Tantric Sex ~

You’ve probably heard of tantric sex. I think when anyone mentions the word tantric we immediately think of Sting, and when we mention Sting we think of him having tantric sex. Whether or not he actually has tantric sex is another story. I’ve heard that it was a joke started by Bob Geldoff and it just never died. I tried snopes.com but found nothing.

I’d like to learn more about tantric sex but I just don’t have the time. (giggle) Not sure to be honest that I’d have the patience for it? Would you consider indulging in tantric sex? I say indulge because my understanding of it is that you have to have hours if not days of free time in order to really qualify your ‘session’ to be tantric? (seriously who has that much free time?) Is there a condensed version of tantric sex…or am I missing the point? “Can we just get to the good stuff?”

I visualize tantric sex starting out similar to the typical first aide full body assessment scan, hands going in circles close to those forbidden areas, teasing without touchdown. “I’m not touching you”…”I’m not touching you” I k-n-o-w you eventually touch each other in the nether-regions, it’s not like two mimes having sex or anything silly like that. How long do you think it takes the average person to question…“why is it that we aren’t actually touching ‘there’ again?” Well, let me tell you, because it’s about deeply touching your partners spirit sensually and erotically trying to bottle the sexual energy that is passing back and forth between the two of you before it blows. That’s why!

I did actually look it up to find out more about it but all I read was blah blah blah spiritual blah blah orgasm and then I clicked on orgasm which took me somewhere c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e-l-y different and by the time I read that information I forgot what I started searching. Long story short, you stare at your partner until the creepy uncomfortable feeling dissipates, you engage in intimate touching everywhere but in their swim suit area. You continue to make them think you are about to touch them there but don’t. I don’t know about you but I call that a big fat tease! I’d probably blurt out “TOUCH MY NIPPLE!” something inappropriate! Honestly I don’t have that kinda patience. Touch it or quit making me think your about to!!

Tantric O’s…don’t we just want to know for sure we’re getting one? Really, it’s that simple isn’t it? Don’t you just want to grab it with both hands when it comes out of left field and have the damn thing. What-if and I’m not a what-if kinda girl but what-if after hours of almost having one you’re too tired to seal the deal? What a rip that would be. We all know that feeling!

I am going to relate tantric sex to food for a moment, we all love food! You know when you’re reallllly hungry and you want that awesome fish taco from Gibsons that you had a month ago. There has not been a fish taco like it since. You’ve had a taco, but it wasn’t like that one! In reality would you drive all the way to Horseshoe Bay hop on the ferry to Gibsons to have that outstanding fish taco that took literally hours to finally sink your teeth into? Or, would you be happy with a pretty damn good fish taco locally? You can think of that long journey as the tantric part of getting your outstanding taco. The anticipation leading up to it, great company, good conversation, the ferry ride, it’s all good if you have nothing else to do. So yes I see the point of tantric sex, it’s the journey you’re supposed to enjoy regardless if you get the fish taco in the end. You still had a fantastic day filled with stimulating conversation, if you’re lucky there was a little touching in your partners swim suit area. Or if there is a time limit…you could just stay home in bed and have nothing else to do BUT touch your partner in their swim suit area? Hmmm…a quandary for sure!

I think it all comes down to how much time you are willing to commit to your partner intimately. Do you want a unique connection with them? Are both of you open to trying something new? Tantric connections don’t have to be days long, it’s about quality time with your partner not length of time. It’s about intimacy and chemistry connecting on a much deeper level. I think if you really want something, you do what it takes to get it.

The bottom line is this…if you’re in the right mood, have the time and have intimate desires with your partner, I think the experience alone would be worth giving it a try. Tantric sex is basically about taking your time and most of us don’t take enough intimate time with our partners. It’s a form of meditation, staying focused on the person right in front of you. It’s about maximum passion, harmonizing your sexual rhythms enjoying the entire ride, not just going from point A to B.

There you have it, Tantric Sex, is it for you?

 

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Intimacy ~

Each month we take turns creating a new header with a word of choice. I chose Intimacy this month so today I will write about just that!

I met a man recently who has challenged me in more ways than one. I couldn’t help but be drawn to him because of the way he intrigued me with his intellect. Yes…he is handsome! Having said that, it was NOT what initially attracted me to him at all! Our conversations were filled with sarcastic banter that grabbed me by the hand and wouldn’t let go no matter how hard I tried to pull away! Oh how I love the energy of sarcastic banter! It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end!

In one of our great debates we took on the topic of intimacy, seeking intimacy! What would you describe intimacy to be? I always related the word intimacy to that moment shared between two during sex? Intimate sex…who doesn’t want that! I have to admit I was taken back that this man was interested in talking about intimacy, let alone seeking it himself! I love the male perspective on everything!

