It’s Just a Number…Right?

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I embraced yet another Valentine Birthday with every once of my being…sort of! I will admit right now that I have revised this post since it was originally written three years ago…okay 4. I’m laughing as I do. Don’t ask!  😉

The Big 40-ish…again. “lier” blurts my inner voice!

I have never lied about my age…I’m starting now, don’t judge. Funny with age you don’t feel the need to justify your decisions. I mean really, it is just a number so lets leave it at that! (giggle)

I am not defined by my age so the number doesn’t bother me. Then why not say it out-loud?” questions my deep inner voice. “Get lost, I have my reasons!” I snap back. I didn’t think it would come to this and I am aware of the slippery slope I cautiously approach. I will delete deny any comments if you feel the need to mention any numbers above lets say 42. (think of it as a birthday present to me) Just give me this one! I’ll come around soon I promise!

I like to reflect on my Birthday just as I do each New Year’s Day. I look back and see if the seeds I planted the year before have grown and I decide what I want to plant for the coming year. Milestone Birthdays (not that this is one *cough*) allow us to reflect and follow that reflection to where we are now. It doesn’t get much better than now!

I remember feeling different when my odometer rolled over from the last time I turned 40-ish. “Phft” adds my inner voice! The next day it seemed especially easy to say the word no. Along with the word no came no need to explain why. I felt relaxed with just being around me. I didn’t need outside stimulus to engage me. The voices in my head were engaging enough! “Stop talking I’m trying to write!!!!” 

When I turned 40-ish last time, I finally allowed myself to be comfortable in my own sensual glowing skin, more so than in my 20’s or 30’s! I am confident enough to drop my dress in a busy intersection at noon in the winter (bad lighting) if need be…you know for charity or something like that. (I haven’t…so far!) I did however wear a moustache for the day for Movember) I know, not quite the same but a step in the liberating direction!

‘This age’ for me is about being comfortable in mind and spirit, I think I have the body loving attitude down to a fine art. I have decided to keep a little more to myself. ( cough *bullshit*) I mean that in a positive way, I am not being cynical. Okay I am trying! I like you are a work in progress! Keep in mind I am an Aquarian…well see if I can last a week! I will set more goals that will take discipline and courage to achieve. I want to stretch the boundaries of my mind that will allow me to reach higher than I thought was possible in my younger years. Funny thing about aging, we become less fearful and more willing to take chances, especially with our hearts! Life is short, and then you die! Lets face it, risk can be exciting! To quote my friend Ryan “What could go wrong?” Live in the moment with no regret.

I have experienced many-many glorious years and look forward to many-many more! I have had a very blessed life so far filled with unforgettable memories of family and friends that will last my lifetime. I continue to learn more about who I am and what I am capable of through life experience. Some good, some not so good, I choose to focus on the good. I have come to the realization that I am a very resilient woman if nothing else! I have grown so much over the years and even in times that my heart aches I have finally mastered…or bachelor’d at least the ability to keep thinking positive thoughts in times that don’t feel very positive.

I feel a sense of calm wash over me as I age and it just feels gooooood! I know who I am and I am not afraid to express it to those who are standing close to me, or far away for that matter. I have become not only comfortable in my own skin but comfortable with who I am intellectually. What I want and don’t want seems so much clearer than ever before.

rose coloured glassesI have learned to have complete acceptance in my life. I walk the walk not just talk the talk. I welcome you into my life unconditionally for how ever long you choose to stay, a day a week a year or hours for that matter, it’s really up to you. I can only be who I am, true to myself, if you fit great, if not it was nice crossing paths and I wish you love on your journey. I have learned to surrender to this. All I ask is that you be as kind to my spirit as I will be to yours! Life is meant to be shared, lived, experienced and lessons are learned along the way.

I still look through my rose coloured glasses from the clouds but I enjoy that view and won’t give that up at any age. I am a dreamer, a romantic and will be until the day I leave this world.

Here’s to aging gracefully, being ((((((((((50-ish)))))))))) and proud of it!

