learning along the way! You calm my heart and soothe my soul just thinking about you!

Mom (((((smile)))))

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Picture 134

…you are so loved! 

 

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Home

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Do you ever feel you are so far away from Home, yet you are sitting on the edge of your own bed? You reflect of what once was and what now is. Connecting all the physical dots is easy, if you sit peacefully, the memories wash over you. Go deeper and allow your feelings to float to the surface. The comfort you once had, the knowing where you were, will all bring you back Home.

Life can be so busy, taking us far away from Home, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Life is unpredictable and can change in an instant, making us yearn for that feeling of being Home.

As a child I had that deep tummy home sick feeling that would wash over me like a wave when I tried to sleep over night at a friends house. I always ended up calling my Mom to come bring me Home. Maybe it was her calm voice that I missed so much. She always made everything feel better no matter what I was going through. Still to this day, her voice calms me and brings me back Home. The moment I say hello, she instinctively hears me and makes it right.

This feeling wouldn’t go away until I surrendered to it. Laying in my own bed knowing I was safe and loved put me at peace.

It is a struggle at times being a parent trying to offer the same sense of peace to your kids. You wonder if they even notice what you do daily to make them feel as you did growing up, the feeling of being safe and warm at Home. No matter what troubles your kids go through, give them a Home they know they can be at peace in.

What I have learned over the years is that Home comes from within. It is a combination of what you once had and where you are in this moment. It is in the sound of a familiar voice, in a smile on a face, in the touch of a hand you know so well, in an embrace from long ago. Home is the love we hold in our hearts for those we know so well and those we have yet to welcome in…our Home.

Home is in the Heart.

Home is love…

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Bare Your Soul ~

I lay in the warmth of a cloud, a peaceful breeze whisper to my skin as I drift in and out of consciousness. The rumble of a train fades into the distance as I shift to find you. The dawn chorus begins outside my window. Your arms wrap around my chest pulling me closer. I missed you. I miss you.

You have been hidden deep inside my thoughts waiting for this moment to begin. Your presence removes all the burdens of my flaws as I lay waiting to hear your words, to feel your touch and smell your skin.

Like the sun casting it’s early morning rays upon the day, your words clothe me with a peaceful radiant glow. You undress me with the warmth of your soul. You cloak me with the love in your heart and set me free to explore a world in which there are only beginnings.

I join you in the silence of the night, to feel your kiss forever.

Stripping with words, I putting myself on the page.

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Round Hole Square Peg

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How long do we need to continue putting a square peg into a round hole before we throw it up in the air and try something different? We all learn as babies how this works. Triangle shape fits into a triangle hole. I don’t know one who got it right the first go. As adults we sat and watched encouraging the fumbling little fingers and intense concentration to keep trying, knowing they would eventually get it right. When they did, we celebrated their accomplishment just as enthusiastically if not more than they did.

Flash forward years and change your view just slightly and imagine these pegs as our belief systems, morals, values and opinions. We may not have the pegs in front of us physically but the idea is just the same. We have a way of thinking and our partner has their way of thinking. His may be the round peg and you may have the square hole. <~~~ that sounds just weird after writing it but I am going to leave it.

We all have different opinions, belief systems, morals and values. Some we are willing to compromise on and some are set in stone. We can either try to change the other to adopt ours or we can compromise and blend them together. Keep in mind that each human being has walked a unique path making them who they are because of where they came from and the life experience they had along the way. When we can dive deep to the root of who they are it is much easier to understand why they may have formed a different view on life than we have. Unlike the baby trying to fit that rigid peg into a hole we have learned over the years to compromise in our work relationships, friendships and love unions. We evolve and learn that what is best for the team is a blend of everyone involved. It is not as cut and dry as wood pegs.

Lets say within a relationship we are given 10 pegs, we can see how many we agree on by placing them into the right slot. Again celebrating the ones that fit so perfectly. But what happens when they don’t fit?

