Top 5 Regrets…Listen Up & Take Notes!

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IMG_0096_3_2There is no time for regret in life and although we all have a few, here is some insight to help lighten the load! I found this on LinkedIn and I felt the need to share because thats what I like to do.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed. 

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Svaha ~

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Honestly?

“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?”

There are three answers to that question in my mind…YES!”, “It depends”, or “NO!” Okay, minus the ‘so help you god part’, a little extreme for most of us, and it’s not always necessary to be 100% honest, because lets face it sometimes the truth hurts. Depends was my answer, because I like the word and honestly I’m months away from wearing them full time if my life continues to be this much fun! Well maybe just on the trampoline…

~Honesty; the quality of being honest.

~Honest; free of deceit and untruthfulness, sincere, morally correct and virtuous. How honest are you? In order to be completely honest you also have to be comfortable with hearing the truth. Not everyone is comfortable hearing the truth, some like the sugar coating because it’s more easily digested. I personally prefer the truth as raw as it can be spoken.

~Trust; firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. I think before most of us feel comfortable with being completely honest we need trust. Not everyone has good intention, and so we also need to trust our own intuition as well. When you have trust with someone honesty comes naturally. There is nothing worse than finding out someone was not honest with you, you lose trust which is the foundation to any strong long lasting relationship. Having said that, everyone makes mistakes and as long as they right their wrong, in some cases we are able to regain a certain level of trust, which can lead us back down the road to honesty. We are human after all. Learning from our past mistakes is a valuable part of growth, it’s simply best to be honest.

Honesty is a quality I admire. It takes courage to be honest. Being honest doesn’t always give you the result you hope for but you empower the person you are honest with allowing them to react in a way that they feel comfortable. I love when someone can be completely honest with me about anything. You know where you stand with someone when they are honest with you, for me that is important. It allows me to be my authentic self more openly and easily.

I try to be 100% honest with most people in my life, if you ask me a question straight up I will be as honest as I can be…depending on the situation. (that’s why depends was my answer) I am an open book for the most part. I do have my secrets and skeletons like everyone and there are some doozies let me tell you but some things are simply none of your business to be completely honest 🙂

When you meet men or women who are honest right from the start it breaks down walls that otherwise could take years to remove. I love the honesty that has been in my life and I admire those who are courageous enough to speak the truth.

I have met some very honest people lately which inspired this post and I admire them for speaking the truth. You know who you are.

“The Truth Shall Set You Free”…so they say! Now go be freeeee!

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The Truth Shall Set You Free…

I didn’t get where I am today which is a pretty sweet place in life without a whole lot of honesty. It wasn’t always easy but looking back worth it. Honesty and truth always get you further than dishonesty. Avoiding the truth is just the same as a lie. I am the chic who crosses the boarder with a guilty look on her face because she didn’t declare the gum she’s chewing. Take note; I’m not the one you want to go cross boarder shopping with if you wear everything back you bought because you’re way over your limit!

I’ve never been good at lying. I am not sure if it started as a child with a Mom who always seemed to know if I was even inching towards a lie or if it’s the relatively good clean conscience I was born with. Lies usually catch up with you in time…usually 🙂 To be clear I am not in any way shape or form saying I haven’t had a whopper roll out of my mouth from time to time, I am human after all. I don’t see the point unless you’re saving the feelings of someone you care about, then I say indulge in a white one. That can be a slippery slope so be careful.

I have fudge the truth, un-exaggerate it from time to time but when it is really important and involved the lives of others I try my hardest to be as honest as I can. The truth can hurt and it’s hard to say in some circumstances but at least everyone involved can then decide themselves what to do with the truth they’re presented with. It’s an unselfish way to live. I was joking with a male friend of mine recently telling him he was so inappropriate but somehow pulled it off and his reply was ~“honesty is not always appropriate” and “appropriate can be a huge waste of precious time” I agree and love his attitude, always have always will! Say it out loud and hope for the best…well hope it goes how you would like it. There are also times in life when it’s best to hide the truth in a really good spot and just let it percolate for a while. Life doesn’t alway work out the way we plan but at least if you speak the truth no one can fault you for it.

There may be a few bumps in the road, mountains even, some worth climbing others might be a little further than you are willing to go. What we do with the truth is a personal choice when it’s presented to us. Fight or flight? I’ve teetered on the edge many times in regard to both.

When someone give you the truth they are giving you the ball to either run with or pass back. You are handed the paddle of power, not over them but to empower yourself with choice. The question is what do you want to do with it? It’s no longer about them or what they have done or not done, it’s what you want to do with the information they gave you. The truth is a gift in my opinion. Although it is not always seen as one initially in time the truth is always a gift if it’s looked at in the light of a new day.

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you…I do…most of the time! (unless you ask me if your ass looks fat in those pants, then you’re getting the little white lie…assuming you’re asking because it is)

The truth shall set you free…or it could put your sorry ass in jail, or get you a slap across the face…you decide!  🙂

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Love & Relationships ~

Relationships show us that every human being is wired differently! Sometimes REALLY differently. I’ve been blessed with relationships in my past; some have taught me what I wanted and others have taught me what I don’t…the basic point of having one in my opinion. Every now and then you get one that changes the way you breathe! It makes ever breath soar. It creates a mood inside each cell of your body that screams “I’M ALIVE”! It makes you want to be a better you having them by your side. Those relationships usually only come around once in our lives, if were lucky we get another one that appears out of the blue that makes our world a better place.

