Finding Lyrical Beauty in…Life

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IMG_0066Okay seriously? Really? Can we just move forward and be done with all the lessons in life for just a little while! I need a breather here! I am pretty sure my Karmic debt was paid in full at the age of 27! I think I’ve been mistaken for someone else who looks or acts like me from an alternate reality. Ummm HELLO I don’t live in reality, I live on my cloud where no one can reach me!

Just when I think there is a possibility of my life becoming somewhat normal, it changes! I adjust to my job and it changes. I think I have my house sold and it changes. My love life…ya, no, not gonna go there 😉 I will plead the fifth on that one forever! Throw in taxes and year ends and kids and a dog who literally jumps the fence, eats the fence or digs to China daily! Stress, ya a full plate of stress sprinkled with stress and add a dollop of stress! I’m feeling worn out and barely hanging on by a thread, and I wake up with Eczema on both eye lids! COME ON!!! I work in cosmetics for cry-in-out-loud and can’t look 100!!

I am all for learning lessons in life but I’d really like it better if they would come one at a time with a little space in between!

^ above is what I wrote pre-Wednesday May 7th.

May 7th @ 8:30 am…

The morning was beautiful. The sun was shinning and both my kids got up on time for school and we were out the door before we needed to be. <—- that rarely happens! I dropped my gorgeous daughter off to school and watched her little butt walk up the side of the school as she chatted with her girlfriend. She was smiling and happy! My son sat in the back of my jeep also smiling and happy. We chatted on our way to his school. He is such a handsome young man, his eyes melt me every time he grins at me. I dropped him off on time and put my donations in the clothing bin finally, I never seem to have that extra moment to do so.

I proceeded to drive back home going the long way while I listened to Emimen sing Cinderella Man…I had never actually listened to the words of this particular Eminem song before.

(Excerpt I heard as I drove to the stop sign)

Cinderella Man ~ Eminem…

“Yeah,
You know, technically, I’m not even really supposed to be here right now,
So fuck it, might as well make the most of it.

(Amen!)
Yeah, haha
(Amen!)
Feels good,
(Amen!)
Whooo,
(Amen!)
Guess I’m lucky,
(Amen!)
Some of us don’t get a second chance.
(Amen!)
But I ain’t blowing this one.
(Amen!)
Naw man, haha
(Amen!)
Shit I feel like I can do anything now”

The last thought that entered my mind before coming to a stop was this…

~ As I smiled to myself…”Everything always works out, I should be grateful to be here too, I am healthy, I have a precious family, a great circle of friends. I am really very lucky.”

I needed to hear those words.

And then…

I looked left and it was clear to turn right. I pulled out into my lane and just as I started to accelerate, a car was driving right at me in my lane. He had pulled out into my lane to pass a lawn mowing tractor and was committed to passing at full speed. I saw the young mans face as he swerved between my front end and the tractors front end. He barely made the pass without hitting me head on. It was all a blur and felt like it happened in slow motion. I drove a few meters forward feeling numb as I saw my girlfriend running toward me. She witnessed the whole thing looking at me with wide eyes as she realized it was me.

“you know, technically, I’m not even really supposed to be here right now, So fuck it, might as well make the most of it”

I kissed my peace sign fingers and gave thanks to both my angels for watching over me.

I am grateful for all the lessons life is trying to teach me. I am grateful to be here to have lessons to learn.

Perspective!

“Life’s blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed by the fire of enthusiasm.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

Tracy signiture

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Girlfriends at My Side ~

I am on a path of Enlightenment just like the Goddess Arya Tara who we chose to represent us here on Tara Cronica over 3 years ago. I am growing and unfolding along the way, learning life lessons, making memories and expanding my circle of friends. I believe I have evolved as a woman while writing what’s on my mind each week. Writing is my passion and it has also been therapeutic. Women communicate and learn from speaking to, and listening to, other women, it’s what we do.

I have had so many laughs and shed many tears along the way. One thing that has been consistent are the girlfriends who stand at my side day and night, 24/7. Men have come and gone but the beautiful nurturing souls who I am blessed to say are my girlfriends stand strong at my side. I need my girlfriends, it’s that simple. I love the male energy as you all know, great men inspire me to be a better me.

Life would not be the same without my beautiful soul sisters!