 (((((((smile)))))))

 

Tracy signiture

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Deeper Connections…

audreyhepburn

Deeper connections are what I seek as I age gracefully. I feel a sense of calm in who I have become and hear my Mothers tone as I speak my truth. I never understood until recently how she managed to just be, with what seemed such little effort.

I don’t feel rushed, I don’t feel the pressure of societies time-line for a woman in her 50’s who stands on her own. I made a choice and with each choice we must walk without fear of what if…

The young who worry that if I don’t find someone soon while I still look good on the outside, makes me giggle. I want the one who has been weeded out from the masses who stands alone knowing what I know to be true. I don’t need a plethora of choices, I want only one who shines brighter than the rest in my eyes. One I find comfort in to just be, with. No fluff, no bells, no whistles, no fireworks, just basic stripped down raw love and understanding of one another.

I say this with a deep feeling of inner peace knowing that what I speak of will present itself when the time is right…or perhaps it already has. I have life experience that has been gracefully placed on my face and body which I still consider a gift each day. I have been very fortunate and am forever grateful for all I have…blessed if you will, with a life that has been exceptionally beautiful. I could die tomorrow with a ((((((smile))))) on my face knowing I have no regret. I don’t however feel my purpose here on Earth has yet been fulfilled.

Life experience, good, bad or ugly makes us who we are and allows us to grow a little bit wiser. These journeys help tell our story, a story worth hearing if you have the time or desire to listen. Life experiences are expressed in many ways, through a tone in voice, in action or attitude, in character and in will. We all have a story hidden away deep within our hearts. Human connections are the foundation we build these stories upon and release them to.

I am acceptant of those who crosses my path and whether or not they form a bond of love with me, I ultimately want each to be happy with or without me standing at their side.

When the young look into their future they see an aging face and body because they have yet to form the deeper connections that carry us into the more powerful meaning of life. They see beauty from the outside not knowing what they are capable of build along the way. It is a spiritual, intellectual connection that draws us in as we age. When you look ahead, see what matters, everything else fades.

I recently watched old home movies which brought a lot of feelings to the surface about time slipping by so quickly. It made me ask myself some very difficult questions. What I realized was the answers to those questions didn’t really matter because I am here, right now exactly where I am meant to be. The only thing that matter is now. What I choose to do right now in this moment.

I know a thing or two about being single when it doesn’t feel like the popular thing to be. When I was younger I always allowed myself the pleasure of being independent of a man. I waited painfully longer than what was socially acceptable to find the perfect partner to build a life together. What I remember most is that it just happened.

What I do know is that my heart won’t lie, it won’t lie even a little when it comes to that gnawing love that I seek. That feeling that someone has completely gotten below the surface of the sheets in a bed I don’t share often. They slip in and have no intention of leaving. Call me crazy but that is what I am looking for in this wonderful world of the ordinary. I want the man who sees below my surface and fits in to my ordinary, my calm, my love.

~ Tracy

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Balance…

578291_447546718663463_1039709458_n625565_10151296502307032_1928783634_nBalance and Perspective are what I have been focusing on lately. Finding balance is important in all areas of your life, whether it’s work or play.  I am finally at the stage in my life where I am being put back in the mix. My kids are more independent and I am finding more time for me. I feel content these days and I think it is because I am finally learning how to balance my time better 😉

Perspective is equally important. When we take a step back and relax everything seems brighter. I am trying not to over-think things as much as I have in my past. Thinking can prepares us but it can also set up an expectation of what we have imagined instead of just reacting in the moment to what transpires. When we are in the moment we lead with our heart not our head.

I found this picture and as you all know I love messages. It is about balance and perspective to me. Whether it’s read from a male or female perspective it works. Wild and Safe balance one another! My nickname is Captain Careful which is my safe side, but that too needs balance! Isn’t life fun!

“I’ll keep you wild, you keep me safe”

That’s all I got today! Enjoy the moment everyone, I know I am!

Svaha!