We can take weeks, months even years to figure out some of our pegs are not going to match no matter how hard we try. Some of us are slow learners, or are we? Maybe we just know what we want and were relentless in finding a way to make it work? Maybe we are not willing to compromise? Maybe we just need to find a heavier mallet to smash the square peg into the round hole and be done with it. The problem is the peg we smash into the wrong hole is going to be damaged. Now what? Should we be get out our sandpaper and start smoothing the edges of our pegs and try to keep going? <~~~ that is called compromise. Or do we give up and walk away from all the pegs we have damaged?

This is where communication steps in…Hallelujah to words but even better the actions that follow. In my humble opinion, if you are not willing to follow through with the actions behind the words, you should keep those words inside a little longer. The time will eventually present itself and be a moment to celebrate! Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Some of us can communicate better than others. If we try, over time we evolve into better communicators with practise. If you consider yourself a poor communicator with words, you can always fall back on your actions…you know what they say about actions, they speak louder then words. There really is no reason to fail at communication, it’s just whether or not you are doing it to listen, or to reply. Muting someones words just tells them they don’t matter. I have learned over the years that if you stay in the room, even the worst case scenario…agree to disagree, you fair better than walking away.

Communication is a choice. Here are a few prime examples, you tell me what appears to be the best form of getting your whole view across.

Text messaging is a form of somewhat broken communication, good if you are sending brief information required, but for anything more meaningful it is passing back and forth fragmented thoughts that can lapse over days. This is for those who want to think so long before they speak and even when they do it is so wide open for interpretation it most often goes in the wrong direction, leaving both parties more confused.

Email can have it’s advantages for those who want to get their thoughts down without being interrupted but isn’t injections from the other person necessary to have the flow go in the right direction, a natural ebb and flow of a conversation. You both help the other understand by clarifying something along the way as to not have the wrong impression.

Phone conversation are the second best in my opinion, hearing the persons voice can help direct you as to what they are feeling with simply the tone of their voice.

Standing in front of another human being is the only way to truly communicate. The only way you can have any real success in trying to get his round peg into your square hole. 🙂 You see their eyes, their body language and if both are open to expressing themselves honestly it is a communication celebration.

So life is not about being completely structured, fitting a square peg into a square hole and thinking that is the only option. Life is about how we deal with situations when the square peg and round hole present itself to us, how we communicate to solve the problem, whether in business or our personal lives.

~ Tracy

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Life is a Journey ~

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She was born pure at heart, mind, body and soul. She would walk a path that was to teach her lessons she so deeply needed to learn. Lessons she signed up for long before birth. She had an agreement with the Angels who were to guide her along the way. She would call upon them in times of need and trust they were at her side. She stepped into this world with her own agreement with souls who were also on a journey, crossing her path from time to time. Their adventures together would last a lifetime. Each soul that stood before her was a lesson waiting in the wings.

Guided by her Angels, she began her journey with a clear conscience that would remind her where she was safe to travel, that one day would lead her back home.

As she evolved into a strong independent young woman her life started to blossom. She spread her wings and took flight. She was not meant to always understand the path in which she traveled but to have faith it would lead her to where she was meant to be, in time. Her journey would teach her the importance of living a life true to self. A life free of ego, filled with acceptance.

“To Thine Own Self Be True” ~ Shakespeare

There was a greater plan for this free spirit that would take her decades to recognize. Her heart was filled with love, it was her purpose to share this gift with those she intuitively knew needed to feel it. She was truly born a love child.

Not always aware of the presence of her guidance she fearlessly walked where many did not. There were signs along the way that gave her an unknown source of comfort. A comfort that radiated from within her. A comfort she was soon to understand from where it came.

She is a woman with a strong sense of self. A woman who blazes trails of her own. A woman who fights for her rights. She is a woman that believes in the power of words, and the actions that follow. She gives hope to the underdog. She is a woman who is able to settle her fear, if for just a moment to allow the voices she knows to be true, lift her spirit.

She strives to make it to the end with her dignity and self respect intact. To lay on her bed of death knowing she made a difference in the lives of others. To have felt love, gave love unconditionally to those who stood before her. She is a woman who holds her values close, her morals high while reaching for the stars from out of this world into the next.

