Bare Your Soul ~

I lay in the warmth of a cloud, a peaceful breeze whisper to my skin as I drift in and out of consciousness. The rumble of a train fades into the distance as I shift to find you. The dawn chorus begins outside my window. Your arms wrap around my chest pulling me closer. I missed you. I miss you.

You have been hidden deep inside my thoughts waiting for this moment to begin. Your presence removes all the burdens of my flaws as I lay waiting to hear your words, to feel your touch and smell your skin.

Like the sun casting it’s early morning rays upon the day, your words clothe me with a peaceful radiant glow. You undress me with the warmth of your soul. You cloak me with the love in your heart and set me free to explore a world in which there are only beginnings.

I join you in the silence of the night, to feel your kiss forever.

Stripping with words, I putting myself on the page.

admin-ajax.php

Share

Temptation…

oscar-wilde-on-temptation-440x314
IMG_0096_3_2He pulled me in without a promise. He pushed me back in fear. His body moved like a panther stalking. He circled slowly not taking his eyes off me. Intensely engaged his stare glazed over as he tasted my body with his eyes. His insatiable desire to have me overpowered his ability to fight the temptation that stood behind closed doors at last. He was about to devour the prey he’d been hunting for far too long. He was moments away from taking what he believed belonged to him.

As he savoured the visual moment his thoughts balanced on the edge, about to spin out of control. T-e-m-p-t-a-t-i-o-n had entered the room and would not leave without a fight. His mouth watered at the thought of what my skin would taste like. He swallowed the saliva that pooled behind his lips, knowing he could not turn back once his mouth touched mine. His eyes gently closed as he inhaled my scent slowly and deeply.

I felt his eyes heating up the curve of my lower back as he paused before taking another step. I bit my lip gently as I turned my head catching him off guard with a look that penetrated his wall, exposing his soul. I whispered…check~mate. We were like magnets attracting and repelling each others every move. He caught my glance and held it tight. I felt the shift in his breathing ever so slightly as he narrowed the distance between us. I could feel the base of his heart beating like a wave of energy going right through me. His energy was like music to my soul. We were entangled in a dance neither of us were familiar with.

I closed my eyes to sharpen my intuition and escape into the abyss with him. His energy moved me as he came even closer. He vibrated my skin and scrambled my thoughts. Every hair on my body stood erect waiting, wondering if he was brave enough to dance as one. His breath on the back of my neck sent shivers down my spine. I could barely contain myself. Temptation was standing closer than it had ever been before. Whispering in my ear to succumb to its pleasure. We were both no longer able to walk away. Our minds were reading the thoughts of the other, our bodies ached for one another and our spirits were a breath away from coming completely undone.

He teased and tantalized my energy with the look in his eyes as he opened his mouth, moistened his lips and inhaled my being in one breath. There would never be a moment as pure as this between us again.

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it” ~ Oscar Wilde 

Tracy signiture

Share

Svaha Spirit Series ~ Give a Little bit…

<—- Okay seriously my mustache looks real! Tomorrow for those of you who don’t know, I am wearing it all day for a donation by my friend Drew to Movember. So give a little bit for a great cause!

Give simply because you can! I love when human beings come together and help one another. It makes everyone involved feel good inside. Give a donation, compliment, support, kiss, smile, hug, helping hand to someone who needs it regardless if you know them! Give because you can!

Svaha~

Share

My Kids Survived Another Summer…barely!


Have you ever thought of putting your kids on Craigslist? This summer I actually sat down and wrote an ad…just for fun *wink.

“Two kids free to ANY family. Both need constant stimulation. A horse and NLL lacrosse star within arms reach would be a huge plus. Neither can quite finish any task for some unknown reason…but close. Constant supervision is mandatory. Attitude adjustments are required regularly. Money tree in back yard would eliminate the tedious whining. One sleeps till noon, the other is at your side the second your eyes open. Can only be in the same room together for 3 min max until the little one says “Jessssseeee donnnnn’t” and the big one says “wooooooow” and then all hell breaks loose. Taxi and maid service would be handy. They come with a dog they don’t walk that’s out of control…but really cute and loves to dig” (and then I realized I was dating! ) “I thought you had kids?” “Ya (insert long pause here) I did…” Not sure how that might play out!

My girlfriend Carri offered to have her daughter join the ad suggesting we give the two girls to the same family since blended families seem to be so popular (her daughter is 1/2 Filipino which = super cute)…then both my kids walked in my office and said “Mom, you’re the best Mom on the planet” and I loved them once again more than life itself. Their intuition is right on track! Moms just want love and affection and 10 minutes in the bathroom without hearing mom, mom, mom, mom through the door.

