Happy Halloween ~ Jib Jab!

Every 'other' girl at the party...

...and then there is me...no NOT the Paper-bag Princess...I'm the Unknown Cougar (like the Unknown Comic?) Anyone get it?

Happy Halloween! I am NOT a big fan of Halloween. It could be that I’ve had my fair share of treats over the years and when I see them in the grocery store it just makes me go Ugh! Halloween for me = zits and a tight waste band! It’s just way too easy to polish off an entire box of 100 six weeks before you actually need them. Note to self: DO NOT BUY HALLOWEEN TREATS BEFORE OCTOBER 31st @ 6PM!!! (If the store is out…consider yourself lucky!)

I don’t like the dressing up part of AT ALL! I appeased my daughter who LOVES Halloween by buying a Vampire Cape, it was either that or a sexy_______ fill in the blank. I know…false hope, I won’t wear it unless I make it funny somehow. Fat chance of that happening with such short notice. I was thinking I’d like to pull a “Modern Family” scare the crap out of the little kids in our neighborhood since I’m moving, but they’re always so damn cute I don’t think I could do it. It would be like pulling the trigger on Bambi 😉

Every Halloween memories come rushing back that remind me why I am not a fan…Pregnant Princess, Halloween’68 is the year I knew I was odd and my dreams were crushed. All the neighbors asked what I was, like it wasn’t obvious? They looked at me with question about my unusual combination, whats not to get about a Pregnant Princess? Made perfect sense to me!

It could have been Mr Milner Halloween ’71, countering our “trick or treat” with “TRICK” when we knocked at his door! Trick? Wt? Just give out the damn candy! We weren’t a circus act we just wanted a 2-cent chocolate! Two years of that and his house was nixed! We should have told him there were houses that gave out cans of pop and full size chocolate bars that didn’t make us work for it! Trick? Really? I was really shy when I was little so that put me over the edge each year! No wonder I don’t like auditions! I wonder what kids would say now if you said TRICK? I don’t think they’d even get it! They would stand in a group looking at each other confused until one of them whispered “What did she just say?” another would say under his breath “I’m not sure?” Then the smart-ass in the group would talk really loud like I was hard of hearing and say “SHE S-A-Y-S WE LOOK REALLY T-r-i-c-k…thanks Ma’am now give us the damn candy!”

It might have been ‘Mark VanOord’ Halloween’79 the year my school girl crush finally kissed me. The kiss I daydreamed about for years and when I finally got it, much to my dismay I dressed up as a clown that year…a 16 year old clown!

Maybe it was Stargate Halloween’96 when I dressed up as a crappy kick-boxer, head-gear (really attractive) chest pad (flattering) and mouth guard (nice) with bruises all over my face and every other female in the room was in full Renaissance attire, wigs and parasols.

I was always the girl who showed up in a funny costume not a sexy one. (its possible or likely I am in denial now but that’s my story and I’m stickin to it) I did however dress up last year as a ‘cougar’ and thought that was funny…kinda sexy, Bonnie said I just looked cheap! LMAO!

Be safe trick or treating tonight! I can’t resist Jib Jab! So here it is, from me to you! I apologize in advance to my kids and Bonnie’s kid for using them for my own entertainment purposes! Chances are they won’t even see it until it’s too late so what the hell!

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