She finds herself surrounded by peace, love, faith and understanding.

She finds herself back home.

~ Tracy

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Dating an Independent Woman

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A Man I spent some time with brought this over and read it to me. He said it helped him to understand me a little better…he is no longer around but not because of this. 🙂

1. Expect her to do her own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that you don’t matter; it’s just that she’s learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

2. She’ll probably want to take things slowly because she’ll not be used to all the attention. Don’t think she doesn’t like you enough, she probably likes you a lot; it’s just all new to her.

3. Expect her friends to be overprotective of her and to be suspicious of you at first. *Cough Bonnie* They’re not used to her being with someone and they’ll want to make sure you’re the kind of guy who will treat her well.

4. She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her. Try not to take this personally. She’s just used to taking care of herself and it’ll be hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her in that way. Sadly yes ;(

5. Expect her to be stubborn, <~~~ whatever! to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn’t get it. <~~~ I don’t fight…I debate if we are being picky! Don’t always give in to her, <~~~ say what? but do let her win sometimes. Ummm let her? (Insert squinty face here)

6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Nothing wrong with needing to breathe! Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself. Uh huh!

7. Expect her to pull away from you, especially when she realizes how much she likes you. She’ll come back to you but she’ll need time to think her feelings through.

8. She’ll question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for her. She’ll always want to know if they are real or if she’s making things up in her head.

9. Expect her to be headstrong. She’ll tell you, “I’ve got this,” more than you’ll want to hear. But she’ll get used to your offers to help. And in time she’ll know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything. Independent…what can I say!

10. She’ll be guarded, and she won’t be keen on letting you in. She’s waiting to see if you’re patient, she’s waiting to see if you’re worth it. She’s hoping that you’re worth it. YUP!

11. Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But every time she gives you a little, it’ll feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps. Ugh

12. She’ll come across as strong, maybe too strong for you at first. But don’t be intimidated, this is her outer shell. And when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.

13. Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her. And then you’ll see the untamed, raw, and always beautiful open version of her that she’ll let you fully discover.

14. She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities, and hide many of her weaknesses. And when she shows you them, she’ll feel naked. Clothe her with your words. Clothe her with your words…melt…puddle ~

15. Expect her not to need you, and not to believe in needing much of anything at all. But she’ll want you. And when she does, it’ll be the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever experienced. Sigh!

16. She’ll be scared – scared to be hurt, scared to love, and be loved. Scared that you’ll eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won’t know who she was before. Hard swallow. 

17. Being alone is her default, it’s her comfort zone. But expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit and in a way that isn’t loud but still powerful; it’ll be like a little bit of heaven. And it won’t matter if you love her for a while or for a lifetime; her love will change both you and her forever. Double sigh…

by Kovie Biakolo

Tracy~

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The Dalai Lama

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Dalai Lama’s eighteen rules for living.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: 1. Respect for self 2. Respect for others 3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Tracy~

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The Epitome of a Man

He arrived true to who he was. His look made her giggle like a school girl who balanced on the edge of desire. She watched him for a moment as he set his ride to the side. He slowly exposed who he was behind the facade that most could not see through. She walked toward him patiently taking in that first moment that was never to be again. She was enveloped in his presence before she even had a chance to see his eyes. She could feel him. For the first time in her life she needed not to look into the soul of the one who stood before her, his being was all around her, drawing her in like a curious child.

He shed his armour as she approached. He removed the lenses that kept his distance from the world that surrounded them. In that moment she knew by the look in his eyes that he was the kindred spirit she was meant to embrace.

The Angels that brought them together swirled around in their presence with light that would shine upon the Gods forever with the love they brought together.

A true gentleman, he reached politely for her hand with his, that adorned a story she needed to hear. The moment his hand touched hers she felt his entirety. There would be no regret in this first moment together. She reached out, opening her vulnerability and wrapped her arms around him. Her exposed cheek gently touched the hair that cloaked his jaw. The tender skin that covered her heart could feel his beat through the leather that protected his core. Her inner thigh brushed his ever so slightly sending her to a place she barely recognized. He emanated the truth he held deep within his soul.