I’ve learned that honesty from the start is the only way to enter into a relationship. My grandmother’s advice was “start out the way you mean to end”. Honesty sometimes comes with a price. Not everyone wants honesty or can handle the truth as Jack Nicholson said to Tom Cruise in the movie ‘A Few Good Men’! Not everyone knows how to process the truth. There is so much dishonesty and adultery in relationships these days that it’s hard to decipher who is telling the truth. I trust until proven otherwise but that too occasionally give your heart a sting that’s hard to forget. We only really know what’s going on in our minds.

I’ve been stung more than once.  It’s not something anyone gets used to…it hurts. We all know the feeling when someone ends a relationship with us. It doesn’t matter if we have been with a partner for 10 years or 6 months it’s still painful. A pang in our heart is like no other feeling. A mild electric sensation gently washes over our entire body, knowing that what we had is ending right before us. Sometimes it’s about communication and things work out. Sometimes there is nothing we can say or do; it is out of our control.

We all think about what it would be like to have someone we love deeply by our side forever. I am not sure I believe in forever anymore. I desperately want to. Sad but true. I want a forever man who won’t give up or walk away because of fear or any other reason. But even me the hopeless romantic that I am has doubt some days about love, as we all do.

When we first meet everything is fresh and alive. Words are spoken from the heart. We feel exhilarated by the thought of the other person being in our presence. We can’t wait to see or hear from them. Anticipation of our next meeting grows. We fall in like which is the base of every important relationship. We wittingly get caught up in the bliss. The fall from like to love is reflected in the eyes of new lovers. There truly is no greater experience than strong, passionate, intimate love for another.

Love is meant to challenge our mind, body and soul. We have to want love more than anything else to make it last. Love is a journey like no other. True love has no boundaries.

Love knows no fear.

 

 

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Parenting ~

Parenting is an ongoing struggle. Being a single parent is a challenge most of us wouldn’t want to face! The stereotypical single Mom is one who just gets by, has two kids, rents an apartment and gets some sort of social assistance. It’s the hardest job on the planet in my eyes. Holding it all together, while teaching your kids about life and love. There’s a reason why no one tells you the truth about how incredibly hard it is to be a parent. But it’s not because they want you to experience the same difficulties as they have, it’s because at the end of the day, it’s still worth it…no matter what you have to go through! Human beings are miracles created on earth, it’s a gift to become a parent. And to have a family is a blessing!

Not many women choose to be a single Mom, but it happens! Moms who do find themselves raising their children on their own need to remember that although they can’t give their child their entire wish list, they can give love and children would trade everything for love!

Single Dads have the same challenges, but they aren’t programmed like women are for being the care-giver, which in my opinion is even more difficult. Single Dads definitely have their work cut out for them.

Family today is anything but traditional, in most cases. What we need to remember is that our children are blank canvases, it is up to us to teach them by example. Be who you want them to respect and love. Show them acceptance and love of others. Let them see your compassion and empathy for other human beings. Teach them to give more than they take. Have the integrity they will strive for as they live and learn. Show your kids that anything is possible when the truth and honesty is present. Allow them to make mistakes and teach them that its what we do after we pick ourselves back up that matter, not what knocked us down. And most of all let them see you being true to yourself!

What I think is the most important element of family is love. When you have love you have it all. As long as your child feels loved, they will learn to give love. Kids naturally live authentically, and we as parents can learn a lot from these incredible little human beings. As parents it’s our responsibility to live truthfully and show them that whatever comes their way they have love and support from both their parents regardless of the structure of their family unit.

I can’t imagine my life without my kids, still to this day they’re the best thing I’ve ever done. You may not always be married to your husband or wife forever but your kids will always be your kids and you will always be their Mom or Dad. Being a parent, is forever and a blessing. Be the parent you want your kids to be!

I think what ever you choose, marriage, kids, or not, it’s YOUR choice to make. That’s the greatest part of life…choice!

We make choices every single day that are based on our thoughts, ‘thoughts become things…choose the good ones’ (Notes from the Universe).

Svaha ~

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Navigating the Minefields of Dating!

I didn’t know it would be so difficult to date when I became eligible. It’s much more complicated than I remember when I was younger. No wonder there is a relationship status on Facebook that states ‘It’s complicated’ because it is! I haven’t met anyone who has not been complicated! There are schedules to consider, kids, parenting styles, deal makers and breakers, dogs, jobs, sports, compatibility, life style differences, distance and timing has to be just right…or does it? It doesn’t help when your best friend is your last partner. Try to explain that one to a potential date. They can’t help but have suspicions about the two of you getting back together at any given moment! Everyone seems to despise their ‘X’, which is hard when you really like yours! It’s hard to get to know someone when you barely have time for yourself. It honestly amazes me that there are second marriages let alone relationships between singles who are either separated or divorced.

You have to trust someone with your heart! Not everyone has good intention so it’s hard not to get discouraged! Are you getting the picture, it’s not that easy to date! It truly is a minefield that’s hard to navigate. I am so thankful to have girlfriends to talk with, be advised by and to have a male perspective that knows me better than any man out there! Which hasn’t been yet, but could also be something hard to maneuver with someone who doesn’t know me very well!