My Mom shared this link with me (she is more than my Mom she is also my girlfriend) and it rung so true to me I needed to share it with you. Thanks Mom I love you!  xo

They Teach it at Stanford;

“In an evening class at Stanford the last lecture was on the mind-body connection – the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other thing, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious. Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physcially this quality ‘girlfriend time’ helps to create more serotonin – a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. We share from our souls with our sisters/mothers, and evidently that is very GOOD for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym. (Hallelujah to that!) There’s a tendency to think that when we are ‘exercising’ we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged – not true! (I know not ONE of my girlfriends agrees with that statement!) In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!”

So every time you grab a java with friends or chat over a glass of wine, keep in mind it’s good for your well being! It soothes the soul!

This does not mean I am not going to go on and on about the male energy, that will never change! I love my friends male and female!

Svaha Girlfriends…and Man-friends!

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In Search of the Elusive Available Male…and Patience!


Patience has never been one of my strong suits, I’m working on it. When I decide I am ready for something I usually jump in with both feet. My mistake in the past has been assuming that when I am ready everyone else should be as well. Life has a way of teaching us things we need to learn. Sometimes it can be a slow process and other times it’s a no-brainer. I am amidst the slow process route right now, add no patience and it is like going back to snail-mail after having high speed Internet. I would just like to know I am heading in the right direction, having said that if I change my perspective and have a little patience, the direction I am heading has to be the right one! Right?

We have all sat on the fence teetering as we look over completely distracted at the bright green grass just slightly out of reach. We are not completely ready to take a leap to it so we sit and admire it for a while. We get lost in wondering what would happen if we ventured over to it. That greener grass is a vibrant temptation pulling us toward it. Until we are ready to plant both feet in that iridescently green fresh smelling sweetness we should summon some willpower and discipline and have some patience! Touching that beautiful temptation too soon will leave a footprint with repercussions that will follow if you’re not ready!

If you’re unhappy take time for yourself! If you are not ready, willing and able to share your time with someone of the opposite sex intimately you should be honest with yourself and them. There is nothing wrong with not being ready! Clear your head, purge your past, centre yourself, find balance and then take that step forward…it WILL be worth the wait! You can’t rush feelings, trust them!

Most human beings have baggage of some kind, whether it’s emotional or physical. Baggage is simply life experiences we carry with us, sometimes into our next relationship. We all deal with our experiences on our own timeline, purging some and hanging onto others. When we are ready to let go and free ourselves of the complicated web we have weaved in our past, we do. No one can rush this, not even us. Time heals and when we are ready to move forward we do…again patience.

Although things don’t always go as planned or as quickly as we sometimes want or imagine, we need to step back, take a breath and relax. The sooner we recognize and accept that we have no control of others we learn patience. Take things slow, enjoy the moment, give those you find worthy time and appreciate what you have, not what you don’t have. Everything works out the way it should. We all get to different places in life at our own speed, trying to change the path of another human being only distracts you from your own.

Svaha!

 

 

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I Want My Children to Know…

If you found out you were not going to be in your child’s future to talk to them about life and love, what would you want to say?

I remember seeing a Documentary years ago of a Mom who was dying of cancer. She recorded videos of herself where she gave her daughter encouragement or advice at specific milestones in life, like getting her period or her first date. It was heart breaking to watch. It must have been the most difficult thing she had ever done in life besides say good-bye. To have the courage and mind set to sit down and gather your thoughts let alone articulate advice you are not ready to give is overwhelming to even consider.

Her daughter would watch the videos when the time presented itself. Although it must have been difficult for her daughter to watch I am sure every word spoken was savoured. The strength of this woman was amazing and stayed with me for years. A Gift…

Things I want my Daughter & Son to know;

~ You’re perfect just the way you are.

~ Stay true to self.

~ Express your feelings no matter what they are; to whom ever they were meant to reach.

~ Never go to bed mad…

~ Always, always kiss your partner before they leave.

~ Never hold a grudge and never seek revenge no matter how hard it is.

~ Always forgive even if you can’t forget. In time you will.

~ Don’t spend too much time crying over the opposite sex, they are worth it but things always work out the way they should and only experience will show you that is true.

~ Never say never, because one day you will…

~ Love with your heart…reason with your head.

~ Touch is something that should never cease with your partner.

~ If you would rather be alone…make it happen.

~ Don’t let anyone take advantage of who you are.

~ Be open to everyone who walks through your door.

~ Don’t judge, it’s just not nice.

