Deeper Connections…

audreyhepburn

Deeper connections are what I seek as I age gracefully. I feel a sense of calm in who I have become and hear my Mothers tone as I speak my truth. I never understood until recently how she managed to just be, with what seemed such little effort.

I don’t feel rushed, I don’t feel the pressure of societies time-line for a woman in her 50’s who stands on her own. I made a choice and with each choice we must walk without fear of what if…

The young who worry that if I don’t find someone soon while I still look good on the outside, makes me giggle. I want the one who has been weeded out from the masses who stands alone knowing what I know to be true. I don’t need a plethora of choices, I want only one who shines brighter than the rest in my eyes. One I find comfort in to just be, with. No fluff, no bells, no whistles, no fireworks, just basic stripped down raw love and understanding of one another.

I say this with a deep feeling of inner peace knowing that what I speak of will present itself when the time is right…or perhaps it already has. I have life experience that has been gracefully placed on my face and body which I still consider a gift each day. I have been very fortunate and am forever grateful for all I have…blessed if you will, with a life that has been exceptionally beautiful. I could die tomorrow with a ((((((smile))))) on my face knowing I have no regret. I don’t however feel my purpose here on Earth has yet been fulfilled.

Life experience, good, bad or ugly makes us who we are and allows us to grow a little bit wiser. These journeys help tell our story, a story worth hearing if you have the time or desire to listen. Life experiences are expressed in many ways, through a tone in voice, in action or attitude, in character and in will. We all have a story hidden away deep within our hearts. Human connections are the foundation we build these stories upon and release them to.

I am acceptant of those who crosses my path and whether or not they form a bond of love with me, I ultimately want each to be happy with or without me standing at their side.

When the young look into their future they see an aging face and body because they have yet to form the deeper connections that carry us into the more powerful meaning of life. They see beauty from the outside not knowing what they are capable of build along the way. It is a spiritual, intellectual connection that draws us in as we age. When you look ahead, see what matters, everything else fades.

I recently watched old home movies which brought a lot of feelings to the surface about time slipping by so quickly. It made me ask myself some very difficult questions. What I realized was the answers to those questions didn’t really matter because I am here, right now exactly where I am meant to be. The only thing that matter is now. What I choose to do right now in this moment.

I know a thing or two about being single when it doesn’t feel like the popular thing to be. When I was younger I always allowed myself the pleasure of being independent of a man. I waited painfully longer than what was socially acceptable to find the perfect partner to build a life together. What I remember most is that it just happened.

What I do know is that my heart won’t lie, it won’t lie even a little when it comes to that gnawing love that I seek. That feeling that someone has completely gotten below the surface of the sheets in a bed I don’t share often. They slip in and have no intention of leaving. Call me crazy but that is what I am looking for in this wonderful world of the ordinary. I want the man who sees below my surface and fits in to my ordinary, my calm, my love.

~ Tracy

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I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For…

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IMG_4498First I must ask…“Did I recently lose something?” Wasn’t my virginity, that was lost longggggg ago. My kids are still here so we’re good there. <—- kinda weird I mentioned virginity and kids right after the other but what the hell, they don’t read my blog. I haven’t technically ‘lost’ something so I must now determine what exactly it is that I am looking for? That’s the million dollar question! “What am I looking for?” If I could just figure that out I’d at least know where to look…right? I can hear Bonnie right now inside my head, gently whispering“Stop looking and let ‘it’ find you” and “If you could figure out what you wanted, you would get it!” True dat! Since I was a child I’ve had a difficult time choosing between two things. Making choices and not wonder about whether or not you made the right one is the hard part for me. Second guessing yourself takes you out of the moment! I am learning to follow the path my instincts lead me down with an open mind and heart. This doesn’t always work out but at least I am moving and not standing still. You know that feeling you get when you see something and you HAVE to have it? Those are life experiences jumping up and down trying to get your attention! Grab on with both hands and don’t let go! What could go wrong?

I have finally come to realize that I am not looking for something I have lost, what is behind me is not lost but let go of, there is a difference. I am looking for something different now, something that takes time and experience to be redefined by my life, age, circumstances and there is a lot more to it now than there was before. For instance, I gave up a career when I had kids, I did not lose it, it was a choice I made. I’ve let go of things in my life by choice and it’s trusting those choices that is important to be able to move forward in life. I gained life experience and lessons along the way by following my heart. I can’t compare what I had then with what I have now, I am different, life is different. I have been given a chance to start fresh in all areas of my life, a GIFT when looked at in the right perspective!

I don’t want anything permanent in my life anymore unless I get that feeling I mentioned, of having to have something that overpowers you with passion!

I would rather be naked standing with nothing than dressed in a beige life. Balance and Perspective!

I think everyone should take time on their own when they are at the redefining stage of their life. You have to allow yourself to let go before you can move forward and focus on the beginning of what is yet to come.

What I am looking for is becoming clearer with each life experience. When I find me…I will be ready for ‘it’! Some days I am deflated by reality which brings me crashing down from the cloud I call home, and other days I am floating effortlessly from a place so high it brings a smile to my face just writing these words to describe it. Balance and Perspective!

So here I sit once again open and honest with my life, sharing who I am with you because I know somewhere, someone can relate and I want you to know that you are not alone!

“Do Not Feel Lonely the Entire Universe is Inside You” ~ Rumi

Tracy signiture

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What Makes YOU Happy?


I just can’t seem to get off the topic of Happiness. What makes YOU happy…I mean realllllly happy? What puts a ((((smile)))) on your face? Is it a person? A place? A hobby? Thing 1 or Thing 2? Exclude health because without good health we have worry in the back of our minds, which can take away from happiness. However, there are those extraordinary individuals who rise above a health set-back and somehow beam with happiness like the sun is shining right through them, somehow making our day better! We can all learn from those individuals, they get it!