Tracy signiture

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Dear Roommate

Dear Roommate,

Our relationship is vital to you. Apparently you’d die without me. Me? Well, I’m normally very independent. I could live with or without you. Except…and I hate to admit this, but when I moved in with you, I became needy. And not just for the usual perks –  high definition tv, incredible views, newly remodeled kitchen, corner lot and all that storage space – no there is more to it than that. I began to crave your attention. There I’ve said it. When I live out on my own I’m just fine, but when I move in with you I have to have your love and attention.

Before you, my life was all rhythm, all ebb and flow, open and close, back and forth. You should know that I am acutely aware. More than you ever imagined me to be. I may not understand some of the things that you say, I guess I don’t hear things the way that you do, but I always understand your intent. I know when you are happy and loving and boy don’t I know it when you are not.

That time you disappeared for a couple of weeks almost killed me. I sat alone in your bedroom in the dark. I didn’t eat or drink a thing. All I could think about was how you’d abandoned me. As bad as that was, it still wasn’t as bad as the time you “went to visit family in Europe” and let one of your friends move in and stay with me. Ya – good one. That guy had a major drinking problem and seemed bent on giving me one too. All he did was push drinks on me until I was too weak and sick to stand upright.  It took me weeks to dry out and I still haven’t fully recovered to my original vigor.

When you are home you are so busy that you often forget I’m even here. Ah, but when you do stop to speak to me, I’m always so touched by the kind things that you say. And those other times when you speak to me without words, I hear your thoughts and I love you back with every cell of my being. And that is why I thrive around you…and wilt when you are gone.

What gets me through? Luckily my roots grow deep and I’ve got my buds for support.

The human to plant relationship is still really green. There is so much that you don’t yet know about me.

For example, did you know that we plants have what’s called circadian rhythms, which are daily cycle rhythms? Plants sleep at night when photosynthesis ceases to take place and respiration alone continues. Not loud snoring like I hear coming from some of your kind, just soft silent respirating. The truth is we need our sleep just like you.

You may act like you don’t need me at times but –

Oxygen comes from plants everyday while carbon dioxide is taken away.

Yep, you need me. So don’t forget to show me the love I always show you.