On the bright side of dating, there are lots of intelligent handsome great guys out there, who understand kid schedules and appreciate truth and honesty and who are eager to experience life in the moment. I’ve learned you just have to stop looking. If you go about your day they will come into your life when the time is right. Dating in your 40’s is all about acceptance and going with the flow, baggage included because we all have at least a carry on, some have truck loads!

At the end of the day, it’s really just all about enjoying everyone for who they are and exploring those personalities that intrigue you. Honesty is crucial and necessary even if the other person needs time to chew on it for a while. It’s a gamble like everything else in life, but I think worth the risks involved. Not everyone is honest, honourable or interested in the same things. Sometimes he’s just not that into you, or you into him and that’s okay! Timing is so important, it can turn a potential hot love affair into forever.

I am not trying to paint a negative picture of what its like being single. The experience is as unique as each of us. I truly love being on my own…most of the time. I’ve said before that I don’t need a man in my life, but would definitely love the right one. Everything takes time and the most important part of being set free in the world is enjoying the journey along the way. Trust your instincts, follow your heart, explore the possibilities of what if…you might be surprised at what you find!

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Texting & Text-ation-ships!

Texting can be exciting, the anticipation is stimulating and it can have sexual undertones that keep us hanging on for more. But if you never progress past the text, in all honesty I think it’s for those who just want to keep their options open. Its like wearing a mask or hiding behind a facade of who you really are.

Lets face it texting can be useful when we need to send a message that doesn’t require a long conversation, ask a quick question, send a funny message to a girlfriend, communicate when talking isn’t possible or the occasional flirt! I have to admit I have been caught up in texting on a few occasions with someone of the opposite sex, but to be honest, lose interest in it pretty quick if nothing materializes or it becomes the main source of how you communicate. I love words and think communication is a lost art, it would be like having to edit this post down to 4 lines, it wouldn’t say what I wanted it to in the end. Some might prefer that when I think about it. Texting leaves too much room for interpretation in my opinion, and it’s easily taken the wrong way.

The younger generation uses texting as their main way to communicate which I just don’t get. What I have a problem with is when texting takes the place of a personal conversation with the opposite sex. Texting is nothing like real life. We are missing out on the key ingredients of human interaction; eye contact, pheromones, body language, touching and everything else that goes along with interacting with another human being. It might initially give us courage to say something we might not have otherwise, but what happens when we are finally standing in front of the person we are interested in and we’re used to thinking about our response for a couple of minutes before pressing send? Then what? Or we can say too much and that can lead to an embarrassing encounter later on. It’s not a natural conversation, not to mention texting makes us sound uneducated. “Ur funny!” I can’t say that without sounding like a hillbilly!

I’ve been caught up in the texting thrill, the sparing of words back and forth and admit it was enticing, but it can also feel shallow. It might get the ball rolling, but I like seeing someone think on their feet when I ask something they don’t expect. Spontaneity is the best! I need to see someones eyes when I am speaking to them!

I have a girlfriend whose son has been texting for many years and he said that he likes the pause between texting because he can think about what he wants to say before sending it. Or he can just ignore the text if he doesn’t feel like the conversation…my phone died, broke, left it in my locker/at work/at home/in the car…what text? Do you see where the problem starts to form. You don’t know if and when the person you are sending a message to gets it? It leaves your conversation either unanswered or lost in cyberspace somewhere. So my conclusion, if it’s important face to face is best, if you don’t care when you get a response, text. Talking in person is hand delivering your message and it just doesn’t get any better than that! It’s honest and real.

I think the reason you choose to have a text-ation-ship with someone is because you’re either intimidated, insecure, nervous, lack confidence or you’re really just not that interested in spending real time with them, so you stay afloat in a text-ation-ship until someone worthy of your time crosses your path.

Texting should be thought of as a simple form of communication that has a time and place in our daily lives.

Happy Texting! Don’t text and drive!

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‘Tis the Season to… Break up?

I heard the other day that November and December are when most break up occur. The reasons why made sense to me, but what I found hard to believe was that so many people found it difficult to be honest about why. What’s wrong with honesty? Not everyone is going to be into you, and there is always going to be another person out there who is NOT tired of putting up with your crap! giggle

Did you know there is break up etiquette? I suppose if it saves someones feelings, it’s a good thing. We all know getting dumped is crappy but in the big picture wouldn’t you rather be dumped than be an option if you’re not a priority? I’ve noticed in both men and women that everyone seems to want to have a few options, whether they are married or not. (if my marriage doesn’t work out…there is always him, or if my girlfriend and I don’t work out…there’s always her) I’ve got one word for that EGO! I would rather have no options and spend some quality time with myself than waste the time of someone else for the sake of an option. Options don’t last! Priorities do! Its pretty basic isn’t it? Don’t we just want to know the truth so we can adjust our thinking and move on. The truth can be razor sharp at times but the pain ALWAYS subsides. No one is free from being dumped, it’s a learning experience that is really valuable to find out who we are. (last weeks post Who Are You? touched on that)

Some of the reasons why November and December are when the most break up occur is because, generally speaking the holidays are usually spent visiting with family. If you’re not ‘the one’, the break up is to avoid having to introduce you to the family, that you are probably not going to be a part of in the near future. It makes it more difficult later on in the relationship to dump someone who has met your family. The same reason I believe you shouldn’t introduce your kids to every Tom, Mary or Larry you go out for coffee with. If it’s meant to be, in time everyone will meet. Patience is a virtue!