Anyone with kids the same age will totally relate. Parents of younger kids, all I can say is don’t judge, karma’s a bitch!

My daughter’s umbilical cord reattached to my womb over the summer. It happens when we spend lots of time together. I am NOT complaining. I remember getting the same feelings about my Mom as the summer came to an end. I couldn’t live without her throughout the year let alone after spending all day and night with her for 2 months. I got homesick at the thought of her being in another room. I can relate to my daughter very well.

I am taking every single hug and kiss I can get knowing that these moment are fleeting. My sons has a couple of years on his sister so he is at the age of loving his freedom…ahhh freedom remember that. He is awfully love-able for 13 so I can’t complain. I take every lingering boy hug I can get. I try not to make a big deal of it so it last longer. If I don’t move maybe he will forget I’m hanging on for dear life! He has his hormonal teenager moments like the rest of them that don’t go unnoticed but I have learned not to take them personally. He simply needs to flash that irresistible smile and I melt. Moms and their boys…sigh. 🙂

Being a Mom has been one of the best experiences I have ever had hands down. I’ve learned over the years to let go and allow my kids to grow. They have learned to be independent which has given them both confidence. My job now, it to just be there for moral support and teach them by example. (that is definitely questionable at times but hey, at least I’m honest!) I don’t mind telling you though it’s a bitter sweet time for me. I love spending time with my kids, they are incredible little human beings but I too have a life I need to reacquaint myself with in-order to be a great Mom!

Happy September Everyone! Enjoy each moment making memories with your little humans!

 

 

 

 

 

Share

Were You Sexy or Silly on Halloween?

I am not a fan of Halloween, never have been really, it always felt silly dressing up. My earliest memory was when I was about 6 years old, I couldn’t decide whether to be Pregnant or a Princess so I was both, a Pregnant Princess! The neighbors didn’t seem surprised.

Since I can remember I have always gone with the silly Halloween costumes, but most women gravitate to the Sexy ones. You would think that after a few awkward experiences I would have nixed the silly and gone with sexy, but I just couldn’t seem to walk out the door in a ‘fantasy type’ ensemble.

Awkward experience #1) I had a crush on a boy all through Elementary School. When I went to a Halloween party he was there, we talked all night long, he eventually walked me to my car and kissed me! It was pure teenage bliss! I was floating on a crush cloud for hours afterwards. I couldn’t believe after all these years of crushing on him HE KISSED ME! When I arrived home I got into my PJ’s and went into the bathroom to wash my face. When I looked in the mirror I came crashing down off of my crush cloud…I WAS A CLOWN, FULL CLOWN MAKEUP smudged all over my face! I had gone all out that year, billowy outfit, clown hair, make up and nose. Tracy the Clown! I finally got to kiss my crush and I was a CLOWN! (picture is minus the nose and wig, that came off in lightening speed when I saw him from across the room!)

Each year it was the same thing, standing in the drug store looking for ideas at 6 pm the night of, and then staying home. I couldn’t even get it together with Bonnie in Hawaii where there were thousands of people all dressed up walking the streets all day and night. I wore a Duck nose and she wore a Lion nose, you don’t want to know what we walked around saying! Our Mothers would not be impressed!

Awkward experience #2) I went to a big Stargate (TV Series) Halloween party and left my costume until the last minute as usual, I was a really bad kick boxer. I wore my full sparring gear, headgear, mouth guard, GI (Gee), boxing gloves, foot and shin protector, chest pad and I applied make up that made me look bruised and beaten up. I arrived at the party and every girl there was in a rented costume from the Renaissance period or some other grand time! Each had their hair and make up done professionally and they all looked flawless. And then there was me…a beaten up boxer.

Halloween is the one night of the year you can get away with dressing like a hooker and not be judged, and I chose clowns and kick boxers? I laugh with my friend Kent about Halloween costumes women pick and how it doesn’t matter what they pick it’s the Sexy-version of… They might be a hobo but it’s a sexy hobo!

Women love being sexy and this is the night they can live out a fantasy in public and get away with it. If I did ever partake in the sexy-version of…I can’t remember it was so long ago! (that’s my standard answer to anything I wish not to recall)

Last year I went as a Female Cougar (wishful thinking) I wore my own little black dress, with a tail peeking out of the bottom, animal print nylons and ears, and fake eye lashes, which Bonnie said made me look cheap! Purrrrrrfect!

My Mom and Dad met on Halloween when they were 12 years old, so you would think me of all people would view Halloween as a romantic night. Maybe I need to rid myself of the humorous costumes and join the crowds of French Maids, Naughty School Girls and Sexy Hobos? What do you think Kent?