Respectfully yours,

House Plant

~~~~~~

A Few Fun Plant Facts

84% of a raw apple is water.

A cucumber is 96% water.

A notch in a tree will remain the same distance from the ground as the tree grows.

A pineapple is a berry.

Almonds are the oldest, most widely cultivated and extensively used nuts in the world.

Americans eat more bananas than any other fruit: a total of 11 billion a year.

Until 1883, hemp was the world’s largest agricultural crop, from which the majority of fabric, soap, paper, medicines,  were produced.

An apple tree is at its prime when its about 50 years old. The United States produces about 100 million barrels of apples a year. That’s a lot of old trees.

An arabica coffee tree can produce up to 12 pounds of coffee a year, depending on soil and climate.

An average ear of corn has 800 kernels, arranged in 16 rows.

Arrowroot, an antidote for poisoned arrows, is used as a thickener in cooking.

Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.

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Chivalry is Sexy ~

I decided to share a post with you today that I recently published on my personal blog All Things Sexy and Silver. I don’t usually mix the two but I got thinking about the topic, Chivalry, and thought it was worth repeating. We have a lot of male energy following Tara Cronica and we appreciate each and every one of you! 🙂 This ones for you guys!

Chivalry is sexy ~ Women don’t relying on men for much of anything anymore, other than satisfying our sexual appetites and even that doesn’t really require a man. I am self sufficient, independent and can fend for myself. I don’t need a man to do anything for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a man to do certain things for me.

When a man reaches his arm in front of me to open the door, he closes the distance between us ever so slightly, which forces me to gently slip by him, if you imagine that in slow motion, it’s sexy! When he offers his brute strength to me, how can I resist the opportunity to stand by and watch him…do whatever! I am perfectly capable, but why give away the gift to visually take in his gesture of kindness. When a man makes me aware that he’s looking out for me, keeping me safe, that’s as sexy as it gets, it’s his raw basic instinct. You can’t deny that’s sexy!

There is a balance between being capable and allowing a man to be a man when he’s in your presence. It’s equally important to return the gesture. I love my independence, but would think it tragic if men stopped being real men, which includes chivalry!

Chivalry is not dead…it’s waiting to present itself to you, the key…acknowledge it when it does happen upon you!

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Girlfriend Threesomes!

Have you ever been involved in a Girlfriend Threesome? It can be a lot of fun, confusing, or upsetting if you’re not careful. Each girlfriend needs to be aware and conscious of the others feelings when girlfriend threesomes exist! I have never been involved in one myself that lead to hurt feelings but know friends who have. I’ve always been a bit of a loner so it never bothers me when other girlfriends get together and I don’t go.

My daughter had a friendship trio last year that caused her hurt feelings and it was painful to watch her navigate through it. My advice to her was to expand her circle of friends, and be confident in who she was, which is hard when you’re only 9 but these types of lessons are good to learn at an early age. It all worked out in the end with very few pieces to be picked up and no friendships lost. She ventured out of her comfort zone and widened her circle of girlfriends which made her stronger and more independent. Lets face it, being a girl can be very difficult, and being a girlfriend is even harder!

As we age and become more confident in who we are, you’d think these sort of girlfriend troubles would disappear, but they don’t. Girls turn into women and have the same problems, they’re just older. However, as we mature and gain experience, we do become more equipped to deal with issues that pop up with friends, but there are still threesomes that cause hurt feelings.

Have you ever been involved in a girlfriend triangle which let to hurt feelings? I’d love to hear how you navigated through it if you have. Growing up my girlfriends came from two different areas so I was always hanging out with different crowds that didn’t know one another. I think that was the foundation of my friendship style. You don’t see each other all the time but when you do it feels like it was yesterday.

Bonnie and I as you all know have been friends since we were 15, but haven’t always lived close to one another. Throughout the years we have had lots of close friends, together and independent of one another, Jacquie, Carri, Anna, Teri, Lorellei, Chris and Deb are great examples! One of our friends, Jeannie, we found out years later, Bonnie was related to! (small world) Still when I see Anna its like it was yesterday that we were hanging out, same with Teri and Deb, yet we haven’t lived in the same city for years! I never thought of another close friend of Bonnie’s as a threat to our friendship because when we get together we usually haven’t seen each other in person for a couple of months so it’s always fresh and exciting! We do talk almost every day via every social network out there though. When I hang out with Jacquie it’s the same, I get her all to myself because her friends are from a different circle than mine. That could be the reason I have yet to have a girlfriend threesome which involved hurt feelings. Variety is the spice of life, even with girlfriends!