Sometime we realize that we simply want to be alone and need to spend time by ourselves. Nothing wrong with that! That makes the most sense, I love being on my own but there are lots of men/women who like to be with someone, regardless whether or not they are the right someone. If it’s not working, end it, but kindly! You would be doing the other person a favour in the end! Always remember when one door closes another one opens!

The reason at the bottom of the list was that we just don’t want to spend money on someone we don’t think we are going to be with long term. Do you really want the generic-says-nothing-about-your-pending-relationship gift anyway?

I think what’s most important is the way you break up. No one likes to be lead on. If everyone would just learn to NOT lie, it would sure make things a lot simpler don’t you think? After mustering up the courage to finally end a relationship you should never ever end with…right now. Example: “I really like you but I don’t want to be in a committed relationship…right now“. It leaves the relationship dangling! If the truth is “I really like you but I don’t want to be in a committed relationship…with you” say it! At least the person being dumped won’t pine over you for months after the fact!

The etiquette to me was a no-brainer but here is the basics simplified: No text break-ups, No email break-ups, Face to Face is best, the sooner the better, be honest so the person is not wondering what they did or why…tell them why! DO NOT just ignore the person or disappear off the face of the earth, there is such a thing as BREAK UP KARMA! My personal advice to being the dumper, dress down, it just might lighten the blow :0 wink*

Basic rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you!

Happy Break ups Everyone, it’s not always a bad thing! 🙂

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Do You Have A Filter?

I have a girlfriend who doesn’t have a filter and constantly gets chastised for it. She just says it how it is, and I guess some people just aren’t comfortable with her honesty. Do you ever wonder what a day with your friends would be like, if we all had to remove our filters? I know for certain I would be rolling with laughter all day long. The Movie The Invention of Lying is basically what it would be like if we did remove our filters. Ricky Gervais and Jennifer Garner are hilarious together! I laugh at just the thought of my thoughts becoming words at times!

I love when people have the courage to speak their minds. Not many people do anymore. I think my girlfriend is hysterically funny, she makes me laugh in a away that is always unexpected. The kind of laugh that makes you spit your drink out of your mouth or snot shoots out your nose. I have on several occasions almost pee’d my pants while in her company because of the stuff she says out loud! She also doesn’t have an inside voice so when I say out loud I mean out LOUD! That’s what cracks me up so much about what she says, its like no one ever told her as a child that sound travels! I think she actually has a filter she’s just misplaced it, or chooses not to use it around cerain people. I find humour in that.

It’s hard to deprogram leaned behaviour, which is sometimes a good thing but not always! Don’t you wish you could just be brutally honest with some people who catch you off guard! I’d like to just let it fly sometimes just to see what people would do. Think before you speak is becoming wayyyy to common and ordinary blah blah blah. We need those who don’t think before they blurt out the obvious. They are like adding colour to a black and white photographed society. That’s why their type is calledColourful. Don’t get me wrong, we need to know when to keep our pie holes mouths shut too. If we could express ourselves without causing too many waves or hurting feelings it would be a perfect balance. Nobody wants to cause a Tsunami everywhere they go but a nice healthy 20 footer every now and then to keep everyone on their toes would be fun!

Here is an example of perhaps going too far!

If we did have a day that required us to tell the truth would you stay home or bust out the door and enjoy your day? Would telling the truth inspire change? I dare ya to remove your filter and see what happens!

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24 hours of Online Dating…for Research!

I’ve said before “Don’t knock it til ya try it”, so I tried it, sort of. I am talking about Internet Dating Sites. There are lots to chose from, eHarmony, Plenty of fish, Match.com, It’s Just Lunch, to name a few. I decided to join one, not to date but to find out if any guys have met someone compatible. I put up a picture and filled in the questionnaire. I put right in my profile that I was a blogger doing research looking for information, good or bad, about personal experiences with online dating. I made it clear that I had no intention of ever meeting anyone in person. Almost immediately I received instant messages which made me laugh, first was a 26 yr old, seriously I could be your MOTHER! I forgot to adjusted my age range! The default is 18-99! I quickly changed it to 30-32 much more realistic! lolol!

After about 10 minutes of that I panicked and immediately wanted to delete my profile but when I tried it said I couldn’t for 24 hours! OMG-24-HOURS! This was a terrible mistake! I was getting instant message pop up after pop up from different profile names, none of which were actually names, mountainman, execxxx, tall1100, all wanting to IM me. No good could possibly come of that! It’s worse than texting, I hate texting! It was like facebook when I didn’t know how to turn off the email notification that came to my phone every time someone poked me! And I assure you poking on a dating site is nothing like Facebook! lol There is an option that allows you to hid your photo and only share it with potential dates. Identity concealing? Hmmm, as much as I disagreed with it, I jumped on that option as soon as I could! After I hid my photo, Voila, no more messages! Phew! Without a photo its kind of like reading classified ads…boring. Not that I’am boring, but my profile was! lol

In general, I felt uncomfortable talking online to men I knew nothing about, they could potentially be axe murderers! Not that any of them are! The guys I communicated with were great and had a mix of good and bad experiences, just like regular dating. Some found love and others met some real wing nuts! One thing all the guys could agree on was not everyone is as they appear in their photo! My advice, use a realistic picture, not one you want to look like or used to look like 10 years ago but a new one! Why lie, unless you don’t plan on ever meeting up in person! They may not say anything, but they’re going to notice the obvious misrepresentation! Women have been told for years that men don’t notice what we perceive as flaws unless we point them out, in this case it’s NOT a flaw to be YOU! Deception on the other hand is not a good way to start a relationship! Be happy with who you are and you will find a partner who will love you for who you are! Start out the way you mean to end and be honest!