I had to laugh this Halloween night when my daughter changed her outfit numerous times before walking out the door, I’m not even sure what she was in the end? I know exactly how she felt! Preparation is of the utmost importance when it comes to Halloween costumes!

I hope your all enjoying your treats, don’t eat too many ladies they are 80 calories each! If I don’t stop now next years costume will be a no brainer, a Well Fed Cougar! This is what I could have been…could’a would’a should’a!

Share

Can I Start Again?

Have you ever wanted to start over because you screwed something up? I think it’s perfectly legal to ask if you can start again. We did it as kids while playing, we’d begin something and if it didn’t go as planned we’d ask if we could start over. When taking pen to paper to write a love letter, in the days of real romance, we crumpled up what wasn’t just right and started from scratch, several times! How many love letters were lost because of imperfection? How many moments were given away because of the fear of being imperfect? Think about it, your first kiss, riding your bike, making love, drawing a picture. Nothing is done perfectly to start, really close maybe, but not perfect in the real world. It gives us something to strive for. When we say, ‘it just doesn’t get any better than this’, if you really think about it, it can always get better. But what determines better? Stuff? Time? Energy of the moment?

Now that we have texting and email we just press delete and our mistakes are wiped away into thin air, never to be seen in their unperfected state. Sad don’t you think. All those mistakes gone to waste. We learn from mistakes.

Lets take this a little further, do you ever wish you could do the same with life. Look around right now at who or what is in your space and imagine for a moment that you could delete the mistakes you’ve made with a press of the a button, and start again. 🙂 If this was possible, would you? If you did, you wouldn’t be who you are today. You would be perfect! Can you imagine meeting someone perfect? It would be like a writer having only final drafts, no works in progress, nothing to improve upon. It would never work! Nobody’s perfect! We need imperfection in our lives to create balance. It would be really easy but the end result would be no feeling of accomplishment. I don’t like a bunch of loose ends in my life either, I like to have things tied up or at least comfortably undone. I love all the flaws and character traits someone of the opposite sex has to offer, it makes them more interesting. Its part of the story of their life.

I told Scott of my idea for this post and he took it even further. What if we could run our lives with the buttons on our keyboard. I mentioned earlier Delete, but maybe delete is too strong to start, perhaps we could first Backspace a little and re-do a moment we wish we had done differently and then decide if it was delete worthy. Esc, who hasn’t wanted to escape from a moment or two or three! Control, you have it when you press the button. Enter/Return to a moment in your past, just pick one 🙂 Options, a pop down menu comes up and gives you options to pick from depending on the scenario. Volume, now were talkin, no explanation needed on this one! Fn,(function) cause sometimes we just need a little help doing it.

Would you have married the guy standing in the door frame looking at you, or have bought the desk you’re sitting at just because it was on sale. Maybe the room you’re sitting in wouldn’t be a colour you’ve learnt to live with? You might have held eye contact just a little longer with the guy at the coffee shop. Talked to the elderly women a moment longer before she crossed the street. I don’t think there is any particular moment I would delete in my life, but I would go back to several and not rush through them so quickly. I would enjoy every intoxicating moment. I wouldn’t walk away from a kiss that touched my soul because of time or circumstance. I would try to remain in the moment as long as it allowed.

I don’t think starting over is the way to go, although it sounds easy to just ‘delete’. Accepting the choices we’ve made along the way and not taking the easy way out must have some positive force in our lives, don’t you think? You have to live with no regrets and if you make mistakes along the way accept them as part of what made you who you are and focus on what really matters. At least you started…

Share

Twenties versus Forties

For those of you who know me you are aware of the fact that I just turned 40, once more.  Let me start off by saying I love 40 !!  So much in fact, it’s going to be my age for quite some time to come.

Twenties

Twenties

Seriously though, what the hell happened?  I feel like I was twenty yesterday.

When I was in my twenties I used to wonder what women in their 40’s who were single thought about it.  I think I felt sorry for them and wondered if they were sad to be walking alone with no life partner.

There were three reasons for being single;  widowed, divorced or never married.

In my twenties I used to think that being widowed would be the worst of the three.  Having lost the love of your life would be tragic.  Now I think at least you loved.  I am talking about the kind of love that gives you  butterflies when he walks in the room.  Where the chemistry you feel fills the room and it can’t be ignored, no matter how hard you try.  The kiss!  The passion in the kiss that never ends.  This kind of love is not waited for anymore.  So those who have lost their love at least have the gift of memories, that include love.

In my twenties, I thought older women who never married didn’t find the love of their life.  Just thinking of that made my heart ache.  In my 40’s I think that perhaps they just didn’t settle!  We live in a “I need it now society’ where we no longer have the patience to wait for anything, including love.  The women who never married were strong enough to continue their journey alone.  They were living authentically without someone, instead of compromising themselves for someone.  I think settling would be the worst.