I think the most important part of being a girlfriend is honesty, “Does my ass look fat in these pants?” “Your Booty Rocks!” You see, there is no physical criteria for being a great girlfriend, just acceptance of being different and the same! Unconditional love of the female energy is wonderful! I embrace all the unique friendships I’ve had over the years, young and old, and look forward to the new ones I’ve yet to meet on my path of enlightenment! Encouragement, support, acceptance and unconditional love is what every girlfriend should be willing to give!

Cheers Girlfriends! I love each and every one of you for the unique individuals you are! 🙂


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Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my Moms birthday so I wanted to share a few things about her with you because she is a very special woman in my life. When I was a little girl I had a very hard time being away from my Mom. I was unable to make it through the night at any sleepover with girlfriends because I got very homesick just thinking about her. I never went to Brownie camp or Outdoor school because I just couldn’t be away from her. My Mom always came willingly, without question to pick me up each time and embraced me with a hug and kiss and never once made me feel bad about it. She offered to be my ‘excuse’ of why I wasn’t allowed to stay over because I was too embarrassed to tell anyone I was homesick for her. She was always there for me, and still is. She let me stay home from school when she could feel I was missing her, and now I do that for my daughter because I understand. Nothing was more important to her than love. My Mom is a very affectionate woman who has always got a hug, cuddle or back tickle waiting for anyone who asks. (well maybe not anyone :))

As I got older and more independent I learned a great deal more from her. She was/is a very strong business woman with natural leadership. I admire her strength and ability to do any job she takes on. She worked, ran a household and maintained a loving marriage for over 50 years! That is almost unheard of these days. I leaned the importance as a women to be self sufficient, independent and that I mattered! One thing my Mom said to me when I was in my teens has always stayed with me. It was basic and simple. She told me “God forbid if something ever happened to your Dad, I would survive”. She wanted me to know how important it was to love someone but to not depend on any one person to dictate your life, so that you were capable yourself of doing what you needed to, to stand on your own two feet.

I appreciated what my Mom did for me when I was young and now I understand, being a Mom myself. Over the years my Mom has given me great advice, most of the time I took it unless I was stretching my arms of independence. My Mom is a very generous soul who gives what she has to anyone in need. She has taught me to be independent, strong, loving, caring and most important to always try because when you try, you really see what you are capable of. Thanks Mom for being such a wonderful loving supportive person in my life, you’re so loved!

Photo taken by Scott Wellenbrink

Happy Birthday ! We love you ~ xo

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Which Stereotype would you NOT want people to include you in?

Which stereotype would you NOT want to be included in?

Take your pick there are many!  Here are a few examples, dumb blonde, gold digger and one of my favorites cougar!

Tracy’s take~

Tracy Throughout my late teens and twenties I bent over backwards so girls would not judge or stereotype  me before they knew me all in the name of stereotyping.  I would make myself look silly with humour to make them smile at me instead of leer at me.  It got tiring and I eventually just called it quits.  I just figured if you don’t want to take the time to get to know me then that’s unfortunate because we could be friends.  I HATE when people stereotype  or judge for that matter!

With that being said at this point in my life ‘single mom looking for a man to take care of me’ would be one of the worst for me.  No other stereotype would bother me as much as this one.  Call me a ‘Cougar’ and I would not only agree, say “whyy not” and smile while looking you up and down sexually, call me a dumb blonde and I would manipulate you to get what I want, but think I need a man to take care of me…sheesh!!   Men are in my life by CHOICE not need!  I am a very independent and self sufficient woman who loves time alone.  I don’t need a man in my life to take care of me but I do look forward to having  men in my life to spend time and enjoying the moment for what it is.  So if I am single for the back 50 I’m good.  How about you Bonnie which stereotype don’t you want to be included in?

Bonnie’s two cents~

Bonnie's PostDon’t include me in any! I mean I can’t actually think of a stereotype I’d like to be slotted as.  I’m pretty sure I’ve fit a few of them in my life so far though.  Dumb blonde? I’ve had my moments.  Cougar?  Oh ya.  Gold digger?  I think you have to go out with really wealthy men for that, so I don’t think so.  White people can’t dance?  Hey, I think I look pretty good out there.

The bottom line is stereotyping  is just a lazy way of labeling someone.  So many people are quick to do this because they feel they need to assign you a category so they know where they fit in.  “She’s a gold digger.  I’m better than that.”   Tsk!

A stereotype is just a simplified and standardized conception.  Period.  It is not necessarily the truth.

Ok, so I’m probably getting too philosophical about this but it’s something I’ve thought a lot about recently thanks to Jacquie.  She was concerned I was stereotyping when I recently used the word “native” in one of my posts.  I disagreed and dug my heels in but I thought about what she said and I could see her point of view.  Stereotyping is not a good thing…although…I’ve never known an African American male to cry fowl over the “well endowed” stereotype.  I’m just sayin’!