The guys I communicated with changed my perspective, to some degree, it doesn’t seem as horrible or desperate as I might have first thought. There were the obvious guys who were just trolling looking for a good time, but just like meeting in person you have to kiss a few frogs to meet your prince charming! Here is an example of what one guy wrote me that made me giggle!

Quote:I’ve had lots of romantic relationships with people I met online. I married one and it lasted over 4 years, another lasted 6 months and was very passionate, and then others of shorter duration but very postive parts of my adult history.

The whole thing is terribly interesting. The two worst dates of my life were with women that were so gorgeous I could barely say hello when we met, and by the time we finished eating I couldn’t wait to be rid of them. One was drunk and vulgar and the other had table manners that were so bad I was embarrassed to be seen at the same table with her.

Then of course there were the ones whose photos were 10 years and 50 pounds ago. But I had invited them to dinner and didn’t want to make a scene so I kept smiling and picked up a big check”. anonymous (‘BIG Check’ lol)

There are positive and negatives to meeting on the internet, just as there are for meeting in person. For me there is nothing more magical than seeing someone in person who makes your heart beat faster. Chance meetings make us feel as though its destiny, meant to be, whereas internet dating seems premeditated in my opinion! Premeditated isn’t the best choice of words but I think you get what I am saying! Online you can eliminate a few things you wouldn’t want to deal with through your profile, such as drinkers/smokers but apparently not everyone is completely honest with their profiles as I was told by quite a few guys.

Thanks guys for your honesty and willingness to help out in the name of research. I wish you all success in finding your true love or whatever it is you’re looking for! I think you get out what you put into it, just like anything in life. If you’re really serious about online dating you should join one that meets with you in person to avoid any misconceptions.

I will add that not a minute past the 24 hour mark, my profile was deleted! I am too much of a romantic to meet a love interest online, for me it would have to be by chance, divine timing with eye contact, pheromones and natural chemistry!

Happy Dating Everyone! No, I didn’t meet the handsome dude on the left, (Bonnie had the nerve to say he’s wayyy to young for me and wrecked it!) I just liked the look in his eyes!

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Is Fidelity Obsolete?

I was reading Women’s Health and came across an article by Meghan Rabbitt questioning whether fidelity is becoming obsolete. I cracked up at the picture that was attached to it of a bride standing alone on her wedding cake, on her phone, groom hanging from a helicopter trying desperately to get away…it read “To have and hold from this day forward…or until someone hotter comes along.”

Everyone has the right to change their minds I suppose, and better before you tie the knot than after, when it just keeps getting more complicated as time goes by. What’s not so funny is the stats about cheating.

40% of people who do cheat do so with a friend.

35% cheated with a co-worker.

23% of men cheated with someone they met in a bar. Alcohol and or drugs have always been an excuse for why men and women loses their inhibitions and acts inappropriately while under the influence. I’ve always believed those who use alcohol or drugs as their excuse had it in them before their lips even touched the glass or reefer. When the effects wear off, they sober up and need to blame something for their actions, because they weren’t honest with themselves to begin with. I say do what you want without the drug of choice and take precautions. Just be honest about what you’re doing! Don’t sugar coat it and keep it real!

22% of women cheated with an ex-boyfriend. I understand why this would appeal to some, familiarity and comfort of knowing this person. But I personally am not a big fan of friends with benefits, so for me when its over, its over.

I think cheating is the way out in most cases, not always a mistake though. You wouldn’t be even considering cheating if you were happy in your marriage or relationship in the first place. And if your not happy why not move forward to find happiness! Most men and women don’t move forward because of fear. They don’t want to gamble and be alone, or take the chance of not meeting someone who is better suited to them than the previous one. Does that really matter if you’re not happy in the first place. At least if your alone you are doing what you like and not compromising who you are for someone you’re not 100% happy with. Being a romantic I wouldn’t want to compromise this part of my existence.

I understand that for most men and women it’s not as easy as it sounds, because of children, property, commitments and vows but ultimately we all want to be happy and if you’re not, change and compromise can be made to get you in the right direction. Infidelity is not the answer. I don’t agree with staying together unless you’re still passionate with your partner. Having said that not everyone needs passion or love to make their world go round! Love and passion need to be present for me to want to continue a relationship. If love and passion are not reciprocated then there is no point in continuing down a path of mediocrity. I understand passion gets lost in our day to day lives but there needs to be a spark that both are willing to work at igniting together for love and passion to not get lost. If somewhere down the road the flame goes out, move forward and remain friends so you avoid infidelity and avoid being a statistic. Be true to yourself.