~ If you are going to say something about someone, be prepared to say it to their face.

~ If you are unsure of a situation and it involves making a choice…imagine me standing by your side and ask yourself…would I do this if my Mom were here? If not think about it a little longer.

~ Don’t gossip words hurt the most when used to make someone else feel bad.

~ Inspire one person everyday with something you do or say.

~ Your actions will speak much louder than your words.

~ Only marry for Love, not money, love will be there when money isn’t.

~ Never let anyone manipulate your heart. They shouldn’t want to.

~ Love deeply it is the only way.

~ It’s okay for a man to cry, it shows they will be a great Father.

~ Don’t fight unless you are truly passionate about what you are standing for.

~ Do unto others as you would have others do unto you…it’s a Golden Rule for a reason!

No one really knows how much time they have left on Earth. It’s so important to communicate and talk to those you love when the opportunity presents itself. I think what I would miss most was my kids sense of humor in the moment. The spontaneous sparing of funny things said…kind of like the old saying ‘I guess you had to be there.’

Be there because you can and are!

Svaha ~

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If you were to be remembered for one thing, what would you like it to be?

Bonnie Johnson's PostBonnie who?~

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia, quoted in Words from the Wise: Over 6,000 of the Smartest Things Ever Said

When I pass on some time after my 102nd birthday, I’m pretty sure there will be some family members who may still remember me…probably.  Does it really matter though?  I mean, once you are gone so is your ego and that is the part of you that so wants to be remembered.  Eventually the memories fade and you will be forgotten, unless you are a major character in  world history, in which case it will just take a little longer for the memories to fade.

But while I am still around and before every memory of me has evaporated, my ego and I would love to be remembered for being kind.  I will admit right here, right now, that I have probably not always  been completely kind in every situation.  If any of you out there recall any of those memories, please forget them right now.  They must be old memories anyway.  Let’m go!  I want to live up to the quote at the top of this page from this point on.  Being known and remembered for your kindness towards others sounds like a perfect goal and one I’m aiming for.

Post Insert JacquieJacquie~

I’ve thought about this quite a lot and all I can come up with is that I hope my family and friends remember me as being a generous person.  Generous with my time,  money and material possessions.  Generous with my compliments and generous with my laughter.  It’s my way of showing people that I care about them, that I trust them and that I like them.  I’m not stingy, except maybe when you try to go for my potato chips.  I’m a pretty good tipper, too.  Maybe just being remembered as being nice is okay, too.  Nice is never a rousing endorsement, it’s usually a milquetoast adjective, but in this case I’m fine with it.

I’d find it much easier to write about what I hope I’m NOT remembered for.  Then I could be a bit funnier and dazzle with the shock and awe of the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned.   Truthfully, I’m not concerned about being remembered after I’m gone because I just don’t think I’m that important in the grand scheme of things.   I trust people will remember me for the right reasons and if they don’t then there’s nothing I can do about it.  I’m working on creating the best life I can live now, and I trust the rest will fall into place.

When my friends look at my photos on facebook (assuming it’s still around in 60 years) I hope they’ll be leaving comments like  “This old broad sure liked to have fun!”.

I would love it if,  when I pass on, my kids and grandkids want to ransack my art studio and perhaps even fight over a few pieces.  That would be so validating to me as an artist!  ; )

TracyTracy will be remembered for ~

I want to be remembered for living life as a good example (most of the time) for my kids~ Let me explain.  If I keep fit and show my children that it is part of my regular routine to run and take care of the body, hopefully they will as well.  If I show by example that eating  healthy is a part of my lifestyle they will too.  If I work hard and show them it pays off then they will naturally work hard as well.  They will see by example how I treat those around me.  “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

I am not saying that I am always a good example!  After all, I am human and to err is human.  I have done things in my life that should perhaps not be followed, but I also teach not to judge so there is a realistic balance in our lives.

I wish to be remembered for is how I approach my relationships.  I hope that living by example in my relationships will show my kids that just because everyone else isn’t doing it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  I want to show them that having the courage to be honest in a relationship will lead you to where you are meant to be.

Being a minority is okay and can be a healthy challenge.

I want to show my kids by example that no matter what life sends your way it is a lesson worth learning that can be turned into a positive experience by letting go of stereotyping, expectations and obligations.  There is always an exception to every rule!

What do you want to be remembered for ?

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