…and then he spoke, and her heart began to open.

His gentle tone and eloquent choice of words assured her that he was deep with meaning and filled with love. As she gazed across the table listening and feeling his truth, his passion and desire captured her wrapping her safety in his arms.

He was the epitome of a man…

Tracy ~

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Amen Sista!

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I had the pleasure of spending an afternoon hiking with a woman I have wanted to connect with for some time. We knew ‘of’ one another when we were in our late teens, her being a friend of my older brother. We connected on FB and it was apparent we viewed life in a similar light. Chris would post something and I found my self saying ‘Amen Sista’ on pretty much everything she wrote or commented on. The friendship seemed inevitable.

When we finally did meet in person, it felt like we were just picking up where we left off, yet we had never had a history together. As we sat looking out at the spectacular view of the Cove after a fabulous hike, we started to delve into what makes each of us who we are at the core of our being. Chris shared openly her unique story which triggered some deep thoughts within myself. We dug deeper as to why we do certain things in life or why we find ourselves in places that challenge us to face our fears. We all have them, it’s about recognizing from where they came and how to deal with them that truly matters. You need to go straight to the pain of why they are there in order to work through how to let them go.

Although we both had different stories to share they had an underlying similarity that made me feel a sense of wellbeing. I understood myself more by listening to Chris share her inner wisdom with me.

As we age gracefully we move to a level of comfort in life that allows us to experience a sense of peace. It’s like a pendulum swings and we right ourselves as we age. Those things we thought defined us when we were younger fall to the wayside, and what really matters becomes crystal clear as we become comfortable in our own skin. We start using our voice to create the change we believe in. We lose the fear of being judged. We know who we are. We still carry around a few insecurities that try to resurface from time to time but ultimately we are able to make them dissipate when we live authentically and come into our own, being true to self.

I feel at home within myself and believe it has a great deal to do with those I choose to surround myself with, my circle. At the end of the day we only really need love and understanding. Unconditional love from those who matter. The greatest thing about being an independent strong woman in her 50’s is that the only thing I require in life now is love.

I have been blessed with two amazing kids, a family that is like no other, a great job, a comfortable home and friends who would be there at a moments notice if I needed them.

My advice to younger women is simple.
Love yourself, first and foremost!
Stop worrying, you will do just fine!
Always follow your heart, it will lead you to where you need to be.
Stuff doesn’t matter at the end of the day, love does!

Get off Facebook now and then and spend a day walking in nature with someone you keep saying you want to spend time with. I promise you it will soothe your soul and leave your heart feeling full.

Thank you Chris for connecting in person and giving me the inspiration to continue to share who I am with those who matter! You truly are a Woman of Wisdom!

Svaha!

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Beating for Love ~

 

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When did I stop jumping into love with my eyes wide open, fearlessly filled with passion? Feeling the wind beneath my wings, sweeping me away has become a distant memory. I struggle to extend my arms to reach for his, as he walks toward me with his heart on his sleeve. He is not afraid of love. He too has fought for love and lost but survived.

When did a leap of faith become a fear? When did my heart stop beating for love?

Our heart is not meant to be guarded and held safely behind the walls of our chest. If hurt and pain have brought me here, I have no choice but to put my heart in the hand of the devil and ask my angels for forgiveness. Forgiveness for not opening my heart or scaling my walls in search of freedom, for the pure purpose of love.

I want to care not, where the path will lead, with whom I will walk it and for how long the journey will last. For the details of this are not what’s important, but only that you are willing.

Why do I shy away from the hand that reaches out to touch my soul? When did my heart stop beating for love? When did my heart stop beating for love? When did my heart stop beating for love?

I shall surrender to myself and allow my heart to start beating to the rhythm of love. Love is the meaning of life itself. Love is meant to feed our minds and free our souls. Love is meant to be.