Did you know that the average ‘romp’ lasts 3 to 7 minutes, yet both male and female desire 13 minutes. If we can’t put at most 13 minutes away for our partner, no wonder the stats I quoted earlier are so high! You can also look at this stat as, if you are really just looking for a 7 minute romp, is it really worth ending what you do have with your spouse for that, probably not.

Here are a few tips I found online to help prevent yourself from becoming part of a growing statistic ~

1. Be each other’s number one confidant. You shouldn’t be sharing private thoughts with others that you’re not sharing with your mate.
2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose.
3. Don’t let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Relationships that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair.
4. Recognize when you’re temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your relationship — or that you have to act on it.
5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your relationship. If you’re ever tempted and don’t feel like you can tell your mate, you’ll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you’ll have a strong support network to help you put your relationship back together.

Every relationship is unique and needs work, I know mine is very unorthodox but it works. I have been able to move on and keep my best friend without having become a statistic because of honesty and hard work on both sides. My advice to not becoming a statistic is be honest no matter how hard it can sometimes be, have good intention, stay in the room and lose your ego. Don’t sweat the small stuff and accept your partner’s flaws and they will accept yours. If you can do that you will ‘at least’ have a best friend in what was your partner or spouse!

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Mommy’s Little Boy ~

Every time I tune into the Olympics and watch the athletes compete, not just the Canadian ones, any of them, I feel so proud and get teary eyed because I can’t help but look at them as a Mother. Overnight my son has grown up, I am literally starting to freak out just thinking about it! I find myself starring at him for long periods of time dumbfounded. Yes, it’s a part of life but I am having a real hard time with it right now. He’s on the way to becoming a young man.

Jess and I have always been really close, he tells me almost everything, I hope that never changes. There is something unique and special about your first born. Mine was a 10 lb 3 oz baby sumo served C-section style with big brown eyes and Sean Connery eye brows! He’s polite, respectful and has a spontaneous infectious nature! Jess is not just a handsome face, he made the ‘A’ honour roll at school this year, and he’s a natural athlete and has a great sense of humour. I often ask myself how I got to be so lucky for him to pick me to be his Mom! Good Karma?

I have noticed lately that his voice is starting to get deeper and has grown so fast in the last couple of months it’s like I can see him morphing right before my eyes. Maybe it’s got something to do with getting his long curly locks cut really short which instantly added about 2 years. Regardless, time is slipping away and I can’t seem to grab onto it to slow it down, believe me I’m trying!

He was sitting on my knee the other night and it almost, I stress almost, felt silly but I will continue to do it until he refuses regardless of how much it hurts my knee’s and lap! I’m hanging on for dear life here. My second cousin Casey recently lost his life at 28, a solid reminder to parents to stare, listen and stop what you are doing even for just a moment to grab as much love from your kids as they will give.

Life is so precious and kids are the visual measuring stick of how fleeting our time with them really is. I appreciate every single smile, hug and kiss I can get. Jess can melt my heart with a simple look back at me when he is walking away. I know there are so many parents out there that can totally relate.

Bonnie and Jacquie have helped make me aware of how fast our kids grow up with having older offspring, which I am grateful for. I am not sure there is any preparation for your little boy growing up though, I guess honesty is the best way to explain my strange behavior to him.

Little boys wake up one day and they have an adult sense of humor, leg hair and start to eat you out of house and home. It’s crazy when you get to the stage of looking at your little boy and you can see exactly what he is going to look like as a young man! I have been prepped for years for this with James, Bonnie’s son but it’s still hard.

No regrets here, but I would like to stop time every now and then to just breathe and take in the moment a little longer!  ~Love You Forever Jess~

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He’s Just Not That Into You!!!!

TracyWhile at the school talent show last week I noticed something that I couldn’t stop thinking about. This usually means a post is in the air.  It seemed to me that most of the girls who performed did it to songs that were directed towards boys in such a way that they were pining for them.  They had broken hearts and longed for their attention. Each song was somehow related to wanting our male counterpart to be into us. Maybe it is programming after all!  Conditioning at it’s best. How could we not continue down this path when we started on it at such an early age.

I watched the movie ‘He’s just not that into you’ and I had mixed feelings about it. I liked the fact that Jennifer Aniston’s character ‘Beth’ finally realized that Ben Affleck (Neil) didn’t need to marry her to be like a husband, but there were also parts that bothered me. Why are we afraid to admit that he is just not that into us. We have all consoled our friends with reasons why he hasn’t called or why our relationship ended when it may be as simple as there was no connection. Is that so hard to hear? Why do we feel we need to assess blame to justify the end of intimacy between two people.  Maybe it’s just the intimate part of the relationship that has run it’s course.

My question is “If he is just not that into you, why do you really care?” What’s wrong with just being honest so both people can move on without awkwardness. I think we care because he said no to us first. Our feelings get hurt because we take it personally that someone didn’t like us. Chances are we were going to say no eventually, but he just beat us to the punch.