Yes you can have intimate sex but until you have experienced true intimacy with your partner it’s simply empty sex, the kind that leaves you feeling satisfied sexually but unsatisfied emotionally even though you had an O!

True intimacy is when two can share moments, even hours together just holding hands and touching one another without the complication of sex. You learn what really matters to each other when you share intimacy. No one has patience anymore, it’s a virtue that’s lost. It seems that everyone just wants to jump right in to bed and hope for the best and unfortunately it usually end awkwardly and prematurely (no pun intended) because no one has the desire to take it slow to find the intimate side of their partner.

Intimacy naturally appears when your ready to explore the possibilities of love in a relationship. Couples often don’t take the time that’s needed in order to experience true intimacy. Our lives are full with no room for quiet moments, that if taken would change the way we think. Intimacy can be scary. Just the thought of opening your heart and feeling vulnerable is not worth the risk for most.

Would you fall in love if you knew that it would end with a broken heart? Silly question? I don’t think so. If you answered yes then I believe you have experienced true intimate love and know it’s worth the risk. If you answered no, perhaps you have yet to feel intimate love in it’s purest form, which can include pain, but still worth the risk of a broken heart! Intimate love is possible, it’s out there, waiting for us to take a chance and open our hearts to explore the possibilities!

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Sexless Marriages

Sexless Marriages are common according to Oprah and the Internet. Perhaps if we shut off the television and computer and put some time aside for our partner (if we have one) as we do for everyone else in our lives, we might have sex more often. I’m just sayin…

Bonnie’s post yesterday The Best Music to Have Sex To made me think back to the days of having sex, and what made it most memorable. Music was definitely on my list, but most importantly a trusting partner! Maybe it’s as simple as turning on music to get turned on? Music does stirs our souls and intensify emotions, could it really be that simple? Nothing is that simple, but it wouldn’t hurt to give it a whirl. According to some couples who appeared on the Oprah Show, it’s much more complicated than that. I never watched the show when it originally aired but read what they had to say on her website after the fact. I never knew there were so many deep seeded reasons married couples didn’t have sex as often anymore, or at all for that matter. Thankfully there is a venue to open up the conversation for those who need a little help in understanding why they don’t feel they can have an intimate relationship with their spouse or partner.

To quote my friend Lawrence ~
“You are not alone, is the message we need to share with one another, desperately. Money, material things, broken romance, there is nothing  you cannot get over with the help of a friend, family member, and the admission as a society, that it’s not only okay to share your dreams and fears with the world around you, but it’s the key to a healthier, happier, life more fulfilled.”

Anyone whose been married knows it’s a huge adjustment to go from dating and having the excitement of not knowing when you will see the person of your desire, to marriage and seeing them every single night. You give up some of the excitement for security. Lust for Love. It’s worth it but it’s also hard work. You have to really want to work at a relationship to have it last. That goes for a great sex life too in my opinion. It takes two and if both parties are not on the same page, that is the start of a soon to be sexless marriage.

I can understand how men get pushed to the bottom of the list after having kids, it’s almost expected. You’re living together trying to balance everyone’s needs, there is no special dates or time away from one another to make it more exciting. But that is a conscious choice! Sex sometimes becomes predictable and so the cycle begins.

Kids take up a huge part of daily life and as a Mom myself, I can relate to finally having a moment to myself and not always wanting to share it with anyone else regardless of what’s promised at the end. Having said that I do also believe the more intimacy you have with your partner, talking, touching, builds trust and with trust there comes an overwhelming desire to please. The more you take time for this, the more you want it. If you let it, the opposite happens, out of sight, out of mind. We all get lazy at some point in our relationships. One week turns into two, which turns into three, but then when we do get it together and have a great night of sex we wonder why we left it so long! Again it’s a choice!

I am not saying that everyone experiences this, but I will be honest, I don’t know many people who are completely satisfied with their sex lives. Everyone has their reasons for having less sex from feeling insecure, out of shape, not attractive, tired, kids, work, obligations, the list goes on! But when it comes to loving the person your with, all those small details should be put aside. Nobody is perfect. Just embrace who you’re with, what you’ve got, and go for it! Turn off the boob tube, put on some Enigma and in the heat of the moment, nothing else will really matter but the passionate person lying next to you ! 🙂

The part that I don’t understand is that some women want a man to want them, only them, they enter into a monogamous marriage wanting to be the last woman on earth their spouse/partner  is to have sex with and then THEY don’t have sex with him?

Here are a few links for more information; OprahTodayDr PhilThe Globe and Mail. And if all else fails Enigma!

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