Jacquie’s thoughts~

Jacquie JanzenYee

I’ve been aware of the negative impact stereotyping can have for a very long time.  When I was dating my now-husband, Gavin, his mother was not a happy camper (do Chinese people ever like to camp?).   His Asian mother, who is an absolutely fabulous person, really wanted him to get rid of me, the White Ghost, aka Lo fan.  Crikey!  I was just being sweet l’il ol’ me but my blondness was working against me for the first time!  You see, she believed Caucasian women didn’t know how to take care of the house properly, didn’t do the cooking, didn’t take care of the children but sent them to nannies instead, cheated and got divorced.   No matter how ‘nice’ she thought I was, I would never be good wife material.

Well,  in some ways she was right.  I don’t cook very much now that the kids are older, I’d rather paint or do something fun than spend everyday scrubbing, I do like having guy friends and I won’t fib and say that the big ‘D’ has never crossed my mind as a viable alternative on really bad days, though it’s been a while since I felt that way.  I was being…stereotyped… but this time it was working against me!   It’s been many years and I know she loves me now and sees me as an individual and not just as a white girl, but it did take time.

Stereotypes are labels thrust on individuals or groups to make them easier to understand.  Like Bonnie said, they make figuring out your own place in the world simpler, so they’re self-serving, really.  I know I’m not a stereotypical mom with 3 kids and a dog even though that’s basically what I am on paper.  What else?  Well, like most of the women I know, I wear a lot of different hats depending on the day of the week or the mood I’m in.  Sometimes I’m ‘Ditzy Artist’.  ‘Dumb Blonde’ has served me well over the years when I’ve needed to pull her out.

I don’t mind acting out a stereotype every now and then when I’m in charge of the play.  What I don’t care for are stereotypes that are forced on me.  I don’t like going out with my girlfriends for some music and drinks and being called a cougar.  I find it derogatory, frankly.  Being stereotyped takes away your power and is belittling.  Now, if you want to call yourself a dumb blonde or a cougar then that’s different.  You’re taking back your power.  It’s all about the context in which these terms are used.


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Mother’s Advice

Mom I always loved my Mom’s advice on a variety of different issues.  She was always so brutally honest and even shocked the likes of me on occasion.  She was and still is a very strong, open minded, independent woman.  I quite often took her advice and was glad I had the sense to do so.  ‘Quite often’ being the prominent words in that sentence. She just always seemed to know, as most Mom’s do.

I can admit now that on more than one occasion I didn’t take her advice and had to learn the hard way through my own experience and mistakes.  I don’t believe there is a single soul out there who has not ignored the advice offered to them on at least one occasion.  You have to keep in mind as a parent that life is about experience and we learn by mistakes.

I hear my mothers advice resonating through my voice at times, which is not a bad thing.  We forget that our Mom’s have had far more life experience than most of us put together and have had similar experiences we are having.  The only difference being is that their generation kept things to themselves unlike ours which likes to talk in such graphic detail.  But regardless of the generation gap we all think we have, if you do sit down and have those heart to hearts with your Mom you soon realize that life today is very much like it was for them years ago. You just need to keep communicating and eventually Mom’s let out a secret or two.  Or as my Mom would say some ‘history’. Scotch usually speeds up the process.

As I watch my daughter grow up, I ask myself if I could give her just one piece of advice that, cross my fingers, she would take, what would it be?  My Nana’s advice to me was ‘treat em rough and tell em nothing’, now there’s a very strong independent woman of her time.  I know she is looking up at me with a smile, I say up because after my Nana passed away of natural causes my daughter at the age of 5 asked me if Nana was looking up at us.  You gotta love that!  They say kids have a sixth sense so we will go with Nana in Hellvin ( this is a place somewhere in between heaven and hell) My Mom’s advice was ’start out the way you mean to end’.  Pretty basic really, just be yourself.

I had a great job in the film and television industry but always knew I wanted a family and I wasn’t going to rely on anyone else to raise my kids.  My choice to be a stay at home Mom was one I never regretted but now looking back I wish I had kept something that was just for me.  As much as I enjoyed every moment, well honestly not every moment, there were days I would have sold both kids real cheap but I wish I had not lost myself in the process of motherhood as many of us do.

So my advice to my growing, strong, quirky, independent daughter is this.  To never lose sight of your dreams no matter how big or small they are, nurture your friendships as you do your family because without them we loose our inspiration, and always maintain  your financial independence so that you feel strong, independent and capable to walk alone if you so choose.

Tracy

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