Why not just be honest. If your not feeling it, say so. You could high five each other and move on and remain friends. Honestly you don’t want to date someone who isn’t really feeling the connection, do you?  That is just asking for a break-up down the road which gets messier as time goes by. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you think you have a connection with someone and it’s not reciprocated. I’ve been dumped on occasion, but there were very few I was bothered by, however, there was one I obsessed over for whatever reason. When looking back he was just a nightmare so I chalked it up to be my Karma for all the guys I just wasn’t that into and perhaps didn’t deal with honestly. Lesson learned!

I think women romanticize too much about men (I know I do being a hopeless romantic) I know for myself if it’s the man who is a challenge that drives me crazy, that intrigues me more. If we got rid of our ego’s it would be much easier. That’s why it’s so hard to remain friends…ego! No one really wants to hear the words, “I like you, just not that much.”

We need to stop sugar coating what men say to us and start hearing the truth behind their words. If a man says “I’m really gonna miss you” while in the throws of passionate love making, he’s NOT going on a holiday! Or you hear “hey buddy” or “dude” when he calls, chances are your not heading towards marriage. Maybe we make it difficult for men to be honest because we have that dreamy look in our eyes when they try to say what they feel. Just keep in mind it’s not really all that bad if someone isn’t really that into you. Put it in perspective!  There is always another bus coming as my Nana used to say !

Tracy

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Love is Forever…by Lawrence Thomas

“I have been inspired by the writings of Lawrence Thomas and wanted to share his truthful, passionate words with you.  He has touched my soul with this piece.  Understanding the male perspective, a gift for me truly.  I believe our paths were meant to cross.  Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us and giving us some insight into the male mind.  Many of us will no longer feel like ‘the only one’ and that is one of the reasons Bonnie, Jacquie and I created Tara Cronica.”  Tracy~

Love is Forever…by Lawrence Thomas

Lawrence ThomasSunday, July 6, 2008 at 6:23pm Splashing my freshly shaven face, I looked up into a faded mirror. Grasping the outer edges of the water basin, I stepped into my reflection. I removed one hand briefly to run my fingers through my sodden hair, and then I leaned in to take a closer look. Into my weary eyes, I searched desperately for the man that I once saw staring back at me. I clenched the basin tighter, lowered my head and I realized that I don’t like the image the mirror revealed anymore. My eyes had once been so full of dreams; full of passion. They expressed a lust for life and everything it had to offer. Now their vision discolored, infatuations and a lifetime of aspirations all but forgotten.

For the better part of my twenties, Elaine’s soft blue eyes had been the last image I had seen before falling asleep. Many cold nights her warm figure curled into me, as I lay awake searching endlessly for answers, and many mornings I awoke to the same lost and lonely reflection of my tired eyes staring back at me.

I spent so much time searching my heart for the grounds of my unhappiness, that I hadn’t allowed myself to appreciate the little things that made her so special. My uncertainties really had nothing to do with her. I did love her, but for some reason, I was not content with what we had together.

I tried desperately to push her away, because having her hate me seemed so much easier than letting her go. As I stood disappointed, staring into that mirror’s image, I could see how much trying to push her away was slowly breaking her. Yet, even with how hard I tried to distance myself from her, she still remained by my side. I suddenly appreciate that she couldn’t hate me; she didn’t have it in her heart.

As I rummaged through my thoughts, gaping into that murky basin drain, I realized I had to let her go.

One last dinner together, final thoughts passed as we drove about a winding countryside, and as the colors of autumn leaves change, so did the seasons of our lives together. Somehow I had never found her more beautiful than I did that moment.

As I rested my eyes in hers, I took her hand and looking into her soul, and told her one last time that I loved her. Even with how hard it was to say goodbye, we both know that it was the right thing to do.

Maybe we had been holding on to the memories of so many years ago, or quite possibly we were fearful of being alone. Maybe we worried about hurting one another? Perhaps we were really afraid of living because neither of us could honesty say that’s what we were doing those final months – at least not the lives we had both dreamed of.

In those final moments, I realized that no matter how much I loved Elaine, my dreams would always live somewhere in my heart. I knew that if I didn’t start to listen to the desperate cries deep within me, that in being afraid to live, those dreams and the passions my soul lived to feel, were slowly dying.

I truly believe it’s our unhappiness with ourselves that questions the fate of a relationship. The problem is we either don’t know it, or simply don’t know what we are unhappy with.

Many years have gone by now, and since moving on, I have felt my heart thank me for finally giving the thoughts that circled hopelessly through my soul, the opportunity to live. I have felt the inner peace of not being afraid of life anymore.

As I look up, I see the reflection of a man once more full of life; full of passions; a man with not only dreams, but visions that have been realized. I have felt the sometimes painful, yet magical infatuations of love again. I have allowed myself to be inspired by the wisdom life offers us when we not only yearn for more from it, but do something about getting more out of it.

Regrets, I don’t believe in them, but I certainly wish we didn’t have to hurt the ones we love searching for who we are and what it is we want from this journey.

Even when a relationship is not meant to be, it’s hard not to continue caring for someone in some way, for everything they were to you and for what they taught you about love, life, and especially about yourself. I hope Elaine knows I will never forget the way she looked into my eyes when she said she loved me. To be loved in that way by anyone, is the greatest gift life will ever share with us.

In the end, with our painful expressions of separation, we didn’t do or say anything to make that moment one we would later regret. We both knew those final words would last in our hearts forever.