And divorce, in my twenties, in my opinion meant you simply gave up.  In my 40’s,  well, there is a silver lining in every dark cloud, you just need to look for it.  It’s all about perception.  If you’re honest and stay true to yourself you should be able to move forward with no fear in life, with or without a partner.  I must say that I like my 40’s for the depth and understanding it has brought to my life.  Being alone in your twenties can be unsettling.  Being alone in your 40’s, what’s that?  When you reach midlife, single or attached, you start to live your life for you.  You experience and accept relationships for what they are;  short, long, sexual, intellectual, romantic and friendship.  On your terms !  Neither widowed, divorced or never married  seem so bad to me now that I am in my 40’s.  Perception is a frame of mind.

Forties

Forties

Tracy

Share

Valentine’s Day!

poker-buddies-in-vegas Y’know what I’m doing for Valentine’s Day this year?  Playing poker with good friends.   To be fair,  I’m really looking forward to it but to make it more festive I did suggest the wives wear lacy red lingerie and the guys put on red boxers.    My girlfriend with the killer body might jump on board ( It was just a joke!).   I’ll chicken out at the last minute and pull a cute dress on for sure!  I’m all talk, no follow through.  We’ll drink some wine, eat sushi and someone will make a fantastic dessert so it’ll be wonderful.

Here we are in Vegas at the Beatles  ‘Love’ by Cirque De Soleil with our Poker Peeps.   Beautiful show!

Maybe I can create a bit of fun by establishing a new rule like, every time a two of hearts is played you have to give your husband a kiss.   And if the King of hearts comes up…. LOL .   Yeah!  Kind of juvenile, like playing spin the bottle in grade 7, but being with the same guy for 27 Valentines you really can’t take it too seriously.

I think I’ll do some baking today and make a batch of really pretty pink cupcakes and sprinkle those silver balls that crack your teeth all over them.   Let the whole family know I love them through sugar.  Not a mind-blowingly original idea but that’s OK.

So that’s how I plan to mark the day.  What’re your thoughts Tracy?  Bonnie?   Doing anything special?

heart-vintage-ornament-thumb6195322-copy1

Bonnie’s Take:

first love

When I was sixteen my first serious boyfriend told me he loved me on Valentines Day.  We had been together for about a month and had deliberately been careful not to say the “L” word even though there were times I wanted to scream it to the world.

This is huge for a young girl who is head over heels in love with her boyfriend.

That’s my happy memory of Valentines Day.

As the years went on however, and boyfriends and husbands came and went it began meaning less and less for me.  That sounds kind of sad.  Like I lost the magic of the meaning of love or something, but actually it is quite the opposite.  I learned over the years that having someone tell you they love you when the mood strikes them is much more satisfying than when they feel obligated because the calendar tells them to.

My husband and I decided when we first met not to celebrate this “Hallmark” holiday but instead to surprise each other with flowers or gifts or a card or, whatever feels right at the time, whenever the mood strikes us.  No obligations on a specific date when dinner reservations are hardest to get and flowers are double what they normally would be.  This has meant that romance is alive in our relationship all year long.  I love it this way.

My best friends’ birthday is on Valentines Day and so that is the day I celebrate her. I think about how grateful I am for her friendship and how much I love her.  That’s what February the 14th means to me.

best friends Bonnie

Share

The Power of a smile

big smileI recently read a lovely comment about how offering a smile to someone was like blowing them a kiss from your soul.

I wish I could remember the exact quote but it certainly made me smile when I read it.

Later that day while I was out running some errands, I watched a few people smiling at each other and the reactions they received. Whoever was offered a smile always smiled back and their spirit seemed lifted. It made me think about how the energy of one persons smile seems to transfer to the person being smiled at. It was obvious that in those moments of ‘smile sharing’ everyone felt uplifted and happy. What a wonderful gift!

I decided to play with this a little. I went to my gym. I had noticed in the past that most of the women go about their workouts without looking at each other eye to eye. Oh, we all check each other out and assess the latest workout wear etc., but not many look each other in the eye and offer a smile. I made a deliberate choice to look directly at everyone who crossed my path that day and smile at them. The response was great! Everyone smiled back and some offered “hello’s” and “how are you today’s”. Then it struck me! There may have been lots of smiling going on before but I wasn’t participating. Now that I’m smiling at everyone I meet I’m receiving that great energy too.

It is so simple and yet so powerful.

Here is a wonderful piece I found that really sums it up beautifully.

“A SMILE costs nothing, but gives much. It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can not be made rich by it. A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and is nature’s best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.”

— believed to be based on the writings of Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch

smile– Bonnie : )

Share