Life flows through our veins allowing us to feel our existence beyond our human flesh. We were created to love. We were created in love. We are love.

Age and Wisdom have brought me here…ready to love again.

Tracy

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Intimacy…

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Intimacy…the ultimate sexy! Being drawn to someone without control is a feeling that many of us only experience once in a lifetime. It’s a magical force between two who connect on a much deeper level. It’s not just about sexual chemistry, although that too can be very intimate. Pure intimate feelings come from a much deeper place. A touch of the hand while staring into the eyes of someone who sees right inside your soul is intimate. A feeling of belonging together formed from a bond of experiencing the other.

There are two types of intimacy; physical and emotional. Love is intertwined in both. There are also two types of love within intimacy; compassionate and passionate. Compassionate love involves diminished feeling of attachment to the other. It is authentic, committed with profound feelings of caring for the other. Passionate love is identified by infatuation, intense feelings of sexual longing, throes of ecstasy and feelings of exhilaration that fill the room when you are together. To have a combination of both physical and emotional intimacy with passionate love is what most of us are ultimately seeking.

It’s a look across a room filled with people to that one person who turns you inside out and back again. A gaze that is only meant for you. A moment suspended in time. They know exactly what you’re thinking. It’s the magic of an intimate connection.

When we open our heart and expose ourselves making it known we are vulnerable to the other we experience the most profound intimate moments. It can’t be controlled, even if you try. You can walk away physically but your mind won’t allow you to leave the room they’re in. It can be a scary step if you’re not ready to open yourself to its entirety. A risk that many will not allow their heart to explore.

When you fall intimately for another human being they live inside your mind. They change the physiology of your body. They stir your soul. You become enveloped by their energy. They surround you no matter how far their physical form is from yours. They stand next to you inhaling your presence. It’s a powerful sensation that can overwhelm the ordinary.

Intimacy is considered the product of a successful seduction…so sexy!

Tracy~

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Come Back Home ~

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10489785_10152160567902032_2869315922428771213_nI believe we all require time on our own when a relationship comes to an end, regardless of how long our chosen partner was a part of our life. Just like we need time on our own to grieve the loss of a loved one. We need to ‘come back home’ so to speak. I always took time to come back home in my younger years. Once, I literally came back home and slept on my parents living room floor to rebalance my life that was spiralling out of control because of what I thought was love. My intention was to be there for a couple of months, which turned into a year. We laugh about it now and say I came home for retraining. Without the love, support and guidance of my parents, I would not have come through that time in my life with the confidence they gave me by being there. I didn’t need to always have a man by my side. I wanted one, but the right one and that was the lesson I learned from them. That lesson has stayed with me today.

It took two years to even entertain the idea of adding a man back into my world when my marriage ended. Even though I was placed softly back into the world of dating, I fumbled and faltered more often than not. At times I felt like I was in a dream running in slow motion, trying to gain my footing but couldn’t no matter how hard I tried. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know what I wanted or who I had become so how could I possibly put out what I needed or wanted from another human being.

Life get much more complicated when you find yourself solo in the later parts of life. Responsibility of family and work makes it more difficult to make an attempt to walk with someone down a path, that now feels foreign and unfamiliar.

We all question whether we are worthy of love at some point in our lives. I know I have many times. If you take time to rebalance and sift through your inner thoughts, self doubts and fears, your dreams, desires and feelings will come alive again. We don’t all take time for ourselves which makes each union slightly off balance until we clear our mind, body and soul of what was left behind. If we don’t eliminate the fear of not being enough from our core, we can’t be enough for anyone, including ourselves.

Life is meant to be shared, we all matter in the world in which we live. We are all connected and need to treat one another with the love and respect we all deserve! Honesty and integrity are character traits we choose, just as we choose to smile each day and accept those who cross our path with open arms and a warm heart.

Time is always on our side, if you value the work you need to do within in. There is no rush when it comes to love. What matters most is that we learn to love ourselves before we try to love another.

We live, we learn, we love, we matter…every single one of us!

~Tracy

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