I read an article on who the happiest people in the world are and wasn’t surprised that it is those who have less materialistic stuff. Materialistic objects fill a hole when someone isn’t happy within, in my opinion. More stuff doesn’t equal greater happiness. Happiness is a skill that once mastered simply changes your frame of mind, it’s basic! It takes work just like everything else in life.

It’s actually quite hard to wipe the (((((smile)))) off of my face. I try to find the good in everything or everyone. It’s not always easy, after all I am human. Which is what we try to do here on Tara Cronica, “Finding Lyrical Beauty in Everyday Happenings.

I occasionally take a dive into the dark abyss of unhappiness but it never lasts very long. It’s either hormonal, which passes or it’s induced when I have to interact with certain human beings who I describe as Food! (individuals with no clear purpose in life, they’re just here taking up space!) When I come across food a dialogue bubble appears above my head whispering…“I seeeee stupid people” (line from the movie The Sixth Sense…real line is “I see dead people”) and then the energy sucking stupid person disappears and I have my smile back on my face! It’s that simple! 😉 Silly I know but it works!

Finding happiness in yourself is the most important element of being happy, to me. Not everything always goes the way we want.“You can’t always get what you want…but ya get what ya neeeeeed.” Do you buy that? When we don’t get what we want, or what we think we want, is life trying to teach us a lesson? Patience perhaps? I lack patience at times but I am getting better!

The glass is always half full for me! If you can be happy with just the cloths on your back then I think you have found the key to happiness. Let go of everything and see how happy the simple things in life can make you feel. The warm sun on your face, a great tune cranked as you drive, a warm coffee in cold hands, a smile from a stranger, the smell of lilac in the air, the sunset, the mountains, the ocean, nature, love, kisses, hugs, touch, warm feet, great conversation, the list is endless. Happiness is all around us if we stop and open our eyes and just be in it. When you are really happy everything that you thought you needed becomes a want instead, which isn’t nearly as important. We all have wants, but what do you really need to be happy?

Happiness to me is…being loved and grateful for what I have, not what I don’t have!

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Svaha Spirit Series: Mother to Daughter…


Happy Mother’s Day Mom ~ I love you more each day! You are an amazing Mother who has taught me so much in life, I am forever grateful for having you by my side! xoxoxo

Being a Mom is forever. I love being a Mom more than anything else in life I’ve done. It is the hardest job I’ve taken on but also the most rewarding. You don’t fully understand what your Mother has given up for you until you become one yourself. The trick is balancing being a Mom with every other relationship you have in life, including the one with yourself. When we are happy with ourselves we immediately become a much better Mom! A good night sleep helps too!

Letter from a Mother to a Daughter:

“My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep.

When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?

When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way…remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day.

The day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you.

And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked.

When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared.

With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling daughter. “

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Wonderful Moms we know and love with all our hearts! 

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Other Peoples Relationships; Can You Relate?

I guess I better start this with “my relationship with my husband is better than ever” just in case some of you jump to conclusions and then don’t continue reading.

I don’t know if it is something that happens to more women our age or maybe it’s always been happening and I had just been too busy with my own failing relationships before to notice it, but right now I know a lot of women my age who are unhappy in their relationships with their husband/partner.

This makes me sad.  I want everyone to be happy.  Especially when I’m happy.  When I’m miserable I’m ok with everyone else being miserable too, in fact I prefer it that way.  Kidding…kind of.

I always hope I’m saying the right thing when a friend confides her marriage/relationship woes to me. The advice I go back to again and again is pretty basic.  Everyone deserves to be happy.  Find a way to be happy.  With ‘em or without ‘em just be happy.  I don’t like to see people waste years and years being unhappy.  Strive for the happy!

That advice may be a little too basic for some.  More.com recently listed 10 books on relationships.  Sometimes you need to read about other people’s relationships before coming face to face with your own. Good idea, I say!

Ever wonder what the future holds for your marriage? Journalist Maggie Scarf interviews numerous couples between the ages of 50 and 75 in this well researched study.

The troubles of 5 couples are brought to life by Abraham in this close look at couples therapy, making this an important book on the institute of modern marriage.

How does one handle the shell shock of divorce? For Morrison, the answer was to keep moving. You’ll sympathize with her honest musings on learning how to fall out of love, a demanding career, and caring for her young son.

Commitment-phobe Gilbert waxes on about domesticity with Brazilian beau, Felipe, while simultaneously researching the history of marriage and divorce.

After spending a year cooking with Julia, Powell takes an apprenticeship with a butcher shop. Tales of her adult sex life are interwoven with detailed reports of her time spent with the chopping block.

He said, she said; most books that follow this format can weigh on one’s patience. But in the case of Carbone and Decker’s tale of fertility clinics, miscarriages, and near-divorce spats, hearing both sides of the story humanizes their anger.

Braestrup, an ordained minister, clues us into the secrets she’s learned from years of counseling couples. Here, she shows us the true meaning of love, and in some cases, how to find it.

In throes of midlife, Gideon humorously wonders, “is this all there is?” A quick, enjoyable read for women dealing with children, dogs, and yes, husbands.

Before she felt bad about her neck, Ephron was feeling the pangs of a cheating husband. A thinly veiled version of her own marriage’s demise, Ephron’s biggest quip (and perhaps her funniest) is that at 7 months pregnant, she can’t date.

After struggling with infertility for years, Cohen finds herself unexpectedly pregnant at 44. With a daughter and fiance in tow, Cohen questions her ability to bring a baby into the world.

Disclaimer: I have not yet read any of the above so I will default to my usual…just find your happiness.  Whatever it takes, be happy.  That means you too Sandra Bullock!

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