Breaking up is always a painful memory, yet by ending that part of our lives with a smile and by expressing how much those past years meant to us, the last feelings we shared weren’t full of anger or hatred; just the one thing that kept us together through it all – Love.

No matter whether a relationship ends through infidelity, a difference of opinion, or simply different dream paths, one of the many things my time with Elaine taught me, is that in the end, whether you want it to or not, love lives on somewhere in the heart, and always will.

Elaine was the first woman I ever loved, and for understanding me, always believing in me, and for loving me through it all (even those cold lonely nights when I couldn’t find it in my own heart to love myself), a part of me will love her forever. I will never forget how wonderful it felt, to be loved the way she loved me.

Copyright © 2008 Lawrence Thomas

Shaking the Tree Lawrence Thomas Website

Tracy

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Should you tell your girlfriend she’s…?

Bonnie’s Take…

black-tooth

You’re in your early twenties and your best girlfriend and you have just met a couple of gorgeous guys.  It is obvious that you both want to make a great impression.  One of you has a leftover black bean from an earlier stir fry stuck to her front tooth.  Well, if you are my dear friend, you think it is waaaay funnier to “not” say anything.  After some giggles that confuse me, she did finally let me in on the joke.  Sigh.  I still feel my cheeks burn when I think of it, but I have to admit it was funny.  So, in my opinion, yes!!, please tell her if she has food in her teeth.  Same goes for too much makeup, toilet paper stuck to her shoe, the list goes on.  If  you are very close and really care for your friend then yes, tell her you think her boyfriend is not good enough for her.  Just be prepared for her not to listen to your advise until she’s darn well ready to.

However, this also depends on how close you are with your girlfriend.  I know that I can safely give my closest friends an honest opinion as long as I approach the subject with their best interests at heart.  You may have to weigh in whether your advise could be hurtful rather than helpful.  My intention would never be to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Just be kind to each other and keep your sense of humour.

Bonnie

Jacquie’s 2 cents…

My feeling on the subject is a little bit different than yours, Bonnie, though I agree in principle with what you’re saying.   Maybe it’s my own insecurities but I have a really hard time telling someone else that they should do something differently because I know I don’t take critiques very well.  I’ll be less cryptic.  I’ve been told a couple of times in the recent past that I looked tired.  What the …!   I then feel like I have to justify why I might not be looking my best and it makes me self conscious and I get defensive.

Don’t EVER tell a friend she’s looking tired!  Tired is a nasty word and has all sorts of connotations like worn out, old, deflated, colorless, can’t handle your life, stressed out.  The reality is I’m staying up late every night to pick up my daughter from work or I’m writing or doing some painting.  If the end result is that I look less vibrant for my friends the next day I don’t want one of them bringing it to my attention.  I want to feel safe with my friends and believe that how I look isn’t a concern of theirs (unless flames spontaneous erupt from my orifices.  Then tell me).   If I start to look like I’m smuggling bags of bark mulch under my clothes I don’t want my friends telling me I need to start exercising or watching what I eat.  You can bet I’m probably aware of the extra few pounds and won’t appreciate a reminder.

I do think there are plenty of ways to let a friend know she could be doing something differently or better but you have to be finely tuned in to your female powers of intuition to know when the right moment is to bring something up.  I have a friend who for years wore her make up too boldly.   So often I wanted to say “do you mind if I show you how to apply your blush?”  (I used to teach make up artistry so I felt I had some expertise in that area)  but someone else finally mentioned it in a nice, matter o’ fact way and it was no big deal.  I did learn from this that most women WANT input from a trusted friend.  Maybe it was the way I was raised, but for me I have a hard time accepting ‘helpful’ advice so I prefer not to give it unless asked directly.  Live and let live.

I know you’re waiting to jump in here so I’ll pass this on to you, T.

jacquie

Tracy weighs in…

First off,  is there a reason that I am the ‘weighs in’ title this week?  I am still giggling  at both your posts. Two great views!

Note to self, tell Bonnie (from now on) when she has food in her teeth.  It’s not a game to try to figure out who will step up in the crowd to say something.  And Jacquie,  you have NEVER looked tired to me!  I love that both of you have such a great sense of humor and also have the confidence to speak up when you might feel sensitive about something.  I think there is a line,  and although I love to cross that line,  here is where I don’t.  When it comes to telling your friend something, I agree that it should be weighed if you are going to hurt any feelings ( there is nothing worse than hurting a friend’s feelings).  I think a friend tucks in the tag of your shirt, fixes your hair, wipes your face of the unknown, but when it comes to things that you can’t change with a simple wipe or tuck, then I think you should be very careful with how you choose your words of advice.

I still laugh when I think back at Jacquie taking my picture in Cabo, laying by the pool in my bikini, when she said “you’re not going to like that one!”  The southern accent she used really helped!

Bonnie will tell me she really likes a certain picture of me.  It’s a nice way of giving her opinion without choosing the opposite  “I don’t like that one”.  If a friend asks me for my advice directly then yes,  I do give them my honest opinion but still choose my words carefully.  I personally would tell my friend something of the more serious nature, like a boyfriend cheating, before I would tell them their ass looks fat in those pants.  Friends come in all different sizes, styles, with makeup, without makeup and I think you should just embrace them for who they are.  After all, it’s just your opinion of how they should be.

Tracy

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